What is going through her head? I don't understand.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Location: USA
Posts: 55
What is going through her head? I don't understand.
My sister, age 38, is an alcoholic. I'm older, age 42.
She was in detox in May 2014 and this is her third relapse, that I know of. Detox in May was her first detox. She was checked in on a Monday morning and left early on a Tuesday, before the recommended discharge date. I guess the Librium made her feel better and she wanted out.
She is a member of AA and has a sponsor.
The latest relapse started last Wednesday. She started drinking wine on a work retreat on Wednesday and did not stop drinking until Monday night. She drank Monday morning to get to work and left early and kept drinking. I found her in my driveway, in her vehicle, completely passed out/drunk on Monday night. There was a large empty wine bottle on the passenger seat. I was not home and she was in my driveway for more than two hours with her car engine running. According to her boyfriend, before she arrived at my house she was pulled over by the police on my street but somehow talked her way out of a DUI.
She is now in alcohol withdrawals. Rapid heart rate, anxiety, dry heaves, the whole nine yards.
I am surprised she still has a job. She has called in sick today and yesterday and says she is going in tomorrow. She may or may not still have a job tomorrow. She has had previous absences related to alcohol.
My parents live in the same town as my sister and I. My father is a "functioning" alcoholic/binge drinker. They haven't talked to her about it and sweep things under the rug. My sister doesn't want to talk about it with them, since she knows they can't handle difficult situations like this. My parents are pretty stunted emotionally and since my dad is a drinker, and they are in denial, they choose to not speak to my sister about it. It's a dysfunctional family. I have come to terms with this and accept that they are limited in what they can give and they cannot give support. I'm wondering if their lack of support is harming my sister.
Thanks for letting me go on and on. My questions are: What makes a person have this many relapses, especially when going to AA? When she starts drinking she cannot stop and will continuously drink wine and not eat any food. She says that she fantasizes about it and rationalizes. She convinces herself that she can moderate, but she cannot. She fully admits that she is an alcoholic and seems to have a lot of acceptance and intelligence surrounding her alcoholism but still has these relapses. Once she left detox she was convinced that she wouldn't drink again but she does. Over and over and it worries me to no end. If she continues at this rate, I don't see her living longer than a couple years. She is pretty confident that she will not drink again this time. She says, "I don't think I can go through this again." She is always confident that she won't drink again but does.
What should I do or not do? I went to her house yesterday and brought her to the store so she could buy cigarettes. We sat on the porch and I read her pages from the Big Book, at her request. Her boyfriend picked up her son from school. Should I be taking her to the store for cigarettes? She is chain smoking. I hate smoking but it's the least of her problems at this point. Any advice or comments appreciated.
She was in detox in May 2014 and this is her third relapse, that I know of. Detox in May was her first detox. She was checked in on a Monday morning and left early on a Tuesday, before the recommended discharge date. I guess the Librium made her feel better and she wanted out.
She is a member of AA and has a sponsor.
The latest relapse started last Wednesday. She started drinking wine on a work retreat on Wednesday and did not stop drinking until Monday night. She drank Monday morning to get to work and left early and kept drinking. I found her in my driveway, in her vehicle, completely passed out/drunk on Monday night. There was a large empty wine bottle on the passenger seat. I was not home and she was in my driveway for more than two hours with her car engine running. According to her boyfriend, before she arrived at my house she was pulled over by the police on my street but somehow talked her way out of a DUI.
She is now in alcohol withdrawals. Rapid heart rate, anxiety, dry heaves, the whole nine yards.
I am surprised she still has a job. She has called in sick today and yesterday and says she is going in tomorrow. She may or may not still have a job tomorrow. She has had previous absences related to alcohol.
My parents live in the same town as my sister and I. My father is a "functioning" alcoholic/binge drinker. They haven't talked to her about it and sweep things under the rug. My sister doesn't want to talk about it with them, since she knows they can't handle difficult situations like this. My parents are pretty stunted emotionally and since my dad is a drinker, and they are in denial, they choose to not speak to my sister about it. It's a dysfunctional family. I have come to terms with this and accept that they are limited in what they can give and they cannot give support. I'm wondering if their lack of support is harming my sister.
