Can we fix us?
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
One other thing. Any therapist worth his/her license won't "get angry" with you for not acting immediately in your best interests. Therapy is to HELP you get to the place where you can follow through with your intentions. It isn't just to listen to you and then berate you for not doing what you "should." It's sort of like thinking that a doctor will get angry at you for not getting well right away. Wouldn't make much sense, would it?
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Northwest
Posts: 4,215
Your story haunts me...I feel so sad for you.
One thought...when you got away from there for a while your real self emerged. Maybe leaving for good is too big right now, especially when you're being brainwashed and having your self-respect eroded every day.
Can you leave for a week, with your dog? Get out of that environment, rest, and maybe find a bit of yourself again. Even a long weekend.
Sending you a hug.
P.S. HE IS NOT A VICTIM. He is an abuser.
One thought...when you got away from there for a while your real self emerged. Maybe leaving for good is too big right now, especially when you're being brainwashed and having your self-respect eroded every day.
Can you leave for a week, with your dog? Get out of that environment, rest, and maybe find a bit of yourself again. Even a long weekend.
Sending you a hug.
P.S. HE IS NOT A VICTIM. He is an abuser.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Alaska
Posts: 2,913
Wishing you peace and continued strength. I'm glad that you were able to figure out what had happened with the multiple strokes and have made strides in your recovery.
I completely understand about not being ready yet, despite being aware of what he's doing, and not wanting to be alone while also not wanting a roommate. It doesn't make you weak and it doesn't make you stupid. Many of us who have been through an abusive relationship know that it's not easy to leave and that getting to the point where you're ready to go is hard. Please don't beat yourself up about that. All you _need_ to do right now is breathe.
You mentioned needing someone with you to sleep. I kind of like the idea of having your dog sleep with you, though I don't have one. My cat tends to start the night on my bed - on my legs or feet until I shove him off to the side (he's about 20 lbs). I have a ton pillows on my bed and I kind of put them in an arc around the top of the bed. I also bought a buckwheat pillow - it's a heavier weight than down or down-alternative pillows and that one generally ends up against my back. It gives a nice solid warmth to lean up against.
A friend had suggested a weighted blanket since it's supposed to help with anxiety, but I can't stand heavy quilts so I don't think it'd work for me. IDK. Maybe something like that might help you?
Take gentle care and stay safe.
I completely understand about not being ready yet, despite being aware of what he's doing, and not wanting to be alone while also not wanting a roommate. It doesn't make you weak and it doesn't make you stupid. Many of us who have been through an abusive relationship know that it's not easy to leave and that getting to the point where you're ready to go is hard. Please don't beat yourself up about that. All you _need_ to do right now is breathe.
You mentioned needing someone with you to sleep. I kind of like the idea of having your dog sleep with you, though I don't have one. My cat tends to start the night on my bed - on my legs or feet until I shove him off to the side (he's about 20 lbs). I have a ton pillows on my bed and I kind of put them in an arc around the top of the bed. I also bought a buckwheat pillow - it's a heavier weight than down or down-alternative pillows and that one generally ends up against my back. It gives a nice solid warmth to lean up against.
A friend had suggested a weighted blanket since it's supposed to help with anxiety, but I can't stand heavy quilts so I don't think it'd work for me. IDK. Maybe something like that might help you?
Take gentle care and stay safe.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Sydney, NSW
Posts: 15
Thank you so much for taking the time to come back to me with your loving words of encouragement.
I actually think that the dog might be a good idea. ( I have one ) but at the moment H won't allow them inside at night. But when I'm on my own, I can have her cuddle in bed with me.
I like the buckwheat pillow idea. I will look into that, thank you so much. As for the anxiety, I think I will just really need to start good Therapie now. Especially geared toward what I've experienced as a child and not just some general counselling.
