Tangled34

AH has been ringing today to speak to dd but I'm fairly sure he has been out drinking since yesterday and I really don't want to answer the phone to him as he has been upsetting me even more the last few phone calls. I don't know whether I'm doing right from wrong where dd is concerned but she doesn't ask to speak to him. He usually takes her on a Friday night but a couple of weeks ago he let her down as when we turned up at the house he was gone on a bender and didn't bother to even ring or answer the phone to her all weekend and ever since then she doesn't want to go to his house! When she told him she didn't want to go in this week he got really angry with her and hung up the phone on her (she is only 4)! I just cannot take anymore crap this week as he is blaming me for our marriage break up and now he is blaming me for dd not wanting to go to his house. I have been really upset over a few things that he had done over the last few weeks and I just cannot take anymore! Today I just want some peace. Just wondering am I doing the right thing I feel so guilty! Any words of wisdom for me?

teatreeoil007

I perceive you know right from wrong because you are a good person and have a good conscience as well as good instincts. Good perception. I think you have a good handle on things. Be kind to yourself. You're worth it!

dandylion

Tangled....I learned the hard way....if you know that an alcoholic has been drinking....the call will not go well, if you answer....it always made me feel worse after answering.
I don't think there is any cause to feel guilty for protection yourself and daughter from more anguish than you already have!
He is the one causing the problems between himself and the daughter. Don't feel guilt for something that you didn't do......you may feel sad for the circumstances....but, don't take on the guilt...

dandylion

Tangled34

He really knows how to push my buttons and he has done some really awful things the last few weeks! Booked and went on a holiday the day of her birthday so couldn't be at her party I have also heard that he has been bringing his new partners child to the movies where she has been taking pics and sending them to the child's father to torment him (she is a party girl just like him). It makes me sad as he has his own child and he cannot turn up for her. We live is a small town and I feel like I can't even go out incase I bump into them and I'm also scared that I will bump into them with dd as I wouldn't know how to explain it to her.

Anyway I think I am going to switch off my phone just for tonight so I can have some peace x

Liveitwell

He is causing her to not want to speak with him-although in his warped mind it is your fault. Btdt. Don't take his guilt-it's his to own. Have a great day and night with your little!! Peace to you

Tangled34

I am just all over the place with him not only is he an alcoholic but he has an evil streak in him either that or he is taking drugs aswell! One minute I'm fine and getting on with things then he rings and after the call I am in bits over him but I have told him I'm done taking blame for his actions! It never ends though I don't think I will ever be rid of him!

You don't treat people like the way he has treated me and our daughter not people your are supposed to love... well I wouldn't even treat someone I disliked the way he has treated us... but that is just me I suppose!

He is now living the life that he wanted so I wish he would just leave me alone to try and put mine back together!

Rant over lol

maia1234

T-
Since he is miserable he wants you to be. I would have a set time for a phone call once or twice a week. If you here on the phone before hand that he is intoxicated you will not let her talk to him. I would set up these boundaries and he needs to play by the rules. If not, no phone call.

start with that, see if it might help. Sorry, this is not easy dealing with an X.

Liveitwell

^^ i echo this word for word-be careful for the kickback when you set boubdaries or rules-you know how alcoholics cabt follow rules! Be strong....we are hear for you. Do what's right for your kiddo

Tangled34

Thank you guys for the advice and ye are right about the boundaries so I have tried to set them.

AH did not ring anymore as he was drinking all weekend! But today he tried to ring... I did not answer and so I text him to say that he can ring her 2 days a week at a certain time and take her on a Friday night until Saturday. But he doesn't want to take her this Friday wants to take her Saturday night as he is going out Friday night cannot take her next Friday either as he is going to a bachelor party for the weekend!

Well he was not happy and I told him with his track record he is lucky to be seeing her but that dd needs her dad... Well he was not one bit happy about it and called me a twisted liar and said we will see what the court says about access!

I am so broken over him as I still love him and I wish he would please just leave me alone to try and get on with my life! He just upsets me with every call and every text I feel like packing up and running away!

Liveitwell

Tangled-I understand the feeling. Btdt. But realize he only has the power if you give it to him...he's trying to make you as miserable as he is by bullying, threatening, etc...instead of focusing on himself. You will be okay. Promise.