Starting to believe my girlfriend is a high-functioning alcoholic
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Washington DC
Posts: 8
Starting to believe my girlfriend is a high-functioning alcoholic
Hi,
I am starting to come with terms with the fact that my girlfriend is a high-functioning alcoholic.
As far as I know, the drinking has had no ill effects on her work/job performance or family life (she often babysits her niece and nephews and is always great with them). However we've been together a bit longer than 2 years and in that time, almost every single time we go somewhere with booze (club, concert, party, etc.) she gets drunk. She can't seem to limit herself to just three or four drinks in a night and always has a few more. Some nights are worse than others certainly. I don't drink much at all, so she always has a designated driver, however I know of two occasions in which she drove while inebriated...fortunately she made it home okay.
For a while, I thought she just liked her booze and it wasn't really a big problem, and I didn't want my own general negative feelings toward drinking leading me to judge her. But the biggest red flag has occurred over the past 4-5 months. I noticed she was drunk at home but saw no liqueur bottles anywhere. I found a bunch of empties stashed in her drawers and in boxes in the closet. I confronted her about it and she was very apologetic, and sad, saying the issue was stress (particularly over some chronic illness she has...all the more reason to stop drinking). I told her that she needs to either show me she can regulate her drinking or seek treatment to stop drinking all together, and above all stop hiding it. Since then she hasn't been noticeably drunk while at home (though she still gets drunk whenever we go out), though she's still drinking SOMETHING almost every day as far as I can tell and still hiding it from me. When I found the next batch of empty booze bottles hidden around the house I confronted her about it and unlike the first time where she was very apologetic and sad, this time she was very angry at me. Granted, I was more confrontational this time than I should have been. She claimed she didn't need another father, was angry I continued to look through her stuff and laid partial blame for the stress that was leading her to drink at my feet. She also claimed that what I found was old, from before our first discussion, a claim I know for a fact to be a lie.
Since then, no changes really. She still gets drunk when we go out. She's not getting drunk at home, but continues to drink something almost every day…I can smell it on her breath and no amount of gum that she's suddenly started chewing is going to cover it. I just found yet more bottles of booze hidden away. I've been struggling over when to raise the issue again. On one hand, I feel she has made improvements (not getting full-on drunk at home in quite a while) and we seem to be in a good patch that I'd rather not disrupt in the short-term. On the other hand, she is still drinking too much I feel (especially when we go out) and the fundamental issue of her continuing hide it from me remains.
We're very close to taking the next step and getting engaged, but this one issue continues to hang over us. I've already postponed my initial planned proposal to her, in large part because of her drinking, a fact to which she is aware. My biggest fear is that she may not be able to quit drinking were she to become pregnant. I know marriage and a child is what she wants more than anything, but I can't trust that will resolve all her problems and/or her reliance on alcohol to get through said problems.
Any advice would be much appreciated…I've never really had to deal with any issue like this before.
I am starting to come with terms with the fact that my girlfriend is a high-functioning alcoholic.
As far as I know, the drinking has had no ill effects on her work/job performance or family life (she often babysits her niece and nephews and is always great with them). However we've been together a bit longer than 2 years and in that time, almost every single time we go somewhere with booze (club, concert, party, etc.) she gets drunk. She can't seem to limit herself to just three or four drinks in a night and always has a few more. Some nights are worse than others certainly. I don't drink much at all, so she always has a designated driver, however I know of two occasions in which she drove while inebriated...fortunately she made it home okay.
For a while, I thought she just liked her booze and it wasn't really a big problem, and I didn't want my own general negative feelings toward drinking leading me to judge her. But the biggest red flag has occurred over the past 4-5 months. I noticed she was drunk at home but saw no liqueur bottles anywhere. I found a bunch of empties stashed in her drawers and in boxes in the closet. I confronted her about it and she was very apologetic, and sad, saying the issue was stress (particularly over some chronic illness she has...all the more reason to stop drinking). I told her that she needs to either show me she can regulate her drinking or seek treatment to stop drinking all together, and above all stop hiding it. Since then she hasn't been noticeably drunk while at home (though she still gets drunk whenever we go out), though she's still drinking SOMETHING almost every day as far as I can tell and still hiding it from me. When I found the next batch of empty booze bottles hidden around the house I confronted her about it and unlike the first time where she was very apologetic and sad, this time she was very angry at me. Granted, I was more confrontational this time than I should have been. She claimed she didn't need another father, was angry I continued to look through her stuff and laid partial blame for the stress that was leading her to drink at my feet. She also claimed that what I found was old, from before our first discussion, a claim I know for a fact to be a lie.
