killerinstinct

I know my ex a and I have been over for almost two years now.. And that I've made a lot of progress.. Zooming into my relationship with my son and I.. I know I am trying me best to be a good mother.. Today I beat myself up over not being good enough.. Not being perfect enough for him, not connecting enough with him. Not giving him everything he wants all the time and then started to think of all the things I shouldn't do if I Don't want to ruin his life (the list is huge). And also started beating myself up about still being on this forum if my ex and I are over.. I know we are over.. But I can't help but feel the need to stay on this to remind me of what happened and although people change I don't think the ex has so I feel like I gather a lot of strength from here.. I have made loads of progress but feel like I don't want to/can't let go of the info on this site but should because it's over and I'm living anew life

HikerLady

New life does not erase old life and beating yourself up over old life means you are still in need of support from others who get it..not to mention how incredibly valuable it is to keep sharing with others who may need your support since you've been there too.

SparkleKitty

Whenever I have felt those "why wasn't I good enough for _____" thoughts, what I was really feeling was not good enough for ME. I was just using my mother or whatever crap ex-boyfriend I had picked as a focus for that self-deprecation. It takes a very long time to build a healthy enough relationship with ourselves that we stop choosing people who validate our own negative feelings about ourselves. It takes as long as at takes. If this is where you want to hang out, you are welcome here!!

dandylion

Killerinstinct.....Come on, Killerinstinct,....we are pretty damn nice people to hang out with...don't you think.....?

Besides, one can gain lots m ore than to just getting through grief of a broken relationship from this forum.....

Plus, like HikerLady said......you can also help others...you can pay it forward.....

dandylion

hopeful4

I value you, I value what you have to say. My X and I have been over for some time, I am still here all the time! It helps keep me grounded and even if I can help one other person in their life, it is worth it.

You don't have to give your son tons of stuff, that is actually not good! What you do have to do is do your best, and be proud of who you are and the progress you have made, that is enough. Your son will be fine because he will learn from you. Perfection is not possible, and that is a good thing. If you were perfect you would have no lessons to have learned from.

Communicate well with your son. Smile with him. Have fun with him. Be there for him. Lead by example. Don't be obsessed with the past. All of those things are enough.

Tight Hugs!

atalose

AS they say in Al-anon – “you are not here for the alcoholic" – "you are here for yourself”. Should be no different on SR.

Work on your codependency so that you can have healthy relationships.