Grateful for alcoholism...

Old 03-04-2015, 10:56 PM
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Grateful for alcoholism...

I've mentioned before that AA isn't as prevelant in Australia as it seems to be elsewhere in the world, which means al-anon is even less prevelant.

I live in a major capital city...there is one al-anon meeting. I do go to it. I know people say it might take a few different meetings to find the right group, but I don't have that option.

I don't really connect with the group, I'm at least 20 years younger, all the others have achieved looooong term recovery (10-30 years apparently - all of them), all are ACOA's (I'm not), there are 9 of us inc me.

One thing I don't get.....once everyone finishes their share, they all say word for word "I am grateful alcoholism exists in my life...because without alcoholism in my life, I would not have al-anon and this group".

I admit I am struggling with this. Is this what happens at other meetings. Is being grateful for alcoholism the final state of recovery that we are all aiming for?

I have a lot of feelings about this disease....but I just can NOT picture feeling GRATEFUL it exists in my life. And to be honest, alcoholism + al-anon does not make my life better than before alcoholism entered my life.

I'm sure I am showing my ignorance...but I'll stand up and say.....I just don't get it!

Are you grateful towards alcoholism?? If so, why?
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Old 03-04-2015, 11:16 PM
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Hi Jarp

I also have been going to AA meetings I am in Scotland. I have been to 8 meetings over 8 weeks and find that they help I am way the youngest in the class.

The alcoholism and being grateful speech I am unsure of it probably means a lot of different things to different people. We all have different views on alcoholism but I can see your point where it is difficult to accept and hear others say that they are grateful for it?

I think we all bring something different to the meetings I for one like to hear how the older members of the group dealt with there problems they had less resources than are available today and some of the really simple things they have taught me are way the best and easiest to follow.

We are new to this and I understand how you feel I am still thinking should I be here, is this answer for me? But really it is.

After some time fooling myself that I didn’t have an issue with my drinking I accepted that I was an alcoholic who needed help and I got it so keep your chin up we are doing the best thing for us and just think in time we will be able to help others. In my mind that is what it is all about getting help today and repaying it tomorrow.

Stick in there,
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Old 03-04-2015, 11:18 PM
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Agree with you 100% Jarp. It's like saying I'm glad I crashed the car, otherwise I wouldn't have got a ride in the tow truck. Plus it sort of disregards the effects of alcohol on the alcoholic.
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Old 03-04-2015, 11:24 PM
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Sorry the answer to your question is ( No) Iam not greatfull for alcoholism I wish I had never started drinking. I love the people I have met and all they have done for me but that old saying if I could turn back Time knowing what i know now I would do things diffrent. sorry if I offend anyone but maybe in time I will feel diffrent but this is how I feel right now.
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Old 03-05-2015, 01:24 AM
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I am grateful alcoholic. I lived my whole life struggling with depression and other issues. But, I never addressed them. It wasn't until I became an alcoholic and made it out the other side that I faced those things. And that would have never happened if I had not experienced alcoholism first. So, for that I am grateful.
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Old 03-05-2015, 01:56 AM
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I can't say I am grateful that my life was a mess and unmanageable BUT I do know that without the madness of my AH I would have never stepped into an Alanon meeting.
I would have never realized just how sick my mother was (she is not an A, she was raised and abused by one).
I would not have realized that my sickness ran deeper than my AHs drinking.
I would not have the resources or the will to transform my attitude and repair my damaged thinking.
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Old 03-05-2015, 03:31 AM
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I was rolling this around n my head the other day. I am grateful that because of someone else's addiction that I addressed my codependency. I see in hindsight its why I chose the people I chose for relationships. They have for the most part been troublesome. I certainly could have addressed it before RAH it was clear to me that I couldn't be that unlucky for every relationship to end up with people that were really screwed up. I didn't address it until alcoholism entered my life and was above my pay grade to "fix".

