"Today's Hope"

Old 04-27-2016, 07:51 AM
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April 27

This is posted from the "Today's Hope" site of Alanon.

DAILY SLOGAN/SAYING:
Turning it over to god means not taking it back for the finishing touches.
​--Heard in a meeting

DAILY REFLECTION:
Quiet My Mind

Dear Lord,
Teach me to quiet my mind.
Stop my thoughts from racing from one thing to another.
Stop me from the obsessive thinking about the lives of others.
Help me rest and quiet my mind.
Help me let go of trying to control the lives of others.
Free my mind to be at rest.
This I pray.

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Old 04-28-2016, 05:52 AM
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April 28

This is posted from the "Today's Hope" site of Alanon.

DAILY SLOGAN/SAYING:
With gratitude, all life appears as a blessing. Without gratitude, all life is perceived as a burden.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

DAILY REFLECTION:
Fate

Do not be afraid; our fate
Cannot be taken from us; it is a gift.

― Dante Alighieri, Inferno

When I resort to controlling behavior or start feeling stressed over a particular situation, I now know that, in those cases, I am focused on the result of the situation. Before recovery, I thought that the only thing that should be focused on is the result and that I should do everything possible to ensure that a certain outcome will be reached. Now that I know that outcomes are not in my power to control. All I can do is keep my side of the street clean and do what is right for me.

At first, the idea of outcomes not being in my control terrified me. But, put in practice, I feel relieved and free. It is not my job to make everything happen a certain way, nor do I know the best way for any situation to occur, because I am not omniscient. Instead, I choose simply to accept the circumstances that are presented to me and either try learn from it or be content with it. Through this perspective, for me, every moment is a gift.

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Old 04-29-2016, 07:15 AM
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April 29

This is posted from the "Today's Hope" site of Alanon.

DAILY SLOGAN/SAYING:
If you are depressed you are living in the past. If you are anxious you are living in the future. If you are at peace you are living in the present.
- Lao Tzu

DAILY REFLECTION:
Letting Go of Old Beliefs

Try harder. Do better. Be perfect.

These messages are tricks that people have played on us. No matter how hard we try, we think we have to do better. Perfection always eludes us and keeps us unhappy with the good we've done.

Messages of perfectionism are tricks because we can never achieve their goal. We cannot feel good about ourselves or what we have done while these messages are driving us. We will never be good enough until we change the messages and tell ourselves we are good enough now.

We can start approving of and accepting ourselves. Who we are is good enough. Our best yesterday was good enough; our best today is plenty good too.

We can be who we are, and do it the way we do it - today. That is the essence of avoiding perfection.

God, help me let go of the messages that drive me into the crazies. I will give myself permission to be who I am and let that be good enough.

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Old 04-30-2016, 06:39 AM
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April 30

This is posted from the "Today's Hope" site of Alanon.

DAILY SLOGAN/SAYING:
I have accepted myself and I’m beginning to accept other people the way they are each day. Now I have fewer resentments.
​ - Heard in a meeting

DAILY REFLECTION:
We Must Continuously Fine-Tune Our Bearings

No one can set sail and expect to forget the wind. First you stand in the open air, feel the wind touch your face, and take note of its direction and force. Then you set your sail to carry your boat toward your goal. And you continue to recheck the wind because it is ever changing.

We might wish we could nail down our achievements when we finally reach them, stop the march of time, or keep our loved ones safe where they are. Just when we think we have everything together, something changes. Children grow up, jobs change, new neighbors move in next door. Like a sailor, we must continuously fine-tune our life bearings. Whether a change is welcome or not, we must respond.

Our main choice is not what will change but how we respond. If we hold too tightly to willful thinking, we are not attuned. But if we make peace with change, we grow. We will be transformed into more than we could ever imagine.

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Old 05-01-2016, 05:43 AM
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This is posted from the "Today's Hope" site of Alanon.

