How did I miss this?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 3
How did I miss this?
I found out a few weeks ago that my husband (whom I've been with for 10 yrs) is an alcoholic. Apparently he's always had an unhealthy relationship with booze and has been (secretly) going on and off binge drinking sessions throughout our time together and started drinking big daily amounts about 2 years ago. He is what could be referred to as a "high functioning alcoholic" (although I'm not sure there is such a thing)
There are so many feelings going on inside me..
Sadness. That my hubby has dealt with this on his own for so long.
Shame. That I didn't see it.
Anger. That all the MRIs and scans for stroke and/or brain tumour caused by his "wobbly behaviour" was really just him being drunk. 2 yrs of worrying about what on earth is wrong with him.
Nervousness. About the future of us and our relationship.
Hopefulness. He pulled the plug on this himself and signed himself into rehab. He is ready for this.
Rage. That he has been driving our toddler to daycare with alcohol in his blood.
Pride. That he came forward with this and is taking responsibility.
Self-pity. Sad but true.
He has sadly relapsed again and is now tapering down on the drinks in order to stop fully in a few days. I am so new to this world. Am I supposed to be ok with him tapering down. Feels crazy that I'm "allowing" him to go and have a drink. I guess this is our learning curve and we'll know soon if it works or not.
I am so hoping that once he's off the booze this time that he will stay off it for ever. I just want him to be happy and healthy.
Thinking I might join him on a family AA meeting so we can deal with this together. We are also going to start going to the gym together.
Any advice or thoughts or recommendations?
Feeling slightly lost, overwhelmed and quite lonely.
There are so many feelings going on inside me..
Sadness. That my hubby has dealt with this on his own for so long.
Shame. That I didn't see it.
Anger. That all the MRIs and scans for stroke and/or brain tumour caused by his "wobbly behaviour" was really just him being drunk. 2 yrs of worrying about what on earth is wrong with him.
Nervousness. About the future of us and our relationship.
Hopefulness. He pulled the plug on this himself and signed himself into rehab. He is ready for this.
Rage. That he has been driving our toddler to daycare with alcohol in his blood.
Pride. That he came forward with this and is taking responsibility.
Self-pity. Sad but true.
He has sadly relapsed again and is now tapering down on the drinks in order to stop fully in a few days. I am so new to this world. Am I supposed to be ok with him tapering down. Feels crazy that I'm "allowing" him to go and have a drink. I guess this is our learning curve and we'll know soon if it works or not.
I am so hoping that once he's off the booze this time that he will stay off it for ever. I just want him to be happy and healthy.
Thinking I might join him on a family AA meeting so we can deal with this together. We are also going to start going to the gym together.
Any advice or thoughts or recommendations?
Feeling slightly lost, overwhelmed and quite lonely.
Keeping it simple!
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Surrey, BC
Posts: 3,282
All the emotions you are going thru is normal. The one you need to can is the shame one. Believe me we are VERY good at hiding it. You have nothing to be ashamed of so throw this one away.
It probably wouldn't hurt you to join Al-anon, that is something that is just for you. One of the best things you can do for him, is to ensure that you look out for yourself and your children first. Because you guys matter and you also need to recover from this too. Our drinking affects everyone else around us, not just us. So be gentle with yourself and take care of yourself.
Welcome to SR you will get so much support and help from the people here. They are great!
It probably wouldn't hurt you to join Al-anon, that is something that is just for you. One of the best things you can do for him, is to ensure that you look out for yourself and your children first. Because you guys matter and you also need to recover from this too. Our drinking affects everyone else around us, not just us. So be gentle with yourself and take care of yourself.
Welcome to SR you will get so much support and help from the people here. They are great!
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,281
Beyond Addiction: How Science and Kindness help People Change
This book has been very helpful to me after my husband's relapses. My husband was using alcohol as a coping mechanism (many do). Taking that away, there's been a whole lot more to deal with. He's been to two rehabs, didn't follow through with the continued care afterwards, due to time/distance/lack of counselors in our area plus a good dose of alcoholic reasoning of the previous reasons. He is now in active recovery and driving a 4 hour round trip for counseling 1-2 times per week. Recovery is a journey, not a race. My recovery has been every bit as important as his. Alanon, SR (here), Celebrate Recovery, family week at the rehabs, prayer, learning mindfulness, living in the moment and meditation. It hasn't been easy, but is very well worth it. I like myself better, flaws and all -- and I've come to fully accept my husband, flaws and all.
Alcoholism is a chronic, progressive disease of the mind and body. Getting help is necessary and is a huge step towards recovery. Kudos to him, and to you in acknowledging your emotions (all very natural ones!!) and actively looking for info. Wishing you, him and your son all the best!
This book has been very helpful to me after my husband's relapses. My husband was using alcohol as a coping mechanism (many do). Taking that away, there's been a whole lot more to deal with. He's been to two rehabs, didn't follow through with the continued care afterwards, due to time/distance/lack of counselors in our area plus a good dose of alcoholic reasoning of the previous reasons. He is now in active recovery and driving a 4 hour round trip for counseling 1-2 times per week. Recovery is a journey, not a race. My recovery has been every bit as important as his. Alanon, SR (here), Celebrate Recovery, family week at the rehabs, prayer, learning mindfulness, living in the moment and meditation. It hasn't been easy, but is very well worth it. I like myself better, flaws and all -- and I've come to fully accept my husband, flaws and all.
Alcoholism is a chronic, progressive disease of the mind and body. Getting help is necessary and is a huge step towards recovery. Kudos to him, and to you in acknowledging your emotions (all very natural ones!!) and actively looking for info. Wishing you, him and your son all the best!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 66
I found out about my stbxh's super secret binge drinking 2 mos after we were married. They are so very good at it. I'm so sorry you are going through this.
Read up here (I love it here...they tell it like it is!), and about co-dependency. Attend Al-anon for YOU! You are going to have to work on yourselves separately before you can work together.
{hugs}
Read up here (I love it here...they tell it like it is!), and about co-dependency. Attend Al-anon for YOU! You are going to have to work on yourselves separately before you can work together.
{hugs}
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