Today is the AVO hearing and the solicitor will call Me afterwards to tell me for which day I will be subpoenad. H has been on stress leave at home for the last 3 months. I hope I get a chance to maybe call someone to ask if they can help me to stay in the country.
I just have one more thing. If you could please help me with that. I don't feel "love" for H anymore. But he's a somewhat predictable and sometimes unpredictable constant in my life, which I guess gives me something. Maybe control. Not sure. Anyways, I remember leaving him once for ONE night, after a fight and he cried and kept calling me repeatedly. Am I coward for wanting to avoid that situation? For not feeling strong enough to walk away when he begs me to stay? Am I coward for planning to leave when he's out and about and leaving a note? I don't want to disclose to him where I'm Going.
Ariesagain - thank you. I hope it's okay to feel that way. For not being able to end things once and for all. I feel numb when I try to tell myself that I will leave forever. But I feel okay if I say to myself "hey, you can just say to him, I'll be gone for at least 6 months to have a break and to give you a chance to sober up and get your life together" I almost know that I won't want to return after such a long time. But I like it when I say it like that. It doesn't feel so harsh then. It doesn't feel like I'm abandoning this man who will maybe suffer when I'm gone.
His mother has put so much mean and manipulative stuff in my head. Because of her I feel responsible To catch him when he falls. When the AVO got taken out, she made clear that if he would commit suicide, that it was my fault. This has really been haunting me. I really hope my therapist and maybe some of you, can help me shake off this quilt. I know that this is not how I want to live. I've even gotten to the point where I politely said to myself "Fran, you're 24, he's your second boyfriend, he's not want you want, you're too young to settle for this." And as much as I felt immature for thinking like this, it helped, because somewhat I was kinder and not so brutal with him or myself. At least in my head.
Thank you everyone for your replies, as long as you still want me to return, I'm promise to report back to you this time.
I actually think that the dog might be a good idea. ( I have one ) but at the moment H won't allow them inside at night. But when I'm on my own, I can have her cuddle in bed with me.
I like the buckwheat pillow idea. I will look into that, thank you so much. As for the anxiety, I think I will just really need to start good Therapie now. Especially geared toward what I've experienced as a child and not just some general counselling.
Today is the AVO hearing and the solicitor will call Me afterwards to tell me for which day I will be subpoenad. H has been on stress leave at home for the last 3 months. I hope I get a chance to maybe call someone to ask if they can help me to stay in the country.
I just have one more thing. If you could please help me with that. I don't feel "love" for H anymore. But he's a somewhat predictable and sometimes unpredictable constant in my life, which I guess gives me something. Maybe control. Not sure. Anyways, I remember leaving him once for ONE night, after a fight and he cried and kept calling me repeatedly. Am I coward for wanting to avoid that situation? For not feeling strong enough to walk away when he begs me to stay? Am I coward for planning to leave when he's out and about and leaving a note? I don't want to disclose to him where I'm Going.
Ariesagain - thank you. I hope it's okay to feel that way. For not being able to end things once and for all. I feel numb when I try to tell myself that I will leave forever. But I feel okay if I say to myself "hey, you can just say to him, I'll be gone for at least 6 months to have a break and to give you a chance to sober up and get your life together" I almost know that I won't want to return after such a long time. But I like it when I say it like that. It doesn't feel so harsh then. It doesn't feel like I'm abandoning this man who will maybe suffer when I'm gone.
His mother has put so much mean and manipulative stuff in my head. Because of her I feel responsible To catch him when he falls. When the AVO got taken out, she made clear that if he would commit suicide, that it was my fault. This has really been haunting me. I really hope my therapist and maybe some of you, can help me shake off this quilt. I know that this is not how I want to live. I've even gotten to the point where I politely said to myself "Fran, you're 24, he's your second boyfriend, he's not want you want, you're too young to settle for this." And as much as I felt immature for thinking like this, it helped, because somewhat I was kinder and not so brutal with him or myself. At least in my head.
