Do YOU drink?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: UK
Posts: 54
Do YOU drink?
I hope it's OK for me to ask this.
If you have a loved one who is an alcoholic, could I just ask what your drinking habits are? Do you drink? What does the alcoholic in your life think of it?
My parents are the alcoholics in my life. I first had a drink at the age of 20 probably. I never have more than a glass or two of wine on the weekend (very rarely two weekends in a row). The last time I was tipsy was at a wedding last year.
The reason I ask is because of my parents drinking I feel guilty when I drink. After the wedding last year when I was tipsy I felt so much guilt that I didn't drink a thing for two months. I did nothing embarrassing, I'd had a really amazing day, lots of fun. But I just feel so guilty. Like, why should I feel annoyed at my parents when I can safely and happily enjoy a glass of wine at the weekend, what gives me the right to think they have a problem?
I know this stems from my mum holding it against me when I have mentioned having a glass of wine in the past- "why should I stop drinking if you can have a glass of wine?"
Anyone else have similar feelings when drinking? I never drink with my parents, absolutely not. I know that having a glass of wine with dinner at the weekend with my fiance is a perfectly acceptable thing to do but... I still feel some guilt.
If you have a loved one who is an alcoholic, could I just ask what your drinking habits are? Do you drink? What does the alcoholic in your life think of it?
My parents are the alcoholics in my life. I first had a drink at the age of 20 probably. I never have more than a glass or two of wine on the weekend (very rarely two weekends in a row). The last time I was tipsy was at a wedding last year.
The reason I ask is because of my parents drinking I feel guilty when I drink. After the wedding last year when I was tipsy I felt so much guilt that I didn't drink a thing for two months. I did nothing embarrassing, I'd had a really amazing day, lots of fun. But I just feel so guilty. Like, why should I feel annoyed at my parents when I can safely and happily enjoy a glass of wine at the weekend, what gives me the right to think they have a problem?
I know this stems from my mum holding it against me when I have mentioned having a glass of wine in the past- "why should I stop drinking if you can have a glass of wine?"
Anyone else have similar feelings when drinking? I never drink with my parents, absolutely not. I know that having a glass of wine with dinner at the weekend with my fiance is a perfectly acceptable thing to do but... I still feel some guilt.
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 3,095
I never drank a lot... Or even moderately... a glass of wine here or there...
Of course xAH would use the fact I might have a glass of wine when I went to dinner with friends as something to throw in my face and he would liken his drinking to mine and tell me that I ought to be sober if he was expected to be...
During his game playing lies of "Im sober" I removed all alcohol from the house and bc I can take it or leave it, I didn't drink in order to support him.
My drinking or not drinking had no bearing on his sobriety or lack thereof...
I personally think that A's who claim that they can't be sober if someone in their home also drinks, is a cop out...
That said, if I was with someone who was seriously committed to sobriety, I would probably not drink in front of them unless they were ok with it...
xAH hasn't been in the house for years but I still don't drink much.... A glass of wine here or there but I just don't care for it that much so I don't drink...
Of course xAH would use the fact I might have a glass of wine when I went to dinner with friends as something to throw in my face and he would liken his drinking to mine and tell me that I ought to be sober if he was expected to be...
During his game playing lies of "Im sober" I removed all alcohol from the house and bc I can take it or leave it, I didn't drink in order to support him.
My drinking or not drinking had no bearing on his sobriety or lack thereof...
I personally think that A's who claim that they can't be sober if someone in their home also drinks, is a cop out...
That said, if I was with someone who was seriously committed to sobriety, I would probably not drink in front of them unless they were ok with it...
xAH hasn't been in the house for years but I still don't drink much.... A glass of wine here or there but I just don't care for it that much so I don't drink...
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 1,388
I do not drink, but I think there must be something genetic, because 1) I cannot drink more than half a drink, 2) it makes me very sleepy and dehydrates me. I personally find no pleasure in it. I think last time I had a drink two years ago and it was a huge pina colada I could not finish.
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Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 196
I was AH's "drinking buddy" for a long time. We'd go out, drink, have fun. Then it became not so fun. After he went to rehab, neither one of us were drinking. Then he started again. I would drink occasionally. Then I would drink because I was so miserable that he was drunk all the time. If you can't beat 'em, join 'em, right?
