What did I get myself into?!
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Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: CA
Posts: 125
What did I get myself into?!
Ugh so I won't bother with the long drawn out story of my recent past but to those of who who aren't familiar with it just read my past posts.
Well, I got myself into another hell it seems
Except this time with an alcoholic who not only has gotten physical with me several times but also verbal almost daily. I'm truly trapped here in this house with his parent's (who are enablers & that allow him to create chaos). We met about 6 & a half months ago bc I thought he was really handsome & I hadn't fell for anyone since my previous XABF. So the story goes, he & I would drink at bars on occasion as a social thing only ; until he told me one night that I should lose some weight (out of nowhere). Well a month or so passes & then one night he'd been drinking all night & I was trying to get some sleep & he shoved me while I was laying there & he said it was bc I wasn't "responding" to him. I should've stopped it right there bc i knew deep down I was headed down the wrong path but of course , he apologized numerous times later on & I stupidly believed him.
Anyways, so long story short, whenever he drinks heavily (which has been recently & almost nightly) he'll try to fight me physically & esp verbally. Since I don't fight back, he attacks me both physically & emotionally as well as verbally. I can't leave yet bc my car is currently being fixed in Oregon & should be fixed by this week hopefully. I feel as though it is getting worse bc I am always on eggshells around him at night when he's been on a drinking binge. He is the type that likes to sleep all day & drink/party all night until dawn. I'm the opposite. I rarely drink unless we go out (which is rare). He yells at me & fights me bc I want to just hang out at home more than he does. Truthfully, I'm afraid to ride in the car with him after he's been drinking all night. I don't want to die just yet. He hates me for not wanting to be "a part of his world". I'm beyond unattracted to him now & just want away from him. He has pretty much isolated me to the point of causing me weight gain & high strung depression in the last month I've been here.
I'm afraid of him when he gets riled up & comes home wanting to fight me for crazy reasons. I usually pretend I'm asleep when I hear him open the door so he'll just leave me alone. His parent's don't do a damn thing about it either. I think they might be afraid of him too. Since I've lived here over the last month I've noticed holes in the walls from the past that they've covered with pictures due to him kicking it in or whatever. I'm scared of him when he gets crazy mad like he does. He befriends just about anyone (including bums& god knows whom else) who will sit & "chill" with him and just talk. Ugh it's disgusting. I can't wait to leave here for good! My car will be ready by this upcoming week I'm hoping for anyway.
My stuff is packed downstairs waiting for me to carry out my escape plan.
I'm so ready to be away from him & his dysfunctional family!
Well, I got myself into another hell it seems
Except this time with an alcoholic who not only has gotten physical with me several times but also verbal almost daily. I'm truly trapped here in this house with his parent's (who are enablers & that allow him to create chaos). We met about 6 & a half months ago bc I thought he was really handsome & I hadn't fell for anyone since my previous XABF. So the story goes, he & I would drink at bars on occasion as a social thing only ; until he told me one night that I should lose some weight (out of nowhere). Well a month or so passes & then one night he'd been drinking all night & I was trying to get some sleep & he shoved me while I was laying there & he said it was bc I wasn't "responding" to him. I should've stopped it right there bc i knew deep down I was headed down the wrong path but of course , he apologized numerous times later on & I stupidly believed him. Anyways, so long story short, whenever he drinks heavily (which has been recently & almost nightly) he'll try to fight me physically & esp verbally. Since I don't fight back, he attacks me both physically & emotionally as well as verbally. I can't leave yet bc my car is currently being fixed in Oregon & should be fixed by this week hopefully. I feel as though it is getting worse bc I am always on eggshells around him at night when he's been on a drinking binge. He is the type that likes to sleep all day & drink/party all night until dawn. I'm the opposite. I rarely drink unless we go out (which is rare). He yells at me & fights me bc I want to just hang out at home more than he does. Truthfully, I'm afraid to ride in the car with him after he's been drinking all night. I don't want to die just yet. He hates me for not wanting to be "a part of his world". I'm beyond unattracted to him now & just want away from him. He has pretty much isolated me to the point of causing me weight gain & high strung depression in the last month I've been here.
I'm afraid of him when he gets riled up & comes home wanting to fight me for crazy reasons. I usually pretend I'm asleep when I hear him open the door so he'll just leave me alone. His parent's don't do a damn thing about it either. I think they might be afraid of him too. Since I've lived here over the last month I've noticed holes in the walls from the past that they've covered with pictures due to him kicking it in or whatever. I'm scared of him when he gets crazy mad like he does. He befriends just about anyone (including bums& god knows whom else) who will sit & "chill" with him and just talk. Ugh it's disgusting. I can't wait to leave here for good! My car will be ready by this upcoming week I'm hoping for anyway.
My stuff is packed downstairs waiting for me to carry out my escape plan.
I'm so ready to be away from him & his dysfunctional family!
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: My mind wanders a lot, but I try to stay in the present.
