Eauchiche

Hello friends. Found an excellent article, and just wanted to pass it on:

The Family Drug Addict and Thanksgiving

53500

Excellent article, thank you.

totfit

I thought the article an over-generalized piece of condescension.

dandylion

So, so so, so true!!!! You can trust the active alcoholic to P***S on everyone's holiday.

dandylion

tootiredwife

Very good article...thank you. I don't often respond or post but I was compelled to tell you thanks personally and post a comment on the blog.

Amy

LexieCat

I think my only gripe with the article is the suggestion that the alcoholic/addict deliberately sets out to ruin the holiday. I don't think that's true in the vast majority of cases. It's a result of the addiction, which often ramps up at holiday time for a whole variety of addiction-related reasons.

That doesn't mean, though, that you are obligated to invite the mess that is the addict into your home for the holidays. On that point, I agree.

sammynorm

I agree, that the Alcoholic/Addict may not actually deliberately mean to make a mockery of the Holiday. Although they do. Somebody pointed this out to me yesterday when I was complaining about the drama with my Alcoholic family and Thanksgiving. Mostly the advice was 'they are just reacting emotionally, there is no logic or reason, all you can do is have boundaries with them, take care of yourself, and stay sober'.

Hammer

TOO FUNNY.

wait a second. You did not mean that as a joke, did you?

Hawkeye13

I was one of the kids that had way too many holidays ruined and tragic due to my mother's alcoholism.

The blog makes a point to protect the children--whether the addict intends to cause problems or not, if there is any chance of drama / trauma I agree, keep them out.

Katchie

Amen! My AH will feel the toe of my shoe if he pulls a stunt like last year -- telling crude sexual jokes at the dinner table with all the family and extended family gathered after I've worked my rear-end off preparing a feast! How embarrassing. I should have done it then, but I just wasn't strong enough.
Thankfully this Thanksgiving happened without a hitch. Hopefully Christmas will too. :-)

thotful

Honestly, I don't really relate to the article. In my life, it isn't just one addict, it's several, with a wall of denial in play, and sickly sweet niceties with the elephant in the room. It seems fine and dandy for xmas (I used to love holiday time), but I've simply gotten tired of the "I mean them well" type gossipy behavior. Lots of judgment to go around. And, for some reason, because there isn't any yelling involved, 'it's ok'. It's like something is wrong, but I can't easily describe it. All I can say is, every time I try to play along and spend time with my family-of-origin, I always feel sick to my stomach. No discussion of what's happened and no apologies whatsoever to my wife for her hurt feelings.

It's the idea that addicts have to be without jobs, without the ability to be courteous (or seem to be), that can fool many addicts into thinking they aren't one. They have to go FAR down the rabbit hole to realize there's a problem.

Thus, I have probably an entire family of enablers and high-functioning alcoholics. As long as they have jobs, friends, etc, there's no problem right? I got sober myself and many FOO members want me to believe I never had a problem.

irisgardens

thotful--thank you for articulating for me what I couldn't articulate for myself. It is all really confusing and there are so many of them...I woke up after my son died (did so much therapy that when my oldest daughter started using drugs...it was just an extension of the previous therapy)--thank you God...she no longer uses and this year we had a good meal together (at her request for Thanksgiving) but in my crazy quilt of family of origin and immediate family...it is just as you describe and the walls of denial and the sickly sweet niceties actually wore off for me in 2012 when mother asked us to spend our last Christmas in our house and husband and I moving to Chile for unknown period (to ride out the downturn) and I chose to have it in my own house with my whole famiy. That was a cardinal sin...and since I came back a year ago...have not been invited (which I don't regret as I called her when things were hard there and 1) she told me she was disappointed in me and 2) said that my husband had to tell her the things I told her because I was probably lying--am known for my integrity and my honesty...if anything...too much of a truth teller.

So...life continues.

irisgardens

My addiction of choice has been binge eating...and have been dealing with that for the last couple of years....started when I was 16.

unsureoffuture

Loved this article! I am Catholic and in the back of my mind feel that sense of guilt sometimes regarding ex-AH and not "helping" him enough. This article gave me reassurance I am doing the right thing.

merrygoround1

The article reminds us that alcoholism can progress and rapidly. I have witnessed Thanksgiving drama and children in tears because of it. Never again. This year - peaceful.