The Language of Letting Go, Part 1
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Thought I would share this too:
The author has a website here Oriah Mountain Dreamer | Home, and has an alcoholic marriage in her past also.
Waiting
Sometimes we find ourselves in Life's waiting room
What was is gone
What will be is not yet cresting on
Our inner or outer horizon.
If we know in our bones that clarity will come
When the time is right,
The wait can be delicious rest,
A slow-motion meander of long slow inhales
Of exhales filled with full-body smiles
And deep-heart acceptance
-- Oriah Mountain Dreamer
Sometimes we find ourselves in Life's waiting room
What was is gone
What will be is not yet cresting on
Our inner or outer horizon.
If we know in our bones that clarity will come
When the time is right,
The wait can be delicious rest,
A slow-motion meander of long slow inhales
Of exhales filled with full-body smiles
And deep-heart acceptance
-- Oriah Mountain Dreamer
The author has a website here Oriah Mountain Dreamer | Home, and has an alcoholic marriage in her past also.
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fb, I printed that poem out and have it taped on the side of the bookshelf near my spinning wheel so that when I pause in spinning, I can look at it. You may be familiar w/a poem of hers called "The Invitation", available on the home page of her website--I know I have seen it many times over the years, but I feel that only recently do I begin to understand what she is saying.
I have another of hers taped next to my bed called "Grace and Gravity."
I have another of hers taped next to my bed called "Grace and Gravity."
Grace and Gravity
Every morning
Swimming up out of dreams
I surrender to being here
I let go into gravity
Into the way the sweet earth pulls me to her
Head, hip, arm, leg . . . . with each exhale I drop further
Into cool white sheets, firm mattress, bedframe, floor, walls, earth, earth, earth. . . .
It takes practice
To give up habitual holding on, holding in, holding back
Every morning I open myself
And invite grace to have its way with me
~Oriah Mountain Dreamer
Every morning
Swimming up out of dreams
I surrender to being here
I let go into gravity
Into the way the sweet earth pulls me to her
Head, hip, arm, leg . . . . with each exhale I drop further
Into cool white sheets, firm mattress, bedframe, floor, walls, earth, earth, earth. . . .
It takes practice
To give up habitual holding on, holding in, holding back
Every morning I open myself
And invite grace to have its way with me
~Oriah Mountain Dreamer
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February 16
You are reading from the book "The Language of Letting Go."
Detachment
The concept of letting go can be confusing to many of us. When are we doing too much or trying too hard to control people and outcomes? When are we doing too little? When is what we're doing an appropriate part of taking care of ourselves? What is our responsibility, and what isn't?
These issues can challenge us whether we've been in recovery ten days or ten years. Sometimes, we may let go so much that we neglect responsibility to others or ourselves. Other times, we may cross the line from taking care of ourselves to controlling others and outcomes.
There is no rulebook. But we don't have to make ourselves crazy; we don't have to be so afraid. We don't have to do recovery perfectly. If it feels like we need to do a particular action, we can do it. If no action feels timely or inspired, don't act on it.
Having and setting healthy limits - healthy boundaries - isn't a tidy process. We can give ourselves permission to experiment, to make mistakes, to learn, to grow.
We can talk to people, ask questions, and question ourselves. If there's something we need to do or learn, it will become apparent. Lessons don't go away. If we're not taking care of ourselves enough, well see that. If we are being too controlling, we'll grow to understand that too.
Things will work out. The way will become clear.
Today I will take actions that appear appropriate. I will let go of the rest. I will strive for the balance between self-responsibility, responsibility to others, and letting go.
©1990, Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved.
You are reading from the book "The Language of Letting Go."
Detachment
The concept of letting go can be confusing to many of us. When are we doing too much or trying too hard to control people and outcomes? When are we doing too little? When is what we're doing an appropriate part of taking care of ourselves? What is our responsibility, and what isn't?
These issues can challenge us whether we've been in recovery ten days or ten years. Sometimes, we may let go so much that we neglect responsibility to others or ourselves. Other times, we may cross the line from taking care of ourselves to controlling others and outcomes.
There is no rulebook. But we don't have to make ourselves crazy; we don't have to be so afraid. We don't have to do recovery perfectly. If it feels like we need to do a particular action, we can do it. If no action feels timely or inspired, don't act on it.
Having and setting healthy limits - healthy boundaries - isn't a tidy process. We can give ourselves permission to experiment, to make mistakes, to learn, to grow.
