KidsEverywhere

My dad is 75 years old and a lifelong drinker. He has had some issues with his heart rhythm. Electrolytes out of wack, etc. My mom and sister want to have a full blown intervention with him because they are concerned about his health- before it is too late. I had a talk with him about "laying off the booze" he said he would "take it easy and see what the dr says". I think my mom and my sister were hoping the doctor was going to tell him if he keeps drinking, he is gonna die. The dr told him it would be better if he didn't drink and adjusted his meds and he seems to be doing fine- which to an alcoholic means "all clear".
They still want to confront him. My stance having dealt with alcohol issues myself (my sister has a drinking problem she hasn't faced yet) is that an intervention is likely going to cause him to withdraw from us, be resentful, etc and knowing he is not committed to changing, there is no chance it is going to help. I'm inclined to leave him alone and continue to enjoy a good relationship with him. He has been retired for years he reads, Watches tv and leaves everyone alone.
What advice would any of you have?

hopeful4

I tend to agree with you. For someone who has drank for their lifetime like that, it seems to me that it would be very hard to get them to stop.

Myself, I would have a conversation with him that this has really brought his health to the front, and that you are concerned that the drinking may cause things to get worse in the future. That way, he knows you have concern about it, but he would be the one driving the choice to change should he decide to go that route.

Many hugs to you.

redatlanta

Can't say whether an intervention would work here or not. Sometimes they do but most of the time they don't.

What I do know is your mom's life and lifestyle are also on the chopping block if dad does not do the utmost to maintain his health. It's so odd to me that the general opinion as far as drinking in his mind it's all A-ok, but if he had emphysema of lung cancer would it be ok to smoke just a little less?

My advice as a family would be to have a very straightforward conversation with him. Having a parent that has gone through a major heart issues life is not the same it is a burden (lovingly) on everyone he is disabled now. My dad was not a drinker. Now he watches his diet, exercises and does everything he is supposed to do.

i would go into with no expectation, at least its on the table. Alcoholism is selfish, and so is disregarding your health.

biminiblue

I agree with you, too. An intervention only works if there are dire consequences should the alcoholic refuse help and if there is a rock-solid plan to get him the help he might need.

What does your family mean by 'intervention"?

KidsEverywhere

My sister and mom basically want to plead to ihim that we are worried about him and he has to stop drinking. Nobody is willing to include any consequences, the fact of the matter is he owns the house and he frankly doesn't rely on anyone for anything. Mom tends to do her own thing with her friends. My mom would have made a big deal out of it had the doctor been very stern or specific at all about needing to stop drinking. It was more of the general: "you are in good shape, but you need to be mindful of you lifestyle- need to keep walking regularly, etc" his cholesterol is very low, his liver count is not even elevated somehow. His mom lived to be 98 and was healthy until the well she died. I think the change meds probably a good fix for him. I
Really think my mom and sister want him to stop drinking part of it is his health and a little more of it is because they want to have something they can point to (his health) as a reason he should stop- because they just want him to stop.

SparkleKitty

I might suggest an AlAnon meeting for your mom and sister. Interventions are about letting an addict know you are done supporting and enabling their addiction. If they are not supporting or enabling the addiction currently, or if they are and have no intention of stopping, then it's just words.

thequest

I hate the word functionality when it comes to alcohol but if he made to retirement or put in enough years without getting fired to get a pension or build a savings so something was done right. It's always better to reduce or eliminate alcohol and it could be done. But a radical change at that age could be tough. I know seniors hospitalized for weeks and they could not wait for their next sip of alcohol, even when prohibited they started back with sips.

Seniors are naturally a tough sell on change. A dramatic change might be worse than continuing on as is. I'd worry about physical safety including driving, lifting, working with tools etc. Also motives and solutions for a problem tend to vary amongst family members in particular.

I'd subtly sell the benefits of less or no alcohol. And tell them that the vultures in the family will use any means necessary to get them declared incompetent or unable to conduct their own business to get control of their estate/finances. Or alcohol use could be used against them in a legitimate fender bender or slip & fall.

Good Luck

KidsEverywhere

It's really not that toxic of a situation. My mom likes to worry and she has been dealing with a highly functioning alcoholic for more than 50 years now. My sister likes to have a list of things she wants to correct that always tends to be directed at others when I would argue she needs to start with her own drinking problem first before lighting in to the guy would raised her well, paid for her college and earned a good living and just wants to be left alone to enjoy his golden years his own way without leaning on anyone for anything. He is probably going to outlive us all. LOL. My parents are pretty well off financially and nobody is trying to take advantage of anyone. He should make some changes, but doesn't want to mom and sister want to take a confrontational approach at getting him to change- one that I know isn't gonna work and I'm not inclined to do.
Maybe I should tell my sister to stop drinking and after she hasn't touched booze for one year- then we can take that success story (along with what will hopefully be mine) and approach dad about his drinking. That would seem more fair.

redatlanta

Don't fool yourself that your father was honest with his doctor about how much he drinks.....they almost never are. There are many aspects of deterioration due to excessive drinking it's NOT always the liver. He may drink a gallon a day and have normal liver enzymes and a pancreas that One day gives him the finger out of the blue...

Now that you have explained this situation more if it were me I'd step out of these discussions with mom and sister inclusive of sisters own drinking issues. It has already been mentioned by you and I am sure by them to him. He has stated his plans to handle it, and I doubt there will be deviation from that plan.

Yes best to attend Al Anon and encourage mom and sister to as well.

biminiblue

I'm with Red. Step out of it. He isn't causing problems, he's financially independent, his doctor hasn't advised that alcohol is causing health problems. Any discussion is going to blow up in your faces. Live and let live - especially true when you and your sister both have drinking problems. Do you see the irony?

Al Anon would address the need you all feel to be up in his business...

DoubleDragons

I agree with the others. My mother is an active alcoholic and she is almost 70. My dad is an extreme enabler and a heavy drinker. I have had many conversations with both of them about my mom's problem that have not made a lick of difference. The best thing that has come out of this situation is that I quit drinking over two years ago, mostly in fear of turning into my mom. My life has never been healthier nor better. It sounds like you have a healthy outlook on things, but your sister and mother want to keep you enmeshed in family drama. My family is very similar. I have worked as hard on my codependency issues as I have in quitting drinking, and again, I have never been healthier. Stay on track! You seem to have clear head.