The Language of Letting Go, Part 1
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I remember posting this reading last year, Ann--it's a good one for me, too. The "what ifs" have kept me from doing a lot over the course of the years, and I'm doing my best to make sure they don't get to stop me any more!
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July 29
You are reading from the book "The Language of Letting Go."
Have Some Fun
Have some fun. Loosen up a bit. Enjoy life!
We do not have to be so somber and serious. We do not have to be so reflective, so critical, so bound up within the rigid parameters others, and often ourselves, have placed around us.
This is life, not a funeral service. Have some fun with it. Enter into it. Participate. Experiment. Take a risk. Be spontaneous. Do not always be so concerned about doing it right, doing the appropriate thing.
Do not always be so concerned about what others will think or say. What they think and say are their issues not ours. Do not be so afraid of making a mistake. Do not be so fearful and proper. Do not inhibit yourself so much.
Higher Power did not intend us to be so inhibited, so restricted, so controlled. These repressive parameters are what other people have imposed on us, what we have allowed to be done to us.
We were created fully human. We were given emotions, desires, hopes, dreams, feelings. There is an alive, excited, fun loving child in us somewhere! Let it come out! Let it come alive! Let it have some fun - not just for 2 hours on Saturday evening. Bring it with us. Let it help us enjoy this gift of being alive, being fully human, and being who we are!
So many rules. So much shame we've lived with. It simply isn't necessary. We have been brainwashed. It is time now to free ourselves, let ourselves go, and enter fully human into a full life.
Don't worry. We will learn our lessons when necessary. We have learned discipline. We will not go awry. What will happen is that we will begin enjoying life. We will begin enjoying and experiencing our whole self. We can trust ourselves. We have boundaries now. We have our program for a foundation. We can afford to experiment and experience. We are in touch with our Higher Power and ourselves. We are being guided, but a frozen, inanimate object cannot be guided. it cannot even be moved.
Have some fun. Loosen up a bit. Break a few rules. Higher Power won't punish us. We do not have to allow people to punish us. And we can stop punishing ourselves. As long as we're here and alive, let's begin to live.
Today I will let myself have some fun with life. I will loosen up a bit, knowing I won't crack and break. Higher Power, help me let go of my need to be so inhibited, proper, and repressed. Help me inject a big dose of life into myself by letting myself be fully alive and human.
©1990, Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved.
Have Some Fun
Have some fun. Loosen up a bit. Enjoy life!
We do not have to be so somber and serious. We do not have to be so reflective, so critical, so bound up within the rigid parameters others, and often ourselves, have placed around us.
This is life, not a funeral service. Have some fun with it. Enter into it. Participate. Experiment. Take a risk. Be spontaneous. Do not always be so concerned about doing it right, doing the appropriate thing.
Do not always be so concerned about what others will think or say. What they think and say are their issues not ours. Do not be so afraid of making a mistake. Do not be so fearful and proper. Do not inhibit yourself so much.
Higher Power did not intend us to be so inhibited, so restricted, so controlled. These repressive parameters are what other people have imposed on us, what we have allowed to be done to us.
We were created fully human. We were given emotions, desires, hopes, dreams, feelings. There is an alive, excited, fun loving child in us somewhere! Let it come out! Let it come alive! Let it have some fun - not just for 2 hours on Saturday evening. Bring it with us. Let it help us enjoy this gift of being alive, being fully human, and being who we are!
So many rules. So much shame we've lived with. It simply isn't necessary. We have been brainwashed. It is time now to free ourselves, let ourselves go, and enter fully human into a full life.
Don't worry. We will learn our lessons when necessary. We have learned discipline. We will not go awry. What will happen is that we will begin enjoying life. We will begin enjoying and experiencing our whole self. We can trust ourselves. We have boundaries now. We have our program for a foundation. We can afford to experiment and experience. We are in touch with our Higher Power and ourselves. We are being guided, but a frozen, inanimate object cannot be guided. it cannot even be moved.
Have some fun. Loosen up a bit. Break a few rules. Higher Power won't punish us. We do not have to allow people to punish us. And we can stop punishing ourselves. As long as we're here and alive, let's begin to live.
Today I will let myself have some fun with life. I will loosen up a bit, knowing I won't crack and break. Higher Power, help me let go of my need to be so inhibited, proper, and repressed. Help me inject a big dose of life into myself by letting myself be fully alive and human.
©1990, Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved.
