pinkpeony

So my husband has been nothing but mean drunk lately. Verbally and emotionally abusive.
Tonight he's all Mr Nice Guy and he keeps playing the songs " Lets Get It On" and "Sexual Healing" over and over.

Umm. No way dude, stay away from me.

God I wish I could leave this house!!!

zoso77

Maybe you should play Pink's "U and Ur Hand" in response?

< kidding >

suki44883

zoso77

In all seriousness, this is a classic example of lack of self awareness by an alcoholic and/or addict.

Have you given any consideration to your "exit strategy"?

pinkpeony

Awesome response, Zoso!

pinkpeony

As far asy exit strategy, I just feel really stuck.
I can't go to a homeless or DV shelter because I'm not leaving my daughter with AH and she's in her senior year in high school. The shelters are all in the next county, my daughter refuses to go.
And then there are my three dogs. I know it sounds silly or like an excuse, but next to my kids, my dogs are what I love most in this world. What do I do with them? We are very bonded. I refuse (at this point) to leave them.
If my car worked. Is be finding a job and start saving money to get my own place.
I feel like there are no answers that work for my situation.
Just really stuck out here in this little house in the country with no money, no transportation, no family or friends near. Nothing.

Last night he finally bought me some food. And b*tched about it. I had been living on old freezer burned frozen vegetables and toast for a week. He even brought home take out food for himself the night before last night and nothing for me.
So, I'm isolated and trapped and at his mercy. Which really sucks.

zoso77

< taking bow >

zoso77

Your brother is 4 hours away, correct?

torquemax777

Following on the same lines that zoso recommended, play that Pink song followed by Pinks other song "Sober" too bad you couldn't project the video to go along with it!

suki44883

What is wrong with your car? Can you contact your family and ask them to send you some money?

ubntubnt

yuck, yuck, yuck. Unfortunately that how alcoholics see the world. There are drinking days, there are hungover days and there are better try to do something worthwhile days. The do something nice days are never a new start, they are just the rare days between the drinking days and the hangover days.

pinkpeony

Yeah my brother and my mom are both in Indianapolis about 4 hours away BUT
Mom lives in senior citizen apts And my brother is not helpful/supportive.

As for my car. We thought it was alternator. Got new one and installed. Nope. Them got new battery installed, nope. For some reason the brand new alternator isn't holding the voltage it should and therefor not keeping the battery charged.
The voltage is supposed to be at 15 (or more) and the highest it gets is 12 and then less.
I asked some people in an online group I'm in and they all seemed to agree that it sounded like a wire or cable issue. When I told that to AH his response was "good, they know what's wrong, have them come fix it"
Okayyyyy.
But I've been stuck in the house for over a month now at his mercy for everything.
He won't pay the cable/internet bill so that's gone now. He says he's not paying my phone bill so that will really limit my contact with the outside world of that gets shut off like it's supposed to any day now.
No, my family isn't the type to give or loan money, even though both of my brothers are well off.
Sucks.

LexieCat

If you feel you need to get to a shelter, there are organizations that will care for pets belonging to DV victims. And your daughter might be able to stay with a friend's family for a little while.

Have you considered applying for a protective order that would require HIM to leave? He could also be required to provide you with financial support--which might include getting the car fixed. Have you talked with a DV advocate? Might be a good idea....

pinkpeony

I have considered getting him out with a protective order but then I'm left here with zero money. Expensive rent, propane, water delivery every two weeks, firewood for the wood stove, ect . There is no way I could handle this place on my own.
I've thought about my daughter staying with a fried and mentioned it to her and she reacted badly. Idk.
Good to know there are people taking care of pets of DV victims!
The whole thing just stinks and I feel like which ever way I turn there are road blocks.

LexieCat

Protective orders generally REQUIRE the offender to pay financial support (rent, food, propane, etc.). Call an advocate at your local shelter and ask them to explain it to you. It never hurts to get the information.

freetosmile

Hey there girlie--

Yes, you are isolated that is for sure--but you are also being denied FOOD!!!! Honey, the clock is ticking and your in the hot seat. Not in the hot seat with HIM but your own LIFE!
This dude has been nothing but nasty to you.

Believe me, I get the mean drunk thing. You and I are in the same boat right now. How can this man deny you food but have all this money for alcohol???? Oh I'm sooooo pissed off for you right now!!

I got called sooo many names today and the day before that. I mean it's just enough to knock your socks off!

And here is the deal...I joined this site in March with NO intention of leaving the situation I was in. We were married and in love with a few problems. Then it just got worse and worse and worse. Then I started seeing a pattern with everyone else's stories on SR and al-anon. I started seeing how my A WASN'T unique at ALL- and this wasn't going to get ANY better. Then I started freaking out at that point because I realized that he was royally f*cked. And that meant I was too.

