killerinstinct

I am worried sick about court, I'm so fearful of the entire process, scared of giving evidence, scared of being cross examined and feeling very very hurt that I have to go through this because of all of the ******* ******** and drama this one ******** has bought into my life... I feel like vomiting from all the worry and stress I am just about to walk into. This has been a nightmare ... I want it to end I want him to leave me and my son alone and just **** off. He never wanted me he never wanted my son he only used me amd took off as soon as my son was born and but look at where I am at now because of it all!!! Because I was a loyal and faithful wife... He got away with everything but I couldn't keep on living in hell so I had to take action and now that that's happened I am mortified at what I have to deal with.. Like the agony and hell I have been through hasn't been enough.. Now I'm going to be interrogated to prove what I have been through. I am a very timid and shy person when put on the spot, he very charming and confident.. I feel so pathetic.. I know I won't perform well in court.. I hate this.

Latte

I am so sorry you are going through this. Thank you for sharing this though-no one wants to feel alone and now others can help you through this, and your post may help someone else struggling.

You aren't alone.

LexieCat

Do you have a lawyer, yourself? If so, that lawyer should be prepping you for court. This is for a divorce case, right? Not a protective order hearing?

I've been in the witness seat, myself, and it's an uncomfortable place to be in. Still, you can do this. Take your time, listen to the question. If you don't understand, ask to have it repeated or reworded. Be truthful and honest. Try not to worry about what "point" his lawyer is driving at. You will get a chance to correct anything that might have come off as misleading after cross-examination.

You will be allowed to cross-examine him, too. Ask leading questions on cross-examination: "Isn't it true that ____?" "Didn't you_____?" Try to think of questions he HAS to answer yes or admit. If he starts a rambling answer, object and say that the question calls for a yes or no answer.

This is just a necessary step in the process. You'll get through it.

For the most part, divorce hearings aren't about who was a good spouse and who wasn't. It's about issues like property division and support (which are economic issues) and custody/visitation (which focus on the best interest of the child). Keep the focus on those things, not what he put you through. I'm not discounting what he put you through, just saying that it won't have that much bearing except as it may affect his parenting (e.g., he continues to drink so poses a risk for unsupervised parenting time).

One other thought--you might want to go to court and watch a few hearings. Family proceedings are sometimes closed to the public, but even watching another kind of proceeding can help de-mystify what happens. There is a lot less drama, typically, than it looks like from watching TV or movies. Most of it is just an orderly presentation of evidence.

killerinstinct

No not for divorce the divorce is over its to get him out of our lives because he is so abusive and for me to get sole custody of my son.. He's put us through hell. We are in police protection. It's been a hard two years.

Mountainmanbob

I'm sorry that you need to go through this. The courts are there to help ones such as you. If you are a spiritual person ask for strength at this time. I haven't been to court for a while but I do remember the fear. It will be over soon and then in short time it is far behind us.
MM

LexieCat

Oh, OK, I'm sorry. Do you have an advocate to go with you to court? That can be very helpful.

killerinstinct

Thank u, I have a lawyer and a barrister.. Still my lawyer thinks I am not good at giving evidence.. And need lots of practice. He can say that because he is in court everyday not me.. It's all too much pressure for me

LexieCat

The barrister is who will be arguing in court, right? (The legal system is a little different in the US). Can you ask him or her to go over your testimony before court--practice a bit?

My best suggestion is to try to be as calm as you can. Explain, step by step, what happened and why you are afraid of him. If you can't get practice time with the lawyer, practice typing it out on the computer. You won't be able to read it in court, but putting things down in order, in writing, might help you organize your thoughts so you can be as clear as possible. Listen carefully to the question (whether by your lawyer or his) and take a breath before answering. That will give your lawyer a chance to object if there is something objectionable about the question. Don't volunteer anything not asked for in the question. If there's more to add, as I said, you will get another chance after cross-examination.

Hugs, you'll be OK.

Duckygirl1

I had an ass hat of an ex husband too during the custody battles. He would bring his new psycho wife who would sit in court and stare at me to try and unnerve me. What helped me was to try and take the emotion out of it as much as possible and just stick to the facts. In my head I turned myself into a robot that just spit facts. I wrote down everything because I knew if I got upset and off track I'd forget important details. So I wrote Dates, times, locations and actions taken. I didn't have a lawyer so I had to take time to research cases and watch court TV.

I'm so sorry you have to go through this draining process, praying for you!!!

theuncertainty

Sending hugs, KI. You can do this.

hopeful4

You can do this. I know you can. We are here, cheering you on!

Hugs to you my friend. XXX

amberly

Just a few sueggestions from the other side of the bar:

Breathe
Take your time- as much as you need
If you don't understand a question- ask
If you don' t know an answer, then you don't know. Don't guess
If you feel intimidated or bullied tell your counsel

And, remember to Breathe

hopeful4

KI...been thinking about you, how are you doing???

killerinstinct

Thank u all.. Just sad that it's costing me $30,000.00 and that I have to go through this mess to prove how poorly my child and I were treated.. I am secretly praying that this is over before I know it

hopeful4

I understand KI, it's so very unfair. Tight, tight hugs to you.

freetosmile

Hey, I'm a little late, but I just wanted to remind you how hard it has been, and now look where you are. You are nearing the end of the battle my dear. Hang tight. Be mad, be furious if that is what it takes right now. But rest assured, it's always darkest before dawn.

Hugs

killerinstinct

Thank you I don't know how I am going to pay for this but I made a promise to myself that I have to show myself how much I love myself and my son and for that it has come at a big price - literally speaking! I am so scared hope it's over soon.

LexieCat

I guess there's no chance he could be on the hook for your attorney's fees?

killerinstinct

No not that I am aware of .. What a nightmare ...

For anyone new to SR reading this please don't have a child with a chronic alcoholic with mental illnesses!! Please don't do it its a death sentence

Readreadread

You will not die, it is s rough road though. I am still in a custody battle/divorce, started with an order of protection in May 2012. I just finished with 1 day of trial and headed for 2 more days in June. The process is super slow and frustrating. I am sorry about all of it, I know how crushing and oppressing the system can be. The trial wasn't as bad as I expextd, it was actually easy to tell my story because I lived it. The breathing technique I used is breathe out fear and anxiety and breathe in God's love. Good luck tk you, is there a friend or family member that could be there with you?