DAILY SLOGAN/SAYING:
These are the keys to a great life: *Taking oneself lightly, forgiveness, and acceptance.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

DAILY REFLECTION:
Taking Care of Myself

Yesterday I woke up and felt off.

When I go through difficult times, I often put my own emotional and physical needs on the back burner, and though I had been working over the last month to restore balance to my life, I was still in the emotional trenches. *I realized, as I looked in the mirror, that I hadn't been taking care of myself and that my mood was suffering due to this fact. *Thankfully, after years of working on this particular character flaw, I took steps immediately to resolve the problem.

I went back to a healthy diet that very morning. *I exercised that afternoon. *I chose to use opposite action when dealing with difficult people or situations and I spent some time in the evening talking with my sponsor.

I have learned that it is not enough to just work on one aspect of my life when I have allowed myself to get physically and emotionally worn down. *By taking care of myself, mind and body, I present my best self to the world and find stability once again. *I feel a rise in my self-esteem, a positive change in my attitude, and a better outlook on my life.

Dear God, help me to put first things first. Help me to keep my emotional and physical house in order so that I can be the best that I can be during trying times.

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Old 05-02-2016, 05:08 AM
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May 2

This is posted from the "Today's Hope" site of Alanon.

DAILY SLOGAN/SAYING:
Remembering that I can only live one day at a time removes the burdens of the past, keeps my attention on the present, and keeps me from fearing the future
- Heard in a meeting

DAILY REFLECTION:
Humility

Be humble, for you are made of earth. Be noble, for you are made of stars.
- Serbian proverb

Most of my life, I have engaged in black-and-white thinking and saw the world in absolutes. This included my behavior. If I was “right” about something, I would be extremely proud and quite egotistical. If I was ever shown to be “wrong,” I would be ashamed and completely deferential. There was no middle ground. I based my entire self-worth on how “correct” I was in any given moment.

Since no one could be “right” all of the time, my peace of mind suffered greatly because this was how I chose to value myself. I was exhausted, and perpetually worried about what the next moment would bring. Through recovery, I was able to realize that simply the fact that I exist means I have a right to be, just like everyone else. I do not need to prove my right to exist. I do not need to be right to be respected. Nor do I need to be egotistical any more than I need to be ashamed of myself.

I now love and value myself always, regardless of whether I am right or wrong. And I extend this acceptance to all of those around me. Today, I see that most of the world is a middle ground. I am humble without feeling humiliated There isn’t just black and white everywhere for me. My world is now filled with colors!

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Old 05-02-2016, 05:22 AM
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I based my entire self-worth on how “correct” I was in any given moment.
This definitely is a thing for me. I grew up in a household where my stepfather regularly called my mother, my siblings and I "stupid idiots." I believe that that's where I got the belief that if only I was "right" all the time, then no one could belittle me or yell at me. They'd have to treat me well, b/c dammit, I was RIGHT!

I'm now learning how false and wrong all of that was and is. I'm trying to get OK w/making mistakes, both my own and those of others, understanding that it's all part of growing. Along those lines, I posted the following in another thread:

I had been thinking I would like a cordless lawnmower, maybe--easier to start, less noise...

I saw one on craigslist, checked the price new, checked online reviews, and went to see it. All seemed good, so I bought it and will try it when things dry out around here. But in the interim, several people have pointed out downsides to it, and now I'm second-guessing myself, "oh, crap, was that a mistake? What if it was?"

I talked to my brother on the phone today and told him all this. Bless his heart, he said "and so if you don't like it, put it back on craigslist! Consider that you rented it and now you're returning it!"

What a revelation--I could try it out and see if it works! And if not, I can end the relationship! Granted, it's only a lawnmower, but hey, it's a beginning, right?


I emailed my bro and thanked him for what he said. I felt good about doing that, too. Sometimes this "learning stuff" is hard and feels icky, but sometimes it really feels good!
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Old 05-03-2016, 05:26 AM
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May 3

This is posted from the "Today's Hope" site of Alanon.

