the holidays and feeling low

Old 11-25-2014, 05:16 AM
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Oh, yeah, good idea to call Al-Anon central office. There might be a Thanksgiving event in your area.
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Old 11-25-2014, 05:41 AM
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It is painful. Holidays have always been hard on me because FOO is non existent. I get through it by being grateful. I always joke with my friends that God did not give me a good husband because he gave me fantastic children.

I know I sound like a broken record when I discuss having had Stage 4 head and neck cancer but it changes you in such a major way. You suddenly become grateful for what you do have.

Thursday may not be picture perfect for you friend but the reality is the majority of these family gatherings are anxiety filled, fake, alcohol filled and people mindlessly putting up with each others dysfunction for a day. It will come and go. I promise. I have nowhere to go either but I have myself and my children and that is far more valuable to me than anything else.

Had I never gotten ill. I still may have been crying about separated AH leaving, etc...I just cannot allow myself to go there anymore.

I am so sure you have something in your life to be grateful for. It may be small but focus on that. Never let what you want get in the way of seeing what you have.

Happy Thanksgiving friend. It will get better.
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Old 11-25-2014, 06:01 AM
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I seem to always feel like the contrarian when it came to holidays. Seeing family all year long, holidays I have always looked forward to them as a way to get away. Take a mini vacation as was mentioned. When I was single, I would plan my Thanksgivings and XMas months in advance. Thanksgiving in particular allowed for trips to great places that didn't celebrate that as a holiday so they were fully open for business.

Xmas I would usually spend at a homeless shelter or a soup kitchen or I would find one of my elderly neighbors and fix something at their house or bring in firewood or simple easy feel good activities. Or one of my favorites was to go to a senior center and just sit and listen to them tell me stories. Not that the stories were of particular interest, but more because they enjoyed having someone new to show they cared about them.

This was a sticking point for my AGF. I am anti-social. What type of person are you etc etc etc. So after the holidays I'd hear how much she fought with her sister. How much arguing took place, how stressful it was.....and I'd just sit and listen. Finally she'd say, why don't you care I am trying to tell you how bad this was. My calm relaxed vacationed response was. "Why should I be upset? This didn't happen to me. Every year I hear about how miserable you are for the holidays. Why should I expect this to be different?" I went to X this year. It was glorious and peaceful and etc.

After 5 years of this, she finally came to me and said, OK let's try it your way next year.

I said OK....I'll take care of the rest. Please don't decorate, cook, shop or stress up in any manner you are used to. I booked a week at Atlantis in the Bahamas that year. Took her and her daughter.

They were in a **** poor attitude the whole way out there. Daughter was disgusted. Then we got there. It took about 12 hours before it dawned on them that this was nice. No stress, no yelling, no anything. The daughter fell in love with the water park and the indoor aquariums. G/F and I rented a scooter and drove all around the island stopping at every little local haunt we could find. Anything they wanted for fun was there. By day 2 the daughter said "Mom this is the best Thanksgiving I have ever had". She looked at me and mouthed silently "I'm sorry". I responded with a gentle nod and said "No problem. Enjoy my style of holiday".

We get back to life and her sister is nagging at her from the minute she got home....to nag about all the misery of the holidays she had and how dare she abandon her at a family vacation. My G/F let out a big SIGH.

XMas is a little more difficult as any Christian country will be shut down. I personally find that traveling on XMas day is not only cheapest, but you may as well travel on that day as everything else will be closed. Then you start the mini vacation on the 26th. Last year I took them to Washington D.C. for XMas. Her daughter was SO EXCITED to see the stuff she is learning about in her history and social study classes. Mom we just studied Lincoln and his assassination...and now I get to see the actual seat he was sitting in. O M G this is so cool.

If you are able, go to Asia as they are open for business during this time and it is also the slow season. The flight there will be your biggest expense. But it will cost about the same as what you spend shopping for and buying the scores of gifts you are obligated to do by tradition.

I will take this over a stress filled dysfunctional family 500 holiday any day or any year.

Don't stress about stress. Let it go. Enjoy the holiday for YOU!
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Old 11-25-2014, 09:18 AM
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I am feeling the same way terp. I have never LOVED the holidays anyway. I grew up in a military family so we never lived near our extended family. Every holiday was me, my parents, and my sister. Not those big family gatherings you see in movies, which is what I longed for.

This time last year was great and so much fun for me and AXBF. If you would have told me a year ago that this holiday season my ex would spend the holidays as a homeless heroin addict I would have looked at you like you had 3 heads. I also hate going to gatherings where I am the only single person. This is something I have dealt with most of my adult life (I'm 32) and I get tired of feeling like the outsider and/or having to hear, "So are you seeing anyone?" or "I just don't understand why you're still single." Thanks. Shoot me.

The loneliness that this time of year often brings can be overwhelming. Have you considered volunteering at all? For anything really. I love volunteering, it gives me something to do, something else to focus on, and it feels good knowing I am doing something positive.
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Old 11-25-2014, 12:10 PM
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Originally Posted by Hope7726 View Post
"So are you seeing anyone?" or "I just don't understand why you're still single." Thanks. Shoot me.

The loneliness that this time of year often brings can be overwhelming. Have you considered volunteering at all? For anything really. I love volunteering, it gives me something to do, something else to focus on, and it feels good knowing I am doing something positive.
Or worse, you go to a family function or a family induced function, only to find that they happen to have a single "friend" that they know would be perfect for you, that is also there. These are worse than blind dates, because you have family members that played a role in this taking place.

I admit I finally got even in a mean way. And I got the point made. I said Mom......I may as well tell you....the reason I'm not married is because I'm gay. You could hear her heart stop pumping for that few seconds. I said OK Not really but you need to STOP with this constant match making. Its embarrassing.

That worked REALLY well.

Sorry mom. But had to finally find the magic lamp here.
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Old 11-25-2014, 10:02 PM
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the holidays and feeling low

Hello,

last 3 times i was not feeling good after celebrating holidays, because i not found a wonderful place where i fully enjoy with families and makes a awesome moments of life. So before going to next holidays i will take a guideline after go there.
If anybody have a knowledge about it ,where to go for it and makes a wonderful moments and don't feel lonely..........

Last edited by Dee74; 12-03-2014 at 03:37 AM.
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Old 11-26-2014, 12:36 AM
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As far as I know there isn't anything Al Anon going on around here (i live in kinda a rural part of the state). Christmas I am working. I WISH I could volunteer to work on Thursday but I am still on orientation so I have to go by that schedule. I will he off orientation next week. Darn. Oh well. I will probably end up at my parents. My father can be aggrivating as all get out but at least my brothers will all be there. It's exceedingly rare to have all 5 of my brothers and me together and I do miss seeing them and their SOs (all of whom I really like)
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Old 11-26-2014, 01:10 AM
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Terp,

See your brothers. Plan an escape if your boundaries start to quiver. Have a movie schedule in mind, or a good deed of some sort.

There are stores open. Go pick up Toys for Tots, then settle in and people watch. It is your attitude that will set your reality, not all the people you are NC with.
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