QUACKERs.... Part 3
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 2,349
Originally Posted by threegirlsjjj 
My exabf after rehab
Ex: I never used to get sick when I was drinking the alchohol killed the germs and kept me healthy!!!
Smdh
Ex: I never used to get sick when I was drinking the alchohol killed the germs and kept me healthy!!!
Smdh
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 982
Originally Posted by LeeJane
LOLOL!! I love this thread!
Apparently I was only going to Al-anon meetings to have lesbian orgies!!
Apparently I was only going to Al-anon meetings to have lesbian orgies!!
Thanks for the laugh.I love this thread too... It's amazing how similar all the quacking is.
Before I came to this site I thought my A was the only one who could come up with such ridiculous BS.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 56
Just in the past week...
AH- my therapist says I don't have a drug/alcohol problem, I have an anger problem that leads me to do things to sabatoge myself. (Hmmm, like drugs and alcohol?)
AH- I can still drink, I'm an addict, not an alcoholic. (Wow, hanging out at bars, lying about drinking, and then driving home drunk and who knows what else, doesn't indicate that maybe you should not drink? Silly me...)
Me- if we are to try to repair this marriage I would need you to prove that you are doing the things you say you are. If you want us to be together we need to take our time, date for awhile, slowly, and when you get a place, we could stay over once and awhile. Also, for my sake and the kids, I won't live with you if you're still drinking. We need to take this slowly and let everyone heal. Those are my boundaries.
AH- Nope, you need to stop living in the past. I'm not that guy anymore (he's been going to NA for a little over a month) and if we're going to make this work you need to sh** or get off the pot. We all need to be together. I need to move on with my life and you're either with me or not. I can't try to be someone I'm not anymore and I don't have a problem with drinking so you need to get over that. I'm not going to sit around and wait for you (Ok, you don't even have a job, or a place of your own yet, so, really??? )
And my favorite of this weeks quacks... If you were having to live in a motel then it would be different, then you'd need me! (I didn't even know how to respond to that one... )
I think you're right, there must be a book they hand out! Wish we could get a copy to look this stuff up! Oh yes, that's on page 5, in the total denial chapter! An oldy but goody!
And on and on...
AH- my therapist says I don't have a drug/alcohol problem, I have an anger problem that leads me to do things to sabatoge myself. (Hmmm, like drugs and alcohol?)
AH- I can still drink, I'm an addict, not an alcoholic. (Wow, hanging out at bars, lying about drinking, and then driving home drunk and who knows what else, doesn't indicate that maybe you should not drink? Silly me...)
Me- if we are to try to repair this marriage I would need you to prove that you are doing the things you say you are. If you want us to be together we need to take our time, date for awhile, slowly, and when you get a place, we could stay over once and awhile. Also, for my sake and the kids, I won't live with you if you're still drinking. We need to take this slowly and let everyone heal. Those are my boundaries.
AH- Nope, you need to stop living in the past. I'm not that guy anymore (he's been going to NA for a little over a month) and if we're going to make this work you need to sh** or get off the pot. We all need to be together. I need to move on with my life and you're either with me or not. I can't try to be someone I'm not anymore and I don't have a problem with drinking so you need to get over that. I'm not going to sit around and wait for you (Ok, you don't even have a job, or a place of your own yet, so, really??? )
And my favorite of this weeks quacks... If you were having to live in a motel then it would be different, then you'd need me! (I didn't even know how to respond to that one... )
I think you're right, there must be a book they hand out! Wish we could get a copy to look this stuff up! Oh yes, that's on page 5, in the total denial chapter! An oldy but goody!
And on and on...
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 16
XAH: I'm sorry for those things I said and did yesterday, that was the old me. The new me will never be like that.
ME: I think the kids are upset about what happened this morning.
XAH: Well, like I said, that was the old me, I'm not like that anymore so please don't keep bringing up the past.
Huh? That was like an hour ago - pretty much still the present if you ask me.
ME: I think the kids are upset about what happened this morning.
XAH: Well, like I said, that was the old me, I'm not like that anymore so please don't keep bringing up the past.