DAILY SLOGAN/SAYING:
Serenity comes when I stop expecting and start accepting.
- Heard in a meeting

DAILY REFLECTION:
Nobody Can Change My Thoughts But Me

The first of the Twelve Steps asks us to admit we are powerless. Our first question might be, Why? Shouldn't we try to change the conditions in our lives? Shouldn't we try to influence others to change too? If we put ourselves in good hands in this fellowship, we will begin to appreciate Step One. We will begin to understand that we are indeed powerless over other people. We can plead, complain, shame, cajole, but we cannot force them to see as we see. We will also begin to understand that we are not powerless over ourselves. Not today.

It may seem simplistic to blame our problems on how we ourselves think. After all, others are participating in our lives too. But only we have the power to interpret the experiences we're having. And we can decide to accept every experience as an opportunity for growth and adventure, as God's will. The old-timers tell us that is what Step Three means.

I can't change anyone else; all I can change is my mind. I will carefully watch my thoughts today.

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Old 05-04-2016, 07:18 AM
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Originally Posted by honeypig View Post
This definitely is a thing for me. I grew up in a household where my stepfather regularly called my mother, my siblings and I "stupid idiots." I believe that that's where I got the belief that if only I was "right" all the time, then no one could belittle me or yell at me. They'd have to treat me well, b/c dammit, I was RIGHT!

I'm now learning how false and wrong all of that was and is. I'm trying to get OK w/making mistakes, both my own and those of others, understanding that it's all part of growing. Along those lines, I posted the following in another thread:

I had been thinking I would like a cordless lawnmower, maybe--easier to start, less noise...

I saw one on craigslist, checked the price new, checked online reviews, and went to see it. All seemed good, so I bought it and will try it when things dry out around here. But in the interim, several people have pointed out downsides to it, and now I'm second-guessing myself, "oh, crap, was that a mistake? What if it was?"

I talked to my brother on the phone today and told him all this. Bless his heart, he said "and so if you don't like it, put it back on craigslist! Consider that you rented it and now you're returning it!"

What a revelation--I could try it out and see if it works! And if not, I can end the relationship! Granted, it's only a lawnmower, but hey, it's a beginning, right?


I emailed my bro and thanked him for what he said. I felt good about doing that, too. Sometimes this "learning stuff" is hard and feels icky, but sometimes it really feels good!
I love this Honeypig. I am so absolutely INTOLERANT of my own mistakes specially if it involves other people. Hmm . . .I think I'm going to draft off of your story and try to make a mistake with an inanimate object today. (-:
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Old 05-04-2016, 07:25 AM
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Hmm . . .I think I'm going to draft off of your story and try to make a mistake with an inanimate object today. (-:
Oh, BKA, this made me laugh so hard! Thank you...
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Old 05-04-2016, 07:28 AM
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May 4

This is posted from the "Today's Hope" site of Alanon.

DAILY SLOGAN/SAYING:
Our recovery is reflected in our ability to tell our own story—not that of an alcoholic or another Al-Anon member.
- Heard in a meeting

DAILY REFLECTION:
Gentleness

Little by little, one travels far.
- J.R.R. Tolkien

Today I had to walk several miles to get home. Though the task felt daunting, I realized that every step that I took was a step closer to my destination. I was patient with myself and took note of how I felt every step of the way. If I felt tired, I allowed myself a break. If I injured myself, I tended to the wound. If I got lost, I asked for guidance.

Once I arrived home, I marveled at how pleasant the journey was because I did these things. With my journey in recovery, I realize that these same principles can apply. I will never be perfect. Instead, daily, I progress little by little. This journey is helped along when I stop and listen to myself to address my needs and, if needed, ask for guidance. Knowing this, I am more able to be gentle with myself, today.

Looking back on the little steps I have taken and the small increments in my growth since the I entered the program, I realize how far I have come already. And I am glad to have these tools as I take more steps forward in recovery.

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Old 05-04-2016, 08:07 AM
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This post so eloquently surmises what I was trying to in the post about your fire post earlier this week HP.

