kids are hurting and I am hurting
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 1,022
kids are hurting and I am hurting
I went to go pick up my daughter from a birthday party this morning.
He had come home.
It was about 11:15 when her and I got back. He was in the bedroom drinking. He was already drunk. I told him he couldn't drink around me and the kids like that. He started calling me names. I repeated that he couldn't do this and he needed to go.
He told me to shut my goddamn mouth. And started getting in my face. I had my cell phone in my hand and told him I would call the police if he didn't leave RIGHT NOW.
He lunged at me- grabbed me by my throat and slammed me up against the wall. He looked down at me and said " I'm not going to take this abuse anymore." I dialed 911 and kept telling him to get out of the house. I walked into the living room and he followed me. He kept getting closer to me and telling me to shut up in front of the kids. I told him the kids knew to call 911. He walked out the door.
Instead of taking HIS little two door truck, he took the family car. MY car.
The local sheriff showed up about 15 min later and said he was going to arrest him for domestic assault and to call as soon as AH got home.
About 10 min after sheriff left, AH pulled up in the car and said he was coming in to get his stuff (via text). I had the doors locked. I called the sheriff.
He pulled in behind the car and arrested him. There was a bunch of beer in the car and some open ones too, so I'm sure he'll get a DUI and some other things.
My eldest (my bio, 12 year old) daughter just came up to me bawling- saying "mooom!!! They took him. I saw them put him in handcuffs." She wrapped her arms around me and I told her I was sorry and I didn't want to have to do that.
She said "you are the best mom in the world, it's not your fault. I love you so much mom." But she was bawling when she said it. I feel horrible. My neck is hurting now more than ever.
I'm just in shock right now. I have soo much homework to do and an exam to take by tomorrow for one of my online courses.....
He had come home.
It was about 11:15 when her and I got back. He was in the bedroom drinking. He was already drunk. I told him he couldn't drink around me and the kids like that. He started calling me names. I repeated that he couldn't do this and he needed to go.
He told me to shut my goddamn mouth. And started getting in my face. I had my cell phone in my hand and told him I would call the police if he didn't leave RIGHT NOW.
He lunged at me- grabbed me by my throat and slammed me up against the wall. He looked down at me and said " I'm not going to take this abuse anymore." I dialed 911 and kept telling him to get out of the house. I walked into the living room and he followed me. He kept getting closer to me and telling me to shut up in front of the kids. I told him the kids knew to call 911. He walked out the door.
Instead of taking HIS little two door truck, he took the family car. MY car.
The local sheriff showed up about 15 min later and said he was going to arrest him for domestic assault and to call as soon as AH got home.
About 10 min after sheriff left, AH pulled up in the car and said he was coming in to get his stuff (via text). I had the doors locked. I called the sheriff.
He pulled in behind the car and arrested him. There was a bunch of beer in the car and some open ones too, so I'm sure he'll get a DUI and some other things.
My eldest (my bio, 12 year old) daughter just came up to me bawling- saying "mooom!!! They took him. I saw them put him in handcuffs." She wrapped her arms around me and I told her I was sorry and I didn't want to have to do that.
She said "you are the best mom in the world, it's not your fault. I love you so much mom." But she was bawling when she said it. I feel horrible. My neck is hurting now more than ever.
I'm just in shock right now. I have soo much homework to do and an exam to take by tomorrow for one of my online courses.....
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: CA
Posts: 215
Oh, hon, I wish I was close to give you great big physical hugs. Wish I could help hug and love the kids for you or take some pain away. I can offer up prayers for you and the kids. I think this was inevitable and fortunately not worse that it was. ((((((((())))))
Behold the power of NO
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,764
(({hugs}}}
Did you get a Temporary Restraining Order?
If the cops did not help with it, call the DV hotline and ask them how to get it.
In my case, I insisted on going to the police station and they put me in touch with the night duty judge who after talking to me briefly on the phone issued one on the spot.
(it was in NJ though so call the DV line to find out how it goes in your neck of the woods).
Also do yourself a favor and do not accept any calls from jail.
Did you get a Temporary Restraining Order?
If the cops did not help with it, call the DV hotline and ask them how to get it.
In my case, I insisted on going to the police station and they put me in touch with the night duty judge who after talking to me briefly on the phone issued one on the spot.
(it was in NJ though so call the DV line to find out how it goes in your neck of the woods).
Also do yourself a favor and do not accept any calls from jail.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: east coast
Posts: 1,332
Free, you were very brave. Very, very brave. I am proud of you. Now is the time for you guys to just cuddle and disconnect. You are safe now.
