He's withdrawing divorce petition??

Old 03-24-2015, 11:44 AM
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He's withdrawing divorce petition??

Received a text from stbxah saying he had been asked for money for costs from his solicitor and how he can't afford this and he will be withdrawing the divorce petition because he thought I said I would agree to a five year separation and he can't stand over it now, he is adamant that I to,d him this and that I wouldn't involve a solicitor.

I know I didn't I told him if he wanted to say we had been separated 2 years I would agree. Anyway he's now saying he will petition again when we have had a 2 year split so we can both be honest. He keeps saying about how he hasn't messed me about financially as he took most of the debt and he has agreed to sign the house over to me that he has nothing left to split with me. How he wanted an amicable divorce and would rather the kids got what little we have than the Sharks!!! He wanted an amicable divorce without it costing a fortune that we can't afford

I said to him the terms of the divorce can be negotiated in mediation and presented to the judge and he will have to pay more money to file another petition next year!

I know he will have been told to provide all the financial statements and he maybe doesn't want me to see things.

I did get my hopes up for a minute or so thinking he's changing his mind but When he said about filing another petition when we were separated 2 years I just thought no way am I going through this again next year I couldn't cope with it, I need this done so I can move on.
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Old 03-24-2015, 11:49 AM
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You can do whatever you want, regardless of what he says and does. Do you still have a lawyer? If not, get one, and find out what they recommend.
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Old 03-24-2015, 12:18 PM
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Butterfly- it sounds like he is just making excuses. Surely he knew about the 2 year separation requirement before now. I would keep the momentum moving forward while it is still there. Warm thoughts coming your way.
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Old 03-24-2015, 12:30 PM
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Originally Posted by Butterfly View Post
because he thought I said I would agree to a five year separation and he can't stand over it now, he is adamant that I to,d him this and that I wouldn't involve a solicitor.
That's because he's still drinking, Butterfly. I'm not surprised that he's fuzzy on the details of your conversation.

You gotta do what is right FOR YOU in all of this... I completely agree with you that dragging this out for another year+ is a bad idea for your recovery. You *need* to be able to move forward as soon as possible, IMO. ((((hugs))))
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Old 03-24-2015, 12:32 PM
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It's definitely not all about what he wants. Don't engage Butterfly...
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Old 03-24-2015, 01:07 PM
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Yep--keep the momentum and follow your lawyer's advice.
I agree he very likely doesn't want to pay what he will have to
because he thought you'd just lie and do whatever he wanted.

I agree with others--waiting will just hurt you and you need to heal.

Hugs
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Old 03-24-2015, 01:15 PM
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So can you continue the existing petition or do you have to file a new one?
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Old 03-24-2015, 01:46 PM
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Sounds like he is full of bunk. Although you are in the UK, the petition is essentially the same here in the U.S. IT cannot be revoked, it starts the process.

You can follow-up with divorce proceedings after the "cooling off period" or you can not. There is no withdrawing the petition.

Regardless you need to be educated as if he was the petitioner and he doesn't file, you can apply for a decree absolute three months, six weeks and one day after the grant of the decree nisi.

Glad to know quacking sounds the same in the UK as it does here.
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Old 03-24-2015, 03:52 PM
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So this is quacking?? It hasn't presented to a judge yet we have to go through mediation and we are waiting for pension estimates etc to come through so no decree nisi has been granted! So do you think I can continue on as he has already filed for divorce?

I don't know why the sudden change in mind, he knew it would cost money. Although he kept saying about how he has no money, he never sc***ed me financially and that he has has been more than fair to me financially and how he had to take a loan for his flat, ahh poor him well he did leave so he could drink!! His last text was how he needs to protect himself now the vultures are circling, but he doesn't mean me, solicitors and barristers!!

Hawkeye I think your right he thought I would just lie back and agree with him so it would be nice and easy. He apparently looked up amicable divorce on the Internet, part of me thinks he is testing to see if I will back down and agree with him and let him do whatever he wants, see if he can still control me!

He had filed it with the courts and after speaking to a solicitor I filed saying I didn't agree with his statement.

I don't know whether the petition can be withdrawn, whether I can co time with what has been submitted or whether I will now have to file a new petition.

He says he doesn't understand the difference in him saying we had been separated for 2 years or five, well the fact that you also said that we haven't lived together in 15 years and just basically disregarded our marriage as if it never happened.

I would agree to 2 yrs separation, we have been separated a year and I do need this over with because if I have to wait another year to start this process all over again I do feel that it would set me back and I don't want to do that! Nearly said can't there lol.

I will speak to my solicitor tomorrow about what to do now.