Since then, no changes really. She still gets drunk when we go out. She's not getting drunk at home, but continues to drink something almost every day…I can smell it on her breath and no amount of gum that she's suddenly started chewing is going to cover it. I just found yet more bottles of booze hidden away. I've been struggling over when to raise the issue again. On one hand, I feel she has made improvements (not getting full-on drunk at home in quite a while) and we seem to be in a good patch that I'd rather not disrupt in the short-term. On the other hand, she is still drinking too much I feel (especially when we go out) and the fundamental issue of her continuing hide it from me remains.
We're very close to taking the next step and getting engaged, but this one issue continues to hang over us. I've already postponed my initial planned proposal to her, in large part because of her drinking, a fact to which she is aware. My biggest fear is that she may not be able to quit drinking were she to become pregnant. I know marriage and a child is what she wants more than anything, but I can't trust that will resolve all her problems and/or her reliance on alcohol to get through said problems.
Any advice would be much appreciated…I've never really had to deal with any issue like this before.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 339
Hi Neumena. A couple things in your post stood out for me. An alcoholic is not able to regulate her drinking yet alcoholics will make all the promises in the world to stop. My husband used to do this and I think he really believed he could control it. The more I tried to monitor his drinking, the more he hid, lied and snuck around.
Every hidden bottle you find will always be old. Until she can admit she has a problem she is unlikely to seek any treatment.
My husband was high functioning for over a decade. High functioning is just a stage. This week my husband was fired due to drinking. He is unable to get out of bed and can't keep food down. He now must drink in order to not have seizures. Life with an alcoholic is a long hard road.
Al anon has been a great support. Learn all you can about alcoholism. Under the Influence and Getting Them Sober are 2 good books.
Goodc luck.
Every hidden bottle you find will always be old. Until she can admit she has a problem she is unlikely to seek any treatment.
My husband was high functioning for over a decade. High functioning is just a stage. This week my husband was fired due to drinking. He is unable to get out of bed and can't keep food down. He now must drink in order to not have seizures. Life with an alcoholic is a long hard road.
Al anon has been a great support. Learn all you can about alcoholism. Under the Influence and Getting Them Sober are 2 good books.
Goodc luck.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 113
Hello and welcome. Sorry for what brings you here but I think you will find tremendous support. I think you are right to have your doubts about marrying this person. I dated my wife for a short period of time, 4 months, before we married. We are now separated after 10 months of marriage. The red flags were there I chose to ignore them. My wife too hid alcohol from me and like you when I confronted her the first time she apologized and promised to drink less and not hide it. The second time she was more defensive. They just learn to hide it better, although it's always obvious they have been drinking.
You are correct in your doubts about stopping if she gets pregnant. If she has a problem a pregnancy will not stop her drinking. Mine promised to if she got pregnant, she did and then 4 months into it we lost the baby. She was drinking the whole time although I never saw her do it.
Everyone must make there own choices but if her drinking bothers you then you really need to think about spending your life with this person. I wish I could go back and do the same because the road of addiction leads to constant chaos, drama and ultimately shattered dreams and heartbreak.
Keep posting here, I am still new here but the more experienced members here have been great and helped me through many difficult spots. You will see the stories are all the same just insert different people and locations. Peace to you.
You are correct in your doubts about stopping if she gets pregnant. If she has a problem a pregnancy will not stop her drinking. Mine promised to if she got pregnant, she did and then 4 months into it we lost the baby. She was drinking the whole time although I never saw her do it.
Everyone must make there own choices but if her drinking bothers you then you really need to think about spending your life with this person. I wish I could go back and do the same because the road of addiction leads to constant chaos, drama and ultimately shattered dreams and heartbreak.
Keep posting here, I am still new here but the more experienced members here have been great and helped me through many difficult spots. You will see the stories are all the same just insert different people and locations. Peace to you.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by Neumena 
We're very close to taking the next step and getting engaged, but this one issue continues to hang over us. I've already postponed my initial planned proposal to her, in large part because of her drinking, a fact to which she is aware. My biggest fear is that she may not be able to quit drinking were she to become pregnant. I know marriage and a child is what she wants more than anything, but I can't trust that will resolve all her problems and/or her reliance on alcohol to get through said problems.