Since I left, I've had a few drinks but NOTHING like what I was drinking before. And I feel 1000x better. In so many ways.
Since I left, I've had a few drinks but NOTHING like what I was drinking before. And I feel 1000x better. In so many ways.
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Iowa
Posts: 3,050
Of course xAH would use the fact I might have a glass of wine when I went to dinner with friends as something to throw in my face and he would liken his drinking to mine and tell me that I ought to be sober if he was expected to be...
This was my experience as well. Like somehow there was a valid comparison between my drinking habits and him guzzling vodka out of the bottle and chasing it with shots of Dollar Tree mouthwash. Now that I'm on my own I drink an occasional glass of wine.
This was my experience as well. Like somehow there was a valid comparison between my drinking habits and him guzzling vodka out of the bottle and chasing it with shots of Dollar Tree mouthwash. Now that I'm on my own I drink an occasional glass of wine.
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 3,095
Right? The comparison nonsense was just that-- nonsense-- but he was so abusive about it that it would stun and upset me to no end...
I would have half a glass of wine and he would be two separate fifths of whiskey in the bag and he'd compare the two...
Sigh... so glad he's gone... of course I still have to deal w him minimally bc of the kids, and that won't change for anothe 10 yrs minimum...
I would have half a glass of wine and he would be two separate fifths of whiskey in the bag and he'd compare the two...
Sigh... so glad he's gone... of course I still have to deal w him minimally bc of the kids, and that won't change for anothe 10 yrs minimum...
Originally Posted by ladyscribbler 
Of course xAH would use the fact I might have a glass of wine when I went to dinner with friends as something to throw in my face and he would liken his drinking to mine and tell me that I ought to be sober if he was expected to be...
This was my experience as well. Like somehow there was a valid comparison between my drinking habits and him guzzling vodka out of the bottle and chasing it with shots of Dollar Tree mouthwash. Now that I'm on my own I drink an occasional glass of wine.
This was my experience as well. Like somehow there was a valid comparison between my drinking habits and him guzzling vodka out of the bottle and chasing it with shots of Dollar Tree mouthwash. Now that I'm on my own I drink an occasional glass of wine.
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
I didn't drink AROUND my alcoholic partners while they were in recovery, until they told me it was OK. My own alcoholism developed later, though I was the second husband's "drinking buddy" up until he almost died.
When you're on your own, though, no reason you shouldn't enjoy it. Even getting tipsy once in a while is OK, as long as you don't drive or do embarrassing things.
If your parents weren't alcoholics you wouldn't have a problem with their drinking. And it would be perfectly fine for any of you to drink. But your "problem" with their drinking is the fact that they ARE alcoholics and cannot drink safely. That has nothing to do with you (though you might want to keep an eye on your own drinking because there seems to be a genetic component to alcoholism).
Apart from those cautions, though, no reason for you not to enjoy.
When you're on your own, though, no reason you shouldn't enjoy it. Even getting tipsy once in a while is OK, as long as you don't drive or do embarrassing things.
If your parents weren't alcoholics you wouldn't have a problem with their drinking. And it would be perfectly fine for any of you to drink. But your "problem" with their drinking is the fact that they ARE alcoholics and cannot drink safely. That has nothing to do with you (though you might want to keep an eye on your own drinking because there seems to be a genetic component to alcoholism).
Apart from those cautions, though, no reason for you not to enjoy.
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
I used to drink w/XAH for over half of our time together--there never seemed to be a problem, not that I could see. It was all so well hidden. He drank normally in front of me but alcoholically out of my sight.
Once I became aware there was a problem, I drank much less, only the occasional beer on a Friday or Saturday or margarita if we went out for Mexican (XAH said it would not bother him--as it turned out, the reason it did not bother him was that he was still drinking as much as ever, only NONE of it in front of me!).
Now that he is gone, I occasionally get a taste for a glass of wine or a shot of bourbon in my coffee after dinner on the weekend, but I find that when I actually begin to drink the wine or coffee, I don't like the taste and I feel flushed and uncomfortable. WTF? So right now, not really drinking at all...
