LadyWitch

I have no idea how to do that. I am so lost. how do I contact the mods? It has been over 20 years since I was on a bulletin board of any kind ( I am talking back in the stone age, when all there was, was dial up. LOL

HealingWillCome

Hey, Pink. Your original question just brought back memories...

He would say, "I'm sorry your feelings were hurt." Not, "I'm sorry I hurt you." Notice the subtle (yet glaring) difference? Pure deflection. He would try to make me feel responsible for the crap he had stirred up rather than admit any wrongdoing.

Don't hold your breath waiting for change from him. From everything you've described, well...I'm not sure I would engage with him over anything. You deserve so much better.

FeelingGreat

LW I hear you!

1. Go to the forums page by clicking on the word Forums at the top of the SR page.
2. Scroll to the forum that matches your interest, click to enter that forum.
3. Look for the New Thread button at the top left of the forum, just above the 'stickies'.

Stung

I think the question is why do you want an apology at all? Are there enough sorries that he could say that would make anything feel better for you?

My husband apologizes. It doesn't make anything feel better. It doesn't validate my feelings. That's an inside job and only I can make the moves necessary to put myself into a better situation and prevent myself from being disappointed, abused or mistreated again. Apologies are not applicable in this realm.

Missus

I just read this today - obviously the suggestions made for dealing with abuse wouldn't be recommended when alcohol is in the mix, but it is a good summary of what emotional manipulation looks like (spoiler alert! It's not what you're doing to him, PP, definitely the other way around)

Emotional Manipulation

spedteach

Just want to say I'm sorry you are going through this. You deserve SO much better!! I have several choice words to say about him and his actions, but they won't be productive for you.

Just keep working on a plan to get out of there as fast as you possibly can!!!

fluffyflea

Anyways PinkPeony when you are ready to take action car or not, money or not, everything will start to fall into place.

Have faith.

hopeful4

Ugh. This makes me so mad for you. What a jerk.

Sending you lots of love Pink!!!!! XXX

Katchie

I'm late to the game on this thread, but I'm just curious, if he is driving something, can't you wait until he is gloriously passed out, take THAT car and get the heck out of dodge? Since you are married to this guy, it is marital property.

ArtFriend

You should have replied, "I love you too Bill" (or whatever name he is not)

Refiner

Pink... what would you do if he just dropped off the face of the earth today and you had no access to his car or $? What would you do? Where would you go? How would you get there? Be thinking of possible solutions, not thinking about all the reasons why you CAN'T.

pinkpeony

Katchie, the vehicle he drives is his work/company van, doesn't belong to us.

LadyWitch

So I just wanted to say, I did start the new thread, I figured it out YAY me..... I also want to respond to the OP. I know how it is to feel as if you want and/or deserve and apology. I get that my break up with my EX-RA is still very fresh (12/01/14) and I have been going about thinking I want him to feel something, any thing, feel as bad as I do, feel bad about his actions. anything, HOWEVER today it hit me. What I really wanted was for him to feel remorse, REAL remorse, as soon as I figured out that he would never feel true remorse, because that would mean that
1) the world didn't revolve around him,
2) That someone else mattered
3) that MY feelings mattered
4) and this is the BIGGIE that (gasp) he was WRONG in anything...
As soon as I was able to see that, and understand that I CANNOT change his behavior, I can only change how I respond to it, as soon as I could see that there wasn't anything I could do to MAKE him feel what I thought he should feel, as SOON as I was able to let go of the idea that he COULD change if he wanted to and figured out that HE REALLY DOESN'T WANT TO CHANGE. I felt a weight lifted, I Saw the light at the end of the tunnel, I began to formulate a plan to put some distance between us ( yeah I know a geographical cure) I actually felt so much happier than I have in MANY MANY MONTHS. I am beginning to find the ME that got lost in the chaos of the US. I have been able to let go of some of the hold he had on me, I have been able to feel real happiness today. I won't promise it will always be this good, or that there won't be bad days, but I have come out the other side, and as badly as I felt for so long I am finally able to say, I WILL MAKE IT THROUGH THIS... I will BE okay, and I can honestly say that I no longer care about what he feels. I care about ME for a change.
Damn it feels so go to be able to say that

pinkpeony

I have no idea what I/we would do.

tomsteve

Me in his shoes, yup. Something to maybe help keep you hostage longer and keep enabling me to continue the behavior..

fluffyflea

it's all just games, smoke and mirrors.

Maybe that's a good question to ask yourself what would you do if he dropped off the face of the earth? And proceed as if.

CodeJob

Personally I'd tool off in the work vehicle. once you have a place to crash, leave it for him somewhere - like the police station.