Any advice would be much appreciated…I've never really had to deal with any issue like this before.
Any advice would be much appreciated…I've never really had to deal with any issue like this before.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 278
After about two years, you'll be starting to get a handle on what a partner's really like. From your description, it does indeed sound like she's a high functioning alcoholic. High functioning for now. It's a progressive disease and unless she hits her personal rock bottom, she will do nothing about it. You are completely powerless over her, no matter how much you try to control her drinking, confront her about it and prevent her driving whilst inebriated. Blaming you, however indirectly, for her drinking is also par for the course.
She is correct in that she doesn't need another father. If you continue calling her on the signs of her continued drinking, she will continue to act as a rebellious teenager, blame you and everyone else for her own behaviour etc etc. As others have said, read threads on this board about life with a drinking alcoholic, and decide if you want to sign up for it. I personally would be taking huge steps right now - straight out of the door, especially as you haven't made any firm commitment to her. If you're not ready to end the relationship, attending Alanon meetings will help you gain perspective and make clearer decisions.
There is absolutely nothing you can do for her. There is help available for her if she chooses to use it, but until and unless she decides she has a problem nothing is going to happen.
Your job right now is self-care. As the Alanon slogan goes: "Let it begin with me."
She is correct in that she doesn't need another father. If you continue calling her on the signs of her continued drinking, she will continue to act as a rebellious teenager, blame you and everyone else for her own behaviour etc etc. As others have said, read threads on this board about life with a drinking alcoholic, and decide if you want to sign up for it. I personally would be taking huge steps right now - straight out of the door, especially as you haven't made any firm commitment to her. If you're not ready to end the relationship, attending Alanon meetings will help you gain perspective and make clearer decisions.
There is absolutely nothing you can do for her. There is help available for her if she chooses to use it, but until and unless she decides she has a problem nothing is going to happen.
Your job right now is self-care. As the Alanon slogan goes: "Let it begin with me."
Engineer Things; LOVE People
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,707
Originally Posted by Neumena
Any advice would be much appreciated…I've never really had to deal with any issue like this before.
Everyone else has hit upon the Future Hi-Lites and Coming Attractions.
So here is one for the Here and Now.
Get Thee to Alanon.
Do you know What that is, and Where to Go?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 2,899
Gosh, you have quite a situation on your hands. I know that when I started finding my XAH's empties I was only dipping a toe into the current. If she is already hiding and stashing and secretly drinking booze, she's far more progressed in her alcoholism than you might imagine. In my experience, this is about where the "high functioning" regressed to "barely functioning."
Put a hold on marriage and babies. Put a hold on engagement talk. Most of us agree that if we knew then what we know today, we would have run the other way screaming. Wait and watch, don't intervene. How does she behave when you aren't putting limits on her and manipulating outcomes? Because that's what you can expect now and in the future.
Put a hold on marriage and babies. Put a hold on engagement talk. Most of us agree that if we knew then what we know today, we would have run the other way screaming. Wait and watch, don't intervene. How does she behave when you aren't putting limits on her and manipulating outcomes? Because that's what you can expect now and in the future.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Philly burbs, NJ
Posts: 99
My RAH was "high functioning" right up until a year before his liver transplant. He was a military pilot. Unless you want a lifetime of sorrow, do not even discuss marriage. And the thought of an alcoholic getting pregnant just makes me cringe. Even if she stopped drinking while pregnant--what about after the baby was born? What kind of mom would she be?
I have relatives and friends dealing with the disastrous effect of addicted moms on young kids. Don't go down this road.
And digging out bottles is a waste of time. So is confrontation. Take it from one who knows, and who finally separated from RAH after 44 years.
I have relatives and friends dealing with the disastrous effect of addicted moms on young kids. Don't go down this road.
And digging out bottles is a waste of time. So is confrontation. Take it from one who knows, and who finally separated from RAH after 44 years.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 224
Neu- I am the adult child of an alcoholic mother...she drank herself to death at age 48. However, the lingering effects of my childhood experiences- and the memories of the vodka bottles and dread that would come over me every day when I got off the school bus is something that I have had to work through for over two decades.
You mentioned that your girlfriend wants a family, but what about you? Do you want children and if so, what kind of mother do you want for them?
You mentioned that your girlfriend wants a family, but what about you? Do you want children and if so, what kind of mother do you want for them?