Thank you everyone for your replies, as long as you still want me to return, I'm promise to report back to you this time.
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Northwest
Posts: 4,215
Glad to hear from you. Don't get me wrong, how you feel is how you feel and that's okay. But understanding that feelings aren't facts or insurmountable barriers is crucial.
You're 24. How did a 24-year-old sign up to take on the responsibility for a grown man's life? He's a policeman. He's armed. Why are you in charge of what he chooses to do with his sad, sick life??
NO. His mother is every bit as sick as he is if she's dumping all of this on you.
You do not answer to her. You do not answer to him and his multiple addictions. Continuing to let him rape and abuse you doesn't solve his problems.
Tell him whatever you have to to get out of there. Please PLEASE call the DV hotline...or at a bare minimum, call your family and let them help you escape. Australia will wait. You are TWENTY FOUR.
Don't let this mistake ruin the rest of your life. The longer it goes on, the longer it will take to recover.
Run.
You're 24. How did a 24-year-old sign up to take on the responsibility for a grown man's life? He's a policeman. He's armed. Why are you in charge of what he chooses to do with his sad, sick life??
NO. His mother is every bit as sick as he is if she's dumping all of this on you.
You do not answer to her. You do not answer to him and his multiple addictions. Continuing to let him rape and abuse you doesn't solve his problems.
Tell him whatever you have to to get out of there. Please PLEASE call the DV hotline...or at a bare minimum, call your family and let them help you escape. Australia will wait. You are TWENTY FOUR.
Don't let this mistake ruin the rest of your life. The longer it goes on, the longer it will take to recover.
Run.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Alaska
Posts: 2,913
When dealing with an abusive partner, not telling them when you're planning to leave is typically one factor in leaving safely. I didn't know that and I was lucky that AXH didn't think I could handle living on my own and thought I'd be back with him again shortly after leaving the last time. So, no. Not telling him isn't being cowardly; it's smart.
To be honest, when I left AXH it was with the full intention of having time apart so we could work out our issues. That's what I told him and that's what I told myself. I didn't even give it a time frame. It was only after I'd been in counseling for a while and started acknowledging exactly how bad life with him had been that the idea of not going back surfaced. So I think it's awesome that you're already able to see that the time apart is actually leaving.
Not wanting to deal with the incessant rounds of 'please come back / take me back,' the phone calls, the protestations of undying love, the promises to change, the professions of NEED, the - speaking bluntly - harassment, doesn't make you a coward, either. Dealing with that is beyond exhausting. That's where no contact made life bearable for me. Or as no contact as I could go since I have a child with AXH. I had to have my sister screen attempts from AXH to reach me for a while. She'd dig through the crp and let me know, "*This* one is about DS's appointment and has a question to answer." All the others were moved to a "AXH Garbage" file. You're well within your right to screen calls and e-mails. There's no need to answer. No matter what he has to say, there's nothing to talk about, so you really don't have to talk with him. It doesn't even have to be laid out or told to him if you think he'll take it badly.
I'd also block his mother. What an absolute s--t thing for her to say to you about him and suicide. No. No.... NO. It would not be true. Please remember that alcoholism and addiction are family issues. Without having put in recovery work on her own, even if she doesn't drink herself, his mother isn't any more likely to have a healthy relationship with her son's addictions either. Another thought is, he had to learn his behavior some where. Threatening suicide if you leave is an attempt to manipulate and is a tactic of abusive partners. His family may or may not have abuse in it, but it's very likely that the underlying views on relationships that let him believe he's entitled to sex have roots in the interplay and relationships in his family of origin. And his mom is caught up in that in one way or another.
Can I also just say that the self talk you've started giving yourself about this not being what you want is not - in any way - immature. I think it takes a lot of introspection and honesty to be able to say that. In fact, it's a great thing to keep in mind as you try to steady your feet to take your next steps.
