The Language of Letting Go, March 27
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The Language of Letting Go, March 27
MARCH 27
You are reading from the book "The Language of Letting Go."
After-Burn
How could I do it? How could I say it? Even though I meant it, I still feel ashamed, guilty, and afraid.
This is common reaction to new, exciting recovery behaviors. Anything to do with owning our power and taking care of ourselves can trigger feelings of shame, guilt, and fear.
We do not have to allow these feelings to control us. They're a backlash. They're after-burn. Let them burn out.
When we start confronting and attacking feelings and messages, we will experience some after-burn. The after-burn is what we allowed to control us all our life--shame and guilt.
Many of us grew up with shame-based messages that it wasn't okay to take care of ourselves, be honest, be direct, and own our power with people. Many of us grew up with messages that it wasn't okay to be who we were and resolve problems in relationships. Many of us grew up with the message that what we want and need isn't okay.
Let it all burn off. We don't have to take after-burn so seriously. We don't let the after-burn convince us that we are wrong and don't have a right to take care of ourselves and set boundaries.
Do we really have the right to take care of ourselves? Do we really have the right to set boundaries? Do we really have the right to be direct and say what we need to say?
You bet we do.
Today, I will let any after-burn which sets in after I practice a new recovery behavior burn off. I will not take it so seriously. Higher Power, help me let go of my shame and needless fears about what will happen to me if I really start caring for and loving myself.
©1990, Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved.
You are reading from the book "The Language of Letting Go."
After-Burn
How could I do it? How could I say it? Even though I meant it, I still feel ashamed, guilty, and afraid.
This is common reaction to new, exciting recovery behaviors. Anything to do with owning our power and taking care of ourselves can trigger feelings of shame, guilt, and fear.
We do not have to allow these feelings to control us. They're a backlash. They're after-burn. Let them burn out.
When we start confronting and attacking feelings and messages, we will experience some after-burn. The after-burn is what we allowed to control us all our life--shame and guilt.
Many of us grew up with shame-based messages that it wasn't okay to take care of ourselves, be honest, be direct, and own our power with people. Many of us grew up with messages that it wasn't okay to be who we were and resolve problems in relationships. Many of us grew up with the message that what we want and need isn't okay.
Let it all burn off. We don't have to take after-burn so seriously. We don't let the after-burn convince us that we are wrong and don't have a right to take care of ourselves and set boundaries.
Do we really have the right to take care of ourselves? Do we really have the right to set boundaries? Do we really have the right to be direct and say what we need to say?
You bet we do.
Today, I will let any after-burn which sets in after I practice a new recovery behavior burn off. I will not take it so seriously. Higher Power, help me let go of my shame and needless fears about what will happen to me if I really start caring for and loving myself.
©1990, Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved.
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: South Central USA
Posts: 1,478
Thank you Honeypig...this has soooo been me over the years. Even now with the divorce impending I felt guilt and shame telling my AH what he had done to me -- HE had done-- and doing what I need to for me. I have to keep emphasizing that with myself so that I don't feel those unwarranted feelings, which I know are silly if I say them out loud to myself. Its been a full time job reminding myself of this since I put the wheels in motion.
Thanks again.
Thanks again.
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Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Silicon Valley, CA
Posts: 2,066
Shame is the freaking worst. Brene Brown's books have really helped me to see how much power shame has had in my life and how powerful empathy really is at defeating it. In one of her books she talks about battling shame by verbally saying "pain, pain, pain..." over and over again. It feels ridiculous to actually do but it helps so much to address the feeling of shame rather than being quiet and self loathing.
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