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July 30
You are reading from the book "The Language of Letting Go."
Accepting Powerlessness
Since I've been a child, I've been in an antagonistic relationship with an important emotional part of myself: my feelings. I have consistently tried to ignore, repress, or force my feelings away. I have tried to create unnatural feelings or force away feelings that were present.
I've denied I was angry, when in fact I was furious. I have told myself there must be something wrong with me for feeling angry, when anger was a reasonable and logical response to the situation.
I have told myself things didn't hurt, when they hurt very much. I have told myself stories such as "That person didn't mean to hurt me." . . . "He or she doesn't know any better." . . . "I need to be more understanding." The problem was that I had already been too understanding of the other person and not understanding and compassionate enough with myself.
It has not just been the large feelings I have been at war with; I have been battling the whole emotional aspect of myself. I have tried to use spiritual energy, mental energy, and even physical exertion to not feel what I need to feel to be healthy and alive.
I didn't succeed at my attempts to control emotions. Emotional control has been a survival behavior for me. I can thank that behavior for helping me get through many years and situations where I didn't have any better options. But I have learned a healthier behavior - accepting my feelings.
We are meant to feel. Part of our dysfunction is trying to deny or change that. Part of our recovery means learning to go with the flow of what we're feeling and what our feelings are trying to tell us.
We are responsible for our behaviors, but we do not have to control our feelings. We can let them happen. We can learn to embrace, enjoy, and experience - feel - the emotional part of ourselves.
Today I will stop trying to force and control my emotions. Instead, I will give power and freedom to the emotional part of myself.
©1990, Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved.
Accepting Powerlessness
Since I've been a child, I've been in an antagonistic relationship with an important emotional part of myself: my feelings. I have consistently tried to ignore, repress, or force my feelings away. I have tried to create unnatural feelings or force away feelings that were present.
I've denied I was angry, when in fact I was furious. I have told myself there must be something wrong with me for feeling angry, when anger was a reasonable and logical response to the situation.
I have told myself things didn't hurt, when they hurt very much. I have told myself stories such as "That person didn't mean to hurt me." . . . "He or she doesn't know any better." . . . "I need to be more understanding." The problem was that I had already been too understanding of the other person and not understanding and compassionate enough with myself.
It has not just been the large feelings I have been at war with; I have been battling the whole emotional aspect of myself. I have tried to use spiritual energy, mental energy, and even physical exertion to not feel what I need to feel to be healthy and alive.
I didn't succeed at my attempts to control emotions. Emotional control has been a survival behavior for me. I can thank that behavior for helping me get through many years and situations where I didn't have any better options. But I have learned a healthier behavior - accepting my feelings.
We are meant to feel. Part of our dysfunction is trying to deny or change that. Part of our recovery means learning to go with the flow of what we're feeling and what our feelings are trying to tell us.
We are responsible for our behaviors, but we do not have to control our feelings. We can let them happen. We can learn to embrace, enjoy, and experience - feel - the emotional part of ourselves.
Today I will stop trying to force and control my emotions. Instead, I will give power and freedom to the emotional part of myself.
©1990, Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved.
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July 31
You are reading from the book "The Language of Letting Go."
Letting Go of What We want
For those of us who have survived by controlling and surrendering, letting go may not come easily.
- Beyond Codependency
In recovery, we learn that it is important to identify what we want and need. Where does this concept leave us? With a large but clearly identified package of currently unmet wants and needs. We've taken the risk to stop denying and to start accepting what we want and need. The problem is, the want or need hangs there, unmet.
This can be a frustrating, painful, annoying, and sometimes obsession-producing place to be.
After identifying our needs, there is a next step in getting our wants and needs met. This step is one of the spiritual ironies of recovery. The next step is letting go of our wants and needs after we have taken painstaking steps to identify them.
We let them go, we give them up - on a mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical level. Sometimes this means we need to give up. It is not always easy to get to this place, but this is usually where we need to go.
How often I have denied a want or need, then gone through the steps to identify my needs, only to become annoyed, frustrated, and challenged because I don't have what I want and don't know how to get it. If I then embark on a plan to control or influence getting that want or need met, I usually make things worse. Searching, trying to control the process, does not work. I must, I have learned to my dismay, let go.
