CariBegins

I am 48 years old and married to an AH. I found the need to join this site because I kept reading the story of mine in all the posts living with an AH. I have been becoming aware of this disease for a couple years, it has just got worse as it always does.

This is my first time to write anything, but I am amazed of what I carried away with me after reading so many posts. I had already found a new place to live and put a deposit down for moving in 2 weeks, but this site helped me so much by educating myself more. My story is the same, and it truly breaks my heart of the pain, frustration and loss we go through.

I am so happy to be here..thank you a million for giving me strength to see what is ahead of me. I have a big day coming ahead and hoping it is an easy move. It is a sad relief at first, but I will to continue to keep being quite so that I can hear.

suki44883

Welcome to SR, Cari. You already know there is a lot of support here. You don't have to be quiet. You can post anytime you want and there will always be someone here to respond.

(((HUGS)))

CariBegins

thank you for much..I feel I have arrived right on time. Knowledge is power and I am getting stronger the more I learn. I am amazed at how this helps..finally not alone!!!!

CariBegins

Suki44883- You are one of people that I have been seeing post helpful information the last few days of reading on this web site. I am so thankful that it is helping me pass the pity stage of my AH and find the courage to do this. Letting go in 2 weeks, but I have already left mentally. I am so thankful that I came here and for the people that have shared their stories, wisdom and advise...I am getting there.

Shellcrusher

Welcome to SR, Cari.
I'm happy you found us but wish you didn't have too.
Just echoing what you've said about the folks here. It's good to talk with and learn from people just like me.
I'm currently promoting Alanon as well. Took me 6 years to go. Wish I went 6 years ago.
Keep reading and posting.

theuncertainty

Welcome, CariBegins. I'm sorry for what brings you here, but glad you're reaching out for support.

I love your screen name.

CariBegins

thank you and I am really excited to have an exit for all my thoughts and experiences here. I am fixing to do what I have been wanting to do for months now..I can't believe that this month I am finally making my move alone. My husband is unaware so I am scared, sad and I know I will have some bad days. I will find a meeting and thank you guys. I feel relieved there is support and such knowledge here.

Thank you on screen name...it is a new chapter for me.

NWGRITS

Welcome, Cari. I'm one of our resident insomniacs; always on at odd hours for support. I'm sorry that you've had need to find us, but I'm glad that you're here-- especially with the big move coming up. Don't hesitate to post here, even if it's just to spit out whatever is on your mind. No question should go without asking; we've all had to start somewhere, and airing out your proverbial dirty laundry can be daunting. Share with us, let us hold you up. No matter what you're going through, someone here has been there. (((Hugs)))

lizatola

Welcome, Cari. One thing my sponsor always tells me is to do the next right thing, whatever that may be. You are doing what is right for you at this time. Sending lots of support and positive thoughts your way this week as you prepare for a new chapter in your life!

CariBegins

thanks again..I am sure I will have some moments ahead that will not be pretty. So thank you so much and I am excited to have this outlet. Right now my husband is "sobering up on his own he states" but impossible to believe. He stays in another room..for a while now this has been happening. I am trying to avoid him and keep him at a distance so right now I have not seen the "big bad wolf", but it's coming. I really want him to think things are normal, but very hard.

CariBegins

It is not my job to help him get sober..it is not my job to help with his "depression" when I have a thousand times after a binge and nothing works. Right now that is where I am at with my AH.
I am moving in less than 2 weeks in a place I already got and after 17 years I am scared because he is a different person when using. (who knows when he becomes Hyde) Any advise from the women that have left already after this long of a relationship? He is so nice when going through the "I will get sober stage". Ill make a meeting, just scared because I do not think I can tell him I'm going since he has got real down. (lack of work, hygiene and in xtra bd. room for 2 weeks) I feel bad, but I see IT IS NOT MY JOB on everything and that angers me how it became that way now that my eyes are open. I do everything at this house if it is to get done. I feel manipulated and lonely. It makes me know how I have to go at least for now. I'll tell him a year sober is only way I'll try again. (that sounds crazy..but what hasn't been as this has progressed) Any advise on how to handle this situation carefully..I know I have to find a time not heavily drinking to tell him..or not tell him and go and just hope he is not here on moving day. I love him and it will be sad, but I'm tired of it and will be back in the same place as for months wishing to move. Yikes...my 1st move after all the threats. I need some direction from someone that knows the ropes..he never thought I would do it and he can't afford it here...So torn.

peaceofpi

I finally had to do what was best for me. I had to realize, also, that giving a future-conditional hope was just a set up for something I couldn't - and didn't want to - monitor (his sobriety). I had to walk away and make a clean break. Told him the night before he was to be served with divorce papers, and it didn't go well at all.
If someday in the future he is a changed person who doesn't drink and isn't a narcissist blamer ... we'd see. Highly unlikely at this point, though.

CariBegins

Thank you. I feel the same way, guess I was just looking for some validation before it's final and knowing I am moving. In my heart I know I can't keep living this way.
I took a drive and called a friend because my AH is all ears tonight and been wanting to talk after another binge. He ignores me for days in the extra room when I bring up lies or when I find his whiskey bottles. He then wants to smooth it over with me afterwards and that is the hard part by saying he knows he has a problem. He usually tries a program for a little while. I always cave..but not this time. I need actions and with time to trust again. I guess time will tell, but sad it came to this. Thanks guys. I'll get stronger.