Please pray for me tonight
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
I am sorry, I am just hearing all of this.
Please, please don't believe any of the criticism that he has said to you. You are none of those things, he is an awful person.
I am so glad you are getting away from this situation.
Sending you lots and lots of love. Keep us updated and stay safe.
XXX
Please, please don't believe any of the criticism that he has said to you. You are none of those things, he is an awful person.
I am so glad you are getting away from this situation.
Sending you lots and lots of love. Keep us updated and stay safe.
XXX
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 1,388
I will amy, I promise, as safe as I can. See, I need the car to go to the DV place (and it is my car, I applied for the loan, he is a co-applicant, and both our names are on the papers), an called to tell him I'll take it. he was not answering So, I left a message saying that I'll get the car. Reason for this? I am always afraid that he will accuse me of something and that there will be troubles. Maybe a mistake, but I have my car.
Now it is time for the office downstairs.
Now it is time for the office downstairs.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 1,388
Your prayers must be working!
Guess what . . . I had a chance to tell the landlady that it was about alcohol, and she says "Oh, I understand. I'm going through something like that myself too." So she says they'll get the place ready for me.
And then the other lady who showed me the place, whose husband supposedly hate me (according to my AH), says "Oh I understand, our daughter is going through the same thing!" And she says to contact her if I ever need anything.
Now getting ready for the DV office.
Guess what . . . I had a chance to tell the landlady that it was about alcohol, and she says "Oh, I understand. I'm going through something like that myself too." So she says they'll get the place ready for me.
And then the other lady who showed me the place, whose husband supposedly hate me (according to my AH), says "Oh I understand, our daughter is going through the same thing!" And she says to contact her if I ever need anything.
Now getting ready for the DV office.
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 1,388
Hello again,
I went to the meeting and it went pretty well. I do not have many words at the moment because my head is spinning. I told the lady (possibly case manager?) my story, and how surreal everything feels. We talked about the shelter a bit, and the lady told me that if necessary, they could take me in for a couple of days before the move. She just like you expressed her concern about living in the same apartment complex and she said that when alcohol is involved "they can get pretty nasty." She took my info, my husband's info, gave me her phone number and said she would call Wednesday morning to check on me. And she said I could call her. She also said she would connect me with support groups (do not know which ones).
Another weird thing that happened at 1:00 is that AH called (my meeting was at 1:30) and said that he did not answer the phone because "someone took it" and that he did not want me to think that "he was mad about something at me"????? I asked him if he remembers what he told me last night and he said "a little"??? So, there you go.
I went to the meeting and it went pretty well. I do not have many words at the moment because my head is spinning. I told the lady (possibly case manager?) my story, and how surreal everything feels. We talked about the shelter a bit, and the lady told me that if necessary, they could take me in for a couple of days before the move. She just like you expressed her concern about living in the same apartment complex and she said that when alcohol is involved "they can get pretty nasty." She took my info, my husband's info, gave me her phone number and said she would call Wednesday morning to check on me. And she said I could call her. She also said she would connect me with support groups (do not know which ones).
Another weird thing that happened at 1:00 is that AH called (my meeting was at 1:30) and said that he did not answer the phone because "someone took it" and that he did not want me to think that "he was mad about something at me"????? I asked him if he remembers what he told me last night and he said "a little"??? So, there you go.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
I'm so glad that everything went well for you today. Where I lived in NJ they had 2 DV support groups a week. Have you ever gone to group therapy? That's what this is.
Of course he remembers that he was extremely nasty night. He says he doesn't remember because he doesn't want to apologize for it. He probably wants you to just get over it, and let things go on the way they were. Now for when he comes home tonight, he may try to "hoover" you, (suck you back in like a vacuum , or he may have intended that, and he may have built up resentments against you all day long, and you may have a repeat of last night or even worse.
I hope that you can see the advantage of staying at the shelter for awhile. During that time, you can, decide to not answer your phone, and you can listen to his messages to see how dysregulated he gets. I know a lot of people say don't answer, and don't listen, I agree with the don't answer, but sometimes, I think you do need to listen. I think he will go back and forth between "hoovering" and screaming at you.
What are your plans for tonight?
amy
Of course he remembers that he was extremely nasty night. He says he doesn't remember because he doesn't want to apologize for it. He probably wants you to just get over it, and let things go on the way they were. Now for when he comes home tonight, he may try to "hoover" you, (suck you back in like a vacuum , or he may have intended that, and he may have built up resentments against you all day long, and you may have a repeat of last night or even worse.