Huh? That was like an hour ago - pretty much still the present if you ask me.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 1,022
AH was drunk and sitting on the side of the bed. He was busy telling me how awful women are and what a rotten wife I am. There was a long silent pause between the ranting.
then this.
AH: I can never find a b1tch that cares about me!
Me: uhhhh....maybe the whole "b1tch" thing is a big reason for that.
good riddance!
then this.
AH: I can never find a b1tch that cares about me!
Me: uhhhh....maybe the whole "b1tch" thing is a big reason for that.
good riddance!
Behold the power of NO
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,764
Alcoholic/crack addict old friend yesterday telling me a long list of woes
Me: Well you know the drama will never ends until you quit drinking
Him: I want to quit
Me: That's good, have you read the Big Book I gave you way back?
Him: I know all the BB, step four is about asking for forgiveness >rolling my eyes, just hearing quack quack I'm full of it by that time<
Me: There is a 2pm AA meeting at the corner today (I know not because I looked it up for him but because I go LOL)
Him: I want to quit but I want to do it with a BANG. I ll quit on New Years Eve!!!
Me: Whatever. Have a Merry Christmas. Then I just proceeded to put his number back on my block list.
Me: Well you know the drama will never ends until you quit drinking
Him: I want to quit
Me: That's good, have you read the Big Book I gave you way back?
Him: I know all the BB, step four is about asking for forgiveness >rolling my eyes, just hearing quack quack I'm full of it by that time<
Me: There is a 2pm AA meeting at the corner today (I know not because I looked it up for him but because I go LOL)
Him: I want to quit but I want to do it with a BANG. I ll quit on New Years Eve!!!
Me: Whatever. Have a Merry Christmas. Then I just proceeded to put his number back on my block list.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 156
I have two that really stick out in my mind w/ ex ABF. One I have posted in another thread but it is certainly a quack so it is going in this thread!
1st Quack:
Him: If you have a baby with me I will quit my job and be a stay at home dad, and you can run things the way you want and work, do whatever you want. Please. I promise.
Me: I don't want you to quit your job. How about your drinking?
(Sound of crickets....................)
Me: yea... (stay at home drinking dad? who is now unemployed? he really thought that out .. ugh.)
2nd Quack: I see him having a seizure on the sofa one night ( almost every night):
Me: Can you stop doing that? Are you able to make that stop? What is that? Stop? (It continues until it is over).
Him: Oh I do that sometimes. I'm rocking myself like a baby. It makes me feel more cozy. (keeps watching tv eating cookies)
Me: of course.
(I love reading this thread. thanks for all your shares. )
1st Quack:
Him: If you have a baby with me I will quit my job and be a stay at home dad, and you can run things the way you want and work, do whatever you want. Please. I promise.
Me: I don't want you to quit your job. How about your drinking?
(Sound of crickets....................)
Me: yea... (stay at home drinking dad? who is now unemployed? he really thought that out .. ugh.)
2nd Quack: I see him having a seizure on the sofa one night ( almost every night):
Me: Can you stop doing that? Are you able to make that stop? What is that? Stop? (It continues until it is over).
Him: Oh I do that sometimes. I'm rocking myself like a baby. It makes me feel more cozy.
(keeps watching tv eating cookies)Me: of course.
(I love reading this thread. thanks for all your shares.
)
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 156
omg I just thought of one more, and this one is so funny. His family reunion (they barely drink) we hadn't been dating long, He is drinking beers from their garage and we are all hanging out. He drank way more than everyone else while we all sat there talking in the living room and was pretty saucy. Everyone else was not drunk.
Kids decided 2 play beer pong, 2 vs 2. - Him and I on a team. After 1 short game we went home and he threw up in our tiny bed and breakfast room. ALL NIGHT.
Him:
"If you weren't so bad at beer pong tonight I wouldn't have had to carry the team and I wouldn't have thrown up."
Oh now it's my beer pong skills? it was ONE GAME. lol.
Kids decided 2 play beer pong, 2 vs 2. - Him and I on a team. After 1 short game we went home and he threw up in our tiny bed and breakfast room. ALL NIGHT.
Him:
"If you weren't so bad at beer pong tonight I wouldn't have had to carry the team and I wouldn't have thrown up."