I think I would have a hard time saying "I am grateful for alcoholism because....." It lends too much relevance to its existence. it would be a better world if it didn't exist. I know my experience with RAH and Al Anon helped me with my business associate who had addiction issues, and I severed the relationship. I wonder if I would have stayed in that trying to make it work had I not. Yeah, I am grateful I had Al Anon and education under my belt.

I am not glad RAH is an alcoholic nor any person who is an addict no matter what the benefit that I beget. Confusing to be thankful for what I got out of it yet hate the thing that did it.
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Old 03-05-2015, 04:41 AM
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None of the groups I've been to have said that phrase.

When I seriously am practicing gratefulness, I tend to find a lot of things I'm thankful for that I wouldn't have expected.

It's not that happy people are thankful. Thankful people are happy.

How Gratitude Can Change Your Life



I wouldn't wish illness or difficulties on anyone. I fight and hate having them in my life, but that's never done any good. When I start being thankful for all the little things in my life, the transformation begins. For this transformation, I am also thankful. Without my illnesses I would not be finding this, so in that I have, at the best of times, been thankful even for that.

Thank you very much for posting this. I've been struggling lately and this helps point me back to what has worked for me, time and again.
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Old 03-05-2015, 05:26 AM
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I guess I'm grateful because it was the locus for very big and real change in my life? But I have a hard time being grateful because it ruined a relationship with someone I very much loved and will be a hardship for him for life.
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Old 03-05-2015, 05:38 AM
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I will say that I've felt that thankfulness, but only after working the steps. Mainly because I've finally begun healing from lifelong tendencies toward codependency/anxiety/doormat-ism. These traits were there long before my A entered the scene, and I don't believe that I would have entered the doors and sought recovery until the chaos of alcoholism forced me to.

But when I first started, I seriously thought those members were nuts. But interestingly, I found them the most serene... So I was curious and stayed.
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Old 03-05-2015, 05:38 AM
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jarp....I couldn't say that I am thankful for alcoholism....and mean it..lol!

I might say..."I am thankful for this group", but that is as far as I, personally, would honestly be able to extend it.

Actually, I am grateful for every good person that I meet in life.

jarp, I think that the saying "take what you need and leave the rest" is very applicable, here.

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Old 03-05-2015, 07:36 AM
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I'm a practical person and I always roll my eyes at that statement. I think it's BS. It's like when people say "I'm so thankful I got cancer because it makes me appreciate life more. Seriously? You wouldn't rather NOT have had that experience of puking and your hair falling out?

I know for sure that I would have MUCH preferred to not waste 20 years of my life cleaning up after an alcoholic and being abused by him and now spending the next 20 trying to patch up my kids after a childhood that was pretty bad.

I'm grateful for the friends I've made here and in Al-Anon. I'm grateful for the recovery program I've worked, because it's allowed me to grow. But that just means I'm grateful for the treatment that was available to me when I needed it. Hell if I'm thankful for the abusive alcoholic that made the treatment necessary, or the disease behind it.
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Old 03-05-2015, 07:39 AM
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Since I'm from the other side of the fence not lots to add. However hubbie who is very active in Al-Anon tells me a lot how his meetings are run. I will let him speak directly to this issue but I think the comradery he gets is a large part of the value. That said I may be speaking out of turn but I do think meetings in the states people can periodically give input into changing certain parts of the meeting aka not saying the lords prayer, etc. Do they allow this type of input in your meetings? You may want to ask. I don't blame you at all for not being thankful for alcoholism. I'm not grateful for it and I'm the alcoholic. I am choosing to look at it as a useful agent for change in destructive patterns in my life which predated the addiction but that's about it.
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Old 03-05-2015, 08:02 AM
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Originally Posted by Bullfrog View Post
I will say that I've felt that thankfulness, but only after working the steps. Mainly because I've finally begun healing from lifelong tendencies toward codependency/anxiety/doormat-ism. These traits were there long before my A entered the scene, and I don't believe that I would have entered the doors and sought recovery until the chaos of alcoholism forced me to.