We can talk to people, ask questions, and question ourselves. If there's something we need to do or learn, it will become apparent. Lessons don't go away. If we're not taking care of ourselves enough, well see that. If we are being too controlling, we'll grow to understand that too.
Things will work out. The way will become clear.
Today I will take actions that appear appropriate. I will let go of the rest. I will strive for the balance between self-responsibility, responsibility to others, and letting go.
©1990, Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved.
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February 17
You are reading from the book "The Language of Letting Go."
Acceptance
Our basic recovery concept that never loses its power to work miracles is the concept called acceptance.
We do not achieve acceptance in a moment. We often have to work through a mirage of feelings - sometimes anger, outrage, shame, self-pity, or sadness. But if acceptance is our goal, we will achieve it.
What is more freeing than to laugh at our weaknesses and to be grateful for our strengths? To know the entire package called "us" - with all our feelings, thoughts, tendencies, and history - is worthy of acceptance and brings healing feelings.
To accept our circumstances is another miraculous cure. For anything to change or anyone to change, we must first accept others, the circumstance, and ourselves exactly as they are. Then, we need to take it one step further. We need to become grateful for our circumstances or ourselves. We add a touch of faith by saying, "I know this is exactly the way it's supposed to be for the moment."
No matter how complicated we get, the basics never lose their power to restore us to sanity.
Today, Higher Power, help me practice the concept of acceptance in my life. Help me accept others, my circumstances, and myself. Take me one step further and help me feel grateful.
©1990, Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved.
This is a bristlecone pine, nearly 5000 years old. What could say more about acceptance?
You are reading from the book "The Language of Letting Go."
Acceptance
Our basic recovery concept that never loses its power to work miracles is the concept called acceptance.
We do not achieve acceptance in a moment. We often have to work through a mirage of feelings - sometimes anger, outrage, shame, self-pity, or sadness. But if acceptance is our goal, we will achieve it.
What is more freeing than to laugh at our weaknesses and to be grateful for our strengths? To know the entire package called "us" - with all our feelings, thoughts, tendencies, and history - is worthy of acceptance and brings healing feelings.
To accept our circumstances is another miraculous cure. For anything to change or anyone to change, we must first accept others, the circumstance, and ourselves exactly as they are. Then, we need to take it one step further. We need to become grateful for our circumstances or ourselves. We add a touch of faith by saying, "I know this is exactly the way it's supposed to be for the moment."
No matter how complicated we get, the basics never lose their power to restore us to sanity.
Today, Higher Power, help me practice the concept of acceptance in my life. Help me accept others, my circumstances, and myself. Take me one step further and help me feel grateful.
©1990, Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved.
This is a bristlecone pine, nearly 5000 years old. What could say more about acceptance?
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February 18
You are reading from the book "The Language of Letting Go."
Being Right
Recovery is not about being right; it's about allowing ourselves to be who we are and accepting others as they are.
That concept can be difficult for many of us if we have lived in systems that functioned on the "right/wrong" justice scale. The person who was right was okay; the person who was wrong was shamed. All value and worth may have depended on being right; to be wrong meant annihilation of self and self-esteem.
In recovery, we are learning how to strive for love in our relationships, not superiority. Yes, we may need to make decisions about people's behavior from time to time. If someone is hurting us, we need to stand up for ourselves. We have a responsibility to set boundaries and take care of ourselves. But we do not need to justify taking care of ourselves by condemning someone else. We can avoid the trap of focusing on others instead of ourselves.
In recovery, we are learning that what we do needs to be right only for us. What others do is their business and needs to be right only for them. It's tempting to rest in the superiority of being right and in analyzing other people's motives and actions, but it's more rewarding to look deeper.
Today I will remember that I don't have to hide behind being right. I don't have to justify what I want and need with saying something is "right" or "wrong." I can let myself be who I am.
©1990, Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved.
Being Right
Recovery is not about being right; it's about allowing ourselves to be who we are and accepting others as they are.
That concept can be difficult for many of us if we have lived in systems that functioned on the "right/wrong" justice scale. The person who was right was okay; the person who was wrong was shamed. All value and worth may have depended on being right; to be wrong meant annihilation of self and self-esteem.
In recovery, we are learning how to strive for love in our relationships, not superiority. Yes, we may need to make decisions about people's behavior from time to time. If someone is hurting us, we need to stand up for ourselves. We have a responsibility to set boundaries and take care of ourselves. But we do not need to justify taking care of ourselves by condemning someone else. We can avoid the trap of focusing on others instead of ourselves.