Oh now it's my beer pong skills? it was ONE GAME. lol.
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Iowa
Posts: 3,050
Actually took one of his calls. I just had a feeling. He is sick and sad and tired. Hopefully tired enough to drop this custody nonsense and leave me alone, but we'll see.
The IRS is after him because he claimed our son on his taxes in 2013.
AX: This is your fault. We had an agreement that I would claim him on my taxes and not have to pay any child support!
Me: ???
I filed my taxes in Feb. He called in April and told me he had claimed DS5. I told him he needed to fix that b/c I'd already claimed DS5 and gotten a refund. Then I mentioned child support and he started ranting and cursing so I hung up. Apparently the IRS didn't buy it either.
Another gem.
AX: This (custody issue) is all your fault. I want to settle it out of court but you had to go and get the courts and lawyers involved!
Me: Really? I went to PA and filled out a bunch of paperwork with your handwriting and got it notarized signing your name?
AX: {cricket, cricket, cricket} no response. Then his auntwife made him get off the phone.
He's under a lot of stress. Having to do a bunch of stuff he hates like filling out paperwork, answering questions and being sober. Guess how he deals with stress?
I am cautiously optimistic about the custody thing. He already agreed to supervised visits, but wants auntwife to supervise the visits. No way I am doing that unless a judge makes me. If he has to spend a bunch of time and money fighting me, he might just drop it.
Fingers crossed.
The IRS is after him because he claimed our son on his taxes in 2013.
AX: This is your fault. We had an agreement that I would claim him on my taxes and not have to pay any child support!
Me: ???
I filed my taxes in Feb. He called in April and told me he had claimed DS5. I told him he needed to fix that b/c I'd already claimed DS5 and gotten a refund. Then I mentioned child support and he started ranting and cursing so I hung up. Apparently the IRS didn't buy it either.
Another gem.
AX: This (custody issue) is all your fault. I want to settle it out of court but you had to go and get the courts and lawyers involved!
Me: Really? I went to PA and filled out a bunch of paperwork with your handwriting and got it notarized signing your name?
AX: {cricket, cricket, cricket} no response. Then his auntwife made him get off the phone.
He's under a lot of stress. Having to do a bunch of stuff he hates like filling out paperwork, answering questions and being sober. Guess how he deals with stress?
I am cautiously optimistic about the custody thing. He already agreed to supervised visits, but wants auntwife to supervise the visits. No way I am doing that unless a judge makes me. If he has to spend a bunch of time and money fighting me, he might just drop it.
Fingers crossed.
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Iowa
Posts: 3,050
Also, when does everything stop being my fault? I left him over a year ago. He's remarried, moved on and is totally over me, he likes to make a point of telling me that.
LOL. Still no bottom in sight. He just grabs that shovel and keeps on digging.
LOL. Still no bottom in sight. He just grabs that shovel and keeps on digging.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 224
I was out a few weeks ago with a friend of mine...actually, I came out to "hear music" at a bar nearby because she called me drunk while she was trying to navigate to the bar and I wanted to check on her. She was really drunk, she said, because her husband was rude to her that day...
So, I enter the bar and she is sitting there with another woman. As I walk up, I overhear the second lady saying "when I was two months pregnant, my husband came home and got into bed. He then proceeded to get up, turn around and pee all over the bed. I screamed at him to stop, and he asked if I was going to be a B the whole pregnancy. He accused me of pouring water on the bed and blaming him. I told him, point out a glass around here that is wet and I will say nothing more about this incident! The next day, he had no idea why he was sleeping on the floor..."
Without thinking, I responded, "this is why I am single." Drunk lady #2 says to me, "well, no one is perfect, so if that is what you are looking for, you will be single for a long time!"....ohhh ok. Well, if it is a choice between being single or waking up to someone urinating on me, I guess I will have to settle for a big empty bed.
So, I enter the bar and she is sitting there with another woman. As I walk up, I overhear the second lady saying "when I was two months pregnant, my husband came home and got into bed. He then proceeded to get up, turn around and pee all over the bed. I screamed at him to stop, and he asked if I was going to be a B the whole pregnancy. He accused me of pouring water on the bed and blaming him. I told him, point out a glass around here that is wet and I will say nothing more about this incident! The next day, he had no idea why he was sleeping on the floor..."