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
The problem is alcoholism only gets worse. In AA we talk about the YETS. She hasn't had a DUI, physical , relationship, mental, legal, career, problems YET. The YETS are guaranteed to come the only question is how long. As long as she is drinking you are destine to watch a loved one self destruct. She has already told you by her actions that alcohol is more important than you
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,780
It sounds like she's progressed much further than you realize ~normal drinkers don't hide their bottles or drinking, they just DON'T~ and that your own codependency is possibly being triggered in ways you aren't understanding.
Looking for her bottles, minimizing your anger over her secret-drinking ("I was more confrontational than I should have been...."), accepting the unacceptable ("she's drinking but not getting full on drunk"), etc. is how we all slowly lose our minds trying to manage another person's addiction when it interferes with our world.
Since the one constant with addiction is that it IS progressive when it is untreated, where you are right now is the very best it can get until something changes for the positive. Are you prepared for THIS to be the BEST with the worst being completely undefinable & having no timeline of knowing whether it will be a slow, gradual descent or a fast, furious & violent change? I wish I had a dime for every time I read/heard a story about addiction that included the phrase, "I would NEVER HAVE THOUGHT xxxx could possibly happen, but it did & here I am."
As another child of an alcoholic I'll add my suggestion to shelf the idea of kids until her drinking is addressed..... the ways that this damages children born to an active alcoholic is immeasurable. I hope you keep reading around these forums - there is so much shared knowledge & experience here, I'm sure you'll find great support!
Looking for her bottles, minimizing your anger over her secret-drinking ("I was more confrontational than I should have been...."), accepting the unacceptable ("she's drinking but not getting full on drunk"), etc. is how we all slowly lose our minds trying to manage another person's addiction when it interferes with our world.
Since the one constant with addiction is that it IS progressive when it is untreated, where you are right now is the very best it can get until something changes for the positive. Are you prepared for THIS to be the BEST with the worst being completely undefinable & having no timeline of knowing whether it will be a slow, gradual descent or a fast, furious & violent change? I wish I had a dime for every time I read/heard a story about addiction that included the phrase, "I would NEVER HAVE THOUGHT xxxx could possibly happen, but it did & here I am."
As another child of an alcoholic I'll add my suggestion to shelf the idea of kids until her drinking is addressed..... the ways that this damages children born to an active alcoholic is immeasurable. I hope you keep reading around these forums - there is so much shared knowledge & experience here, I'm sure you'll find great support!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 154
My mom gave me the best advice a few years back, when I was saying the same things as you: run.
I love him. I do. And I foresee a future and a family with him full of happiness, but the miserable years between then and now were HELL. And my nice stable life that I've had for about a minute while he has been seeking treatment is all dependent on his ability to continue to work hard every day for his sobriety. Is that the kind of marriage you want, knowing things can go flying off the rails anytime she decides to put something in front of her sobriety? It's TOUGH.
Do I wish I had left years ago? Yep. I wish I valued myself enough to say that I deserve better and to go out and GET SOMETHING BETTER. That's not to say that if she seeks treatment, you two could be happy together. But that's a non-negtotiable.
I love him. I do. And I foresee a future and a family with him full of happiness, but the miserable years between then and now were HELL. And my nice stable life that I've had for about a minute while he has been seeking treatment is all dependent on his ability to continue to work hard every day for his sobriety. Is that the kind of marriage you want, knowing things can go flying off the rails anytime she decides to put something in front of her sobriety? It's TOUGH.
Do I wish I had left years ago? Yep. I wish I valued myself enough to say that I deserve better and to go out and GET SOMETHING BETTER. That's not to say that if she seeks treatment, you two could be happy together. But that's a non-negtotiable.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: atlanta, ga
Posts: 3,581
Functionality is a relative term. Alcoholism is alcoholism….at some point all are "high functioning". The length of time that one can work, manage home, relationship etc. is very hard to pinpoint.
What I can tell you from my observation is that when the enabler/codependent wants to retire is when things fall apart. The reason she is so 'high functioning" most likely has a lot to do with YOU. You drive her, so no DUI's. What else do you do? Make sure she is up in the morning? Manage the household? Clean? Cook? Pay bills? While that all may be normal to do in a relationship the burden on the enabler is much more than the alcoholic obviously because they are drunk. Priority #1 drink. So if you don't do it it doesn't get done. If you don't drive her then she is at risk for DUI or harming someone in an accident. If you stop what do you think will happen?
