Finding myself in a weird position as I get healthier
I AM CANADIAN
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Niagara Region, Canada
Posts: 2,578
back in the beginning when i noticed my codependency issues and started saying NO, i started to notice people not around to "use me" as much...lol, where not friends after all...
i wrote about this way back when i 1st started...it does get easier, slowly...i guess we have to way out the BAD before we get the GOODS right? lol
all the best!
i wrote about this way back when i 1st started...it does get easier, slowly...i guess we have to way out the BAD before we get the GOODS right? lol
all the best!
I AM CANADIAN
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Niagara Region, Canada
Posts: 2,578
back in the beginning when i noticed my codependency issues and started saying NO, i started to notice people not around to "use me" as much...lol, where not friends after all...
i wrote about this way back when i 1st started...it does get easier, slowly...i guess we have to way out the BAD before we get the GOODS right? lol
all the best!
i wrote about this way back when i 1st started...it does get easier, slowly...i guess we have to way out the BAD before we get the GOODS right? lol
all the best!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: atlanta, ga
Posts: 3,581
Originally Posted by wanttobehealthy 
I have been able to deal with and understand, even if I have felt hurt, with the friends who have left me...
This is harder because this friend has been there, is great, and I love her.
But I am having an exceedingly hard time dealing with the non stop codie behavior from her toward men that she wants my constant reassurance and commentary about...
Sigh....
This is harder because this friend has been there, is great, and I love her.
But I am having an exceedingly hard time dealing with the non stop codie behavior from her toward men that she wants my constant reassurance and commentary about...
Sigh....
Sounds like there is more to her than her poor choice in men.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Right here, right now!
Posts: 3,424
I like whoever said thinking about it as a stage.
I needed to take a break from some of my relationships. Though wonderful they were formed in a time that I was enmeshed in codependency and often that is what attracted me to a person.
Some of my relationships have weathered this change, some have not. Just recently (it has taken me awhile) I have been willing to explore new relationships because I think I am ready.
There is a big difference between talking about problems and challenges in life and it being part of "healing" vs a perpetuation of the problem. I am starting to find people in my life who are willing to look at their own stuff. It has been lonely at times, but also very necessary. It has given me some time to figure out me.
I needed to take a break from some of my relationships. Though wonderful they were formed in a time that I was enmeshed in codependency and often that is what attracted me to a person.
Some of my relationships have weathered this change, some have not. Just recently (it has taken me awhile) I have been willing to explore new relationships because I think I am ready.
There is a big difference between talking about problems and challenges in life and it being part of "healing" vs a perpetuation of the problem. I am starting to find people in my life who are willing to look at their own stuff. It has been lonely at times, but also very necessary. It has given me some time to figure out me.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,413
You know, the "break" idea is good because that way you don't have to terminate the friendship just yet.
Tell her you are coping with so much with your divorce you really can't "be there" to hear all of the stuff because you are dealing with so much of your own, and step back a bit.
After some time passes, you can see if she is still in the same "complain but don't change" loop with you and act accordingly. No rush.
How does a quiet and peaceful home for the holidays feel, by the way?
Tell her you are coping with so much with your divorce you really can't "be there" to hear all of the stuff because you are dealing with so much of your own, and step back a bit.
After some time passes, you can see if she is still in the same "complain but don't change" loop with you and act accordingly. No rush.
How does a quiet and peaceful home for the holidays feel, by the way?
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