Without thinking, I responded, "this is why I am single." Drunk lady #2 says to me, "well, no one is perfect, so if that is what you are looking for, you will be single for a long time!"....ohhh ok. Well, if it is a choice between being single or waking up to someone urinating on me, I guess I will have to settle for a big empty bed.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 322
Upon waking up at 7 am....
Me: Umm, didn't you have a 1/2 bottle of Fireball left in the fridge when we went to bed last night? You know, that same bottle you said was going to last you all week?
Him: Yes, but I poured it down the sink. I think I'm drinking too much.
**knowing full well he drank it in the middle of the night and did not dump it**
7 pm that night he walks in the house with a bottle of Fireball in a paper bag.
Me: I thought you dumped the other bottle because you were drinking too much?
Him: I did, I'm going to slow down. Don't worry, this one will last me all week.
Me: Umm, didn't you have a 1/2 bottle of Fireball left in the fridge when we went to bed last night? You know, that same bottle you said was going to last you all week?
Him: Yes, but I poured it down the sink. I think I'm drinking too much.
**knowing full well he drank it in the middle of the night and did not dump it**
7 pm that night he walks in the house with a bottle of Fireball in a paper bag.
Me: I thought you dumped the other bottle because you were drinking too much?
Him: I did, I'm going to slow down. Don't worry, this one will last me all week.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 2
I love these.. I've been reading them all!!! It took me two weeks but I did it!! Ok, my turn!!!!!! All the quotes are from my stbxah...
*******
Says out loud to no one in the room, "I can't understand why my wife's love isn't unconditional.. I mean, why can't you just accept me the way that I am and my lifestyle?"
Oh and so many comments about how he doesn't get enough praise. I think he wanted a party everytime he did something-- Yay, should I praise you for doing something adults do on a day to day basis?? REALLY? When he was really drunk, he would spends hours yelling at me about this.
"Honey, please help me, I can't do this (showing him how to send an email for the 100th time)", and the next breath, "stop treating me like a child!"
"I'm going to quit drinking as soon as we move, get into another environment, away from this area, etc"
The first night we separated he said to me: "If you ever start drinking, call me!"
"I'm a righteous person, I don't deserve this!" *when I'm detached and refusing to engage when he's drinking, which has become a daily occurrence from the moment he walks in from *work* (he's happily underemployed) or when I get "off work" at 5ish... until bedtime.
Oh and, "you should be thankful I'm home when I drink! I could be one of those husband's who's out at bars and doesn't come home"
"Everybody drinks! That's normal! You not drinking is abnormal!!! I mean really, something is wrong with you!"
"You don't love me. You've been looking for the first chance to get me out of your life!" (during another drunken rage and a 4 hour session of "let's terrorize my wife")
*I'm so glad he's gone.
*******
Says out loud to no one in the room, "I can't understand why my wife's love isn't unconditional.. I mean, why can't you just accept me the way that I am and my lifestyle?"
Oh and so many comments about how he doesn't get enough praise. I think he wanted a party everytime he did something-- Yay, should I praise you for doing something adults do on a day to day basis?? REALLY? When he was really drunk, he would spends hours yelling at me about this.
"Honey, please help me, I can't do this (showing him how to send an email for the 100th time)", and the next breath, "stop treating me like a child!"
"I'm going to quit drinking as soon as we move, get into another environment, away from this area, etc"
The first night we separated he said to me: "If you ever start drinking, call me!"
"I'm a righteous person, I don't deserve this!" *when I'm detached and refusing to engage when he's drinking, which has become a daily occurrence from the moment he walks in from *work* (he's happily underemployed) or when I get "off work" at 5ish... until bedtime.
Oh and, "you should be thankful I'm home when I drink! I could be one of those husband's who's out at bars and doesn't come home"
"Everybody drinks! That's normal! You not drinking is abnormal!!! I mean really, something is wrong with you!"
"You don't love me. You've been looking for the first chance to get me out of your life!" (during another drunken rage and a 4 hour session of "let's terrorize my wife")
*I'm so glad he's gone.
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