buttercup24

The alcoholic boyfriend left me. Within weeks he was engaged to someone new. She met him online and lives abroad and has met him once, yet is uprooting her children and bringing them to live with him next month.

She has been messaging me and asking if there is anything bad she should know.

I haven't told her he's a drinker. I dont feel its my place to to be honest.

He's not violent at all but he is a big drinker and can get Moody when mob binge.

TerpGal

My advice to you, just let it be. She will figure it out in time. I wish I had known RAH was an alcoholic when I married him. I wouldn't have if I could have predicted the 8 years of he'll I have been through.

LadyinBC

Personally I think you should tell her. Only because there are kids in the mix here. Then she can make her own decision.

But I will support you no matter what decision you make . At the end you have to do what is most comfortable for you.

honeypig

He is your EX. She is someone you've never met. In your shoes, I wouldn't talk to either one of them. Realistically, I don't think there is anything you can hope to do, or anything it is really your place to do.

Yes, let it go. N/C w/both of them.

chicory

Wow.

If this lady is so unwise as to uproot her children for a man she does not know, I can't imagine her taking any advice from you. Surely someone in her life has suggested that she is doing something crazy?

And what woman, except a very naive, young, or very strange one, would text his ex, and ask if there is anything she should know? I would guess she has no idea of healthy , normal boundaries.

I feel sorry for those children. I would be tempted to tell her about his drinking, if it is really bad, in the hopes that she may reconsider. I mean, since he must have given her your phone #, as a reference contact? Those poor kids...

honeypig

Also, depending on where "abroad" is, ANY kind of life in the USA may sound like a once-in-a-lifetime chance...think of the influx of unaccompanied Central and South American children into the US this year.

Not taking sides, just saying that there could be factors we don't know about--and that it is not our business to know about.

endlesspatience

My understanding is that you last posted here in March when you said that you and this man had split up after he lost his job because of heavy drinking. That's a significant time ago. Are you hoping to hold on to a relationship with him? If so, why?

And if you don't want a relationship with him, why do his plans with another person matter?

fluffyflea

How did she get your number?

bringiton

Just a thought, if you tell her about his drinking and anything else she may keep contacting you for more and more information. This would not be very healthy or fun for you. I also agree she probably wouldn't believe you anyway. I would have a really hard time making this decision too. It's so heartbreaking anytime children are involved. Sending hugs!!!

Joe Nerv

A soon to be new wife who is uprooting her children to be with someone, asking that persons ex-wife for references? Hmmm....

I don't think I'd be chatting much with that woman. I'll be the 2nd to ask, how'd she get your number? And why is she calling you?

EnglishHusband

Just a thought.....what if your ex BF got his new girlfriend to contact you and... whatever you say to her will go directly back to him? Be cautious here Buttercup, very cautious.

hopeful4

I think I would say I am not comfortable getting in between your relationship but in general uprooting your children to come live with a man you don't really know is maybe not the best idea....and leave it at that.

SeriousKarma

" ____ and I broke up for very valid, and very private reasons. Please don't contact me again."

honeypig

Best reply here yet, SeriousKarma. ^^^

buttercup24

We did split in march but got back together within days. We then hadta lovely 6 months until he ended it suddenly 1 month ago. He met her 3 weeks after and proposed on the first meeting.

She hasn't got my number. She has been checking me out on facebook and then she messaged me.

She seems very sweet but clearly naive! She is 36.

I know I should tell her but I dont feel its my place to. It could just come across as jealousy or sour grapes.

We are not USA. I am from uk. She is in Switzerland.

hopeful4

Facebook allows you to block someone, that is what I would do. I would tell her what I said above (this is just my opinion), I would then say what SeriousKarma said, then block her. It's not your duty to save her.

SparkleKitty

I would stay as far out of this as possible. If she is making decisions this fast then she is likely not in a place to hear anything you have to say.

If she is experiencing some red flags, then your silence on the matter should speak volumes anyway.

MissFixit

I would keep my distance. She is a complete stranger. You need to take care of yourself. You have no idea what her angle is or how nutty she might be. I am guessing she is pretty unstable if she is engaged to a man she just met and moving to another country to be with him. At 36 she should have a life and one that she cannot just walk away from to marry a random man.

Please watch yourself with these 2, they sound like trouble coming.

buttercup24

Yes. I'm sure this is not the last I will hear from her.

I wonder if she is already doubting her rash decision?

She told me all about how it was it was love at first sight and she feels like she's known him forever. Which is exactly how it was with me and him!

They even had matching engagement tattoos done, on that first meet up! The same tattoos that me and him planned.

The whole situation is bizarre!

I've just remained polite and pleasant. To both of them when they have been in contact.

I will not let myself walk away from this with either of them thinking I am a crazy woman who has lost her mind!

The pair of them are the crazy ones!

hopeful4

You are right you should not walk away feeling like the crazy one, but do walk away.