Sticking to boundaries hurts very much
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Sticking to boundaries hurts very much
AH turned up again tonight. It is hailing outside, and is freezing cold. Begged to be let in, please can he have a shower, something to eat, and can I please talk with him.
He had been drinking.
So I calmly reminded him of the boundary, offered to grab him some clothes from the closet, but he walked off, and I could see him just standing in the street, soaking wet and shaking.
It's so, so hard to see someone you love like that. I'm a nurturing type...I wouldn't let a stranger stand in the stree like that (well I wouldn't invite them in, but I'd DO something).
He just sent me a txt that said I have totally devastated him, destroyed the last little bit of hope he has....that he is sad, cold and lonely and he can't believe I care so little. That it is so easy for me. He has nowhere to go....
I know he knows how to get to a hotel. I just feel horrid though....and I KNOW he is hurting. I know in my head that it is him that has hurt and devastated himself...but I can't stop caring, I still want to take him in and hug him, let him shower, feed him and put him to bed. It's a hard, hard habit to break and my heart feels like I am the cold hearted b*tch he must think I am.
I know I am doing the 'right' thing....but far out...,it really hurts.
He had been drinking.
So I calmly reminded him of the boundary, offered to grab him some clothes from the closet, but he walked off, and I could see him just standing in the street, soaking wet and shaking.
It's so, so hard to see someone you love like that. I'm a nurturing type...I wouldn't let a stranger stand in the stree like that (well I wouldn't invite them in, but I'd DO something).
He just sent me a txt that said I have totally devastated him, destroyed the last little bit of hope he has....that he is sad, cold and lonely and he can't believe I care so little. That it is so easy for me. He has nowhere to go....
I know he knows how to get to a hotel. I just feel horrid though....and I KNOW he is hurting. I know in my head that it is him that has hurt and devastated himself...but I can't stop caring, I still want to take him in and hug him, let him shower, feed him and put him to bed. It's a hard, hard habit to break and my heart feels like I am the cold hearted b*tch he must think I am.
I know I am doing the 'right' thing....but far out...,it really hurts.
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Terrible.
I remember words said that hurt so much...plus I was a devout Catholic, so it was making me feel like I wasn't being Christian to help him.
It's a hard struggle.
But, if he's got money for alcohol, he has it for a hotel. Who knows of he even went to work today. Very difficult.
I remember words said that hurt so much...plus I was a devout Catholic, so it was making me feel like I wasn't being Christian to help him.
It's a hard struggle.
But, if he's got money for alcohol, he has it for a hotel. Who knows of he even went to work today. Very difficult.
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Thanks croissant. It is a struggle.
He has money...he has access to a limited account of ours, it's got more than enough in it for a hotel.
He says he went to work....he was offered a posting in London or Singapore and he's taking one of those. Have no idea if this has any basis in truth or not.
He has money...he has access to a limited account of ours, it's got more than enough in it for a hotel.
He says he went to work....he was offered a posting in London or Singapore and he's taking one of those. Have no idea if this has any basis in truth or not.
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jarp....it really pulled at my own heartstrings to read this...knowing from my own personal experience, how hard that was for you. Believe me, nobody knows this any more that I do!
It is counter-intuitive. It goes against our grain.
The thing is, jarp...you KNEW that he had another viable alternative....go to a hotel. I'll bet he could have called someone of his friends, drinking buddies or business contacts for emergency shelter.
AND, he knew it, too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He was pushing your guilt and obligation buttons--big time.
It is not that you don't care---because you do. You are not malicious or cold hearted--quite the opposite.
Enabling hurts the alcoholic because it cushions their ability to continue to drink with relative comfort.
It seems to me that you are not enabling him any more.....or, trying very hard not to.
To not enable is actually an act of caring---though it doesn't always look like it on the surface.....and, certainly doesn't look so to the alcoholic!
Remember that relationships with alcoholics are not normal, healthy relationships---so, the same guidelines for us don't always apply.
I have a question, jarp.....does he have legal access to the house...like--is his name on the mortgage or the lease? This matter just occured to me......
Please. try not to feel guilty...though I do know how hard it is not to. Try to keep the "big picture" in mind.
dandylion
It is counter-intuitive. It goes against our grain.
The thing is, jarp...you KNEW that he had another viable alternative....go to a hotel. I'll bet he could have called someone of his friends, drinking buddies or business contacts for emergency shelter.
AND, he knew it, too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He was pushing your guilt and obligation buttons--big time.