Anyway, I'm rambling....the point is, you CAN leave. And you can do it whenever you are ready.

I don't even have a f*ucking job right now and I'm still giving the boot. My car is probably going to break down (it's making a weird sound), I'm broke, having to borrow money from my grandparents that I screwed over when I was an ungrateful teenager who ran away from home and needed bailed out of money problems like a gazillion times, and I have 5 children.

My point is- when your ready, you will know.

I have asked that question to my therapist and to many here on SR-- when do I finally say enough is enough. The response was "when your ready, believe me, you'll know". And you'll just MAKE it work. No matter what.

I have 1 dog, 1 bloodhound puppy ( I don't call him a dog because I'm certain he is a different species entirely..maybe not even from this planet), and a cat. I don't even know how I'm going to buy dog food and they are fresh out as of tonight.

You have a whole hell of a lot of life left to live and there's a lot of football left to play (for the sake of the upcoming super bowl). You need to get that self-esteem back up there. I remember you mentioning at one point how this man made you feel so bad about your looks. I know that feeling. I know the god awful, pit of your stomach pain that comes with the name calling.

I'm so sorry pink. I wish we could just "beam" ourselves up to the enterprise and go live on the halodeck (if your into star trek) but we can't. We gotta plow this path ourselves.

It just sucks, plain and simple. No two ways around it. You will find your strength. Keep coming here and I promise you...I PROMISE you that it will even further your resolve to take action. Regardless of what you do, we will be here to support you.

I just want to take you out to dinner or something...but we'd have to bail super quick when they brought the ticket, because I'm broke!!

I edited this because I just read the above posts---we need to make a plan BEFORE your phone gets shut off-- you NEED to get out of the house!!! I'm calling this a bit of a crisis....I know the DV advocate thing is scary and may seem unnecessary. I felt that way when Lexi suggested that for me many months ago...but it IS worth it. My sister is the director of a DV place and they give gas vouchers and things like that ALL the time. And if your daughter doesn't want to go, I mean she is a SENIOR- can't she crash at a friends house and let you go?? I mean if you get cut off from everything I will be worried SICK about you!!

hugs girlie!!!

freetosmile

And about your daughter reacting badly---pink---I'm holding my hands out to weigh the scales here....getting cut off from ALL contact or tick your daughter off? I don't think we even NEED to weigh that one out.

I'm gonna tell you something. It was a good LONG while before I really started taking anyones advice on SR or DV advocate....but once I did- something WONDERFUL happened. I felt EMPOWERED! I realized that I WASN'T stuck. I HAD choices.
The people on SR are generally right about 98% of the time. I mean you are talking to people from all over the WORLD who are experienced in this. We have a physicians assistant on here, a lawyer on here, a bunch of nurses (I'm in that group), and a bunch of others that know their stuff on this topic. They didn't just learn in some damn class room, they have real life experience. Can't beat that.

I'm just saying- if you are serious about getting out of this situation- a tiff with the daughter is not the end of the world AND following through on the advice you get here will prove VERY valuable to you.

I am in a world of hurt right now, but that light at the end of the tunnel is almost within grasp. And I'm going for it as fast as my short little legs will carry me!

ubntubnt

freetosmile....you are awesome!

dandylion

pinkpeony....please call Social Services in your county and lay on the truth. I'm talking about the county government social services department. (You say there s no dv or public shelter in your own county...)
Be very straight forward...like an S.O.S. call--"My child and I are being held isolated by my husband and we are hungry..my husband is abusive to us...and we desperately need emergency assistance!". Tell them he will be taking your phone soon and you will be completely landlocked!" Do this before you lose your phone, also.
Call or e-mail your state senator and your Representative for your area---plead for their help!..A call to the right people from either of their offices will jump start someone to start the help process for you. Trust me this works---but you have to be direct and communicate that this is a call for immediate emergency help.

Look at it this way---you don't have anything to lose. If you call enough people and lay yourself at their feet...someone will come through. There must be at least one charitable organization in your county (salvation army/Union Mission/***Catholic Charities, etc.) Call every damn one of them!
There is a way out---just think outside the box and find it.

I am thinking about you Pink Peony.
You are not alone!

dandylion

53500

Many good ideas here, pink, I also hope very much you will reach out and make those calls while you can.

Another possibility of help is to contact a local newspaper or even a not-so-local one.
In my local paper there is a columnist who takes on stories of injustice, of difficult situations, of people who are stuck or being taken advantage of for many different reasons. Look online for your local paper if you do not have one. If there is someone like that, they might be able to get you information and open doors to help available to you.

Is there any way you can keep the phone and/or internet on? Can you go online and pay it? Or call them and pay it? Do you have any access to a bank account? Or contact any friend or relative or organization who might make a payment as this is truly an emergency?

I second what Dandylion said. Please reach out before your phone is cut off!