Sometimes I even have to go to the point of saying, "I don't want it. I realize it's important to me, but I cannot control obtaining that in my life. Now, I don't care anymore if I have it or not. In fact, I'm going to be absolutely happy without it and without any hope of getting it, because hoping to get it is making me nuts - the more I hope and try to get it, the more frustrated I feel because I'm not getting it."
I don't know why the process works this way.
I know only that this is how the process works for me. I have found no way around the concept of letting go.
We often can have what we really want and need, or something better. Letting go is part of what we do to get it.
Today I will strive to let go of those wants and needs that are causing me frustration. I will enter them on my goal list, then struggle to let go. I will trust Higher Power to bring me the desires of my heart, in Higher Power's time and in Higher Power's way.
©1990, Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved.
Letting Go of What We want
For those of us who have survived by controlling and surrendering, letting go may not come easily.
- Beyond Codependency
In recovery, we learn that it is important to identify what we want and need. Where does this concept leave us? With a large but clearly identified package of currently unmet wants and needs. We've taken the risk to stop denying and to start accepting what we want and need. The problem is, the want or need hangs there, unmet.
This can be a frustrating, painful, annoying, and sometimes obsession-producing place to be.
After identifying our needs, there is a next step in getting our wants and needs met. This step is one of the spiritual ironies of recovery. The next step is letting go of our wants and needs after we have taken painstaking steps to identify them.
We let them go, we give them up - on a mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical level. Sometimes this means we need to give up. It is not always easy to get to this place, but this is usually where we need to go.
How often I have denied a want or need, then gone through the steps to identify my needs, only to become annoyed, frustrated, and challenged because I don't have what I want and don't know how to get it. If I then embark on a plan to control or influence getting that want or need met, I usually make things worse. Searching, trying to control the process, does not work. I must, I have learned to my dismay, let go.
Sometimes I even have to go to the point of saying, "I don't want it. I realize it's important to me, but I cannot control obtaining that in my life. Now, I don't care anymore if I have it or not. In fact, I'm going to be absolutely happy without it and without any hope of getting it, because hoping to get it is making me nuts - the more I hope and try to get it, the more frustrated I feel because I'm not getting it."
I don't know why the process works this way.
I know only that this is how the process works for me. I have found no way around the concept of letting go.
We often can have what we really want and need, or something better. Letting go is part of what we do to get it.
Today I will strive to let go of those wants and needs that are causing me frustration. I will enter them on my goal list, then struggle to let go. I will trust Higher Power to bring me the desires of my heart, in Higher Power's time and in Higher Power's way.
©1990, Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved.
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August 1
You are reading from the book "The Language of Letting Go."
Gratitude
We learn the magical lesson that making the most of what we have turns it into more.
--Codependent No More
Say "thank you" until you mean it.
Thank Higher Power, life, and the universe for everyone and everything sent your way.
Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, and confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. It turns problems into gifts, failures into successes, the unexpected into perfect timing, and mistakes into important events. It can turn an existence into a real life, and disconnected situations into important and beneficial lessons. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.
Gratitude makes things right.
Gratitude turns negative energy into positive energy. There is no situation or circumstance so small or large that it is not susceptible to gratitude's power. We can start with whom we are and what we have today, apply gratitude, then let it work its magic.
Say "thank you" until you mean it. if you say it long enough, you will believe it.
Today I will shine the transforming light of gratitude on all the circumstances of my life.
©1990, Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved.
Gratitude
We learn the magical lesson that making the most of what we have turns it into more.
--Codependent No More
Say "thank you" until you mean it.
Thank Higher Power, life, and the universe for everyone and everything sent your way.
Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, and confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. It turns problems into gifts, failures into successes, the unexpected into perfect timing, and mistakes into important events. It can turn an existence into a real life, and disconnected situations into important and beneficial lessons. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.
Gratitude makes things right.
Gratitude turns negative energy into positive energy. There is no situation or circumstance so small or large that it is not susceptible to gratitude's power. We can start with whom we are and what we have today, apply gratitude, then let it work its magic.
Say "thank you" until you mean it. if you say it long enough, you will believe it.
Today I will shine the transforming light of gratitude on all the circumstances of my life.
©1990, Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved.
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August 2
You are reading from the book "The Language of Letting Go."
In Between
Sometimes, to get from where we are to where we are going, we have to be willing to be in between.
One of the hardest parts of recovery is the concept of letting go of what is old and familiar, but what we don't want, and being willing to stand with our hands empty while we wait for Higher Power to fill them.