I hope that you can see the advantage of staying at the shelter for awhile. During that time, you can, decide to not answer your phone, and you can listen to his messages to see how dysregulated he gets. I know a lot of people say don't answer, and don't listen, I agree with the don't answer, but sometimes, I think you do need to listen. I think he will go back and forth between "hoovering" and screaming at you.
What are your plans for tonight?
amy
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 1,388
You know what, Amy? I may have told him over the phone that we will have "a serious conversation," but honestly, do not feel like talking to him much, or talking at all. I feel too good now to spoil it even by looking at him. I did what I did, and I like it. You ever felt like not looking at him at all?
For tonight? Honestly, I must eat first. I'm very tired. There is a project I must finish for tomorrow, because there is a deadline. So, I'll be awake and on here. I'll be alert. Shelter is always a possibility.
For tonight? Honestly, I must eat first. I'm very tired. There is a project I must finish for tomorrow, because there is a deadline. So, I'll be awake and on here. I'll be alert. Shelter is always a possibility.
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,764
Whether he was in a blackout or is lying about remembering is actually pretty irrelevant. The problem is his behavior. If he was dead sober and exhibiting that same behavior, it still would not be acceptable.
You are going through a lot of stress, you are being verbally abused (whether he remembers or not) and you are also being sleep deprived: this is not a way to live for anyone and this is the bottom line. Anything else is just fluff.
If he tried to talk himself out of it, promise to quit or blame the alcohol and blacking out: just remember that it s not about the drinking: it is about his unacceptable behavior toward you.
I m with Amy: you did good today. Time to get yourself some good food, it is easier to stand strong with a full belly
You are going through a lot of stress, you are being verbally abused (whether he remembers or not) and you are also being sleep deprived: this is not a way to live for anyone and this is the bottom line. Anything else is just fluff.
If he tried to talk himself out of it, promise to quit or blame the alcohol and blacking out: just remember that it s not about the drinking: it is about his unacceptable behavior toward you.
I m with Amy: you did good today. Time to get yourself some good food, it is easier to stand strong with a full belly
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Join Date: May 2005
Location: UK and Australia
Posts: 447
Just reading this thread and wanted to add my support.
I think you are wonderfully brave just keep stepping forward.
The bit about not wanting to look at AH....yep! I have that feeling often....
All the best and as others have already said stay safe.
Phiz
I think you are wonderfully brave just keep stepping forward.
The bit about not wanting to look at AH....yep! I have that feeling often....
All the best and as others have already said stay safe.
Phiz
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 150
Originally Posted by healthyagain 
You know what, Amy? I may have told him over the phone that we will have "a serious conversation," but honestly, do not feel like talking to him much, or talking at all. I feel too good now to spoil it even by looking at him. I did what I did, and I like it. You ever felt like not looking at him at all?
For tonight? Honestly, I must eat first. I'm very tired. There is a project I must finish for tomorrow, because there is a deadline. So, I'll be awake and on here. I'll be alert. Shelter is always a possibility.
For tonight? Honestly, I must eat first. I'm very tired. There is a project I must finish for tomorrow, because there is a deadline. So, I'll be awake and on here. I'll be alert. Shelter is always a possibility.
I still despise my xhwbpd, two years on. Have no desire to ever come in contact with that angry gas bag ever again. I'm sure time will dissipate the anger I feel, but I'm cool with the feelings for now. And I can tell you that I am quite content not seeing him for the rest of my days.
You described the loathing ... and I tell you.. my ex did the same. Made me feel like the most hated person on the planet. I started to hate him much later, when I had to pay for everything divorce related and I ended up in the hospital with major depression. Don't discount what verbal and emotional abuse can do to your psyche even after they are gone. We just don't know how deep the hurt goes until we are away from the abusive partner. (And safe).
I had to get a lot of help, so glad I did, and am telling you my experience with it so you aren't blindsided months after the fact like I was.
Keep plugging away .. this is gonna be over soon. You are on the bridge now!!!
God bless
L
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 150
Originally Posted by amy55
Yep, felt like that many times, not even looking at him. You had a rough day, but did so good. Now go and eat something, I'll be here tonight.
(((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))
amy
(((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))
amy
Lyn
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 1,388
Thanks good people!
Forgot to add more good news. I got the reply from the nonprofit legal organization this morning about legal moving issues. There should be no problems. Only if you have a long-term lease, which we do not, you might still be held responsible if your spouse moves out and does not pay. So, that's covered too.
Forgot to add more good news. I got the reply from the nonprofit legal organization this morning about legal moving issues. There should be no problems. Only if you have a long-term lease, which we do not, you might still be held responsible if your spouse moves out and does not pay. So, that's covered too.
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