Sometimes it is only in retrospect that I can see how all those little steps have come together.

Thanks so much.
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Old 05-05-2016, 06:35 AM
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May 5

This is posted from the "Today's Hope" site of Alanon.

DAILY SLOGAN/SAYING:
Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I really need it.
- Swedish proverb

DAILY REFLECTION:
Detachment

Detachment means "freedom from emotion." Letting someone else's behavior determine how we feel at every turn is irresponsible. Our emotions should be determined by us, not by someone else, but no doubt we have spent years confusing the boundaries that separate us from other people. Whether at work or at home, we have too often let someone else's "insanity" affect how we behave and how we feel.

At first, it may seem insensitive not to react to others' problems or negative behavior. We may fear they'll think we simply don't care about them. Learning that it is far more caring to let other people handle their own lives takes time and patience, but with practice, it will begin to feel comfortable. In fact, in time, it will feel freeing and wonderful.

I will work on detachment today, knowing that in time the rewards will come.

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Old 05-06-2016, 07:22 AM
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This is posted from the "Today's Hope" site of Alanon.

DAILY SLOGAN/SAYING:
Courage faces fear and thereby masters it.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

DAILY REFLECTION:
Humility

What makes humility so desirable is the marvelous thing it does to us; it creates in us a capacity for the closest possible intimacy with God.
- Monica Baldwin

Humility is not so much about trying to be good as accepting that I am imperfect. For too long, I thought humility was keeping the peace, appearing to be perfect, bottling up my anger and resentments, living a life of people-pleasing. Today I understand that humility is being real. It is accepting my humanity and being honest in my relationships. Humility is respecting the lives of others while respecting my own. Humility is seeking to reveal the Divinity that God has given to my life. Humility is knowing that, in the lives of my fellow human beings, the good and the bad are reflected in me.

God, let me have the humility to be real.

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Old 05-06-2016, 12:15 PM
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Originally Posted by honeypig View Post
This is posted from the "Today's Hope" site of Alanon.

DAILY SLOGAN/SAYING:
Remembering that I can only live one day at a time removes the burdens of the past, keeps my attention on the present, and keeps me from fearing the future
- Heard in a meeting

DAILY REFLECTION:
Humility

Be humble, for you are made of earth. Be noble, for you are made of stars.
- Serbian proverb

Most of my life, I have engaged in black-and-white thinking and saw the world in absolutes. This included my behavior. If I was “right” about something, I would be extremely proud and quite egotistical. If I was ever shown to be “wrong,” I would be ashamed and completely deferential. There was no middle ground. I based my entire self-worth on how “correct” I was in any given moment.

Since no one could be “right” all of the time, my peace of mind suffered greatly because this was how I chose to value myself. I was exhausted, and perpetually worried about what the next moment would bring. Through recovery, I was able to realize that simply the fact that I exist means I have a right to be, just like everyone else. I do not need to prove my right to exist. I do not need to be right to be respected. Nor do I need to be egotistical any more than I need to be ashamed of myself.

I now love and value myself always, regardless of whether I am right or wrong. And I extend this acceptance to all of those around me. Today, I see that most of the world is a middle ground. I am humble without feeling humiliated There isn’t just black and white everywhere for me. My world is now filled with colors!

Daily share from the forum can be found here: Today's Sharing - Today's Hope

I came back to this one today, because I was feeling quite irritated, and kind of mad, but not completely sure why.
I was recently asked for some advice by a family member. She asked me because it *kind of* is in my professional field, but not really.
I told her that I really didn't have direct professional experience with that type of situation, but gave her a little info , and my 2 cents anyway, for what it was worth.
Well this morning I heard from her, and she told me she had spoken with someone who gave her some information, and she told me that "there must be more to the story" regarding the info I gave her. Well I *do* know, that there is *not* more to the story, and the information she was given, is not entirely true.
But I just said okay.... then as I hung up the phone I started to get really irritated.
But why did it bother me so much, after all, I did tell her that I was not completely sure about what I was telling her (although I did look up on line after, and I *am* right...) so she was smart to ask others as well.

