My daughters dad just died of alcoholism
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: England UK
Posts: 5
It's touching that so many of you took the time to write something to me, it's really touched me how thoughtful you have all been x. I tried to talk to the doctor bus she told me I need a longer app, she gave me some diazepam and said I'd feel calmer. I still have not been to the chemist as all I wanted was to talk, I was in and out within 3-5 mins.
She told me to go back in a couple of weeks if I still feel like this. The thing is it took a massive amount of courage for me to go in there, I can be quite anxious sometimes and at points in my life when I have been overly stressed I just bottle it up, I've consequently suffered shingles, Bell's palsy, headaches. Maybe I was expecting too much from the doctor I don't know but now I feel deflated.
Last night was the first time I'd joined something like this, I don't know why the idea came to mind now because really it's too late for me to help him through this now.
I'm struggling to sleep, I lay down at 1 am, then at half past 1 I woke up and was violently sick, I was awake on and off throughout the night and I had a nightmare. I dreamt about my nan who died on christmas eve and also about ste in his coffin....I did go to see him in the parlour but it was the first time I'd ever been into a funeral parlour and I imagine this will play on my mind for a while.
My daughters been ok today, she went to college, she seemed ok, telling me she was accepted into a pathways for university programme and I'm so proud of her, he would be too, I know that x
She told me to go back in a couple of weeks if I still feel like this. The thing is it took a massive amount of courage for me to go in there, I can be quite anxious sometimes and at points in my life when I have been overly stressed I just bottle it up, I've consequently suffered shingles, Bell's palsy, headaches. Maybe I was expecting too much from the doctor I don't know but now I feel deflated.
Last night was the first time I'd joined something like this, I don't know why the idea came to mind now because really it's too late for me to help him through this now.
I'm struggling to sleep, I lay down at 1 am, then at half past 1 I woke up and was violently sick, I was awake on and off throughout the night and I had a nightmare. I dreamt about my nan who died on christmas eve and also about ste in his coffin....I did go to see him in the parlour but it was the first time I'd ever been into a funeral parlour and I imagine this will play on my mind for a while.
My daughters been ok today, she went to college, she seemed ok, telling me she was accepted into a pathways for university programme and I'm so proud of her, he would be too, I know that x
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Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 1,057
Lisa, I'm so sorry you weren't able to talk to the doctor the way you needed to. Please don't stop looking for resources in your area for counseling. It's so important to have someone to share with face-to-face who can help you through this difficult time.
Meanwhile, we are here and you can share as much as you need. Please do. You have been through a very painful time. It's not likely that finding us sooner would have allowed you to help your ex any more than you tried. You did everything you knew how. We can be here to support you on your own path to healing, however.
Write as much as you need. We're here. Blessings and peace to you.
Meanwhile, we are here and you can share as much as you need. Please do. You have been through a very painful time. It's not likely that finding us sooner would have allowed you to help your ex any more than you tried. You did everything you knew how. We can be here to support you on your own path to healing, however.
Write as much as you need. We're here. Blessings and peace to you.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: England UK
Posts: 5
I'm having a really bad day. Infact I feel most days are like this.. It's like I can't think straight, everytime I get a second I'm questioning over and over silly things, many what ifs and, well I'm not sure I give myself a headache because im struggling with so many emotions. I get angry, at him then at myself then I feel totally sad, so unbelievably sad.
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 1,118
I am so sorry for your loss. The pain is excruciating. I identify with you on several levels--my AF died when he was around the same age--43. In addition, my AH is the same type of person you describe--loved by everyone, but hopelessly alcoholic (and, BTW, is second-gen Scottish, fully identifying with the British persona of the drinking man).
The only thing I would say is, as I was 18 years old when my alcoholic father died, is try to encourage your DD to get counseling. I have spent my entire life trying to resurrect the image of the father I hoped for, to no avail.
Don't be sorry for the bond your DD had with her dad. It is a blessing to love. But it's important to go through the process of grieving, otherwise the past may be repeated.
I am so sorry, and I am with you in your pain.
The only thing I would say is, as I was 18 years old when my alcoholic father died, is try to encourage your DD to get counseling. I have spent my entire life trying to resurrect the image of the father I hoped for, to no avail.
Don't be sorry for the bond your DD had with her dad. It is a blessing to love. But it's important to go through the process of grieving, otherwise the past may be repeated.
I am so sorry, and I am with you in your pain.
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 609
I recently lost my best friend due to the near identical health reasons.
Before her, I lost my beloved partner. I asked for several years afterwards "WHY?"
It was a constant pain in me...asking why.
I have coped the best I can ....and have found there are sometimes (always?often??) never going to be answers to a million "why's?"
Eventually, I found that nothing could really tell me how or why she choose the path she did, nor how she didn't regret a minute of it. She regretted the pain she caused others, but sometimes, us individual people really are okay with living the life we did and are okay to go "home".
(((((I am so sorry for your pain)))))))
Before her, I lost my beloved partner. I asked for several years afterwards "WHY?"
It was a constant pain in me...asking why.
I have coped the best I can ....and have found there are sometimes (always?often??) never going to be answers to a million "why's?"
Eventually, I found that nothing could really tell me how or why she choose the path she did, nor how she didn't regret a minute of it. She regretted the pain she caused others, but sometimes, us individual people really are okay with living the life we did and are okay to go "home".
(((((I am so sorry for your pain)))))))
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
I'm so sorry, Lisa. My second husband was much the same. Somehow he lived, and somehow he is still drinking himself to death. It is senseless, and a horrible disease. I will pray for you and your daughter to find peace. I know you wanted to spare her this, but it is experiences like this that help us stretch our hearts. You are a loving person, life will be good again, I promise.
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