Letting Go

[Ann]

StandingStrong recently posted this poem, and several people have requested that we put it at the top where everyone can see it.

I think it is beautiful, and am happy to oblige. Thank you StandingStrong!!

Letting Go

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To 'let go' does not mean to stop caring,
it means I can't do it for someone else.

To 'let go' is not to cut myself off,
it's the realization I can't control another.

To 'let go' is not to enable.
but to allow learning from natural consequences.

To 'let go' is to admit powerlessness,
which means the outcome is not in my hands.

To 'let go' is not to try to change or blame another,
It's to make the most of myself.

To 'let go' is not to 'care for',
but to 'care about'.

To 'let go' is not to fix,
but to be supportive.

To 'let go' is not to judge,
but to allow another to be a human being.

To 'let go' is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes,
but to allow others to affect their destinies.

To 'let go' is not to be protective,
it's to permit another to face reality.

To 'let go' is not to nag, scold, or argue,
but to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.

To 'let go' is not to adjust everything to my desires,
but to take each day as it comes, and cherish myself in it.

To 'let go' is not to criticize and regulate anybody,
but to try to become what I dream I can be.

To 'let go' is not to regret the past,
but to grow and live for the future.

To 'let go' is to fear less,
and to love more.

[matters]

This IS BEAUTIFUL and a powerful message!!!!!

Thank you StandingStrong and thank you Ann!!!!

[frustrated1]

That poem is so true. We have been feeling that our 18 year old daughter had relapsed but had no proof. Last night she admitted to me she had a felt bad about it. Today she thought things would be back to normal until I told her she had to choose. Her drinking and drugging friends or her family. She chose her friends. Said she would stay if we let her see her friends. we couldn't go down that road again. I think we did the right thing. It was hard but like the poem says, letting go does not mean I don't love you. We have been attending al-anon meetings and they really help

[ookpik]

this is just what i need to see.I have some trouble with letting go,but boy does it make sense.

[StandingStrong]

ookpik, I too have a very hard time letting go. It's funny in an ironic kind of way that you bumped this post up. Today's the first day I've been here for a few and to find it waiting for me was a good reminder.

[Alphawoman]

Thank you for this poem Ann. It's truly what I need to help me leave a very unhealthy relationship with my ABF.
Alphawoman

[SerenityGirl]

Thanks Ann, for posting this again. I read it when Standingstrong posted it and thought this is perfect in telling us how to Let Go. I will be putting it on my fridge too..

[Bernadette]

Yeah-- Good bump!
B.

[cassandra2]

I too was struggling with this today. I had a great convo with someone on this board who provided me with tremendous insight about letting go.

I felt I had let go but still was having trouble understanding if I really had or if I was having expectations that certain things could or should happen when I let go.

So for those of you out there that may be in the same boat here is something that I guess I was too scattered in the head to think about.

Let go for the moment. It sounds simple enough to say let go and go on but I just couldnt get passed "ok I have let go now what?" Like as if something was suppose to happen that would change the situation.

Letting go for the moment means that at present for this moment I can accept that my ex's actions are speaking loud and clear. I can accept that for TODAY. I have to stop thinking about tomorrow and what tomorrow will bring. For tomorrow has its own worries. I can only say that I have let go for the moment. Sometimes in this particular trials in our lives we can only live from moment to moment. I know that I have truly let go because for today and I can only speak for today at this moment I accept it.

I just thought that by holding on I still could control the outcome. I by nature am a fixer. So therefore I think this or that will fix my situation. I cant fix anything but myself and the only way I can fix myself is by letting go of him, the person I have no control over fixing.

Its not about whether he sees the light or not. Its his choice. I have no right to stand in the way of another person. Other people have the right to live their lives anyway they want. When you say "but its not the right way" chances are you are speaking for yourself and how you chose to live your life. I know that I would not chose to live my life in active addiction but that is ME I can only chose to live MY life the way I want. No one else.

Thank you Sugah for helping me to see my own light.......

[tennesseedream]

Hi everyone,
I'm pretty new here. My AH is in rehab and I just wanted to share a little something I heard today in the Family Education session that relates..

If you're thinking about yesterday, you're living in the past, and if you're thinking about tomorrow, you're living in a fantasy

Made sense to me

[Romey4]

I love this poem. My current struggle is letting go of the xabf, and this helps me understand that I'm doing the right thing!

[suki44883]

I think all codies should print this out and put it in a prominent place. I put one in my cubicle at work and also put one on my bulletin board here at home. The last one, I am going to frame and put on my computer desk so I can see it every day. Sometimes I just need a reminder that it's okay.

[boo73]

love this poem..............i have read it about 3 times since finding Sober Recovery ( and thats been less than a week.!!

[coffeedrinker]

Originally Posted by cassandra2

Let go for the moment.

yes.
thanks, good reminder.

over the past couple of weeks, i had the incredibly strong urge to call xabf. i knew if i reached out, he would respond. i knew that if i caved and said "come over. stay with me." he would. i pushed past it. it was so hard, cuz i knew that his arms, his smell, his beautiful hair, would be the "fix" i was craving. but also, that it would keep me stuck.

let go for the moment. it might just be enough to get you through many more moments.