iamthird

...that I never want to speak to STBAXH ever again? Going through divorce I can just rely on attorney, mediators, therapists....I seriously have no desire to engage with him ever again even though we share DD7. But he does not even see her right now, so I do not have to engage on a regular basis.

Sometimes I think I am immature because I do not want to see him or be around him at all. DD7 is going to therapy and therapist recently asked him if he wanted to come in because he is the subscriber on the health insurance and needed his signature on a form, so he had to contact him. STBAXH said he does not think there is a point in him coming because he is sure I have already painted him as the "bad guy". Seriously? Like because I met therapist first the therapist is going to take whatever I say as gospel? I think the health professional has experience with discernment. It is in the best interest of DD7 if he would meet with therapist but he somehow makes it my fault why he won't go. Everything is always my fault according to him.

It is so weird to feel such indifference to someone I loved for so long. I was married before current husband and I have a great relationship with my ex-husband and his new wife, etc...but with STBAXH, I really do not want to be around him ever again. I dont know if it is PTSD or what but I seriously get ill just in anticipation of speaking to him or seeing him. I no longer long for this man the way I once did, but now it's opposite, like I don't want to be civil. I would rather pretend he never existed. LOL.

FindingMe2

It sounds very healthy to me.

searching peace

No you are definitely not being immature. You are being self protective and you have simply had enough of his bs and have moved on! Good for you!!!!

redatlanta

I don't think its immature at all. He doesn't offer anything positive and has caused many problems. If you didn't have a child you wouldn't speak to him again. The less contact the better IMO.

Refiner

I really do believe there is PTSD involved here and don't blame you. I have it from my NPD A sister and have gone No Contact and actually said something the other day to my husband that if she were to die I would probably not even go to her funeral. It was THAT bad.

LexieCat

Nope, it sounds healthy to me to minimize contact with someone you find hurtful. Unfortunately you will have to maintain that minimal contact because of your daughter but you can work to keep that as neutral as possible. You will never have the kind of relationship you have with your first ex, most likely, and that's OK. I'm thankful my kiddos' dad is the one I'm friendly with but I will be just fine if I never hear from husband #2 again.

Mountainmanbob

My ex from many years ago still for some reason lies. I told her a while back that I wished for no more contact. I want the ones in my life to be truthful.

Yes, we have a 25 year old daughter.

MM

Sungrl

My X could fall off the face of the earth at any minute and it would have absolutely no impact on my day.

I get what your sayin 100%.

hopeful4

I completely get it. As Sungrl said, my X could also fall off the earth, I would be completely fine w/that!

It's healthy to way to stay away from what's unhealthy!

XXX

Mountainmanbob

I just came back to add a little.

Although I don't care if I ever talk with or see my ex wife ever again. I still always hope for the best for her and all other of my old lovers and friends.

If we ever wish them not to be well and happy -- we are being vengeful and not working healthy Program.

Mountainman

Praying

My friend hasn't spoken to her ex since early 2012, and they share a son who just graduated high school. X isn't in their son's life much at all. (He is abusive and narcissistic.)

I haven't had much of any contact with mine- one email, spoken once or twice on behalf of the kids- in the last two years. Same story.

My friend and I were talking the other day and thought it was kind of odd that it's like they never existed. Each of us spent around twenty years of our lives with these guys, and POOF! We didn't really miss them or have any desire to track their lives. They've just been removed, and life is peaceful.

I think we both feel healthy as heck!

hopeful4

Oh I pray for my X every single day. He is the father of my children. However, he causes them a lot of trauma, and if he was not in their life it would be a lot easier to be honest.

Sungrl

I do not wish my x unhappiness or anything terrible at all.

I have no hate ,anger, or vengeful feelings for him either.

I have indifference. Don't care what he's up to, good bad or otherwise. I am solid in my recovery.

iamthird

I had therapy appointment today and discussed this and he asked "If I sat here and hit you with a bat and every time we interact I hit you with a bat, wouldnt you eventually stop interacting with me?...It is time you protect yourself."

I am gaining confidence with every twist and turn life throws at me.

Liveitwell

^^^ this! Great visual very true with an alcoholic. I watched my mother and ex mother in law waste their entire lives trying to get their alcoholics to change-this momma ain't doing that-I'm living, enjoying recovery, and raising our girls. Life is good right now and I'm staying far away from any swinging bats peace to you!