I think I am maybe irritated with myself for not for not showing more confidence when I answered her initially, so that she wouldn't have had to ask others. Because truly, though it is not my area of expertise, I know enough to have given her information in a way that portrayed confidence, but I didn't.

Letting it go now...

Thanks
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Old 05-07-2016, 07:02 AM
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May 7

This is posted from the "Today's Hope" site of Alanon.

DAILY SLOGAN/SAYING:
My Higher Power believes I deserve the very best and wants me to have it, if only I will reach out and take it.
- Heard in a meeting

DAILY REFLECTION:
I Wish I Was

I wish I was:
Big enough to honestly admit all my shortcomings.

Brilliant enough to accept praise without it making me arrogant.

Tall enough to tower over dishonesty.

Strong enough to welcome criticism.

Compassionate enough to understand human frailties.

Wise enough to recognize mistakes.

Humble enough to appreciate greatness.

Brave enough to stand by my friends.

Human enough to be thoughtful of my neighbor.

And spiritual enough to be devoted to the love of God.
- unknown

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Old 05-08-2016, 05:39 AM
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This is posted from the "Today's Hope" site of Alanon.

DAILY SLOGAN/SAYING:
Fully experience THIS moment - breathe in, breathe out - nothing more.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

DAILY REFLECTION:
Focus

Never try to teach a pig to sing; it wastes your time and it annoys the pig.
- Paul Dickson

Saying yes to your spirit is not a waste of time. Time is not to be wasted. Time is precious. At a young age, I realized I was not interested in machines. I'm not a practical person. I can change a light bulb, but that is where my handiwork ends. But I knew I was good with people. I enjoy people, and I can make a connection with most. This awareness has been essential for my life's work and vocation. What about you? We need to know what talents we have, what we enjoy, what truly interests us, and then focus on developing that passion. Success involves focus and passion. We rarely are successful at the things we don't enjoy.

I'm focusing on my particular dance.

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Old 05-08-2016, 05:46 AM
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To today's reading, I'd like to add this, from Elizabeth Gilbert, author of “Eat Pray Love”:

Dear Ones -

Most of us, at some point in our lives (unless we have done everything perfectly...which is: nobody) will have to face a terrible moment in which we realize that we have somehow ended up in the wrong place — or at least, in a very bad place.

Maybe we will have to admit that we are in the wrong job. Or the wrong relationship. With the wrong people around us. Living in the wrong neighborhood. Acting out on the wrong behaviors. Using the wrong substances. Pretending to believe things that we no longer believe. Pretending to be something we were never meant to be.

This moment of realization is seldom fun. In fact, it's usually terrifying.

I call this moment of realization: NOT THIS.

Because sometimes that's all you know, at such a moment.

All you know is: NOT THIS.

Sometimes that's all you CAN know.

All you know is that some deep life force within you is saying, NOT THIS, and it won't be silenced.

Your body is saying: "NOT THIS."

Your heart is saying: "NOT THIS."

Your soul is saying: "NOT THIS."

But your brain can't bring itself to say "NOT THIS", because that would cause a serious problem. The problem is: You don't have a Plan B in place. This is the only life you have. This is the only job you have. This is the only spouse you have. This is the only house you have. Your brain says, "It may not be great, but we have to put up with it, because there are no other options." You're not sure how you got here — to this place of THIS — but you sure as hell don't know how to get out...

So your brain says: "WE NEED TO KEEP PUTTING UP WITH THIS, BECAUSE THIS IS ALL WE HAVE."

But still, beating like a quiet drum, your body and your heart and your soul keep saying: NOT THIS...NOT THIS...NOT THIS.

I think some of the bravest people I have ever met were people who had the courage to say the words, "NOT THIS" outloud — even before they had an alternative plan.

People who walked out of bad situations without knowing if there was a better situation on the horizon.