What stands out to me in your post is that you mention that you have negative feelings toward drinking. Yet you are considering marrying someone who you believe to be an alcoholic. Major lifestyle differences do not make for a happy marriage. Try putting a person with a high sex drive together with a low sex drive. A Christian with an Atheist, A slob with an OCD germaphobe. It does not compute in the long run - loving someone and living with someone are two totally different aspects of a relationship and equally important in consideration of a life together. The crazy town that comes with an addict is the cherry on top of an already difficult obstacle of different feelings about alcohol.
Alcoholism is a disease that relies on denial and lying. They lie to themselves everyday that there is a problem. Her reaction is typical.
My advice is to keep that halt on the proposal. Get to Al Anon. Educate yourself about this disease.
Sorry you are going through this.
What I can tell you from my observation is that when the enabler/codependent wants to retire is when things fall apart. The reason she is so 'high functioning" most likely has a lot to do with YOU. You drive her, so no DUI's. What else do you do? Make sure she is up in the morning? Manage the household? Clean? Cook? Pay bills? While that all may be normal to do in a relationship the burden on the enabler is much more than the alcoholic obviously because they are drunk. Priority #1 drink. So if you don't do it it doesn't get done. If you don't drive her then she is at risk for DUI or harming someone in an accident. If you stop what do you think will happen?
What stands out to me in your post is that you mention that you have negative feelings toward drinking. Yet you are considering marrying someone who you believe to be an alcoholic. Major lifestyle differences do not make for a happy marriage. Try putting a person with a high sex drive together with a low sex drive. A Christian with an Atheist, A slob with an OCD germaphobe. It does not compute in the long run - loving someone and living with someone are two totally different aspects of a relationship and equally important in consideration of a life together. The crazy town that comes with an addict is the cherry on top of an already difficult obstacle of different feelings about alcohol.
Alcoholism is a disease that relies on denial and lying. They lie to themselves everyday that there is a problem. Her reaction is typical.
My advice is to keep that halt on the proposal. Get to Al Anon. Educate yourself about this disease.
Sorry you are going through this.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,780
Originally Posted by redatlanta
What I can tell you from my observation is that when the enabler/codependent wants to retire is when things fall apart. The reason she is so 'high functioning" most likely has a lot to do with YOU. You drive her, so no DUI's. What else do you do? Make sure she is up in the morning? Manage the household? Clean? Cook? Pay bills? While that all may be normal to do in a relationship the burden on the enabler is much more than the alcoholic obviously because they are drunk. Priority #1 drink. So if you don't do it it doesn't get done. If you don't drive her then she is at risk for DUI or harming someone in an accident. If you stop what do you think will happen?
Reflecting on this makes me wonder if that is part of why RAH really started to go down this active A road & start that slow & steady spiral out of control during our separation. I literally was not *there* to cushion him in his descent doing all those little things like his laundry, healthy dinners, keep him on schedule, etc. So his dysfunction got more & more obvious as he kept spiraling down from what would be considered a HFA status to a barely functioning status, very quickly.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Washington DC
Posts: 8
Thanks all for the advice. There's a bit too much to respond to each point directly.
We're definitely going to have another talk this weekend. We'll be at a family event (her family) Saturday and I just know she'll get drunk there, so I figure Sunday would be the best time to lay it all out there. Basically I'm going to tell her that entering some sort of treatment and working toward a 100% alcohol free life is mandatory or our relationship isn't going to last much longer. Previously I told her if she could manage her drinking and stop hiding it from me we'd be okay, but that's obviously a non-starter. I'll likely have to get her parents involved to, something she's begged me not to to, and which I said I wouldn't as long as she met the aforementioned requests, which she hasn't.
To answer specific questions about her functionality, she gets to work fine without me, pays her bills a-okay, I probably do a bit more household management but not much. I'm always the one to drive though, every time.
I'm very worried that a break up will send her right over the edge from functional to non-functional, and i don't want to do that to her, but at the same time i can't build a life with someone acting like this. I've definitely seen her alcoholism progress over the past two years and I'm worried about the next two.
Anyway, It'll be a long week til Sunday.
Thanks everyone.