((((hugs))))
To be honest, when I left AXH it was with the full intention of having time apart so we could work out our issues. That's what I told him and that's what I told myself. I didn't even give it a time frame. It was only after I'd been in counseling for a while and started acknowledging exactly how bad life with him had been that the idea of not going back surfaced. So I think it's awesome that you're already able to see that the time apart is actually leaving.
Not wanting to deal with the incessant rounds of 'please come back / take me back,' the phone calls, the protestations of undying love, the promises to change, the professions of NEED, the - speaking bluntly - harassment, doesn't make you a coward, either. Dealing with that is beyond exhausting. That's where no contact made life bearable for me. Or as no contact as I could go since I have a child with AXH. I had to have my sister screen attempts from AXH to reach me for a while. She'd dig through the crp and let me know, "*This* one is about DS's appointment and has a question to answer." All the others were moved to a "AXH Garbage" file. You're well within your right to screen calls and e-mails. There's no need to answer. No matter what he has to say, there's nothing to talk about, so you really don't have to talk with him. It doesn't even have to be laid out or told to him if you think he'll take it badly.
I'd also block his mother. What an absolute s--t thing for her to say to you about him and suicide. No. No.... NO. It would not be true. Please remember that alcoholism and addiction are family issues. Without having put in recovery work on her own, even if she doesn't drink herself, his mother isn't any more likely to have a healthy relationship with her son's addictions either. Another thought is, he had to learn his behavior some where. Threatening suicide if you leave is an attempt to manipulate and is a tactic of abusive partners. His family may or may not have abuse in it, but it's very likely that the underlying views on relationships that let him believe he's entitled to sex have roots in the interplay and relationships in his family of origin. And his mom is caught up in that in one way or another.
Can I also just say that the self talk you've started giving yourself about this not being what you want is not - in any way - immature. I think it takes a lot of introspection and honesty to be able to say that. In fact, it's a great thing to keep in mind as you try to steady your feet to take your next steps.
((((hugs))))
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Fran, I honestly think you should return to Germany for now, where you can get proper medical treatment and family support. When your old self returns, then you can start making plans to apply for a permanent resident visa. You'd have to leave Australia to apply anyway.
You've been unwell, and repeatedly abused, and I'm glad the police are pushing forward with the prosecution. You must do the best to get yourself well away from him and this situation. It's not the end of the world, going home, instead it could be a new beginning for you.
You've been unwell, and repeatedly abused, and I'm glad the police are pushing forward with the prosecution. You must do the best to get yourself well away from him and this situation. It's not the end of the world, going home, instead it could be a new beginning for you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Sydney, NSW
Posts: 15
I am home and confused.
Hi everyone, just wanted to give another update and talk about how I have been feeling lately.
I've left. On November 15, I left the house at 4am and got on a plane the same day at 9pm. H had been on a 3 week binge at that point and I had not seen him sober in 3 weeks. He had kept me up for 3 nights and I was scared he would hurt me. I also couldn't stand the pain any longer. He drank two 750ml bottles every day and all he wanted was to sleep, he would drink, smoke and try to sleep, he was screaming in bed, having terrible cramps in his stomach, but he wouldn't let me call anyone to help.
He was a mess. He wanted to sleep with me. He cried and cried and cried. He could barely talk. On November 15, I felt so helpless and hurt and scared that I couldn't take it anymore. I brought my dog to a girlfriend, quit my job, told my family, packed a few things while H was in and out of bed, booked a flight with his credit card and gave him a kiss and told him I would go for a bike ride. I then blocked him and called his brother and mother to help him.
I wish I could type how I felt. But my fingers just kinda rest on the keyword, not knowing where to start. Like I don't have a word for how lost, hurt and broken I felt and still feel. It took so much strength to leave him alone. But I thought if I don't leave, he would either die or I would die trying to help him.
