mez

Hello. I am new to this forum. I understand exactly what you are going through, because it sounds so much like my life. I have also divorced my husband. Have actually separated at least four times and am currently still with him it will be 16 years that we have been together. We have two boys. I have tried to be supportive & understanding ...I stood by him when he went to jail for domestic violence and went through the rap program. Once he completed the program the drinking started again. My heart sinks every time I see him drunk. I am currently not working and unable to because I have bipolor disorder & ptsd. So I have alot to deal with on a daily basis. I am so tired. I know his drinking problem is his problem to fix not mine...I have been working on loving detachment...but it is still hard to see someone you love destroying themselves and their family. We have amazing kids both kind compasionate honor roll kids who have never been in trouble . I am not perfect but I consider myself a good person, my husband has an amazing family I wish he could see that but the booze clouds all that. When he is sober he is a completely different person he is my best friend a loving father a compassionate. Person, when he drinks its. 360. I want this family to continue I just do know if it can because of his drinking and it tearing me apart. I don't want to take my home from my kids and quite frankly I can't afford to. I feel so lost.

suki44883

Here ya go, mez. I started a new thread for you. Just click on this link and you'll be there.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post2924641

Linkmeister

I'm 53 and moved cross country to be with the A in my life.

While I wasn't with mine as long as some of you, I knew when enough was enough. He's history as of 2 weeks ago. Enough was enough. Among other things, he couldn't handle me "starting over" at my age-going back to school, taking Accounting, and getting out into the real world, making friends, going to Al-Anon....all out of his little sphere of influence.

Sure it's a scary prospect at our age to be starting over but there's nothing wrong with it and people here have supported me to no end in what I'm doing.

Follow your dreams and your life for you and no one else.

Linkmeister

OOPS, I just saw the date...........

kittykitty

It's NEVER too late to start over guys.



Please remember that.

overwhelmednsad

Disappointed. That's exactly how I feel. Every time I think things are getting better and hope for the best, he lets me down. The saddest part is, he doesn't even see it. As I'm writing this, I am crying because I have three kids. I'm divorced and have two children form my first marriage and now I have a one year old with him. I didn't see how addicted he was until I became pregnant and was not drinking. He never slowed down. He's completely lost and now I am left to find how to live alone with my three kids because I have to get out of this nightmare. It's killing my soul!

wellnowwhat

So sorry for what has brought you to this Site.

This is a very old thread. Maybe start a new thread and introduce yourself.

You are not alone.

Michi

Hi Im a new member. Ive joined because my boyfriend and I of 4 years are at a bit of a standstill and Im looking for advice...

We are young (25 and 26) but we have living together for 3 years and are generally perfect for each other except for when it comes to his drinking. He doesnt drink all the time, but when he does he usually drinks till he is beyond drunk--he blacks out and is completely incoherent and helpless.

Ive told him so many times that if he comes home drunk that I would kick him out, but still he does it. I realize now that my threats can do nothing because he does have a problem, so he cant really help it.

Of course, he completely denies he has a problem--to make things worse he is a bartender and his boss (and close friend) is an alcoholic, as well. I know that he will never give up his job and has said that if I ever asked him to chose between the two (me or the job), either way he would be resentful towards the choice.

So Im at a cross-roads of sorts--do I stay with him, accept his problem and learn how to deal with it, or decide this is something I cant handle and end it? I dont know what to do.

Does anyone have experience with this kind of situation? Having to choose whether to stay in a relationship and deal with it, or make the final decision to leave? Id greatly appreciate any help...

Pelican

Hi to the two newbies that posted on this thread!

Welcome to the SR family!

Please make yourself at home by reading the posts, the stickies (permanent posts at the top of the page), and by posting as much as needed. We are here to support you. We understand!

I encourage you to take the time to start a new thread of your own and introduce yourself to the rest of the SR family. You will be welcomed and receive encouragement, support and information from members that have been where you are today.

You are not alone.

LostinLV777

wow i am so shocked to hear so many post that they have divorced and remarried their AH's It makes me feel so much less crazy b/c im still married to mine, separated, and have just received divorce papers. However, I have this fear that if he someday gets "cured" of this disease, of course i would love to re-marry him. Frankly, with or without the disease, I will always love this man. But i thought i was nuts to even consider divorcing him and then remarrying him later LOL. makes me chuckle. but it also sounds like things are still basically the same, which tells me that even though most of the time is OK, the 25-40% of time wasted on being drunk, lazy, and irresponsible will always Be. im only 30 and only married for 1.5 yrs. Sooo you can see why I have the temptation to step out. ALAS, i will just keep reading to gain insight.

cag240260

I am getting the feeling that all of use spouses's of alcoholics/addicts are in the same boat. Today is my 40th birthday. My husband and I took the day off. He slept in after passing out at 7pm last night. Woke up and asked if I'd cook him breakfast. Then he took a nap. Then left the house around noon to go buy my birthday present. Didn't get home til after 4 ---was out drinking all afternoon. He did make it out to dinner with our family -and drank 5 vodka tonics at dinner. So of course I drove. We got home and he decided it would be a great night to do some coke. So to end my 40th birthday I am sitting in my living room, alone, sad, mad, and will go to bed alone and sleep alone. After a day of lonliness and despair. Reading these posts makes me realize it will never get better. Luckily I've only wasted 14 years and not 20 or 25. I am filing for divorce Monday -done with this life.

LostinLV777

cag, its almost like we're alone with or without them!!! So why not just be without them????? ohhh the agony : / i wish it was that easy.

Ellensburg

Wow, what a birthday for you huh? He sounds like the typical addict, narcissistic personality, (disorder) I am sorry you had to spend your 40th like that. Next birthday you will be over him and not hurting anymore. Throw yourself a "freedom fourty-one" party. yay! Don't let him ruin the next 30-50 years of your life!!! I am inspired by how you have come to a definite decision. Hold on to your inner strength. HUGS 7

NYCDoglvr

If you don't make a change you need to understand that this will be the norm. The ONLY way anything will change is if you do it. You get what you settle for.