It is not that you don't care---because you do. You are not malicious or cold hearted--quite the opposite.
Enabling hurts the alcoholic because it cushions their ability to continue to drink with relative comfort.
It seems to me that you are not enabling him any more.....or, trying very hard not to.
To not enable is actually an act of caring---though it doesn't always look like it on the surface.....and, certainly doesn't look so to the alcoholic!
Remember that relationships with alcoholics are not normal, healthy relationships---so, the same guidelines for us don't always apply.
I have a question, jarp.....does he have legal access to the house...like--is his name on the mortgage or the lease? This matter just occured to me......
Please. try not to feel guilty...though I do know how hard it is not to. Try to keep the "big picture" in mind.
dandylion
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Originally Posted by dandylion 
To not enable is actually an act of caring---though it doesn't always look like it on the surface.....and, certainly doesn't look so to the alcoholic!
Remember that relationships with alcoholics are not normal, healthy relationships---so, the same guidelines for us don't always apply.
Remember that relationships with alcoholics are not normal, healthy relationships---so, the same guidelines for us don't always apply.
Forget about the London or Singapore posting...when did he say that? Odd. Well, not really...it just engages you in conversations that aren't relevant today, Friday night when he's drunk already.
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Both our names are on the title to the house...so technically I can't stop him from returning. It's why it was suggested to me by that original addiction doc at the hospital that I consider taking out what's known in Australia as a non-exclusionary intervention order....which means he can be in the house but not within a certain distance of the kids and I when he is drunk...which would prevent him from entering the house when drinking - it would become a criminal act. They said that needs a lot of thought though as if I had to call the police it would be their choice to press charges...not mine.
Croissant - he told me about the 'posting' on the phone to me earlier when he rang to say he needed money. Said the only thing he could do at the moment was work...as that's the only thing he still does well. I can't see how...but that's not my concern either I suppose.
I think it's a manipulation as I used to carry on like a pork chop at the thought of him abandoning me....and this would be the biggest abandonment he could come up with to try to get a reaction from me. On the reaction scale I probably have him a 2/10.
Croissant - he told me about the 'posting' on the phone to me earlier when he rang to say he needed money. Said the only thing he could do at the moment was work...as that's the only thing he still does well. I can't see how...but that's not my concern either I suppose.
I think it's a manipulation as I used to carry on like a pork chop at the thought of him abandoning me....and this would be the biggest abandonment he could come up with to try to get a reaction from me. On the reaction scale I probably have him a 2/10.
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Oh my word, jarp...even in this stressful time....you make me laugh.
Your "non-exclusionary intervention" order---that seems to be a quite handy piece of legislation. We don't have that particular one here, in the states. Not that I know of anyway.
Did you actually take it out? Or, would you still have to do so?
This must really be twisting him a new one---if he knew that you feared abandonment.
Under these circumstances, I would say that your calm demeanor has a lot of weight!
dandylion
Your "non-exclusionary intervention" order---that seems to be a quite handy piece of legislation. We don't have that particular one here, in the states. Not that I know of anyway.
Did you actually take it out? Or, would you still have to do so?
This must really be twisting him a new one---if he knew that you feared abandonment.
Under these circumstances, I would say that your calm demeanor has a lot of weight!
dandylion
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Must be different state to state in Australia. I've not heard of a non-exclusionary order.
I know you can have an order out against someone you live with however, so it's probably named differently state to state.
I know you can have an order out against someone you live with however, so it's probably named differently state to state.
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jarp, I'm so sorry you're going thru this and can't imagine how difficult and painful it must be. You've done the right thing in not letting him come in the house. It must have been so hard to read that text, saying that YOU have devastated him and destroyed his last hope, but I'm glad that you're wise enough to know who it REALLY is who has destroyed his hope (hint: It's not you...).
Hold strong. Keep seeking out support for yourself and your kids. I hope you find some moments of peace in the coming days.
Hold strong. Keep seeking out support for yourself and your kids. I hope you find some moments of peace in the coming days.
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Posts: 102
Jarp -
I think your instincts not to buy into the self-pity and manipulation were spot on. It took me a long time to reach the point of seeing it for what it was with my AW. She knew exactly how to press my buttons and get my sympathy - and one more chance. I stopped buying it and kicked her out of the house a month ago.