Thanks for letting me go on and on. My questions are: What makes a person have this many relapses, especially when going to AA? When she starts drinking she cannot stop and will continuously drink wine and not eat any food. She says that she fantasizes about it and rationalizes. She convinces herself that she can moderate, but she cannot. She fully admits that she is an alcoholic and seems to have a lot of acceptance and intelligence surrounding her alcoholism but still has these relapses. Once she left detox she was convinced that she wouldn't drink again but she does. Over and over and it worries me to no end. If she continues at this rate, I don't see her living longer than a couple years. She is pretty confident that she will not drink again this time. She says, "I don't think I can go through this again." She is always confident that she won't drink again but does.
What should I do or not do? I went to her house yesterday and brought her to the store so she could buy cigarettes. We sat on the porch and I read her pages from the Big Book, at her request. Her boyfriend picked up her son from school. Should I be taking her to the store for cigarettes? She is chain smoking. I hate smoking but it's the least of her problems at this point. Any advice or comments appreciated.
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Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posts: 1,476
Hi Pg
Read the book for yourself and you'll identify your sisters drinking in there.
Bill Wilson was one of the co-founders of AA, he drank just the same.... In and out of detox, swearing "this is it, I'm done" and eventually he was and look at the legacy he left.
But it took a while for him to "get it" even when he was offered a spiritual solution.... He drank on for a bit before finally capitulating.
There is hope and there is a solution.
It isn't easy to watch but it sounds like she is trying with AA and that's something.
Read the book for yourself and you'll identify your sisters drinking in there.
Bill Wilson was one of the co-founders of AA, he drank just the same.... In and out of detox, swearing "this is it, I'm done" and eventually he was and look at the legacy he left.
But it took a while for him to "get it" even when he was offered a spiritual solution.... He drank on for a bit before finally capitulating.
There is hope and there is a solution.
It isn't easy to watch but it sounds like she is trying with AA and that's something.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
I am so sorry, what a terrible situation. The police that let her out of a DUI should be ashamed. A question, does her child live with her? If so, I hope you advocate for him as that sounds toxic.
I dare say she is not "relapsing." She is just a plain old alcoholic. There is a HUGE difference between detox and inpatient recovery work. It sounds like that is what she needs, desperately.
Tight Hugs, I am so sorry this is happening. I will pray for all of you.
I dare say she is not "relapsing." She is just a plain old alcoholic. There is a HUGE difference between detox and inpatient recovery work. It sounds like that is what she needs, desperately.
Tight Hugs, I am so sorry this is happening. I will pray for all of you.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Location: USA
Posts: 55
You are right, not relapsing, just a garden variety alcoholic. My nephew does live with my sister. She is divorced and shares custody with her ex-husband. My nephew is 10 and has autism. My sister has a supportive nonalcoholic boyfriend.
My sister has a lot of despair. She has a lot of guilt and shame which is part of it. I wish she could see that life doesn't have to be that difficult. She has to realize it on her own. I hope she does before she kills herself.
My sister has a lot of despair. She has a lot of guilt and shame which is part of it. I wish she could see that life doesn't have to be that difficult. She has to realize it on her own. I hope she does before she kills herself.
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Santa Rosa CA
Posts: 240
Originally Posted by PlentyGood 
You are right, not relapsing, just a garden variety alcoholic. My nephew does live with my sister. She is divorced and shares custody with her ex-husband. My nephew is 10 and has autism. My sister has a supportive nonalcoholic boyfriend.
My sister has a lot of despair. She has a lot of guilt and shame which is part of it. I wish she could see that life doesn't have to be that difficult. She has to realize it on her own. I hope she does before she kills herself.
My sister has a lot of despair. She has a lot of guilt and shame which is part of it. I wish she could see that life doesn't have to be that difficult. She has to realize it on her own. I hope she does before she kills herself.
Bunnies!
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,905
AA doesn't make a person sober any more than standing in your garage makes you a car. Plenty of actively drinking alcoholics show up to AA meetings. Many just to appease their nagging spouses who think that AA is a cure-all. She's an A, pain and simple. Until she wants to quit and is willing to do the work required, she'll keep drinking.
Bunnies!
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,905
My AM throws around "I'm an alcoholic" like it's supposed to excuse her behavior and make everything ok. I treat that statement like anything else coming out of an A's mouth- I'll believe it when I see the actions that follow up on meaningful talk.
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