In recovery, we are learning that what we do needs to be right only for us. What others do is their business and needs to be right only for them. It's tempting to rest in the superiority of being right and in analyzing other people's motives and actions, but it's more rewarding to look deeper.
Today I will remember that I don't have to hide behind being right. I don't have to justify what I want and need with saying something is "right" or "wrong." I can let myself be who I am.
©1990, Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved.
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This is so good and exactly what I needed to hear today. I've been so focused lately on what the "right" path forward is and caused myself a lot of anxiety about it. I need to spend more time focusing on love and what feels right to me and accept everyone else's path for themselves as their own.
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I've been so focused lately on what the "right" path forward is and caused myself a lot of anxiety about it.
I sometimes feel like the path is narrow and has deep scary ditches on each side where I will fall and stay stuck forever if I don't do things perfectly. I'm starting to see that really, it's wide and has innumerable meandering branches, any of which will get us to where we're going as long as we face the right way ("right way" being a general direction, not a specific compass point!) and keep on moving.
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Originally Posted by honeypig 
I sometimes feel like the path is narrow and has deep scary ditches on each side where I will fall and stay stuck forever if I don't do things perfectly.
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February 19
You are reading from the book "The Language of Letting Go."
Our Path
I just spent several hours with someone from my group, and I feel like I'm losing my mind. This woman insisted that the only way I would make progress in my program was to go to her church and succumb to her religious rules. She pushed and insisted, and insisted and pushed. She's been in the program so much longer than I have. I kept thinking that she must know what she's talking about. But it didn't feel right. And now I feel crazy, afraid, guilty, and ashamed.
--Anonymous
The spiritual path and growth promised to us by the Twelve Steps does not depend on any religious belief. They are not contingent upon any denomination or sect. They are not, as the traditions of Twelve Step programs state, affiliated with any religious denomination or organization.
We do not have to allow anyone to badger us about religion in recovery. We do not have to allow people to make us feel ashamed, afraid, or less than because we do not subscribe to their beliefs about religion.
We do not have to let them do it to us in the name of Higher Power, love, or recovery.
The spiritual experience we will find as a result of recovery and the Twelve Steps will be our own spiritual experience. It will be a relationship with Higher Power, a Higher Power, as we understand Higher Power.
Each of us must find our own spiritual path. Each of us must build our own relationship with Higher Power, as we understand Higher Power. Each of us needs a Power greater than ourselves. These concepts are critical to recovery.
So is the freedom to choose how to do that.
Higher Power, help me know that I don't have to allow anyone to shame or badger me into religious beliefs. If they confuse that with the spirituality available in recovery, help me give their issue back to them. Help me discover and develop my own spirituality, a path that works for me. Guide me with Divine Wisdom as I grow spiritually.
©1990, Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved.
Our Path
I just spent several hours with someone from my group, and I feel like I'm losing my mind. This woman insisted that the only way I would make progress in my program was to go to her church and succumb to her religious rules. She pushed and insisted, and insisted and pushed. She's been in the program so much longer than I have. I kept thinking that she must know what she's talking about. But it didn't feel right. And now I feel crazy, afraid, guilty, and ashamed.
--Anonymous
The spiritual path and growth promised to us by the Twelve Steps does not depend on any religious belief. They are not contingent upon any denomination or sect. They are not, as the traditions of Twelve Step programs state, affiliated with any religious denomination or organization.
We do not have to allow anyone to badger us about religion in recovery. We do not have to allow people to make us feel ashamed, afraid, or less than because we do not subscribe to their beliefs about religion.
We do not have to let them do it to us in the name of Higher Power, love, or recovery.
The spiritual experience we will find as a result of recovery and the Twelve Steps will be our own spiritual experience. It will be a relationship with Higher Power, a Higher Power, as we understand Higher Power.
Each of us must find our own spiritual path. Each of us must build our own relationship with Higher Power, as we understand Higher Power. Each of us needs a Power greater than ourselves. These concepts are critical to recovery.
So is the freedom to choose how to do that.
Higher Power, help me know that I don't have to allow anyone to shame or badger me into religious beliefs. If they confuse that with the spirituality available in recovery, help me give their issue back to them. Help me discover and develop my own spirituality, a path that works for me. Guide me with Divine Wisdom as I grow spiritually.
©1990, Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved.
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February 20
You are reading from the book "The Language of Letting Go."
Setting Our Own Course
We are powerless over other people's expectations of us. We cannot control what others want, what they expect, or what they want us to do and be.
We can control how we respond to other people's expectations.
During the course of any day, people may make demands on our time, talents, energy, money, and emotions. We do not have to say yes to every request. We do not have to feel guilty if we say no. And we do not have to allow the barrage of demands to control the course of our life.