Posts: 1,007
Originally Posted by gothbarbie 
I don't want to die just yet.
Is there perhaps a women's shelter that can take you in? Maybe you could look up domestic violence shelters in your area. You need a plan of action that you can put into effect asap. Even if that means calling the cops.
Stay safe, hon
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
gothbarbie....it would be very appropriate to call the dv number and talk to one of the hotline workers. They are there for exactly this purpose--to help you to stay safe. You are not safe, now.
The hotline can put you in touch with emergency services that are most local to you.
They can pick you up, if need be. They will help you to get safely out of the house.
They can get you to a place where you can stay, safely, until your car is fixed and you can go on your way. They also have connections to other resources that you may need.
You can also call the police. Don't hesitate if you feel that you need help.
That is what they are there for.
You have a right to be safe and to take care of yourself. This is wrong, what he is doing. It isn't your fault and you shouldn't have to live under this kind of situation. This is abuse.
***the dv people are very kind and easy to talk to.
dandylion
The hotline can put you in touch with emergency services that are most local to you.
They can pick you up, if need be. They will help you to get safely out of the house.
They can get you to a place where you can stay, safely, until your car is fixed and you can go on your way. They also have connections to other resources that you may need.
You can also call the police. Don't hesitate if you feel that you need help.
That is what they are there for.
You have a right to be safe and to take care of yourself. This is wrong, what he is doing. It isn't your fault and you shouldn't have to live under this kind of situation. This is abuse.
***the dv people are very kind and easy to talk to.
dandylion
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Absolutely--call the hotline. You need to get out NOW, not wait for your car to be repaired. The shelter can help you figure out any essential transportation in the meantime.
I've worked in the DV field for many years. Remember, when he's drinking he doesn't even have to INTEND to kill/injure you badly. It could still happen.
Please make the call. You can also call the police, as he has already committed crimes against you. But if you're reluctant to go that route, at least call the hotline/DV shelter for safety.
I've worked in the DV field for many years. Remember, when he's drinking he doesn't even have to INTEND to kill/injure you badly. It could still happen.
Please make the call. You can also call the police, as he has already committed crimes against you. But if you're reluctant to go that route, at least call the hotline/DV shelter for safety.
Behold the power of NO
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,764
I hope that you are ok today Barbie. You got some really good feedback and I agree with the others that your priority is to get out of here asap and I hope you called the DV hotline.
I would also suggest that you keep on reading and participating here even when you are not in crisis mode and that you take a look at yourself (steps, therapy, journallng or whatever).
I am not saying this to be mean but it seems that you have a pattern of picking up addicts and drunks. Choosing someone you met in a bar because he is cute shows some poor judgement in light of your past experience and so does moving in with that person within a few months in his parents' house.
You have a higher probability to hook up with an alcoholic in a bar than let's say in a hiking club.
Anyway, this is all food for thoughts for future consideration. I am not saying this to blame the victim but so hopefully this does not happen again. I hope that you are taking action right now to remove yourself from a dangerous situation.
I would also suggest that you keep on reading and participating here even when you are not in crisis mode and that you take a look at yourself (steps, therapy, journallng or whatever).
I am not saying this to be mean but it seems that you have a pattern of picking up addicts and drunks. Choosing someone you met in a bar because he is cute shows some poor judgement in light of your past experience and so does moving in with that person within a few months in his parents' house.
You have a higher probability to hook up with an alcoholic in a bar than let's say in a hiking club.
Anyway, this is all food for thoughts for future consideration. I am not saying this to blame the victim but so hopefully this does not happen again. I hope that you are taking action right now to remove yourself from a dangerous situation.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 5,700
You have to ensure your safety and that can not be done while your are living where you presently are. Call the hotline that has been mentioned; the have the knowledge and resources to keep you safe. I wish you well.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: West Coast
Posts: 774
Does he know you are leaving when your car gets fixed? Could be why he seems to be escalating things.... Please don't put all your eggs in one basket and hope this car thing pulls through. Have a back up plan and call these hotlines. Get out now! This is definitely a crisis mode. (((HUGS))))
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: CA
Posts: 125
Originally Posted by Carlotta
I hope that you are ok today Barbie. You got some really good feedback and I agree with the others that your priority is to get out of here asap and I hope you called the DV hotline.
I would also suggest that you keep on reading and participating here even when you are not in crisis mode and that you take a look at yourself (steps, therapy, journallng or whatever).
I am not saying this to be mean but it seems that you have a pattern of picking up addicts and drunks. Choosing someone you met in a bar because he is cute shows some poor judgement in light of your past experience and so does moving in with that person within a few months in his parents' house.
You have a higher probability to hook up with an alcoholic in a bar than let's say in a hiking club.
Anyway, this is all food for thoughts for future consideration. I am not saying this to blame the victim but so hopefully this does not happen again. I hope that you are taking action right now to remove yourself from a dangerous situation.