At first, being "home" felt okay, my brother lent me the money to fly my dog in and I was counting the days till she would get here. It's been 4 weeks now and my Dog Patches has been here with me for 3 day's now and everything is hell. I am even more broken now that she's here. First of all, my mother is a really really horrible and sick person. She is not good for me, she is selfish and hurtful and it's very difficult to be around her. But I am living with her until I move out and find a place of my own. But here's the thing:
I don't belong here anymore. Neither does my beautiful dog. Australia is my home, I have made friends there and I have studied there. I have my entire life established in Australia. Why did I fly back to Germany you might ask? Because I am impulsive? Because I alway act and think later. Because I always think I know exactly what I need and completely stuff up. And because I knew that simply staying at a friends place for a few months wouldn't cut it. Not for me and not for him. I felt like I needed to be 20km's away from him in order to stay away from him.
But now I know I f****** up. I am happy because he's detoxed and sought help. He's finally sober. His mother has told that he's planning to come to Germany in a few months to look for me. To show me that he's kicked alcoholisms arse. But is that even possible? Is it possible to be in a relationship with someone who has hurt you so much? Is it possible to be in a happy relationship once he is sober and in recovery? I am so incredibly broken and hurt and I just need to find some comfort. I am hurt because I miss him and I miss my home. I am hurt because I am here in Germany, where nothing feels familiar anymore and where I no longer belong. I am hurt because I cancelled my visa and I am not sure if I can ever undo the visa if I chose to return to Australia? Let alone all the people that have given me their support here. My brother has lent me the money to fly my dog in, only for me to fly him back out .. but maybe I should not worry about everyone else all the time and just think about what I want? What I need? It's just money in the end, which I can alway pay back.
I just wish I were dreaming. I wish I were at a house somewhere far up north Queensland with my dog, giving myself a break and taking the time to really think about my life and what I want my life to look like.
Instead, I am in Germany. I am at a place that I chose to leave when I was 18 years old, because I had learned that you can't choose family, but you can keep them at a healthy distance. Instead of taking some time off, to be alone and to think about what I really want and to heal; I am working at my brothers company from early morning till late at night only to avoid being with my mom in her one bedroom apartment, where she smokes her lungs out, hurt's my feelings and where I am surrounded by her negativity and bitterness.
I wish I could find some clarity. And I really wish I could undo what I have done. I wish at least, that I was still in Australia and that I didn't burn all my bridges. I wish I could just find peace in something. I wish I knew for sure if I need to forget H or if I can hold on and start again with him, after some healing on my side and a lot of healing and recovery from his side.
And for the most part, I wish that I had someone to talk to. I feel like that's exactly why I am so impulsive. I can't tell anyone here how horribly hurt I am and how badly I wish I could just go back. Because everyone here expects me to be happy now that I am here, with my dog. But it's the opposite.
I would appreciate some words of advice. Or anything. But I understand if you don't have anything for me.
Wishing everyone a very merry Christmas xxxx
I've left. On November 15, I left the house at 4am and got on a plane the same day at 9pm. H had been on a 3 week binge at that point and I had not seen him sober in 3 weeks. He had kept me up for 3 nights and I was scared he would hurt me. I also couldn't stand the pain any longer. He drank two 750ml bottles every day and all he wanted was to sleep, he would drink, smoke and try to sleep, he was screaming in bed, having terrible cramps in his stomach, but he wouldn't let me call anyone to help.
He was a mess. He wanted to sleep with me. He cried and cried and cried. He could barely talk. On November 15, I felt so helpless and hurt and scared that I couldn't take it anymore. I brought my dog to a girlfriend, quit my job, told my family, packed a few things while H was in and out of bed, booked a flight with his credit card and gave him a kiss and told him I would go for a bike ride. I then blocked him and called his brother and mother to help him.
I wish I could type how I felt. But my fingers just kinda rest on the keyword, not knowing where to start. Like I don't have a word for how lost, hurt and broken I felt and still feel. It took so much strength to leave him alone. But I thought if I don't leave, he would either die or I would die trying to help him.