We do not have to spend our life reacting to others and to the course they would prefer we took with our life.
We can set boundaries, firm limits on how far we shall go with others. We can trust and listen to ourselves. We can set goals and direction for our life. We can place value on ourselves.
We can own our power with people.
Buy some time. Think about what you want. Consider how responding to another's needs will affect the course of your life. We live our own lives by not letting other people, their expectations, and their demands control the course of our lives. We can let them have their demands and expectations; we can allow them to have their feelings. We can own our power to choose the path that is right for us.
Today, Higher Power, help me own my power by detaching and peacefully choosing the course of action that is right for me. Help me know I can detach from the expectations and wants of others. Help me stop pleasing other people and start pleasing myself.
©1990, Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved.
Setting Our Own Course
We are powerless over other people's expectations of us. We cannot control what others want, what they expect, or what they want us to do and be.
We can control how we respond to other people's expectations.
During the course of any day, people may make demands on our time, talents, energy, money, and emotions. We do not have to say yes to every request. We do not have to feel guilty if we say no. And we do not have to allow the barrage of demands to control the course of our life.
We do not have to spend our life reacting to others and to the course they would prefer we took with our life.
We can set boundaries, firm limits on how far we shall go with others. We can trust and listen to ourselves. We can set goals and direction for our life. We can place value on ourselves.
We can own our power with people.
Buy some time. Think about what you want. Consider how responding to another's needs will affect the course of your life. We live our own lives by not letting other people, their expectations, and their demands control the course of our lives. We can let them have their demands and expectations; we can allow them to have their feelings. We can own our power to choose the path that is right for us.
Today, Higher Power, help me own my power by detaching and peacefully choosing the course of action that is right for me. Help me know I can detach from the expectations and wants of others. Help me stop pleasing other people and start pleasing myself.
©1990, Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved.
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February 21
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.
Living in the Present
The present moment is all we have. Yes, we have plans and goals, a vision for tomorrow. But now is the only time we possess. And it is enough.
We can clear our mind of the residue of yesterday. We can clear our mind of fears of tomorrow. We can be present now. We can make ourselves available to this moment, this day. It is by being fully present now that we reach the fullness of tomorrow.
Have no fear, child, a voice whispers. Have no regrets. Relinquish your resentments. Let Me take your pain. All you have is the present moment. Be still. Be here Trust.
All you have is now. It is enough.
Today I will affirm that all is well around me when all is well within.
©1990, Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved.
Living in the Present
The present moment is all we have. Yes, we have plans and goals, a vision for tomorrow. But now is the only time we possess. And it is enough.
We can clear our mind of the residue of yesterday. We can clear our mind of fears of tomorrow. We can be present now. We can make ourselves available to this moment, this day. It is by being fully present now that we reach the fullness of tomorrow.
Have no fear, child, a voice whispers. Have no regrets. Relinquish your resentments. Let Me take your pain. All you have is the present moment. Be still. Be here Trust.
All you have is now. It is enough.
Today I will affirm that all is well around me when all is well within.
©1990, Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved.
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Thank you so much for posting this thread. Struggling today, haven't been on SR in a couple weeks and not getting to meetings. I opened the thread on page 5 and the Waiting poem was there. The whole rest of the page stirred and smoothed some of the emotions firing in me right now.
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Walking, it seems so often I am given what I need to learn/understand/feel better in any given moment if I just put myself out there to receive it. You did that by coming back to SR today, and you got what you needed too. I'm glad!
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We do not have to spend our life reacting to others and to the course they would prefer we took with our life.
Why didn't I know this when I was 20?
Have no fear, child, a voice whispers. Have no regrets. Relinquish your resentments. Let Me take your pain. All you have is the present moment. Be still. Be here Trust.
I guess this is why.
Bittersweet recovery. I'm here now. That's what matters. Thanks HP. I love reading these every day.
Why didn't I know this when I was 20?
Have no fear, child, a voice whispers. Have no regrets. Relinquish your resentments. Let Me take your pain. All you have is the present moment. Be still. Be here Trust.
I guess this is why.
Bittersweet recovery. I'm here now. That's what matters. Thanks HP. I love reading these every day.
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February 22
You are reading from the book "The Language of Letting Go."
Solving Problems
I ask that You might help me work through all my problems, to Your Glory and Honor.