Once I became aware there was a problem, I drank much less, only the occasional beer on a Friday or Saturday or margarita if we went out for Mexican (XAH said it would not bother him--as it turned out, the reason it did not bother him was that he was still drinking as much as ever, only NONE of it in front of me!).
Now that he is gone, I occasionally get a taste for a glass of wine or a shot of bourbon in my coffee after dinner on the weekend, but I find that when I actually begin to drink the wine or coffee, I don't like the taste and I feel flushed and uncomfortable. WTF? So right now, not really drinking at all...
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Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 667
I drink. If I don't drink, I don't seek it out.
Sometimes a good cold beer taste awesome. But if someone gave me a 6 pack, it would be in my frige for a awhile.
I drink a good quality cocktail with a good quality vodka from time to time.
If I am in a social situation, I can drink a few.
I have been drunk maybe 3 times in my adult life.
However I was drunk a LOT from 15-19 years. I looked older than I was, nobody ever asked for ID, and during that time, I threw some back.
When my ex went into recovery, I had ZERO problem not drinking at all. I just felt like it would make it harder for her.
I drink now. But not that often. I don't sit in my house and drink. And I don't go to bars to socialize.
Sometimes a good cold beer taste awesome. But if someone gave me a 6 pack, it would be in my frige for a awhile.
I drink a good quality cocktail with a good quality vodka from time to time.
If I am in a social situation, I can drink a few.
I have been drunk maybe 3 times in my adult life.
However I was drunk a LOT from 15-19 years. I looked older than I was, nobody ever asked for ID, and during that time, I threw some back.
When my ex went into recovery, I had ZERO problem not drinking at all. I just felt like it would make it harder for her.
I drink now. But not that often. I don't sit in my house and drink. And I don't go to bars to socialize.
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: South Central USA
Posts: 1,478
When I climbed out of my denial that my ah was an alcoholic I quit drinking. I never drank but a half glass of wine once or twice a month if even that anyway.
Now, even tho divorced, I still don't drink hardly ever -I think o dis once this year ato binco!. It brings up too many bad memories.
Now, even tho divorced, I still don't drink hardly ever -I think o dis once this year ato binco!. It brings up too many bad memories.
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
I know this stems from my mum holding it against me when I have mentioned having a glass of wine in the past- "why should I stop drinking if you can have a glass of wine?"
you DO realize how ridiculous her line of reasoning is right??? basically she is saying that unless and until the REST of the planet quits drinking, SHE shouldn't HAVE to.
that's alcoholic thinking at it's finest. or dumbest.
how about if you don't mention drinking to your mom? just leave that topic off the table.....her drinking, your drinking, the man in the moon drinking. it doesn't FIX anything but it does save some of the nonsense.
it is good that you have awareness around your own drinking, since the disease can be hereditary, and if it makes you uncomfortable in the aftermath, then you can always choose a non-alcoholic beverage.
you DO realize how ridiculous her line of reasoning is right??? basically she is saying that unless and until the REST of the planet quits drinking, SHE shouldn't HAVE to.
that's alcoholic thinking at it's finest. or dumbest.
how about if you don't mention drinking to your mom? just leave that topic off the table.....her drinking, your drinking, the man in the moon drinking. it doesn't FIX anything but it does save some of the nonsense.
it is good that you have awareness around your own drinking, since the disease can be hereditary, and if it makes you uncomfortable in the aftermath, then you can always choose a non-alcoholic beverage.
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: atlanta, ga
Posts: 3,581
I reduced my drinking significantly when RAH moved in. Even though I at one time drank more often, it really doesn't bode well with me. I get hungover off of one drink. When I do drink I am always sorry because I feel bad the next day. I'd say I'm basically a non drinker except for the very rare occasion.
I personally don't think you should feel guilty for drinking because your parents are alcoholics, but I do understand why you do. Whether you drink or not has zero effect on whether they drink or not.
I personally don't think you should feel guilty for drinking because your parents are alcoholics, but I do understand why you do. Whether you drink or not has zero effect on whether they drink or not.
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Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 120
My AW and I used to party and drink together like there was no tommorrow. And then her drinking habits changed to the typical alcoholic pattern, sneaking, hiding and lying. That took all the pleasure out of it for me, so I quit altogether (and I admit, I hoped it would help her stop as well). I stayed sober for a full year, and she quit for a time as well. But when she presented me my one year chip with beer on her breath, I knew the jig was up. So I'm back to drinking socially with friends. And since we're separated I'll never drink with her again.
