daydreamer0217

Looking back now on things with some of the fog lifting. Man do the last 16 months seem like a whirlwind, nightmare, and just one crazy out-of-body experience, I am starting to see things in a clearer way. But one thing that bugged me and then I forgot about and something that I thought about again today.

Last year after my XAB got sober for a couple of months, he called me over the phone to break up, that recovery was a full time job and he needed all his time for that. And I completely understood. We tried to stay friends through it, but he seemed to get angry easily at the littlest things, everything I did bugged him. So, eventually we just stopped talking. Until about 6 weeks later and he is calling again, and he is nice and charming.. I totally fell for it. Only to realize he has slowly started drinking again. And by then, I was in it deep. So, here we are, sober again, and yes, again, he breaks up, and again, he says he needs to focus on recovery. And again, he seems agitated at everything I do. What is it that makes it like this? Was I like his booze? Was I just an addiction too? and when he got clean he just didn't really like me?

Sorry, guys, just thinking out loud.

It is over between us.But looking back I have some ?'s, I just sometimes think that and then I think, am I crazy? I don't know... just an answer I always wanted, but know I will never get from him.

Duckygirl1

Unstable. They are simply unstable creatures. They are above all things impulsive with no controls. You aren't so it's confusing. They hardly remember what they say much less mean it. It's not you dear.

ch76

Daydreamer, do not blame yourself ! You obviously care about this guy as you understood his initial need to concentrate on recovery. That makes you a thoughtful and decent person. I understand that alcoholism is a disease that can be caused by many different stressors, but when I get angry about the effects it has on those around I begin to wonder if alcoholism makes someone selfish, self centred and even narcissistic or if they have that character anyway and therefore more prone to alcoholism. We all have character flaws, some more destructive than others. Do my wonderings provide food for thought or am I way off base.

FeelingGreat

As a sober A I was lucky enough to have something click, that made recovery a relatively easy process. But I had many attempts before that happened, and it sets up a tension between what you're doing, and what you want to do, which is drink. That tension can make you hard to live with, irritable and easily upset.

If you start drinking, and aren't a huge binger, then there's a period of grace where the tension is gone and you're not too far in to function, so you act nice.

Just speaking for me.

Refiner

That's why we call it a merrygoround- it's what they do.

redatlanta

I think sometimes when people are faced with what they have done they run from it. Can't handle or don't want to deal with the guilt. Don't want to be questioned about past actions or about future ones.

No I don't think its that he only liked you when he was drinking.

LexieCat

Remember--for an alcoholic, drinking makes them feel NORMAL. in early sobriety, your whole system feels out of whack and nothing feels right. Emotions are VERY touchy and volatile, and everything seems like a HUGE amount of effort (and it is!).

It's a large part of the reason new relationships are discouraged the first year. Even established relationships can be very difficult, with ups and downs and processing normal emotions is a challenge.

He was probably on the right track taking time off from the relationship, but then when he relapsed he felt OK about being with you again. It didn't feel so hard anymore. And it probably wasn't, he probably felt like himself again. He didn't stay sober long enough to feel like himself without drinking.

Hugs, I know how painful this is.

daydreamer0217

thanks all. sometimes you just feel like you do not know what is real or imaginary , what was true. you lose sight of it all.