At first, she started down this same path - poor me, I am so sad and pathetic. Then, she tried bargaining - I am going to meetings, I have been sober, and this time I am really working at my AA program. Can I come home? When that didn't work, it was defiance - it is my home too, i deserve to be there. Ok, then I will leave and you can take over the payments and upkeep. No? Can't afford that with no job, eh?
It has taken her a while to realize that simply apologizing doesn't wipe the slate clean, that her behavior has consequences beyond the moment, and that she no longer gets the benefit of the doubt. For years, I was willing to forgive, to accept her promises that this time she really really really was done drinking, only to watch her relapse yet again..
Recently, in a counseling session, the question of when she could come home came up again - what hoops did she need to jump through? She seemed stunned when I said that I didn't know that would ever happen, certainly not any time soon, because I did not want to spend another minute of my life wondering whether she was sober today or protecting myself from her swirl of drama. She seems simply baffled that some kind of bargain can't be struck where she can get her old life back.
Once I realized how much of her behavior this was manipulation, it became easier to spot, and if don't fall for it so much. It is so telling when she sees I am not buying it, and immediately changes tactics.
Stay strong! You are doing great!
I think your instincts not to buy into the self-pity and manipulation were spot on. It took me a long time to reach the point of seeing it for what it was with my AW. She knew exactly how to press my buttons and get my sympathy - and one more chance. I stopped buying it and kicked her out of the house a month ago.
At first, she started down this same path - poor me, I am so sad and pathetic. Then, she tried bargaining - I am going to meetings, I have been sober, and this time I am really working at my AA program. Can I come home? When that didn't work, it was defiance - it is my home too, i deserve to be there. Ok, then I will leave and you can take over the payments and upkeep. No? Can't afford that with no job, eh?
It has taken her a while to realize that simply apologizing doesn't wipe the slate clean, that her behavior has consequences beyond the moment, and that she no longer gets the benefit of the doubt. For years, I was willing to forgive, to accept her promises that this time she really really really was done drinking, only to watch her relapse yet again..
Recently, in a counseling session, the question of when she could come home came up again - what hoops did she need to jump through? She seemed stunned when I said that I didn't know that would ever happen, certainly not any time soon, because I did not want to spend another minute of my life wondering whether she was sober today or protecting myself from her swirl of drama. She seems simply baffled that some kind of bargain can't be struck where she can get her old life back.
Once I realized how much of her behavior this was manipulation, it became easier to spot, and if don't fall for it so much. It is so telling when she sees I am not buying it, and immediately changes tactics.
Stay strong! You are doing great!
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Join Date: Apr 2012
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Jarp, your first post painted a pathetic picture (like my alliteration?) Then I read on, and you said he had a job, access to money, a working phone, no doubt with a taxi phone number in it, and the picture started to look a bit different.
So he had a few drinks, started to pity himself big time, then turned up at your place wanting to have a deep and meaningful with you, plus some home comforts. Standing in the street with the rain pouring down was a theatrical touch.
It was so obviously designed to tug at your heartstrings, its just transparent.
You would have been pretty naive to fall for it, and you didn't.
So he had a few drinks, started to pity himself big time, then turned up at your place wanting to have a deep and meaningful with you, plus some home comforts. Standing in the street with the rain pouring down was a theatrical touch.
It was so obviously designed to tug at your heartstrings, its just transparent.
You would have been pretty naive to fall for it, and you didn't.
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Hi jarp;
I'm sorry this is so hard, but I also think it is pure manipulation.
If your husband belongs to an exclusive gentleman's club with free alcohol
and was drinking 2-3 bottles of wine a night when at home, which I imagine was at least
fifty dollars every evening and presumably more, I would expect he could afford a hotel
should he choose to get one.
When coming to the house in the rain doesn't get him in the door, he next threatens to take a post abroad.
How about instead taking a month to do an inpatient program to deal with his drinking? Any mention of that?
Any mention of all the things he was promising you just a few days ago in detox? Or even going back to detox?
Stopping the enabling is very very hard.
My mom drank and smoked herself into the hospital repeatedly for many years, and finally
I told her I would no longer give up my life and time to get her set up in her home and take care of everything like shopping, organizing cleaning,
meds, buying alcohol or cigarettes, dealing with her crisis as it was destroying my physically and mentally.
She proceeded to drink anyway and was so angry when I stuck to my boundary and did not get her out of nursing care but told her to make her own arrangements.
Talk about guilt--but by then, the stress of dealing with her constant crisis and needs had escalated my own alcoholism to dangerous levels and nearly destroyed my marriage and life.