Do not bail him out. It may be time for you to contact the school and take a leave of absence. Just a semester so you can focus on the family.
Lots of love and prayers
Do not bail him out. It may be time for you to contact the school and take a leave of absence. Just a semester so you can focus on the family.
Lots of love and prayers
Behold the power of NO
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,764
Ps: when you talk to the DV people, ask them if your county has a victim advocate.
That's someone who will be by your side and help navigate you through court and help you when you go see the judge for a permanent one.
I handled my stuff alone and it was terrifying..there is much more support nowadays.
That's someone who will be by your side and help navigate you through court and help you when you go see the judge for a permanent one.
I handled my stuff alone and it was terrifying..there is much more support nowadays.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,859
Originally Posted by Carlotta 
(({hugs}}}
Did you get a Temporary Restraining Order?
If the cops did not help with it, call the DV hotline and ask them how to get it.
In my case, I insisted on going to the police station and they put me in touch with the night duty judge who after talking to me briefly on the phone issued one on the spot.
(it was in NJ though so call the DV line to find out how it goes in your neck of the woods).
Also do yourself a favor and do not accept any calls from jail.
Did you get a Temporary Restraining Order?
If the cops did not help with it, call the DV hotline and ask them how to get it.
In my case, I insisted on going to the police station and they put me in touch with the night duty judge who after talking to me briefly on the phone issued one on the spot.
(it was in NJ though so call the DV line to find out how it goes in your neck of the woods).
Also do yourself a favor and do not accept any calls from jail.
Is anyone staying with you?
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 1,022
I'm just so damn sad right now- sad for everyone- but especially these kids. HIS bio kids are pretending like everything is just fine...but MY kids are soooo hurt.
I know his kids are too, but they are vaults and don't really wear their hearts on their sleeves like my side of the family does.
Oh God---I just want to curl up and die right now. I don't even know what to say...I'm just really sad
I know his kids are too, but they are vaults and don't really wear their hearts on their sleeves like my side of the family does.
Oh God---I just want to curl up and die right now. I don't even know what to say...I'm just really sad
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Freetosmile....I understand that you would feel in "shock" due to the trauma of this event.
Like Sotiredofitall said...this was inevitable. Honestly, I believe that this represents the big change in the tide that you have been needing.
Now the authorities will be managing him--not all resting on your shoulders!
NOW...you can get some rest from the 24/7 stress.
Of course this is emotional for the children...but, I'll bet that they will end up appreciating the reduction in the stress levels.
Just hug them and pull them tighter to you. Allow them to express any emotions that they want--(I know that you do that, anyway).
I am sooo thankful that the sheriff responded swiftly and decisively!!!
Maybe you can lie down for a while, quietly to decompress, some. Then, turn your focus to studying for the exam.
You steered your ship through some very choppy waters...and, kept it upright!
A mighty big accomplishment, I would say....
dandylion
Like Sotiredofitall said...this was inevitable. Honestly, I believe that this represents the big change in the tide that you have been needing.
Now the authorities will be managing him--not all resting on your shoulders!
NOW...you can get some rest from the 24/7 stress.
Of course this is emotional for the children...but, I'll bet that they will end up appreciating the reduction in the stress levels.
Just hug them and pull them tighter to you. Allow them to express any emotions that they want--(I know that you do that, anyway).
I am sooo thankful that the sheriff responded swiftly and decisively!!!
Maybe you can lie down for a while, quietly to decompress, some. Then, turn your focus to studying for the exam.
You steered your ship through some very choppy waters...and, kept it upright!
A mighty big accomplishment, I would say....
dandylion
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,516
Sweetie, what a scary, frightening thing to experience!!!
I know you're at home with a gaggle of kids, but do you have someone who can come over so you can get checked out by a doctor? Just to have that to add to the police report?
Your head is probably spinning like crazy, but if you haven't already, call the local DV number and get help filing a restraining order so that he can't just waltz in again when they release him. ((((hugs)))
I know you're at home with a gaggle of kids, but do you have someone who can come over so you can get checked out by a doctor? Just to have that to add to the police report?
Your head is probably spinning like crazy, but if you haven't already, call the local DV number and get help filing a restraining order so that he can't just waltz in again when they release him. ((((hugs)))
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 1,022
Carlotta-
No, I'll be honest- I have done a DAMN thing yet. By the time all was said and done- things just really got wrapped up about an hour ago...so I'm just kind of sitting here with the kids. My two daughters fell right asleep on my bed next to me, and the others went to living room to watch a movie..... I haven't jumped into "do" mode yet.