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Texas
Posts: 2,872
^ yep. Almost same story. My ex and I were the best drinking buddies-until I saw it start to veer off into complete alcoholism. And even after that I joined him-it was the only way he would hang out with me. I too had plenty reasons to quit-absolutely abused alcohol with the best of them. I have plenty regrets of my actions while drinking. I quit almost four years ago and they've been the best years of my life. My ex is now the ex bc he's a raging alcoholic with other abusive narc tendencies. I e developed real friendships over the years that don't revolve around drinking. Not drinking is best for me and my kids.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: UK
Posts: 54
Thanks for the replies! And well done to those who have quit drinking too.
"you DO realize how ridiculous her line of reasoning is right??? basically she is saying that unless and until the REST of the planet quits drinking, SHE shouldn't HAVE to. "
This is so true. I hadn't thought of it that way.
I very very rarely mention me drinking to her. I think the last time was when a friend had just had a baby, I'd said that I'd gone round to see the baby and they had family visiting so we all had half a glass of champagne to toast the baby (their older child had said something funny about the champagne which was the main reason I had mentioned it). That seemed to be a good enough excuse for her to convince herself that because I can have half a glass of champagne to toast a new baby, she can carry on drinking what she likes... I won't be mentioning it again that's for sure.
Alcohol problems being something that seems to be hereditary has worried me since my teenage years. I have always been so sure that this wouldn't happen to me (well, we can never be sure of anything but I will always try).
There's a brand of beer that my fiance likes that we can't get where we live. His brother lives in an area where you can buy the beer so he bought a crate of it for him at the end of last spring. It's still in the dining room, we've probably had three cans out of it and there's one that's been sitting in the fridge since Christmas. I know if this were my parents that crate would have been long gone, probably in less than a week. Alcohol is definitely something I am not that bothered by. I do enjoy a glass of wine. If I didn't have it, if I had to go the rest of my life without alcohol then fine. I'm always careful to never drink more than enough so that I don't know when to stop, I have no idea where that could lead. By parents have made me feel guilty for it though. I feel I shouldn't drink anything, that I'm a hypocrite.
I guess I just never want to be like them and cause the hurt they have.
Again, thanks for the replies! It's interesting reading the varied responses. It's also interesting to read the things that alcoholics say about other people's drinking ("how can you drink but I can't?" seems to be quite common).
"you DO realize how ridiculous her line of reasoning is right??? basically she is saying that unless and until the REST of the planet quits drinking, SHE shouldn't HAVE to. "
This is so true. I hadn't thought of it that way.
I very very rarely mention me drinking to her. I think the last time was when a friend had just had a baby, I'd said that I'd gone round to see the baby and they had family visiting so we all had half a glass of champagne to toast the baby (their older child had said something funny about the champagne which was the main reason I had mentioned it). That seemed to be a good enough excuse for her to convince herself that because I can have half a glass of champagne to toast a new baby, she can carry on drinking what she likes... I won't be mentioning it again that's for sure.
Alcohol problems being something that seems to be hereditary has worried me since my teenage years. I have always been so sure that this wouldn't happen to me (well, we can never be sure of anything but I will always try).
There's a brand of beer that my fiance likes that we can't get where we live. His brother lives in an area where you can buy the beer so he bought a crate of it for him at the end of last spring. It's still in the dining room, we've probably had three cans out of it and there's one that's been sitting in the fridge since Christmas. I know if this were my parents that crate would have been long gone, probably in less than a week. Alcohol is definitely something I am not that bothered by. I do enjoy a glass of wine. If I didn't have it, if I had to go the rest of my life without alcohol then fine. I'm always careful to never drink more than enough so that I don't know when to stop, I have no idea where that could lead. By parents have made me feel guilty for it though. I feel I shouldn't drink anything, that I'm a hypocrite.
I guess I just never want to be like them and cause the hurt they have.
Again, thanks for the replies! It's interesting reading the varied responses. It's also interesting to read the things that alcoholics say about other people's drinking ("how can you drink but I can't?" seems to be quite common).
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