This may apply to feelings. We may have been full of hurt and anger. In some ways, these feelings may have become comfortably familiar. When we finally face and relinquish our grief, we may feel empty for a time. We are in between pain and the joy of serenity and acceptance.
Being in between can apply to relationships. To prepare ourselves for the new, we need to first let go of the old. This can be frightening. We may feel empty and lost for a time. We may feel all alone, wondering what is wrong with us for letting go of the proverbial bird in hand, when there is nothing in the bush.
Being in between can apply to many areas of life and recovery. We can be in between jobs, careers, homes, or goals. We can be in between behaviors as we let go of the old and are not certain what we will replace it with. This can apply to behaviors that have protected and served us well all of our life, such as caretaking and controlling.
We may have many feelings going on when we're in between: spurts of grief about what we have let go of or lost, and feelings of anxiety, fear, and apprehension about what's ahead. These are normal feelings for the in between place. Accept them. Feel them. Release them.
Being in between isn't fun, but it's necessary. It will not last forever. It may feel like we're standing still, but we're not. We're standing at the in between place. it's how we get from here to there. It is not the destination.
We are moving forward, even when we're in between.
Today I will accept where I am as the ideal place for me to be. If I am in between, I will strive for the faith that this place is not without purpose, that it is moving me toward something good.
©1990, Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved.
In Between
Sometimes, to get from where we are to where we are going, we have to be willing to be in between.
One of the hardest parts of recovery is the concept of letting go of what is old and familiar, but what we don't want, and being willing to stand with our hands empty while we wait for Higher Power to fill them.
This may apply to feelings. We may have been full of hurt and anger. In some ways, these feelings may have become comfortably familiar. When we finally face and relinquish our grief, we may feel empty for a time. We are in between pain and the joy of serenity and acceptance.
Being in between can apply to relationships. To prepare ourselves for the new, we need to first let go of the old. This can be frightening. We may feel empty and lost for a time. We may feel all alone, wondering what is wrong with us for letting go of the proverbial bird in hand, when there is nothing in the bush.
Being in between can apply to many areas of life and recovery. We can be in between jobs, careers, homes, or goals. We can be in between behaviors as we let go of the old and are not certain what we will replace it with. This can apply to behaviors that have protected and served us well all of our life, such as caretaking and controlling.
We may have many feelings going on when we're in between: spurts of grief about what we have let go of or lost, and feelings of anxiety, fear, and apprehension about what's ahead. These are normal feelings for the in between place. Accept them. Feel them. Release them.
Being in between isn't fun, but it's necessary. It will not last forever. It may feel like we're standing still, but we're not. We're standing at the in between place. it's how we get from here to there. It is not the destination.
We are moving forward, even when we're in between.
Today I will accept where I am as the ideal place for me to be. If I am in between, I will strive for the faith that this place is not without purpose, that it is moving me toward something good.
©1990, Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved.
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Being stuck "in between" has come up for me in so many different areas of life & I always feel better about it after reading this passage again. Definitely one of my favorites, thanks for these postings HP - I don't always read every day but I catch up all at once when I've missed, lol!!
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Oh this is one of my favorites - and this will be the 5th year it's circled back around for me to read, between owning the book and you posting here.
It has helped me through some BEE. ESS.... by letting me know five years running, that it's ok to not be THROUGH it, as long as I'm pointed forward.
Last year when I read it, I was desperately searching for a place to live because XABF and I BOTH wanted me out. It helped get me through the next 30 days until I finally did get moved out.
Thanks HP....
This year, it has all new meaning to me. My whole life will be "In Between, " and for the first time ever, that is pretty comfortable for me because I know I am pointed in the right direction. <3
EDIT - HAHA - we were posting at the same time, FS, and it's no shock to me that it strikes us both - pretty sure we're some cosmic Fire Sisters!
It has helped me through some BEE. ESS.... by letting me know five years running, that it's ok to not be THROUGH it, as long as I'm pointed forward.
Last year when I read it, I was desperately searching for a place to live because XABF and I BOTH wanted me out. It helped get me through the next 30 days until I finally did get moved out.
Thanks HP....
This year, it has all new meaning to me. My whole life will be "In Between, " and for the first time ever, that is pretty comfortable for me because I know I am pointed in the right direction. <3
EDIT - HAHA - we were posting at the same time, FS, and it's no shock to me that it strikes us both - pretty sure we're some cosmic Fire Sisters!