At first, being "home" felt okay, my brother lent me the money to fly my dog in and I was counting the days till she would get here. It's been 4 weeks now and my Dog Patches has been here with me for 3 day's now and everything is hell. I am even more broken now that she's here. First of all, my mother is a really really horrible and sick person. She is not good for me, she is selfish and hurtful and it's very difficult to be around her. But I am living with her until I move out and find a place of my own. But here's the thing:
I don't belong here anymore. Neither does my beautiful dog. Australia is my home, I have made friends there and I have studied there. I have my entire life established in Australia. Why did I fly back to Germany you might ask? Because I am impulsive? Because I alway act and think later. Because I always think I know exactly what I need and completely stuff up. And because I knew that simply staying at a friends place for a few months wouldn't cut it. Not for me and not for him. I felt like I needed to be 20km's away from him in order to stay away from him.
But now I know I f****** up. I am happy because he's detoxed and sought help. He's finally sober. His mother has told that he's planning to come to Germany in a few months to look for me. To show me that he's kicked alcoholisms arse. But is that even possible? Is it possible to be in a relationship with someone who has hurt you so much? Is it possible to be in a happy relationship once he is sober and in recovery? I am so incredibly broken and hurt and I just need to find some comfort. I am hurt because I miss him and I miss my home. I am hurt because I am here in Germany, where nothing feels familiar anymore and where I no longer belong. I am hurt because I cancelled my visa and I am not sure if I can ever undo the visa if I chose to return to Australia? Let alone all the people that have given me their support here. My brother has lent me the money to fly my dog in, only for me to fly him back out .. but maybe I should not worry about everyone else all the time and just think about what I want? What I need? It's just money in the end, which I can alway pay back.
I just wish I were dreaming. I wish I were at a house somewhere far up north Queensland with my dog, giving myself a break and taking the time to really think about my life and what I want my life to look like.
Instead, I am in Germany. I am at a place that I chose to leave when I was 18 years old, because I had learned that you can't choose family, but you can keep them at a healthy distance. Instead of taking some time off, to be alone and to think about what I really want and to heal; I am working at my brothers company from early morning till late at night only to avoid being with my mom in her one bedroom apartment, where she smokes her lungs out, hurt's my feelings and where I am surrounded by her negativity and bitterness.
I wish I could find some clarity. And I really wish I could undo what I have done. I wish at least, that I was still in Australia and that I didn't burn all my bridges. I wish I could just find peace in something. I wish I knew for sure if I need to forget H or if I can hold on and start again with him, after some healing on my side and a lot of healing and recovery from his side.
And for the most part, I wish that I had someone to talk to. I feel like that's exactly why I am so impulsive. I can't tell anyone here how horribly hurt I am and how badly I wish I could just go back. Because everyone here expects me to be happy now that I am here, with my dog. But it's the opposite.
I would appreciate some words of advice. Or anything. But I understand if you don't have anything for me.
Wishing everyone a very merry Christmas xxxx
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: maine
Posts: 1,547
Aww, Sweetie, Australia didn't go away. It's still there, you just need a plan on how to go back. I'm so sorry for what you've been through, and so glad you found the courage to leave. Take it from someone who lived with an alcoholic for 25 years: that kind of life is no life at all.
I have no answers for you, sadly. I never had the courage you have. My husband died. By the way, I still love my husband. But I realize that love is based on the functional man I married, and the life I dreamed of and hoped for. I'm sad for the dreams that never came to be fulfilled. Dating when you're in your fifties (instead of your 20s) is a whole different thing. I was quick to notice, THIS time around, men with problems with alcohol. I was mature enough to realize I'd be better off alone than with an alcoholic. When I saw any signs of problems, I ended the dating, even if it seemed we'd be a good match otherwise.