But one good thing, I didn't ask if he didn't want the divorce, I didn't ask if IHe was changing his mind or regretting his decision and I didn't back down and agree with what he wanted even when he tired to use the kids to manipulate me!! I had a friend round tonight and I spent a few hours with her catching up, I put my phone on silence so I wouldn't be interrupted and spend the night focusing on him! One step forward after having a couple of crappy days!!
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Old 03-24-2015, 04:30 PM
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Well done you

Keep us posted and I'm so glad to hear you had a friend over.

That's a positive sign of focusing on yourself and your life and not on him.

You go girl. . .
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Old 03-24-2015, 05:51 PM
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VERY well done, I must say! So... It sounds like he's been avoiding the ole Tax Man, to me. And wants to remain under the radar from "The Sharks".
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Old 03-24-2015, 06:45 PM
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Yup, talk to the solicitor tomorrow. Think about what's best for you and find out how to make that happen (or at least as close to it as possible).

You're doing good!
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Old 03-24-2015, 07:44 PM
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B- It will be a roller coaster till the divorce is final. I don't think that my XAH ever thought that I would divorce him. He new that I loved him more then myself, back then. He definitely played with me, as they all do.

He said a few months ago, we should never have divorced, just separated. REALLY, why? You caught yours on a good day, but you need to watch out for the bad days. Stay strong and do what you need to do. My life is so much better with out contact with him.
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Old 03-24-2015, 09:54 PM
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B I'm sure your solicitor will advise you against lying to the court. There are many ways you could be found out, and they take a dim view of lying under oath (or statutory declaration). There may be tax implications too, and the tax dept. is very linked in electronically now to online information.

Divorce is expensive for both parties, and I'm not just talking about legal fees. He's finally discovering that he won't end up with all the assets he had previously, which should be obvious, but he's a drinker. Not good for his brain function. Just because he wants things to go one way, doesn't mean you have to go along with it, unless you agree with it.

Be mentally and emotionally prepared for him to get nasty. It will cause you a feeling of panic, but breathe through it, and keep calm. It will pass.

You turned off your phone! You are doing so well!
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Old 03-25-2015, 12:12 AM
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Thanks guys. I don't think he's avoiding the tax man but I do think he is hiding something from me! He has to provide financial records for 2 years which includes the last year of our marriage and 1 St yr of our separation. He may have been given money but doesn't want me to know about it or he thinks if he files again next year when we are 2 year separated i won't have a solicitor I will just sign the forms and it will be done.

I will speak to my solicitor today I want to proceed with this, I need to proceed with this!!
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Old 03-25-2015, 02:21 AM
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He wants to proceed without invovling solicitors and going to court?? hes using the kids and how we wont be able to afford to buy DS a car if solicitors are invovled?

Ive left a message for my solicitor to contact me so I can discuss this with her!

Not feeling as strong today
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Old 03-25-2015, 03:59 AM
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Originally Posted by Butterfly View Post
He wants to proceed without invovling solicitors and going to court?? hes using the kids and how we wont be able to afford to buy DS a car if solicitors are invovled?

Ive left a message for my solicitor to contact me so I can discuss this with her!

Not feeling as strong today
Quack, quack. quack. This is absurd.

You bet there is something he doesn't want you to know.....like where is all the money going (gulp, gulp, gulp).

So ridiculous the EGO to have the balls to THINK even at this point he can tell you what you are going to do. Wait 5 years? No Lawyer? No questions? No paperwork? No presentation of income? What planet is he on? Oh I forgot, the isle of Gin and Tonic hold the Tonic please.

I'm sorry you aren't feeling as strong today. Please see the forrest for the trees. Classic quacking lady, He is full of sh*t.
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Old 03-25-2015, 04:22 AM
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Hi B, you're used to deferring to him, and he's used to it as well. The reason you need legal advice, like most of us, is that you may not have a realistic idea of your entitlements. It can be reasonably complicated, especially with your history of previous separations, you buying him out of the the house and so on. By all means agree to his suggestions, but only if your lawyer advises. He certainly has the option of not using a lawyer himself, and you can use yours to review his proposal.

It might be worth you and your lawyer asking him to only communicate through her, and not directly with you. The emotional blackmail is starting, with the car thing. I wish he wasn't using the children, but he knows that's your weak point.
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Old 03-25-2015, 05:07 AM
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Yep--tell him to contact your lawyer from now on.
FeelingGreat has nailed it I think. . .
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Old 03-25-2015, 05:20 AM
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Way to stand your ground! My x never wanted to show money so he always worked off of the books. Showing lots of money means lots of questions from all sorts of people. So sad to think it literally just gets pissed away.
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