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I remember posting this last year too, you guys--it was so appropriate then, and guess what? It's equally as appropriate this year!
Of all the things I've learned in recovery so far, I think the one I may be most grateful for is all the variations on being OK not knowing, being OK not taking action, being OK when in a place that is other than what I think I want my ultimate destination to be. All that "process-y" stuff, you know?
It has made my life so much calmer and gentler, knowing that it's OK to wait and see, wait for the answer, wait for a sign...
And that leads me to Monty Python's "Life of Brian", b/c after all, I don't wanna be TOO serious here:
Of all the things I've learned in recovery so far, I think the one I may be most grateful for is all the variations on being OK not knowing, being OK not taking action, being OK when in a place that is other than what I think I want my ultimate destination to be. All that "process-y" stuff, you know?
It has made my life so much calmer and gentler, knowing that it's OK to wait and see, wait for the answer, wait for a sign...
And that leads me to Monty Python's "Life of Brian", b/c after all, I don't wanna be TOO serious here:
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August 3
You are reading from the book "The Language of Letting Go."
Owning Our Power in Relationships
So much of what I call my codependency is fear and panic because I spent so much of my life feeling abused, trapped, and not knowing how to take care of myself in relationships.
-- Anonymous
No matter how long we have been recovering, we may still tend to give up our power to others, whether they be authority figures, a new love, or a child.
When we do this, we experience the set of emotions and thoughts we call "the codependent crazies." We may feel angry, guilty, afraid, confused, and obsessed. We may feel dependent and needy or become overly controlling and rigid. We may return to familiar behaviors during stress. And for those of us who have codependency and adult children issues, relationships can mean stress.
We don't have to stay stuck in our codependency. We don't have to shame or blame ourselves, or the other person, for our condition. We simply need to remember to own our power.
Practice. Practice. Practice using your power to take care of yourself, no matter who you are dealing with, where you are, or what you are doing. This is what recovery means. This does not mean we try to control others; it does not mean we become abrasive or abusive. It means we own our power to take care of ourselves.
The thought of doing this may generate fears. That's normal! Take care of yourself anyway. The answers, and the power to do that, are within you now.
Start today. Start where you are. Start by taking care of who you are, at the present moment, to the best of your ability.
Today I will focus on owning my power to take care of myself. I will not let fears or a false sense of shame and guilt stop me from taking care of myself.
©1990, Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved.
Owning Our Power in Relationships
So much of what I call my codependency is fear and panic because I spent so much of my life feeling abused, trapped, and not knowing how to take care of myself in relationships.
-- Anonymous
No matter how long we have been recovering, we may still tend to give up our power to others, whether they be authority figures, a new love, or a child.
When we do this, we experience the set of emotions and thoughts we call "the codependent crazies." We may feel angry, guilty, afraid, confused, and obsessed. We may feel dependent and needy or become overly controlling and rigid. We may return to familiar behaviors during stress. And for those of us who have codependency and adult children issues, relationships can mean stress.
We don't have to stay stuck in our codependency. We don't have to shame or blame ourselves, or the other person, for our condition. We simply need to remember to own our power.
Practice. Practice. Practice using your power to take care of yourself, no matter who you are dealing with, where you are, or what you are doing. This is what recovery means. This does not mean we try to control others; it does not mean we become abrasive or abusive. It means we own our power to take care of ourselves.
The thought of doing this may generate fears. That's normal! Take care of yourself anyway. The answers, and the power to do that, are within you now.
Start today. Start where you are. Start by taking care of who you are, at the present moment, to the best of your ability.
Today I will focus on owning my power to take care of myself. I will not let fears or a false sense of shame and guilt stop me from taking care of myself.
©1990, Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved.
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August 4
You are reading from the book "The Language of Letting Go."
Vulnerability
I've learned that the more vulnerable I allow myself to be, the more in control of myself I really am.
--Anonymous
Many of us feel that we can only show our strong, confident side. We believe the face we have to show to the world should always be one of politeness, perfection, calm, strength, and control.
While it is certainly good and often appropriate to be in control, calm, and strong, there is another side to all of us--that part of us that feels needy, becomes frightened, has doubts, and gets angry. That part of us that needs care, love, and reassurance those things will be okay. Expressing these needs makes us vulnerable and less than perfect, but this side needs our acceptance too.