I would also suggest that you keep on reading and participating here even when you are not in crisis mode and that you take a look at yourself (steps, therapy, journallng or whatever).
I am not saying this to be mean but it seems that you have a pattern of picking up addicts and drunks. Choosing someone you met in a bar because he is cute shows some poor judgement in light of your past experience and so does moving in with that person within a few months in his parents' house.
You have a higher probability to hook up with an alcoholic in a bar than let's say in a hiking club.
Anyway, this is all food for thoughts for future consideration. I am not saying this to blame the victim but so hopefully this does not happen again. I hope that you are taking action right now to remove yourself from a dangerous situation.
Ok, I appreciate all of the positive feedback I've gotten so far; however I seriously don't need this type of negative response from someone. I realize yes I do have a problem obviously which is why I started posting on here again. Why keep kicking me when I'm already down?!
I didn't just move in with him on a whim, I had no other place to go at the time. My car broke down & left me not only stranded BUT also caused me to lose my room I was renting due to the fact that I had no other way of transportation to & from work. I did what I had to do. I have a safety plan already mapped out thank you. In the future I'd advise you to tread carefully on those of us that realize we have a problem & are in trouble. At least we're admitting it to ourselves & not in denial. I don't appreciate people like you who just want to add more fuel to the fire by pointing fingers at us. It's not fair! I came here to vent & for a positive outlook, not more negativity.
Bunnies!
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,905
Originally Posted by gothbarbie
I didn't just move in with him on a whim, I had no other place to go at the time.
Behold the power of NO
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,764
. In the future I'd advise you to tread carefully on those of us that realize we have a problem & are in trouble. At least we're admitting it to ourselves & not in denial. I don't appreciate people like you who just want to add more fuel to the fire by pointing fingers at us. It's not fair!
And yeah, life is not fair!
Bunnies!
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,905
How old are you, barbie? I'm thinking there seems to be a life experience/maturity gap here, which is leading to a good bit of misunderstanding. You seem to be very young and lacking in the maturity that comes with age. We are trying in earnest to help you (and like Carlotta said, anyone else who may be in your shoes who is reading). Do you realize the severity of your situation and that you continue to keep repeating the same patterns? The first step to getting out is acknowledging these things and actively getting out as quickly as possible.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 1,022
Goth-
take what you want and just leave the rest. We ALL do it on here, girlie. No biggie. You're in a tough spot right now, no doubt about that. You seem like you are educated about this stuff and recognize your own pattern. That's a good start!!
Keep that number handy--- and take care of you!! I have a feeling you don't go down without a fight, so utilize the resources available and get the hell outta dodge should you feel it the right thing to do.
hugs to you
take what you want and just leave the rest. We ALL do it on here, girlie. No biggie. You're in a tough spot right now, no doubt about that. You seem like you are educated about this stuff and recognize your own pattern. That's a good start!!
Keep that number handy--- and take care of you!! I have a feeling you don't go down without a fight, so utilize the resources available and get the hell outta dodge should you feel it the right thing to do.
hugs to you
●▬๑۩۩๑▬●
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 1,405
Barbie,
I read back through some of the threads you have started in the past. You seem to become upset when others suggest that you may want to look at yourself so you don't continue to repeat and end up getting hurt. You may want to try the Secular Forum
I read back through some of the threads you have started in the past. You seem to become upset when others suggest that you may want to look at yourself so you don't continue to repeat and end up getting hurt. You may want to try the Secular Forum
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 235
Barbs, sometimes you just have to choose the hard road instead of what appears to be the easy road.
Pop on your big girl panties, pack your shiz up and leave that barstard. Go to a shelter. There's nothing magical any of us can say that will help you to make him treat you any better. GTFO GF!
Pop on your big girl panties, pack your shiz up and leave that barstard. Go to a shelter. There's nothing magical any of us can say that will help you to make him treat you any better. GTFO GF!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: CA
Posts: 125
Originally Posted by cynical one
Barbie,
I read back through some of the threads you have started in the past. You seem to become upset when others suggest that you may want to look at yourself so you don't continue to repeat and end up getting hurt. You may want to try the Secular Forum
I read back through some of the threads you have started in the past. You seem to become upset when others suggest that you may want to look at yourself so you don't continue to repeat and end up getting hurt. You may want to try the Secular Forum
I do in fact look at myself actually. My problem was that I hadn't given myself enough time to heal from the previous wound. It's not something that I really thought would escalate so fast & so crazy. Once I leave this situation behind me (hopefully this week) I have promised myself to take the time for myself to heal from everything & get my head screwed on straight again. I've decided not to date anyone again for awhile. I need to break this pattern I've somehow gotten myself sucked into.
The last few days have been ok so far so good. He hasn't gotten violent or physical when he comes home at night. I've learned to not argue back & to let him do his thing bc in the end I know that I am getting the hell out of this house soon enough. I've been very sweet & he's been passing out asleep. I am safe everyone.
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