We're definitely going to have another talk this weekend. We'll be at a family event (her family) Saturday and I just know she'll get drunk there, so I figure Sunday would be the best time to lay it all out there. Basically I'm going to tell her that entering some sort of treatment and working toward a 100% alcohol free life is mandatory or our relationship isn't going to last much longer. Previously I told her if she could manage her drinking and stop hiding it from me we'd be okay, but that's obviously a non-starter. I'll likely have to get her parents involved to, something she's begged me not to to, and which I said I wouldn't as long as she met the aforementioned requests, which she hasn't.
To answer specific questions about her functionality, she gets to work fine without me, pays her bills a-okay, I probably do a bit more household management but not much. I'm always the one to drive though, every time.
I'm very worried that a break up will send her right over the edge from functional to non-functional, and i don't want to do that to her, but at the same time i can't build a life with someone acting like this. I've definitely seen her alcoholism progress over the past two years and I'm worried about the next two.
Anyway, It'll be a long week til Sunday.
Thanks everyone.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 113
Best of luck to you. I was worried about leaving as I figures it would send her over the edge too. I had had enough and realized she is an adult and needs to take care of her stuff. She has chosen to continue drinking, has gotten a DUI and most likely losing custody of her daughter. I feel for her as a person but she could have chosen to clean up her act and she hasn't and I don't want to pick up the pieces.
Al-anon has been great for me in learning to let go and let others make their own mistakes.
Al-anon has been great for me in learning to let go and let others make their own mistakes.
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Sweden
Posts: 1,649
I think there is a lot of confusion generated by the terms "functional/non-functional".
Yes it is the case that alcoholism is progressive and an alcoholics drinking generates fewer and less serious consequences in the beginning of the addiction than at it's end.
But, I believe that the quality of life becomes eroded from the very start of addiction in subtle but profound ways.
Less obvious things like losing self esteem, developing blinding fear of safe situations, continually lowering the bar of normality, becoming paranoid, developing dishonesty when they have formerly been honest, and quashing their own higher life goals for easier solutions is all happening while the person is perceived as high-functioning.
Yes it is the case that alcoholism is progressive and an alcoholics drinking generates fewer and less serious consequences in the beginning of the addiction than at it's end.
But, I believe that the quality of life becomes eroded from the very start of addiction in subtle but profound ways.
Less obvious things like losing self esteem, developing blinding fear of safe situations, continually lowering the bar of normality, becoming paranoid, developing dishonesty when they have formerly been honest, and quashing their own higher life goals for easier solutions is all happening while the person is perceived as high-functioning.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Colorado
Posts: 3,474
Fetal Alcohol Syndrome [FAS]
If Children were being considered, you might want to get familiar with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. It's forever.
Search Results ~ Fetal Alcohol Syndrome
-----------
Search Results ~ Fetal Alcohol Syndrome
-----------
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Sydney Australia
Posts: 4,225
Originally Posted by Neumena
To answer specific questions about her functionality, she gets to work fine without me, pays her bills a-okay, I probably do a bit more household management but not much. I'm always the one to drive though, every time.
I'm very worried that a break up will send her right over the edge from functional to non-functional, and i don't want to do that to her, but at the same time i can't build a life with someone acting like this. I've definitely seen her alcoholism progress over the past two years and I'm worried about the next two.
Anyway, It'll be a long week til Sunday.
Thanks everyone.
I'm very worried that a break up will send her right over the edge from functional to non-functional, and i don't want to do that to her, but at the same time i can't build a life with someone acting like this. I've definitely seen her alcoholism progress over the past two years and I'm worried about the next two.
Anyway, It'll be a long week til Sunday.
Thanks everyone.
My partner was wonderful and we had the best relationship I ever had. The exact same things you speak of happened, and I'd tell my partner I felt like he was trying to hold me down from having fun.
Did I know I was in the early stages of alcoholism? I don't know. I really don't. I know he told me he wanted to get married but expressed the same concerns you did. I stopped drinking here and there and managed to convince him it would be OK. He proposed. Life was good. My hidden bottles continued to grow.
You sound like a lovely person, and patient, like he was. I wished he had been tougher on me, given me harder ultimatums, if only to prove that I really was locked into drinking and I've gone to get professional help.
In the end, I had to let him go. My drinking became my first love. The regret and pain in my heart now I am sober is awful.
All I can say is please don't let your girlfriend make any excuses.
Recovering ostrich
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Tampa Bay, Florida
Posts: 2,551
Originally Posted by FireSprite
It sounds like she's progressed much further than you realize ~normal drinkers don't hide their bottles or drinking, they just DON'T~ !
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