Allowing ourselves to be vulnerable will help us build lasting relationships. Sharing our vulnerabilities helps us feel close to people and helps others feel close to us. It helps us grow in self-love and self-acceptance. It helps us become healing agents. It allows us to become whole and accessible to others.
Today I will allow myself to be vulnerable with others when it's safe and appropriate to do so.
©1990, Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved.
Vulnerability
I've learned that the more vulnerable I allow myself to be, the more in control of myself I really am.
--Anonymous
Many of us feel that we can only show our strong, confident side. We believe the face we have to show to the world should always be one of politeness, perfection, calm, strength, and control.
While it is certainly good and often appropriate to be in control, calm, and strong, there is another side to all of us--that part of us that feels needy, becomes frightened, has doubts, and gets angry. That part of us that needs care, love, and reassurance those things will be okay. Expressing these needs makes us vulnerable and less than perfect, but this side needs our acceptance too.
Allowing ourselves to be vulnerable will help us build lasting relationships. Sharing our vulnerabilities helps us feel close to people and helps others feel close to us. It helps us grow in self-love and self-acceptance. It helps us become healing agents. It allows us to become whole and accessible to others.
Today I will allow myself to be vulnerable with others when it's safe and appropriate to do so.
©1990, Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved.
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August 5
You are reading from the book "The Language of Letting Go."
Attitudes Toward Money
Sometimes our life and history may be so full of pain that we think it totally unfair that we have to grow up now and be financially responsible for ourselves.
The feeling is understandable; the attitude is not healthy. Many people in recovery may believe that certain people in particular, and life in general, owes them a living after what they've been through.
To feel good about ourselves, to find the emotional peace and freedom we're seeking in recovery, we need healthy boundaries about money - what we give to others, and what we allow ourselves to receive from others.
Do we feel that others owe us money because we cannot take care of ourselves? Do we believe others owe us because we do not have as much money as they do? Do we consciously or subconsciously believe that they "owe" us money because of emotional pain we suffered as a result of our relationship with them or another person?
Punitive damages are awarded in court, but not in recovery.
Unhealthy boundaries about what we allow ourselves to receive from others will not lead to healthy relationships with others or ourselves.
Test by looking within. The key is our attitude. The issue is boundaries about receiving money. Become willing to meet the challenge of taking responsibility for yourself.
Today I will strive for clear, healthy boundaries about receiving money from others. As part of my recovery, I will take a hard look at my financial history and examine whether I have taken money that may not reflect good boundaries. If I uncover some incidents that reflect less than an attitude of healthy self-responsibility, I will become willing to make amends and develop a reasonable plan to do that.
©1990, Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved.
Attitudes Toward Money
Sometimes our life and history may be so full of pain that we think it totally unfair that we have to grow up now and be financially responsible for ourselves.
The feeling is understandable; the attitude is not healthy. Many people in recovery may believe that certain people in particular, and life in general, owes them a living after what they've been through.
To feel good about ourselves, to find the emotional peace and freedom we're seeking in recovery, we need healthy boundaries about money - what we give to others, and what we allow ourselves to receive from others.
Do we feel that others owe us money because we cannot take care of ourselves? Do we believe others owe us because we do not have as much money as they do? Do we consciously or subconsciously believe that they "owe" us money because of emotional pain we suffered as a result of our relationship with them or another person?
Punitive damages are awarded in court, but not in recovery.
Unhealthy boundaries about what we allow ourselves to receive from others will not lead to healthy relationships with others or ourselves.
Test by looking within. The key is our attitude. The issue is boundaries about receiving money. Become willing to meet the challenge of taking responsibility for yourself.
Today I will strive for clear, healthy boundaries about receiving money from others. As part of my recovery, I will take a hard look at my financial history and examine whether I have taken money that may not reflect good boundaries. If I uncover some incidents that reflect less than an attitude of healthy self-responsibility, I will become willing to make amends and develop a reasonable plan to do that.
©1990, Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved.
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
August 6
You are reading from the book "The Language of Letting Go."
Solving Problems
Problems are made to be solved!
Some of us spend more time reacting to the fact that we have a problem than we do solving the problem. "Why is this happening to me?" . . . "Isn't life awful?" . . . "How come this had to happen?" . . . "Oh, dear. This is terrible." . . . "Why is Higher Power (the Universe, an agency, a person, or life) picking on me?"
Problems are inevitable. Some problems can be anticipated. Some are surprises. But the idea that problems occur regularly need never be a surprise.