I let guilt keep me enabling for years and years, when I could have stepped back and given her a chance to choose recovery instead of helping her be addicted.
I deeply regret not stepping back for both of our sakes, but I was very codependent at the time having grown up in the situation without perspective.
Dandy's post really sums it up:
Enabling hurts the alcoholic because it cushions their ability to continue to drink with relative comfort.
It seems to me that you are not enabling him any more.....or, trying very hard not to.
To not enable is actually an act of caring---though it doesn't always look like it on the surface.....and, certainly doesn't look so to the alcoholic!
Anyway, the point of this post is to gently remind you your husband isn't on the street in King's Cross, but a man with intelligence,
and resources, and options who is ignoring those in favor of his addiction.
If you make it easy for him to keep his addiction going,
of course he will do it and you and your kids will get to live in the special hell that is life at home with an active alcoholic.
All of you, including him, deserve better.
I suggest you do take the order so you have the option if you need it.
When the pity appeals don't work, it may be the next step will be him enforcing
his legal rights to be in the home. It can turn nasty in a heartbeat.
Have you been to a lawyer yet to find out what your options are to protect
your family assets and get a longer-term Plan B in case he doesn't choose to quit?
He may think he's still "good" at work but given his unstable actions and level of drinking,
I don't know if I would count on that.
You know, sometimes when alcoholics have their back to the wall they actually do stop.
When I really got in my head that I might lose my job, husband, and home because of my drinking I stopped. The will was finally there.
There is always hope, but limited options can actually be a powerful motivator.
Take care and remember, this isn't just you but also your kid's mental well-being you are protecting so you are not being selfish or unfeeling.
Growing up with an alcoholic was a big reason I had all the issues which led to my choosing to drink and life-long unhealthy codependent relationships.
I'm sorry this is so hard, but I also think it is pure manipulation.
If your husband belongs to an exclusive gentleman's club with free alcohol
and was drinking 2-3 bottles of wine a night when at home, which I imagine was at least
fifty dollars every evening and presumably more, I would expect he could afford a hotel
should he choose to get one.
When coming to the house in the rain doesn't get him in the door, he next threatens to take a post abroad.
How about instead taking a month to do an inpatient program to deal with his drinking? Any mention of that?
Any mention of all the things he was promising you just a few days ago in detox? Or even going back to detox?
Stopping the enabling is very very hard.
My mom drank and smoked herself into the hospital repeatedly for many years, and finally
I told her I would no longer give up my life and time to get her set up in her home and take care of everything like shopping, organizing cleaning,
meds, buying alcohol or cigarettes, dealing with her crisis as it was destroying my physically and mentally.
She proceeded to drink anyway and was so angry when I stuck to my boundary and did not get her out of nursing care but told her to make her own arrangements.
Talk about guilt--but by then, the stress of dealing with her constant crisis and needs had escalated my own alcoholism to dangerous levels and nearly destroyed my marriage and life.
I let guilt keep me enabling for years and years, when I could have stepped back and given her a chance to choose recovery instead of helping her be addicted.
I deeply regret not stepping back for both of our sakes, but I was very codependent at the time having grown up in the situation without perspective.
Dandy's post really sums it up:
Enabling hurts the alcoholic because it cushions their ability to continue to drink with relative comfort.
It seems to me that you are not enabling him any more.....or, trying very hard not to.
To not enable is actually an act of caring---though it doesn't always look like it on the surface.....and, certainly doesn't look so to the alcoholic!
Anyway, the point of this post is to gently remind you your husband isn't on the street in King's Cross, but a man with intelligence,
and resources, and options who is ignoring those in favor of his addiction.
If you make it easy for him to keep his addiction going,
of course he will do it and you and your kids will get to live in the special hell that is life at home with an active alcoholic.
All of you, including him, deserve better.
I suggest you do take the order so you have the option if you need it.
When the pity appeals don't work, it may be the next step will be him enforcing
his legal rights to be in the home. It can turn nasty in a heartbeat.
Have you been to a lawyer yet to find out what your options are to protect
your family assets and get a longer-term Plan B in case he doesn't choose to quit?
He may think he's still "good" at work but given his unstable actions and level of drinking,
I don't know if I would count on that.
You know, sometimes when alcoholics have their back to the wall they actually do stop.
When I really got in my head that I might lose my job, husband, and home because of my drinking I stopped. The will was finally there.