I have no answers for you, sadly. I never had the courage you have. My husband died. By the way, I still love my husband. But I realize that love is based on the functional man I married, and the life I dreamed of and hoped for. I'm sad for the dreams that never came to be fulfilled. Dating when you're in your fifties (instead of your 20s) is a whole different thing. I was quick to notice, THIS time around, men with problems with alcohol. I was mature enough to realize I'd be better off alone than with an alcoholic. When I saw any signs of problems, I ended the dating, even if it seemed we'd be a good match otherwise.
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Northwest
Posts: 4,215
Good to hear from you! I’ve thought about you since your last post and hoped you were okay. Your ex scares the crap out of me.
First, you did what you had to do. It’s like tunneling out of a prison...the tunnel sucks but it’s better than the cell...but the tunnel is just turning out to be longer than you had hoped. I profoundly hope and frankly expect that your abuser will leave you in peace. There’s nothing about his history that suggests he will be one of the success stories, no matter what tales his mother is spinning. Remember: she is not on your side.
Maybe divide the current problems up and tackle them one at a time? First, your dog has only been there three days, right? Dogs are routine freaks and some of them more so. I recently spent eight months in a small city apartment with two country dogs, including one who stresses and barks about everything. You have my sympathy! It may take a few weeks for him to adjust.
Can you spend some time getting your dog more exercise? It would be helpful for both of you.
Next...maybe research another place to live. It sounds like your brother has been really supportive and it’s great that you have a job with him for now.
As for someone to talk to...you have us and we get it.
Sometimes in life we have to back up a few steps to get a running start. You’re young, smart and brave...you can and will have the life you want in the place you want. It’s just going to take a little time.
Sending you my admiration and a big hug.
First, you did what you had to do. It’s like tunneling out of a prison...the tunnel sucks but it’s better than the cell...but the tunnel is just turning out to be longer than you had hoped. I profoundly hope and frankly expect that your abuser will leave you in peace. There’s nothing about his history that suggests he will be one of the success stories, no matter what tales his mother is spinning. Remember: she is not on your side.
Maybe divide the current problems up and tackle them one at a time? First, your dog has only been there three days, right? Dogs are routine freaks and some of them more so. I recently spent eight months in a small city apartment with two country dogs, including one who stresses and barks about everything. You have my sympathy! It may take a few weeks for him to adjust.
Can you spend some time getting your dog more exercise? It would be helpful for both of you.
Next...maybe research another place to live. It sounds like your brother has been really supportive and it’s great that you have a job with him for now.
As for someone to talk to...you have us and we get it.
Sometimes in life we have to back up a few steps to get a running start. You’re young, smart and brave...you can and will have the life you want in the place you want. It’s just going to take a little time.
Sending you my admiration and a big hug.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Wareham, Mass
Posts: 7,067
Hi, loves.
Good to hear from you.
Please try not to think of your return to Germany as a mistake.
We do what we must do at a certain point in time.
So, you came back home and realized that it isn’t home at all anymore.
Totally okay.
I would give the pup and yourself a bit of time.
Then I would see what’s going on with the visa, and begin to create a plan to get you where you want to be.
Might take a bit of time. You’ll need to save some money, but I believe you can do it, as you have already done a very brave thing.
Did you really tell him you were going for a bike ride and skedaddle?
Wow. That is scary and amazing. Good for you.
Hang in there. Take care of the pup.
Good to hear from you.
Please try not to think of your return to Germany as a mistake.
We do what we must do at a certain point in time.
So, you came back home and realized that it isn’t home at all anymore.
Totally okay.
I would give the pup and yourself a bit of time.
Then I would see what’s going on with the visa, and begin to create a plan to get you where you want to be.
Might take a bit of time. You’ll need to save some money, but I believe you can do it, as you have already done a very brave thing.
Did you really tell him you were going for a bike ride and skedaddle?
Wow. That is scary and amazing. Good for you.
Hang in there. Take care of the pup.
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