The good news is that for every problem, there's a solution. Sometimes the solution is immediate. Sometimes it takes a while to discover. Sometimes the solution involves letting go. Sometimes the problem is ours to solve; sometimes it isn't. Sometimes there is something we can clearly do to solve the problem; other times, we need to struggle, flounder, do our part, and then trust our Higher Power for help.
Sometimes the problem is just part of life. Sometimes the problem is important because we are learning something through the problem and its solution. Sometimes problems end up working out for good in our life. They get us headed in a direction that is superior to one we may otherwise have taken.
Sometimes problems just are; sometimes they are a warning sign that we are on the wrong track.
We can learn to accept problems as an inevitable part of life. We can learn to solve problems. We can learn to trust our ability to solve problems. We can learn to identify which problems are trying to lead us in a new direction, and which simply ask for solving.
We can learn to focus on the solution rather than on the problem and maintain a positive attitude toward life and the inevitable flow of problems and solutions.
Today I will learn to trust solutions rather than be victimized by problems. I will not use problems to prove I am helpless, picked on, or martyred. I will not point to my problems to prove how awful life is. I will learn to trust the flow of problems and solutions. Higher Power, help me solve the problems I can solve today. Help me let go of the rest. Help me believe in my ability to tackle and solve problems. Help me trust the flow. For each problem, there is a solution.
©1990, Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved.
Solving Problems
Problems are made to be solved!
Some of us spend more time reacting to the fact that we have a problem than we do solving the problem. "Why is this happening to me?" . . . "Isn't life awful?" . . . "How come this had to happen?" . . . "Oh, dear. This is terrible." . . . "Why is Higher Power (the Universe, an agency, a person, or life) picking on me?"
Problems are inevitable. Some problems can be anticipated. Some are surprises. But the idea that problems occur regularly need never be a surprise.
The good news is that for every problem, there's a solution. Sometimes the solution is immediate. Sometimes it takes a while to discover. Sometimes the solution involves letting go. Sometimes the problem is ours to solve; sometimes it isn't. Sometimes there is something we can clearly do to solve the problem; other times, we need to struggle, flounder, do our part, and then trust our Higher Power for help.
Sometimes the problem is just part of life. Sometimes the problem is important because we are learning something through the problem and its solution. Sometimes problems end up working out for good in our life. They get us headed in a direction that is superior to one we may otherwise have taken.
Sometimes problems just are; sometimes they are a warning sign that we are on the wrong track.
We can learn to accept problems as an inevitable part of life. We can learn to solve problems. We can learn to trust our ability to solve problems. We can learn to identify which problems are trying to lead us in a new direction, and which simply ask for solving.
We can learn to focus on the solution rather than on the problem and maintain a positive attitude toward life and the inevitable flow of problems and solutions.
Today I will learn to trust solutions rather than be victimized by problems. I will not use problems to prove I am helpless, picked on, or martyred. I will not point to my problems to prove how awful life is. I will learn to trust the flow of problems and solutions. Higher Power, help me solve the problems I can solve today. Help me let go of the rest. Help me believe in my ability to tackle and solve problems. Help me trust the flow. For each problem, there is a solution.
©1990, Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
August 6
You are reading from the book "The Language of Letting Go."
Solving Problems
Problems are made to be solved!
Some of us spend more time reacting to the fact that we have a problem than we do solving the problem. "Why is this happening to me?" . . . "Isn't life awful?" . . . "How come this had to happen?" . . . "Oh, dear. This is terrible." . . . "Why is Higher Power (the Universe, an agency, a person, or life) picking on me?"
Problems are inevitable. Some problems can be anticipated. Some are surprises. But the idea that problems occur regularly need never be a surprise.
The good news is that for every problem, there's a solution. Sometimes the solution is immediate. Sometimes it takes a while to discover. Sometimes the solution involves letting go. Sometimes the problem is ours to solve; sometimes it isn't. Sometimes there is something we can clearly do to solve the problem; other times, we need to struggle, flounder, do our part, and then trust our Higher Power for help.
Sometimes the problem is just part of life. Sometimes the problem is important because we are learning something through the problem and its solution. Sometimes problems end up working out for good in our life. They get us headed in a direction that is superior to one we may otherwise have taken.
Sometimes problems just are; sometimes they are a warning sign that we are on the wrong track.
