He lied about sobriety
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
where do you suppose a realtionship is going to go when one party LIES and the other has NO TRUST. considering that HONESTY and TRUST are pretty much the foundation for any successful relationship - be that boyfriends, bosses or bowling partners.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Real World
Posts: 729
People do the very best they can with the tools they have at the point they are at in their journey.
I completely understand the frustrated and sometimes contempt-filled comments about alcoholics. I am frankly less understanding about the judgments sometimes put on those who are struggling with the roller coaster.
Just leave him! That's simple but simple isn't easy. It's no different than " just don't take that first drink!" Simple.
Lots of things are simple. Anyone here maintain their ideal weight with no junk food, daily exercise, save 15% of every paycheck! keep perfectly to the budget they set for the other 85%, get 8 hrs of restful sleep each night, keep their home perfectly tidy,... Shall I go on? That's all simple stuff but it is not easy.
Whether someone can't walk away from the bottle or can't walk away from someone who can't walk away from it, here is a thought. You have a choice. If you chose not to deal with it today you might tomorrow or next year or someday but you are not sentenced to any particular outcome, you have a choice. That sentiment upsets some folks at times - they are abused, broke, scared and paralyzed by it. They have a choice though. If that choice is that an unacceptable but familiar status quo is within their ability to cope but the fear of the unknown is not then telling them to run is akin to "just don't drink".
I'm thankful... Oh man am I thankful. I've even so blessed as I've watched my wife heal. When she got her two year chip and thanked me through tears for not giving up on her and believing in her I was staring back through tears of my own grateful that she's alive and thankful that I chose... Chose because it was an act of sheer will, to be thankful for today and for somehow having reached the conclusion that if it ever fell apart and I lose Poh to alcohol I would not regret that choice because I'm happy and we are happy and she is happy and I'm at peace.
My old friends here will assure you that three years ago, serenity was an unknown concept to me but I think they'd say I was fighting like hell to do the best I could with the tools I had at the point I was at just like Poh. Today we have better tools, a better understanding if their uses and limitations and a better understanding of where we are in our journey.
It was very simple. She got sober and stayed sober. I learned to let go and not obsess about what ifs that may well never be. Simple, not easy.
The roller coaster kicks everyone's ass, don't help it by kicking your own. Go to sleep tonight content that you did the bet you could with the tools you had at this point in your life. Wake up tomorrow and work on new tools, do your best to use them to do one thing right, rinse, repeat and accept that as a win. Simple. Not easy.
I'm rooting for you.
I completely understand the frustrated and sometimes contempt-filled comments about alcoholics. I am frankly less understanding about the judgments sometimes put on those who are struggling with the roller coaster.
Just leave him! That's simple but simple isn't easy. It's no different than " just don't take that first drink!" Simple.
Lots of things are simple. Anyone here maintain their ideal weight with no junk food, daily exercise, save 15% of every paycheck! keep perfectly to the budget they set for the other 85%, get 8 hrs of restful sleep each night, keep their home perfectly tidy,... Shall I go on? That's all simple stuff but it is not easy.
Whether someone can't walk away from the bottle or can't walk away from someone who can't walk away from it, here is a thought. You have a choice. If you chose not to deal with it today you might tomorrow or next year or someday but you are not sentenced to any particular outcome, you have a choice. That sentiment upsets some folks at times - they are abused, broke, scared and paralyzed by it. They have a choice though. If that choice is that an unacceptable but familiar status quo is within their ability to cope but the fear of the unknown is not then telling them to run is akin to "just don't drink".
I'm thankful... Oh man am I thankful. I've even so blessed as I've watched my wife heal. When she got her two year chip and thanked me through tears for not giving up on her and believing in her I was staring back through tears of my own grateful that she's alive and thankful that I chose... Chose because it was an act of sheer will, to be thankful for today and for somehow having reached the conclusion that if it ever fell apart and I lose Poh to alcohol I would not regret that choice because I'm happy and we are happy and she is happy and I'm at peace.
My old friends here will assure you that three years ago, serenity was an unknown concept to me but I think they'd say I was fighting like hell to do the best I could with the tools I had at the point I was at just like Poh. Today we have better tools, a better understanding if their uses and limitations and a better understanding of where we are in our journey.
It was very simple. She got sober and stayed sober. I learned to let go and not obsess about what ifs that may well never be. Simple, not easy.
The roller coaster kicks everyone's ass, don't help it by kicking your own. Go to sleep tonight content that you did the bet you could with the tools you had at this point in your life. Wake up tomorrow and work on new tools, do your best to use them to do one thing right, rinse, repeat and accept that as a win. Simple. Not easy.
I'm rooting for you.
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