HHTexas

I'm seething. Have been now for a few days. How do I get rid of this feeling?!? Trying to not let it affect work/home but definitely short with the new puppy and my little one. Trying hard not to be! Tips??

Thomas45

The thing about getting rid of anger is that you can't get rid of it by trying to get rid of it. When you try to will away your anger, you wonder why you can't do it, which leads to frustration, which reasserts the anger.

Here are two ways that I react to my own anger:

1. I go to the gym every 3 days and work myself ragged. Exercise gets all the excess energy out of you, helps keep the body in shape, and gives you a better feeling of healthiness the more you do it. I've found that it is easier for me to accept and deal with my anger when I feel healthy and well rested.
2. I allow myself to be angry. Anger is a natural response of my body, and it will run its course in its own time but only if I let it happen naturally. I recognize that I am angry, and I tell myself "right now, I am angry. This is how anger feels."

When you embrace your anger, you can examine it by looking inwards and asking yourself questions. Let yourself be angry and then look at your anger as though you're holding it in your hand and observing it. Ask yourself, "How do I feel exactly? Not in words, in feelings. How is my body feeling at this exact moment? How is my mind feeling? What is the cause or source of my anger? Are there any actions that I can take now or later to rectify what I feel is wrong with my current situation?"

HHTexas

Thank you Thomas. I've been thinking about starting to run and I'm NOT a runner Lol. The gym might be avoid starting point.

emilynghiem

First step is to forgive that you have anger. To accept that it is happening and trust you can find a way to either work with it or redirect it, but to do that, the first step is not to suppress or feel "bad on top of feeling bad," which just incites it worse.

Next try to figure out does it help to let the fire burn and redirect the energy? Are you having thoughts that NEED to be purged and this is the process? Some people compare it to glazing or purifying precious metal, and the fire helps with that refinement. If it is helping, then try to manage it. If is the destructive type of "wildfire" spinning out of control, then it needs to be contained, redirected or put out.

I try to balance the fire/anger with the sadness/depression that is the flipside. If you can think of the same things, but in terms of "what make you feel SAD or SORRY" then this helps turn the Anger into Compassion which is an easier mode to deal with.

I think of it as water, sometimes people respond by becoming hopeless and feel they are "drowning in sadness". Can you flip your mode to go in that direction? and maybe the two will balance out, a little more "sadness" like crying and tears may wash away the impurities and put out the "fire".

So if you have too much sadness and feel like drowning, then turn up the FIRE and get mad and dry out the floods that way. If you have too much anger and feel you are burning up, then turn on the water, think sad sorry thoughts about you and the rest of the world, and water down the heat that way.

Try to find a balance, and use whatever stage you are in to either burn away or wash away the impure thoughts and clear the air. When your mind is clear then you can work through the rest. Try to move from anger to compassion, to feel SORRY that bad things happened, then FORGIVE them and the emotions might find release that way.

Thomas45

You're welcome. I've always been an avid runner and I love it, but if it is something that you haven't done in a very long time then it may be a good idea to work up to it rather than jumping right in to it. The exercise bikes and stair climbers at the gym provide just as good a cardio workout as running and target almost all the same muscles, without the immediate drawbacks of starting a new running routine.

Blisters happen even for experienced runners (I've been running distance for over 20 years and still get them), and starting a new exercise routine always causes sore muscles for the first few sessions. Better to have sore legs OR blistered feet, rather than sore legs AND blistered feet

jjj111

Maybe your anger is related to your circumstances? Just taking a glance at your past threads, you have been through an awful lot with your husband over the years!

emilynghiem

P.S. I just posted this under a different section:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...y-couples.html

Not sure if the mindfulness approach will help, but for some reason for my friends who don't respond to other methods, this Being Peace approach allows them to look at things from another angle that helps them to let go.