cricket123

Mediation went ok I got most of what I wanted. We did not finish still have some things to work out. The lawyer thought it would be too much for ah to continue.

dandylion

Cricket.....I am glad that you got a lot of what y ou want. That is some good new, at least.
This is my curiosity---did "The Cupcake Wars" come up during the mediation...?

Why did they think it would be too much for your ah to continue?....did he begin to come unhinged?

dandylion

cricket123

Well with the cupcake war she wants to know if I had something to say to him and I said no.

He wasn't coming too unhinged, but he don't want to pay any spousal support so that is a hot button for him. I think she wanted him to digest it for awhile. I think reality is hitting him finally.

dandylion

cricket.....good for you!....that you didn't apologize!
That would have been tooo much like groveling (in this situation).

I learned....through my own bitter experience....that you are dealing with a personality such as h is.....don't ever let them see your squirm...or suffer....
They see that as their own "victory". It is one way they get their cookies.

One has to grow a thick rhino skin. You have to build very, very, strong boundaries to protect yourself. You have to be firm and detached when they try their antics.
Never, ever, play nice guy. If you o ffer your hand...they will take your arm.

Yes, reality may be hitting him (because he has the judicial system--which has teeth in it...imposing the boundaries). H owever, don't fool yourself that he may become compliant and cooperative, in general.
He has implied, several times in the past, that he will "ruin" you.
Count on him trying to pull his s*** every times he sees a chance.

Now is the time to start growing that rhino skin.....

dandylion

LexieCat

It ain't over till it's over. Hopefully that's soon.

Fingers crossed...

Lilro

I actually just rolled my eyeballs on that last sentence of your post. Too much for him?? Lmao. Ugh!! Whatever.
Take what's yours girl and don't feel guilty. I'm sure you have earned that and more!

JK130

"The lawyer thought it would be too much for ah to continue. "

I hope you're referring to his attorney. If your lawyer is backing off when the AH starts showing stress, I still have questions about the strength of your representation.

You GO girl! Be done with this stage. Move on to build a fabulous life for yourself. You deserve it. If you've shared already about next steps for you, I've missed it. I hope it's something good!

cricket123

It was the mediator that stopped and adjourned.

Now I'm dealing with light bulbs in our ceiling fixtures missing, and the camper had some hail damage a couple of years ago and it was duck taped real well - the duck tape is missing. All things; unless AH gets caught in the act will say I don't know nothing about it.

It away ends up his word against mine. Grrrr

I question my represention also. I guess I did not understand the extent of AHs narcissist.
I also question my therapist.
And I am looking for all this to be done so I can make plans for the future.

JK130

I am so sorry that you are dealing with some many irritants, and, like you, assume they are purposeful. Can you physically remove yourself from the situation, and let ah play his mind games with his cupcakes and duct tape without you?

Also, get moving on those dreams! You don't have to wait for anyone else to start planning for new beginnings! Will you be considering a new job? Back to school? Change of location? Time for new hobbies? Travel maybe? Reconnecting with friends and family? Whatever you can do to clear your head now will give you strength to let the cupcake-like stuff go.

Your sr friends are on your side.

Refiner

Hopefully he'll get the camper. Leaky roof and all!

cricket123

I'm getting the camper/house and luckily no leeks I'll get it taped back up soon - I put a tarp over it for now.

I just don't know what sort of sneaky things to keep my eyes open for. I can't/don't want to follow him around all the time. Frustrating

FindingMe2

How about a nanny camera?

cricket123

Thinking about something like that.

dandylion

Cricket......Honestly! Do you know how impractical that sounds?

dandylion

cricket123

Lol yup I look then I decide it's not worth it.

FindingMe2

I would protect myself at all costs from him. From what you have posted, I don't think he would stop at anything. This man calls the police if you even ask him a question. Ughhh!

Although my AH wasn't full of hate, by the end of my marriage, I recorded a few conversations. When I gained some clarity, I was shocked at what I put up with.

Protect yourself!! Your soon to be ex sounds very abusive!!

cricket123

I'm sure a year from now I'll be surprised at what I put up with. Never again.