--Alcoholics Anonymous
Many of us lived in situations where it wasn't okay to identify, have, or talk about problems. Denial became a way of life -- our way of dealing with problems
In recovery, many of us still fear problems. We may spend more time reacting to a problem than we do to solving it. We miss the point; we miss the lesson; we miss the gift. Problems are a part of life. So are solutions.
A problem doesn't mean life is negative or horrible. Having a problem doesn't mean a person is deficient. All people have problems to work through.
In recovery, we learn to focus on solving our problems. First, we make certain the problem is our problem. If it isn't, our problem is establishing boundaries. Then we seek the best solution. This may mean setting a goal, asking for help, gathering more information, taking an action, or letting go.
Recovery does not mean immunity or exemption from problems; recovery means learning to face and solve problems, knowing they will appear regularly. We can trust our ability to solve problems, and know we're not doing it alone. Having problems does not mean our Higher Power is picking on us. Some problems are part of life; others are ours to solve, and we'll grow in necessary ways in the process.
Face and solve today's problems. Don't worry needlessly about tomorrow's problems, because when they appear, we'll have the resources necessary to solve them.
Facing and solving problems, working through problems with help from a Higher Power, means we're living and growing and reaping benefits.
Higher Power, help me face and solve my problems today. Help me do my part and let the rest go. I can learn to be a problem solver.
©1990, Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved.
Solving Problems
I ask that You might help me work through all my problems, to Your Glory and Honor.
--Alcoholics Anonymous
Many of us lived in situations where it wasn't okay to identify, have, or talk about problems. Denial became a way of life -- our way of dealing with problems
In recovery, many of us still fear problems. We may spend more time reacting to a problem than we do to solving it. We miss the point; we miss the lesson; we miss the gift. Problems are a part of life. So are solutions.
A problem doesn't mean life is negative or horrible. Having a problem doesn't mean a person is deficient. All people have problems to work through.
In recovery, we learn to focus on solving our problems. First, we make certain the problem is our problem. If it isn't, our problem is establishing boundaries. Then we seek the best solution. This may mean setting a goal, asking for help, gathering more information, taking an action, or letting go.
Recovery does not mean immunity or exemption from problems; recovery means learning to face and solve problems, knowing they will appear regularly. We can trust our ability to solve problems, and know we're not doing it alone. Having problems does not mean our Higher Power is picking on us. Some problems are part of life; others are ours to solve, and we'll grow in necessary ways in the process.
Face and solve today's problems. Don't worry needlessly about tomorrow's problems, because when they appear, we'll have the resources necessary to solve them.
Facing and solving problems, working through problems with help from a Higher Power, means we're living and growing and reaping benefits.
Higher Power, help me face and solve my problems today. Help me do my part and let the rest go. I can learn to be a problem solver.
©1990, Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved.
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February 22
February 23
You are reading from the book "The Language of Letting Go."
Strength
We don't always have to be strong. Sometimes our strength is expressed in being vulnerable. Sometimes we need to fall apart to regroup and stay on track.
We all have days when we cannot push any harder, cannot hold back self-doubt, cannot stop focusing on fear, cannot be strong.
There are days when we cannot focus on being responsible. Occasionally we don't want to get out of our pajamas. Sometimes we cry in front of people. We expose our tiredness, irritability, or anger.
Those days are okay. They are just okay.
Part of taking care of ourselves means we give ourselves permission to "fall apart" when we need to. We do not have to be perpetual towers of strength. We are strong. We have proven that. Our strength will continue if we allow ourselves the courage to feel scared, weak, and vulnerable when we need to experience those feelings.
Today, Higher Power, help me to know that it is okay to allow myself to be human. Help me not to feel guilty or punish myself when I need to "fall apart."
©1990, Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved.
You are reading from the book "The Language of Letting Go."
Strength
We don't always have to be strong. Sometimes our strength is expressed in being vulnerable. Sometimes we need to fall apart to regroup and stay on track.
We all have days when we cannot push any harder, cannot hold back self-doubt, cannot stop focusing on fear, cannot be strong.
There are days when we cannot focus on being responsible. Occasionally we don't want to get out of our pajamas. Sometimes we cry in front of people. We expose our tiredness, irritability, or anger.
Those days are okay. They are just okay.
Part of taking care of ourselves means we give ourselves permission to "fall apart" when we need to. We do not have to be perpetual towers of strength. We are strong. We have proven that. Our strength will continue if we allow ourselves the courage to feel scared, weak, and vulnerable when we need to experience those feelings.
Today, Higher Power, help me to know that it is okay to allow myself to be human. Help me not to feel guilty or punish myself when I need to "fall apart."
©1990, Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved.
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