Dealing w/ Sadness & Worry

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10-22-2014, 04:04 PM

# 21 (permalink)

irisgardens

Member

Join Date: Feb 2013

Posts: 923

I worked on things for so many years over my mom...and I had to feel it and then I just wanted her to love me 'again' but it wasn't really again...I had to open myself up and feel...going through another tough time with an AD...addiction is the disease that just keep s on giving...but until I could release my mom in love...13 years...active work with everything I could do and feel...I just couldn't let go...I did let go about a year ago (life finally interfered enough that I couldn't keep on trying my compulsive and obsessive actions) so no real credit to me...but I did try...this last year have gone to one wedding reception and 2 funerals...gave her a loving kiss at the first funeral...although I could tell that I am still not in her life...and possibly/probably never was...that was why the deep heart felt yearning for all my life...but came to a head when Dad died...told she is a narcissist...chose finally to believe...the last two gatherings I went to give her hug and kiss and she ran from me...and I turned it over to God and simply had good time with family and friends...just for today.

10-22-2014, 04:19 PM

# 22 (permalink)

chicory

Member

Join Date: Jul 2010

Posts: 13,497

Quote:

Originally Posted by PaperDolls

A few of you have mentioned going no contact. I want to say that my mother and I have a good relationship. I see this as an issue with ME not wanting to feel these feelings. I don't feel then each time we talk. I feel them when a similar topic is brought up in a meeting. I don't need to go no contact in an attempt to not feel these feelings. It wouldn't work anyway.

Ironically, the topic at my noon AA meeting was brought up by a woman dealing with her aging father who is not in good health due to dementia. Seriously. I ended up in tears of course .....

That's the thing. When I start feeling that way. When my body (or mind?) wants me to cry I just want it to stop. I want to run away and hide. I absolutely do not want to cry and if I absolutely have to I DO NOT want it to be in front of people. After the meeting a woman handed me some tissues and wanted to comfort me. I wouldn't look at her. I didn't want to talk about it. There's nothing to say really. Just tears.

I know have lots to be grateful for. I want to just focus on that and not feel sad. Not. Feel.

I understand, Paperdolls. But I want to share this thought that helped me when I finally realized I was running from the pain.I was trying not to feel it, feared it would kill me, I guess.But, one night, I just stopped, turned around, sat down and felt it all. cried, and grieved, and you know what? The fear of dealing with the emotions was worse than the actual pain.

10-23-2014, 06:56 PM

# 23 (permalink)

PaperDolls

Its_me_jen

Thread Starter

Join Date: May 2004

Location: Salina, Ks

Posts: 8,547

I know you're right chicory.

The topic at my meeting last night was fear. You can't make this stuff up.

Today is a better day.

Sunday, we're heading to Disney World with the while family for 8 days. Get to spend lots of time with my mom.

. My husband has to remind me sometimes when I'm complaining.about my mother that I should be thankful I get to spend time with her. His passed years ago and the woman who raised him, his grandmother, just passed less then a week ago.

Damn. He's so right.

Gratitude is a great thing.