I left my AH
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Texas
Posts: 251
Wisconcin...thank you so much...I have been feeling like I am being twisted around by him....I had been in his manipulation for so long...the crazy train, I like that concept...I do see a therapist...I saw her about 3 weeks ago...told me I should starting acting on my plan B...I will schedule another appointment once I get settled in my new apartment..I am not sure if he will try to get me back this time...I have a feeling that he had an ex girlfriend in the background..
I know me and my boys will be better in the long run...but my heart is breaking right now...
I know me and my boys will be better in the long run...but my heart is breaking right now...
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
Sad, you've gotten a lot of good advice here; I just wanted to post the link to this thread
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-reposted.html
which you may have already seen, but it's a good reminder anyway. Wisconsin's post really seems to echo your current situation; I'm glad you thought so too. Forewarned is forearmed!
And yes, check into that name change for yourself--I don't feel like it's right for me to address you as "Sad"! I kind of liked that "BraveinTX" one that another member posted...
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-reposted.html
which you may have already seen, but it's a good reminder anyway. Wisconsin's post really seems to echo your current situation; I'm glad you thought so too. Forewarned is forearmed!
And yes, check into that name change for yourself--I don't feel like it's right for me to address you as "Sad"! I kind of liked that "BraveinTX" one that another member posted...
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 1,572
Originally Posted by SadInTX 
I am not sure if he will try to get me back this time...I have a feeling that he had an ex girlfriend in the background..
But...I wouldn't assume that having a woman in the wings or in the background precludes him trying again with you. Think about the kind of man we're dealing with here. Just keep your guard up and your radar on high alert for now. And I totally agree--get back in with your counselor. You are very vulnerable right now, and if you can see the counselor weekly for awhile, I think that would help a lot.
And until you do decide on a username change, I will think of you as TXbadass!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 3,095
It sounds like in an odd way it was good for you to be able to confirm, with that lunch with him, that he is for sure not going to change...
I just cringed reading the "well I will stop drinking but that is only one part- what are you going to do to change?" line. My xAH NEVER complained about my behavior UNTIL or UNLESS I addressed his drinking and THEN there were endless criticisms of how "mean" I was and that he had to drink to cope with my "abuse".
You and your kids deserve the peace you have created for them! You're amazingly strong!
I just cringed reading the "well I will stop drinking but that is only one part- what are you going to do to change?" line. My xAH NEVER complained about my behavior UNTIL or UNLESS I addressed his drinking and THEN there were endless criticisms of how "mean" I was and that he had to drink to cope with my "abuse".
You and your kids deserve the peace you have created for them! You're amazingly strong!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 1,572
One of the best gifts this place gave me during early recovery was the realization that I was not the only person who was called "abusive" by her qualifier. That insult from STBXAH was like a punch to the gut for me. When I first heard it, I absolutely agonized over it. Was he right? Was I being abusive? The mere thought absolutely chilled my blood--that I could be abusing someone and not even know it. Then I came here and realized what a common tactic it is for addicts. I still made sure to check my motives and be honest with myself about my own damaging behavior, but I stopped worrying that I was in reality an abusive sociopath, and didn't even know it. Because THAT'S how crazy I had become in the worst of it. I actually thought that maybe I was an abusive sociopath. 
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: South Central USA
Posts: 1,478
Bless your heart. Its hard, it's painful, and sometimes seems like an unclimbable mountain. But you're doing it and for the right reasons. There were times after I left my xah that I felt guilt for not trying to do more to save my marriage. The truth is that I went overboard to the point of hurting myself. He was the one refusing to do what was necessary to save the marriage. Still to this day, even after a couple of texts that he misses me, he isn't going to AA. Once again, he can do it on his own. There hasn't been real change, imagine that! Well, I won't be there when going it alone fails for the millionth time. I'm out of his way -- permanently.
I'm so proud of you for doing the hard thing. You will persevere through all of the bumps in the road because none of those bumps will be as difficult as living with an active alcoholic and abuser. Peace is coming if you haven't already begun to experience it!
I hope you can find a way to limit contact because it will make the transition so much easier for you. Its so wonderful to finally figure out we DON'T have to live like that... Tight hugs and many prayers!
I'm so proud of you for doing the hard thing. You will persevere through all of the bumps in the road because none of those bumps will be as difficult as living with an active alcoholic and abuser. Peace is coming if you haven't already begun to experience it!
I hope you can find a way to limit contact because it will make the transition so much easier for you. Its so wonderful to finally figure out we DON'T have to live like that... Tight hugs and many prayers!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Texas
Posts: 251
Originally Posted by Wisconsin
One of the best gifts this place gave me during early recovery was the realization that I was not the only person who was called "abusive" by her qualifier. That insult from STBXAH was like a punch to the gut for me. When I first heard it, I absolutely agonized over it. Was he right? Was I being abusive? The mere thought absolutely chilled my blood--that I could be abusing someone and not even know it. Then I came here and realized what a common tactic it is for addicts. I still made sure to check my motives and be honest with myself about my own damaging behavior, but I stopped worrying that I was in reality an abusive sociopath, and didn't even know it. Because THAT'S how crazy I had become in the worst of it. I actually thought that maybe I was an abusive sociopath.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Texas
Posts: 251
Originally Posted by Katchie
Bless your heart. Its hard, it's painful, and sometimes seems like an unclimbable mountain. But you're doing it and for the right reasons. There were times after I left my xah that I felt guilt for not trying to do more to save my marriage. The truth is that I went overboard to the point of hurting myself. He was the one refusing to do what was necessary to save the marriage. Still to this day, even after a couple of texts that he misses me, he isn't going to AA. Once again, he can do it on his own. There hasn't been real change, imagine that! Well, I won't be there when going it alone fails for the millionth time. I'm out of his way -- permanently.
I'm so proud of you for doing the hard thing. You will persevere through all of the bumps in the road because none of those bumps will be as difficult as living with an active alcoholic and abuser. Peace is coming if you haven't already begun to experience it!
I hope you can find a way to limit contact because it will make the transition so much easier for you. Its so wonderful to finally figure out we DON'T have to live like that... Tight hugs and many prayers!
I'm so proud of you for doing the hard thing. You will persevere through all of the bumps in the road because none of those bumps will be as difficult as living with an active alcoholic and abuser. Peace is coming if you haven't already begun to experience it!
I hope you can find a way to limit contact because it will make the transition so much easier for you. Its so wonderful to finally figure out we DON'T have to live like that... Tight hugs and many prayers!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