He doesn't have the money to bail out, so I think I might have a little time, but your right. I need to get on it.....
No, I'll be honest- I have done a DAMN thing yet. By the time all was said and done- things just really got wrapped up about an hour ago...so I'm just kind of sitting here with the kids. My two daughters fell right asleep on my bed next to me, and the others went to living room to watch a movie..... I haven't jumped into "do" mode yet.
He doesn't have the money to bail out, so I think I might have a little time, but your right. I need to get on it.....
Behold the power of NO
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,764
You are in shock, curl up and cry and sleep...it's good for you especially restfull deep sleep which living with an abuser we really don't get much of.
Just a side note on the exams and homework..if it is too much for you to handle (which it very well might be) don't sweat it.
Show your paperwork to your professor(s) and also your faculty advisor and ask if you could have a make up exam.
Just a side note on the exams and homework..if it is too much for you to handle (which it very well might be) don't sweat it.
Show your paperwork to your professor(s) and also your faculty advisor and ask if you could have a make up exam.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Freetosmile...Carlotta gives you some very good advice in her posts. I would adhere to them.
I get it that y ou feel sad. That is perfectly understandable. If, later, you are able to have a good cry...that would be a good thing.
Keep us informed. We are all rooting for you.
dandylion
I get it that y ou feel sad. That is perfectly understandable. If, later, you are able to have a good cry...that would be a good thing.
Keep us informed. We are all rooting for you.
dandylion
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: England
Posts: 65
Bloody hell- that's horrible. You definitely did the right thing- he's a danger. I've been in that situation with my ex when his son was in the room. It's right what the other posters are saying- you need to speak to the police about a restraining order. Keep safe.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
free,
First of all, I am SO GLAD you are safe. I have a feeling he was watching the house, too, which is scary in itself. And yes, you were very brave, and so are the kiddos. They are upset, but remember whose actions are responsible for that upset.
Here is where you need to bring out the BIG GUNS (not literally)--Nebraska has a strangulation statute. He should probably be charged with at least attempted strangulation. Be sure to tell the police if he was squeezing your throat or if you ever felt like you had trouble breathing or line you were going to faint. Strangulation is VERY deadly, and if he was squeezing it at all, you should have your throat/neck checked out. I'm not kidding--it can actually be fatal days later, even if there is no bruising right now. Even if you weren't strangled this time, the fact that he placed his hands on your throat means the next time he very well might (if there is a next time).
Second, make sure if you DO have any visible injuries (even very minor bruising or scratches) go to the police department, ask for a detective, and have them photographed.
You will need to give a formal statement at the police station, and if the kids witnessed any part of this (even hearing you screaming and him yelling), they might, too. Chances are they would never have to testify in court.
I'm so, so glad you were able to call 911 so quickly, and that the police responded promptly.
GET THAT PROTECTIVE ORDER. You should have no difficulty getting one at this time.
No matter how sad and upset the kids are, do NOT bail him out of jail. Be sure that the police have your notification info so you will know when he is released. And change those locks, and USE them--get one that only you have a key for.
Hugs, I'm so relieved you are safe!!
First of all, I am SO GLAD you are safe. I have a feeling he was watching the house, too, which is scary in itself. And yes, you were very brave, and so are the kiddos. They are upset, but remember whose actions are responsible for that upset.
Here is where you need to bring out the BIG GUNS (not literally)--Nebraska has a strangulation statute. He should probably be charged with at least attempted strangulation. Be sure to tell the police if he was squeezing your throat or if you ever felt like you had trouble breathing or line you were going to faint. Strangulation is VERY deadly, and if he was squeezing it at all, you should have your throat/neck checked out. I'm not kidding--it can actually be fatal days later, even if there is no bruising right now. Even if you weren't strangled this time, the fact that he placed his hands on your throat means the next time he very well might (if there is a next time).
Second, make sure if you DO have any visible injuries (even very minor bruising or scratches) go to the police department, ask for a detective, and have them photographed.
You will need to give a formal statement at the police station, and if the kids witnessed any part of this (even hearing you screaming and him yelling), they might, too. Chances are they would never have to testify in court.
I'm so, so glad you were able to call 911 so quickly, and that the police responded promptly.
GET THAT PROTECTIVE ORDER. You should have no difficulty getting one at this time.
No matter how sad and upset the kids are, do NOT bail him out of jail. Be sure that the police have your notification info so you will know when he is released. And change those locks, and USE them--get one that only you have a key for.
Hugs, I'm so relieved you are safe!!
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