But when I first started, I seriously thought those members were nuts. But interestingly, I found them the most serene... So I was curious and stayed.
This was my experience as well. I was pretty much raised to be codependent in any relationship or situation I encountered in life. It was my time with an alcoholic that finally propelled me into recovery, just because it was easier to put a name to the issue. I originally started looking for help because he was an alcoholic, not because I thought I needed it for myself.
We actually talked about the whole "grateful for the alcoholic/alcoholism" thing in one of my meetings.
What I took away was that people weren't so much grateful for alcoholism as a disease but rather that they were grateful for it as the catalyst that got them into recovery. I've never heard anyone say "I'm grateful that my loved one suffers from alcoholism."
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Old 03-05-2015, 08:23 AM
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I've never heard this said this way before, can't say I'm a fan of the wording. I'm not grateful for alcoholism in any way, I'd rid the world of addition if I could.

I do have gratitude that my RAH's issues brought me to my own recovery & allowed me to work through my ACoA issues that existed long before my marriage ever did. I may have never really understood how much I needed it or taken the steps to become healthier. *I* like myself better as a recovering person.

I am grateful that for some strange reason, addiction allows to address the underlying root issues more honestly. Like, RAH would never accept that his FOO issues existed or that they caused him pain on it's own..... but through the lens of his own recovery he was able to accept it & work on fixing it.
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Old 03-05-2015, 08:51 AM
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Now that I have reached middle age, I recognize that my greatest personal and spiritual growth has always occurred after events that I judged as "bad". I now try to go through my life believing that the universe only has my best interests at heart, therefore I need to stop judging life and just experience it. I have found that being grateful is a much more peaceful way to experience life than being bitter.
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Old 03-05-2015, 12:33 PM
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Hell no, I will never be thankful for alcoholism. It is an epidemic. I go to Celebrate Recovery. I am thankful for the people I have met there, but I will never be thankful for the reasons I had to go.

Just because someone says something does not necessarily mean they feel that in their heart.

XXX
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Old 03-05-2015, 12:51 PM
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We're all different in how we process things, but I think some people tend to subscribe to the "everything happens for a reason" line of thinking, and then bad things that happen to you are part of your journey and there to give you the opportunity to learn and grow -- and that's a way of looking at it that makes sense of things in that context.

I'm more of the "**** happens" line of thinking -- everyone's dealing with something and life isn't all pleasant and for me, the positive thinking of "it was a challenge that made me grow" simply makes me angry. Life is everything, the good and the bad, and for me, calling the bad "a gift" makes me feel like a hypocrite.

And I am NOT saying that other people are -- I have good friends who see everything in their life as a gift from God and who honestly feel that way. I just don't. I'll handle what gets thrown my way, but don't expect me to like it anymore than I like getting the flu or breaking a leg.
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Old 03-05-2015, 02:44 PM
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What a load of crap that statement is. There is more than one way to skin a cat as they say. I could have healed without this. Yes, I'm grateful that I have support and friends and the experience of others to help me work it all out. But that doesn't mean I'm grateful to have lived through an A dad and an insane addict Xbf and see my daughter almost die. I will never be grateful for the epidemic scourge that is killing people as I type. If it weren't for the scourge we wouldn't have gotten messed up in the first place and NEEDED help!

"I'm so grateful that my emotions were destroyed by addiction so I could get this great help that I wouldn't have needed if addiction didn't exsist in the first place, so now I can fight for the normality that people blessed enough not to have encountered addiction take for granted?" Yeah, that makes sense
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Old 03-05-2015, 03:06 PM
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I agree with Lillamy. Different philosophies help different people. People come from different places in terms of their limited understanding about how God/the Universe works. I can't claim to know the reason for lots of horrible things that happen. I do think that things ultimately do happen the way they are supposed to happen. Which is sort of begs the question, but what is, is. I think our responses to whatever DOES happen can make a huge difference in our lives and others'.

Personally, I couldn't see making that particular statement and believing it. OTOH, I think there are glimpses of truth in lots of philosophies and religious traditions that I don't personally subscribe to. In the overall scheme of things, if the group/meetings help you otherwise, I wouldn't let a small-t tradition of that particular group get in my way.
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