We can learn to accept problems as an inevitable part of life. We can learn to solve problems. We can learn to trust our ability to solve problems. We can learn to identify which problems are trying to lead us in a new direction, and which simply ask for solving.
We can learn to focus on the solution rather than on the problem and maintain a positive attitude toward life and the inevitable flow of problems and solutions.
Today I will learn to trust solutions rather than be victimized by problems. I will not use problems to prove I am helpless, picked on, or martyred. I will not point to my problems to prove how awful life is. I will learn to trust the flow of problems and solutions. Higher Power, help me solve the problems I can solve today. Help me let go of the rest. Help me believe in my ability to tackle and solve problems. Help me trust the flow. For each problem, there is a solution.
©1990, Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved.
Solving Problems
Problems are made to be solved!
Some of us spend more time reacting to the fact that we have a problem than we do solving the problem. "Why is this happening to me?" . . . "Isn't life awful?" . . . "How come this had to happen?" . . . "Oh, dear. This is terrible." . . . "Why is Higher Power (the Universe, an agency, a person, or life) picking on me?"
Problems are inevitable. Some problems can be anticipated. Some are surprises. But the idea that problems occur regularly need never be a surprise.
The good news is that for every problem, there's a solution. Sometimes the solution is immediate. Sometimes it takes a while to discover. Sometimes the solution involves letting go. Sometimes the problem is ours to solve; sometimes it isn't. Sometimes there is something we can clearly do to solve the problem; other times, we need to struggle, flounder, do our part, and then trust our Higher Power for help.
Sometimes the problem is just part of life. Sometimes the problem is important because we are learning something through the problem and its solution. Sometimes problems end up working out for good in our life. They get us headed in a direction that is superior to one we may otherwise have taken.
Sometimes problems just are; sometimes they are a warning sign that we are on the wrong track.
We can learn to accept problems as an inevitable part of life. We can learn to solve problems. We can learn to trust our ability to solve problems. We can learn to identify which problems are trying to lead us in a new direction, and which simply ask for solving.
We can learn to focus on the solution rather than on the problem and maintain a positive attitude toward life and the inevitable flow of problems and solutions.
Today I will learn to trust solutions rather than be victimized by problems. I will not use problems to prove I am helpless, picked on, or martyred. I will not point to my problems to prove how awful life is. I will learn to trust the flow of problems and solutions. Higher Power, help me solve the problems I can solve today. Help me let go of the rest. Help me believe in my ability to tackle and solve problems. Help me trust the flow. For each problem, there is a solution.
©1990, Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
August 7
You are reading from the book "The Language of Letting Go."
Saying No
For many of us, the most difficult word to say is one of the shortest and easiest in the vocabulary: No. Go ahead, say it aloud: No.
No - simple to pronounce, hard to say. We're afraid people won't like us, or we feel guilty. We may believe that a "good" employee, child, parent, spouse, or Christian never says no.
The problem is, if we don't learn to say no, we stop liking ourselves and the people we always try to please. We may even punish others out of resentment.
When do we say no? When no is what we really mean.
When we learn to say no, we stop lying. People can trust us, and we can trust ourselves. All sorts of good things happen when we start saying what we mean.
If we're scared to say no, we can buy some time. We can take a break, rehearse the word, and go back and say no. We don't have to offer long explanations for our decisions.
When we can say no, we can say yes to the good. Our no's and our yes's begin to be taken seriously. We gain control of ourselves. And we learn a secret: "No" isn't really that hard to say.
Today I will say no if that is what I mean.
©1990, Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved.
Saying No
For many of us, the most difficult word to say is one of the shortest and easiest in the vocabulary: No. Go ahead, say it aloud: No.
No - simple to pronounce, hard to say. We're afraid people won't like us, or we feel guilty. We may believe that a "good" employee, child, parent, spouse, or Christian never says no.
The problem is, if we don't learn to say no, we stop liking ourselves and the people we always try to please. We may even punish others out of resentment.
When do we say no? When no is what we really mean.
When we learn to say no, we stop lying. People can trust us, and we can trust ourselves. All sorts of good things happen when we start saying what we mean.
If we're scared to say no, we can buy some time. We can take a break, rehearse the word, and go back and say no. We don't have to offer long explanations for our decisions.
When we can say no, we can say yes to the good. Our no's and our yes's begin to be taken seriously. We gain control of ourselves. And we learn a secret: "No" isn't really that hard to say.
Today I will say no if that is what I mean.
©1990, Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved.
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