There is always hope, but limited options can actually be a powerful motivator.
Take care and remember, this isn't just you but also your kid's mental well-being you are protecting so you are not being selfish or unfeeling.
Growing up with an alcoholic was a big reason I had all the issues which led to my choosing to drink and life-long unhealthy codependent relationships.
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 2,805
Last December, my daughter had a Christmas pageant on the same day as my son's birthday. I had invited my parents to attend a birthday dinner and then to go to the pageant with us. When I talked to my mom in the morning, she was obviously drunk, so I called my dad and disinvited them. They were crushed. They blew up my phone 15 times and threatened to come anyway. They were a mess and disappointed. I was a mess and disappointed. I had always been the pleaser child. Plus, I really wanted them to be there, but I stuck to my boundaries and I am so happy that I did. Because this May, my eldest son graduated from high school and my parents kept themselves in order. They now know that I mean what I say. Is my mom still an active alcoholic and my father still a heavy drinking codependent? Unfortunately, yes, but at least they respect my boundaries more than ever because they know that I will protect myself and my children.
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Thread Starter
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Location: Australia
Posts: 537
Thanks dandylion, honeypig, jmartin, sugarbear, feelingreat, doubledragons and hawkeye. And croissant my fellow Aussie!
I know you are all right.
He has cash, enough brains to get himself somewhere and a phone. And he's used it...just rang to let me know he's staying at his favourite 5 star hotel! So he is fine.
The more I read my post the more I think...it's almost funny that I wavered.....as you've said....manipulation pure and simple. He's truly a master at it!! And feelingreat you're right....what theatre...he's missed his calling.
Thank you especially those of you that have shared your similar experiences, and I'm sorry you have all felt that pain.
Hawkeye your post hit the mark. I know that all the time he has a level of comfort left in his life he'll always choose his addiction. And it's not fair to him, me or the kids that I am helping him, enabling him in this way. I have to stop.
But I feel really sh*tty that even now I am thinking...I must do this for HIM. I should be thinking I am doing this for the KIDS. And I am....but honestly it's the first statement that's driving me to hold my boundaries a little more...and that feels sick and wrong. I've still got hope he'll see the light.
As hawkeye says ..... I need to get my plan b in place...and I mostly have with all the 'evidence' and documents with the lawyer to protect the kids from any custody issue, my own bank account, I've moved **% of our money into it (which is legal here), I've sorted childcare for when I travel, added deadlocks and security latches to doors, all important paperwork is out of the house....but I need to see the lawyer as to what I do about things I haven't thought of. Like needing a ******** for my son which I need H's signature for...tricky stuff like that. And my will so $ goes to kids not him.
Thanks all the support here is so awesome.
On a funny note I had a good laugh at auto correct on seem of your 'names'.
Dandylion is 'dandy loins', doubledragon became 'double dreg' and sugarbear was 'sugar daddy'!!!! What HAVE I written in the past that came up with that lot?????
Croissant the non exclusionary IA wasn't called that exactly ...can't remember the actual name....but it's the IA you can get when someone is living with you with conditions.
I know you are all right.
He has cash, enough brains to get himself somewhere and a phone. And he's used it...just rang to let me know he's staying at his favourite 5 star hotel! So he is fine.
The more I read my post the more I think...it's almost funny that I wavered.....as you've said....manipulation pure and simple. He's truly a master at it!! And feelingreat you're right....what theatre...he's missed his calling.
Thank you especially those of you that have shared your similar experiences, and I'm sorry you have all felt that pain.
Hawkeye your post hit the mark. I know that all the time he has a level of comfort left in his life he'll always choose his addiction. And it's not fair to him, me or the kids that I am helping him, enabling him in this way. I have to stop.
But I feel really sh*tty that even now I am thinking...I must do this for HIM. I should be thinking I am doing this for the KIDS. And I am....but honestly it's the first statement that's driving me to hold my boundaries a little more...and that feels sick and wrong. I've still got hope he'll see the light.
As hawkeye says ..... I need to get my plan b in place...and I mostly have with all the 'evidence' and documents with the lawyer to protect the kids from any custody issue, my own bank account, I've moved **% of our money into it (which is legal here), I've sorted childcare for when I travel, added deadlocks and security latches to doors, all important paperwork is out of the house....but I need to see the lawyer as to what I do about things I haven't thought of. Like needing a ******** for my son which I need H's signature for...tricky stuff like that. And my will so $ goes to kids not him.
