killerinstinct

Wondering what the EXA is up too, if he still is an Alcoholic and if he misses me. Shoot me already.. This journey is insane.

redatlanta

If he never went into treatment then yes, he is most likely still an active alcoholic. He will always be an alcoholic, that will never change.

Does he miss you? Don't know. Alcoholics do miss their co-dependents because they need them. The relationship as you have described sounds pretty awful and typical of one with an addict. It sounds like often on here, whether stated or implied, that you miss him. I'd put some thought into that given the things that he has done to you thoughout the relationship.

What are you doing for you Killer? What are you doing to help yourself deal with this situation? Have you been to Al Anon? If not, I think it could really help you relate to others who have been in this same position and also help you recover from what is really troubling you in moving on from it.

You have a child with this man, so unless he makes a decision to not have anything to do with your son, you are going to have to deal with him on some level. We are here to help you with this and to offer you guidance, but first you have to make the decision that you want to get healthy and release the chains of bondage this person has over you.

((((hugs)))).

Butterfly

Killer I can't give you any advise as I miss mine too and think about him daily wondering if he misses me, whether he thinks about me and if he's trying to get sober or whether he is still drinking!!

Do something nice for you today. Tight hugs

lillamy

One of my friends grew up with two alcoholic parents, and dated alcoholics and drug addicts. She said something that's stuck with me over the years -- that when you're so used to dysfunction, you don't think there's anything but dysfunction. You don't really think that you can ever live a happy life, so you choose a dysfunction that you're familiar with.

Habits are hard to break. I found that the less I allowed myself to think of my ex, the less space I gave him in my brain, the better I felt.

FeliciaM

I can offer no help today. I'm feeling sad and miss my XABF. I struggle daily, some days are better then others. Today, bad.

killerinstinct

You're right RED, why do I miss someone who cheated on me, lied to me, stole from me, abandoned me and almost took me down the path to my grave...and almost took my son there too..

I think maybe I miss the man I fell in love with and his charm, and how sexy and attractive he was, and his muscles and his ability to not fear anything and be a massive risk taker.. for some reason I admired a risk taker but one who took all the wrong risks. He was in the military.. I was very attracted to the Alpha male type and have been my whole life.. I think that when I met him he was my ultimate poster boy coming to life...

amy55

I'm sorry, but we don't shoot our wounded !!!!!! Instead we hold you and hug you and tell you how terrific you are till you can feel that yourself.

Mine was everything I thought I wanted, or at least I convinced myself of that. I didn't want an alcoholic, my dad was one. Mine was an alcoholic. I wanted someone to love me just for me, mine did, until he decided I wasn't what he wanted, until he wanted me again, and then he didn't, then he did, etc...

I spent over 2 decades with that. I don't want that to happen to you. You are so special to so many people. I care so much for you. I don't want to see you destroying yourself over this. You are too good for that. Your child also needs you. Come here and vent whenever you need to. We listen, I listen.

Something I told someone today, that sometimes I just need to vomit the toxins out of me so that I can see clearer.

(((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))
amy

meggem

I have those moments too killer but when I picture him in the now, I seriously want to vomit.

I miss who I though he was very much. I thought that feeling was gone, I thought I 'got over that' a few years ago, but I'm not sure I did. Maybe some. Through therapy I am learning among other things that even though I thought I was grieving and going through "the process" I couldn't possibly while still living there, so alot of feelings may repeat for a while and that is one of them. Missing the person I thought he was.

Sorry I am probably no help but maybe you should re-read some of your posts - you told one helluva story last week about shennanigans with him, re-read that one.

redatlanta

Yes I understand that Killer - oh boy do I. My last bf I felt the same. Sexy, gorgeous, best sex ever, trips, gifts, treated me like a queen.

Of course there was that wife that he never told me about. And he was a sex addict so there were others….many others. And he turned on me and kicked me to the curb like I never existed. The man who said he loved me so much he would "love me till the end of time". Had to see a therapist because I could not recover.

Anyways I did get over him once I decided I just didn't want to live like that any more. That was many years ago.

Ran into him this year. Felt nothing. NOTHING. He was way more average than what I thought. Sexy? uh no. He's fat and that is the only thing that was pleasurable about seeing him. He texted me for days and I felt very annoyed. I would rather naw my foot off than lay down with him (aside that I am happily taken I can certainly recognize "hot". NOT).

I promise someday the dude will just be someone you used to know.