shil2587

So, abf went to a rehab facility to do detox. They had no space but prescribed him something to replace the booze while he detoxes. This cannot be done unsupervised. So I got a call while I was at a concert at the school I teach music at, requesting that I come get him for him to detox at my place has he has to be supervised. I had 7or 8 of these calls from the nurse until I capitulated and said I would fetch him after the concert. Instead, they put him in a cab to my school! Where he turned up in a dreadful state.

I am NOT happy I got walked over, not by him, but by his psychiatrist and the rehab he works at. Now my little oasis of calm is shot because on top of that, he has granted me power of attourney to comminicate on his behalf with his landlady and solicitor who holds his money.
Now it's an easy thing to fix, but I feel absolutely steamrollered. Had it been him pushing lines I was prepared for that and would have been fine. But now I feel like everyone around him has just decided I HAVE to do all of this.

The worst of it is, I know I can do it but my sorting things out doesn't help anyone. Not him not me. How did I end up here?

Hawkeye13

Call them back and say no
send him back in a cab

dandylion

shil....remember that his psychiatrist and the nurse are serving HIM...not you. That is their first obligation. If you were not in the room...you can't be sure what he was telling them and asking them to do. His account of what happened is likely to be full of holes.

dandylion

atalose

Situations like this are how we learn moving forward to make very clear boundaries and actually stick to them. I used to be wishy washy about my boundaries – I will not do this but I will do this = half in half out not clear or concise. Example, when my ex decided to put himself into rehab he asked if I would support him through it and not end the relationship. I said yes I would support his recovery WELL his idea of support meant that I would pay his rent, bills, take care of his cat, come to rehab to visit and this and that and this and that. I was so weighed down with HIS STUFF I didn’t have time for me. I didn’t set any agenda for ME or even think about boundaries for me.

All we can do is learn from situations and move forward with better plans in place for ourselves.

LexieCat

He's a boyfriend, not your husband. You have zero legal obligation to take him off the hands of the hospital. All they did was shove their responsibility onto you.

I'm sure there must be a way out of this, but the problem is that you've assumed responsibility for his care at this point. I'd be reluctant to kick him out in mid-detox without talking to a lawyer.

Jenibean87

I would be leery of blaming just the detox center--it is likely that your A reassured them that you would assume this responsibility. Addicts are pretty persuasive. Either way, now you're "stuck" in this situation. Are there friends or family you can call? Explain to them that you don't have time to supervise, and ask if they could take over instead? Sometimes we get so marred down in a bad situation, we assume the martyr role and take it all on...a simple solution is to just ask for help. Or drop him off at a different hospital?

Sorry this was put upon you. It's frustrating, and I remember being put in that same position when my A needed to detox last fall.