Thanks all the support here is so awesome.
On a funny note I had a good laugh at auto correct on seem of your 'names'.
Dandylion is 'dandy loins', doubledragon became 'double dreg' and sugarbear was 'sugar daddy'!!!! What HAVE I written in the past that came up with that lot?????
Croissant the non exclusionary IA wasn't called that exactly ...can't remember the actual name....but it's the IA you can get when someone is living with you with conditions.
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Join Date: May 2014
Location: Philly burbs, NJ
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Originally Posted by jmartin
Jarp -
I think your instincts not to buy into the self-pity and manipulation were spot on. It took me a long time to reach the point of seeing it for what it was with my AW. She knew exactly how to press my buttons and get my sympathy - and one more chance. I stopped buying it and kicked her out of the house a month ago.
At first, she started down this same path - poor me, I am so sad and pathetic. Then, she tried bargaining - I am going to meetings, I have been sober, and this time I am really working at my AA program. Can I come home? When that didn't work, it was defiance - it is my home too, i deserve to be there. Ok, then I will leave and you can take over the payments and upkeep. No? Can't afford that with no job, eh?
It has taken her a while to realize that simply apologizing doesn't wipe the slate clean, that her behavior has consequences beyond the moment, and that she no longer gets the benefit of the doubt. For years, I was willing to forgive, to accept her promises that this time she really really really was done drinking, only to watch her relapse yet again..
Recently, in a counseling session, the question of when she could come home came up again - what hoops did she need to jump through? She seemed stunned when I said that I didn't know that would ever happen, certainly not any time soon, because I did not want to spend another minute of my life wondering whether she was sober today or protecting myself from her swirl of drama. She seems simply baffled that some kind of bargain can't be struck where she can get her old life back.
Once I realized how much of her behavior this was manipulation, it became easier to spot, and if don't fall for it so much. It is so telling when she sees I am not buying it, and immediately changes tactics.
Stay strong! You are doing great!
I think your instincts not to buy into the self-pity and manipulation were spot on. It took me a long time to reach the point of seeing it for what it was with my AW. She knew exactly how to press my buttons and get my sympathy - and one more chance. I stopped buying it and kicked her out of the house a month ago.
At first, she started down this same path - poor me, I am so sad and pathetic. Then, she tried bargaining - I am going to meetings, I have been sober, and this time I am really working at my AA program. Can I come home? When that didn't work, it was defiance - it is my home too, i deserve to be there. Ok, then I will leave and you can take over the payments and upkeep. No? Can't afford that with no job, eh?
It has taken her a while to realize that simply apologizing doesn't wipe the slate clean, that her behavior has consequences beyond the moment, and that she no longer gets the benefit of the doubt. For years, I was willing to forgive, to accept her promises that this time she really really really was done drinking, only to watch her relapse yet again..
Recently, in a counseling session, the question of when she could come home came up again - what hoops did she need to jump through? She seemed stunned when I said that I didn't know that would ever happen, certainly not any time soon, because I did not want to spend another minute of my life wondering whether she was sober today or protecting myself from her swirl of drama. She seems simply baffled that some kind of bargain can't be struck where she can get her old life back.
Once I realized how much of her behavior this was manipulation, it became easier to spot, and if don't fall for it so much. It is so telling when she sees I am not buying it, and immediately changes tactics.
Stay strong! You are doing great!
Hang in there, Jarp, you're doing really well.
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 494
He just sent me a txt that said I have totally devastated him, destroyed the last little bit of hope he has....that he is sad, cold and lonely and he can't believe I care so little. That it is so easy for me.
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Posts: 6,780
((((((hugs)))))) jarp, that had to have felt impossibly difficult. I KNOW I would have felt conflicted myself & struggled to hold that boundary. For as early as you are to all this "recovery business" you are handling this like a Pro.
From the outside it definitely has that theatrical feel, like textbook behavior almost (let's move the story along people, we have a lot to express in little time.... yes, add rain... nice dramatic touch...it captures the emotion...)
So what are you doing FOR YOU today? A massage? Mani/Pedi? Indulging in a movie marathon with the kids with a bunch of popcorn?
From the outside it definitely has that theatrical feel, like textbook behavior almost (let's move the story along people, we have a lot to express in little time.... yes, add rain... nice dramatic touch...it captures the emotion...)
So what are you doing FOR YOU today? A massage? Mani/Pedi? Indulging in a movie marathon with the kids with a bunch of popcorn?
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