People who looked at the life they were in, and they said, "I don't know what my life is supposed to be...but it's NOT THIS." And then they just...left.

I think my friend who walked out of a marriage after less than a year, and had to move back in with her mother (back into her childhood bedroom), and face the condemnation of the entire community while she slowly created a new life for herself. Everyone said, "If he's not good enough for you, who will be?" She didn't know. She didn't know anything about what her life would look like now. But it started with her saying: NOT THIS.

I think of my friend who took her three young children away from a toxic marriage, despite that fact that her husband supported her and the kids financially...and the four of them (this woman and her three children) all slept in one bed together in a tiny studio apartment for a few years, while she struggled to build a new life. She was poor, she was scared, she was alone. But she had to listen to the voices within her that said, NOT THIS.

I think of friends who walked out of jobs — with no job waiting for them. Because they said NOT THIS.

I think of friends who quit school, rather than keep pretending that they cared about this field of study anymore. And yes, they lost the scholarship. And yes, they ended up working at a fast food restaurant, while everyone else was getting degrees. And yes, it took them a while to figure out where to go next. But there was a relief at last in just surrendering to the holy, non-negotiable truth of NOT THIS.

I think of friends who bravely walked into AA meetings and just fell apart in front of a room full of total strangers, and said, NOT THIS.

I think of a friend who pulled her children out of Sunday School in the middle of church one Sunday because she'd had it with the judgment and self-righteousness of this particular church. Yes, it was her community. Yes, it was her tribe. But she physically couldn't be in that building anymore without feeling that she would explode. She didn't know where she was going, spiritually or within her community, but she said, NOT THIS. And walked out.

Rationally, it's crazy to abandon a perfectly good life (or at least a familiar life) in order to jump into a mystery. No sane person would advise you to make such a leap, with no Plan B in place. We are supposed to be careful. We are supposed to be prudent.

And yet....

And yet.

If you keep ignoring the voices within you that say NOT THIS, just because you don't know what to do, instead...you may end up stuck in NOT THIS forever.

You don't need to know where you are going to admit that where you are standing right now is wrong.

The bravest thing to say can be these two words.

What comes next?

I don't know. You don't know. Nobody knows. It might be worse. It might be better. But whatever it is...? It's NOT THIS.

ONWARD,
LG
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Old 05-09-2016, 12:35 AM
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^^^^This reading is what gave me the inspiration and enlightenment to finally leave the situation I am in (soon to be out! yay!). I woke up one morning after another one of his drunken nights where he wanted to criticize and put me down in every possible way, and said "NOT THIS!!!" This is NOT my life!!! I will NOT take it anymore! And just like that, I decided to end the relationship and move me and my boys out of his house! I have felt nothing but empowered since I made this decision! (and reinforced it with immediately signing a lease elsewhere. I know his ability to confuse me and convince me into staying and I needed to prevent this from occurring) I am so excited for the rest of my life!
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Old 05-09-2016, 05:54 AM
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This is posted from the "Today's Hope" site of Alanon.

DAILY SLOGAN/SAYING:
Recovery is a process, not an event; it takes time.
- Heard in a meeting*

DAILY REFLECTION:
Love

Your task is not to seek for love, but to find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it .
-Rumi

In the past, I have often felt unloved. Whether it be by my partner, my family, or my friends, I regularly felt that they did not appreciate and care for me. More recently, I reflected upon this resentment more thoroughly and realized that, in fact, I was not unloved. Rather, I did not receive the affection because it did not come in the form that I specifically wanted it to come in, at that moment. But then, I was often afraid to reach out and communicate my needs and wants because I did not want to feel rejected. To protect myself, I would regularly define “love” as those around me doing what I want without me having to communicate it to them.

As we enter the new year, I am grateful now to have my friends, family, and partner in my life. With my change in attitude, I have realized that as I simply appreciate and accept them for who they are, I am more aware of and able to enjoy the love and joy that surrounds me in various forms.

Daily share from the forum can be found here: Today's Sharing - Today's Hope

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