Katchie

It is hard to stay the course of what we need when those we love say all the right things. Good job! Our natural instinct is to want to believe them. It's so sad we can't. I hope you have peace tonight...Hugs

lonelyman

In my 18 years with a AW she is always ready to quit drinking ,get help ,etc,, after she knows she has screwed up big time.Problem is it never happens,I have come to realize she is never going to quit.Sir I realize it will be hard,,damn I can't even take my own advice but it would be best to move on.I wish you luck.

Nero427

Well, another day another update.

Made an appointment with the divorce attorney for next week. Started putting in motion the plan to separate......And low and behold she went to her first AA meeting today. And she's scheduled to begin the outpatient counseling with the psychiatric facility next week. And she's been sober for 5 days now.

And I don't know how to feel about that....

SparkleKitty

You don't have to know. This is just information.

She may stick with recovery, she may not. That may make a difference to you, and it may not. All's fair here.

Refiner

Nero, that's great news! But that should not change a legal separation in any way for you. She should be congratulated and given well wishes for a successful recovery... then you be on your merry way to sit back and watch her actions for the next 1-2 years.

hopeful4

This. It's actions OVER THE COURSE OF A LONG TIME that count. Why don't you plan to separate for a year and revisit where she is a year from now? I don't want to negate what she is doing b/c that is great, but five days is not much time.

lillamy

Talk is cheap. Five days vs 7 years of action? I could see myself going ahead with a separation and letting her work on her recovery without me being to be involved in the everyday ugly of it. But I've been told I'm short on compassion.

Sotiredofitall

I'm surprised that she walked away that quickly from the psych facility. Discharging a gun (while drunk?) inside a home endangers everyone in the home and for quite a distance around. Thats pretty dangerous behavior. I would remove the guns/ammo from the home until you get the situation resolved. Very scarey behavior!

Hawkeye13

Five days is a drop in the bucket Nero, and she only did that because
she gets you are serious. As was said, follow through or lose the war.
You sticking to your boundary may make the difference in her choosing
real recovery as opposed to placating you for a short time and then
back to the bottle.

If she really is serious, she'll work a program on her own with or without you.

She's gotten sober before and knows what it takes.

Nero427

The guns were removed from the house 1.5 seconds after the trigger was pulled! Yeah, that was scary. Talk about adrenaline dump.

Nero427

50 day update.

She's still sober, still going to meetings everyday, still reading her AA devotionals daily, and is really close with her sponsor.
We've been to marital counseling a couple of times as well.

My exit plan is on hold. As long as she does her part, I'll do mine. So far so good.

CodeJob

Nero, nice update.

firebolt

Glad to hear, Nero! I hope you are doing things for you, and taking care of yourself through it all. Best to you both!

LexieCat

Cool! Good luck to both of you!

Sungrl

Wow! Super news. Hope she continues on that path for a long time. (forever)

Nice that life is calm again.

Woodman123

Welcome (again) Nero! So great to hear a positive update. I really hope your wife is one of the 'lucky' ones who manages to achieve a meaningful recovery. 50 days is great (though nothing in the grand scheme), and sounds like she's actively working a program- just don't fall into any false sense of 'out of the woods' mindset. My late wife made it 2 months, and fell hard and fast. Also, guard against her sense of 'commitment' knowing your plan is on hold. Alcoholics have a brilliant ability for manipulation. Maybe not here, but I have seen plenty so just being honest.

I wish you and your family the best of peace and well-being.

Woodman

Nero427

Thanks. Like I said in an earlier post, when we met she was sober for years and years, over a decade before she started slipping. She's tenacious with everything she does, so hopefully she'll have the same tenacity with this period of sobriety as she did in the past.

Nero427

Update. Relapse.

Today I had to run to my parents to work on their computer. My wife said: "I'll stay home, I've got plenty of housework to do". Historically my wife would always drink whenever I wasn't around, so she would be drunk by the time I'd get back. So when she decided to stay home I was on high alert. Now keep in mind she's been sober for 8 months now, so I shouldn't have had to worry about anything, right?

When I got back she presented me with a one year chip she'd bought as a surprise (yea me, one year sober today!). But when she hugged me she made sure her head was turned away. I also noticed she had like 5 different projects going without any progress completing them. No slurred words or anything like that. So I thought, "maybe I'm being paranoid".
I had some cardboard boxes I needed to break down and put in the trash and I noticed a new trash bag had been put in the container. Hey, that's my job! She never takes out the trash, it's too heavy for her. Naturally I opened it up and found a 12 pack box and some empty beer cans. I calmly took the box inside held it up and asked her if she had a good time today. She said "No", and I threw it back in the trash and went about my business.

Maybe someone more experienced with this can tell me why she relapsed on my one year sobriety day. There's a link there somewhere I'm sure.

Austin4Wyo

Ouch. Just...ow. It may sound pedantic, but I'm sorry about that.

I wish I could offer more, but I guess, both as a recovering alcoholic with a shade over 7 months myself and as a friend of another chronic relapser, one who constantly turns to me when soused and being morose. Its not like a marriage, and ai won't patronize you by saying I understand. But I'm sending positive vibes your way.

I do want to ask, though...

If it is connected to your one year date, does it matter so long as you're maintaining your own recovery? I'm genuine here...I would be inclined to see it as a tenuous connection at best, since it seems it would be an opening for passing the blame. I've done it, and its been done to me.

I hope things improve. Congratulations on your One Year.

"Always Believe!" -The Ultimate Warrior

Refiner

I'm guessing her "relapse" on your anniversary isn't a relapse at all. And the continuation of drinking has been ongoing all along especially seeing how brazen she was about it.