biminiblue

Because he's an addict. It really has nothing to do with what is going on at the moment.

Everything or nothing is a reason to drink. That's what they do. Addiction. It is a behavioral habit that becomes a physiological necessity.

dandylion

byebyebaby----alcoholics will drink to cope with emotions--ALL kinds of emotions. Positive feelings can be as threatening as negative emotions for some people. Positive emotions can trigger all sorts of fears, sometimes.
You can see this when someone gets a dream promotion---? did I deserve this. ? can I do this job well enough? what if I fail... How can I top this? Will my siblings be jealous of me, now? ...and on, and on.

Issues of self-worth and self esteem go verrry deep and can be hidden on the surface.

Success is just as good a reason to drink as failure is--though it doesn't look very logical to normies.

dandylion

NYCDoglvr

Alcoholics need enablers and when you stopped filling those shoes he quickly found another one. Oh lord yes, self-sabotage is rampant with alcoholics. Even in recovery (22 years) I must watch that part of me that could destroy success. It's a process

byebyebaby

Thank you NYCgoglvr. Congrats on 22 years sober!!! Sounds like you've got your head on straight and have "been there, done that". Very good to hear it from the horses mouth. so to say.

How long after you began recovery did you finally start to feel "normal". I ask because in the 12 years that I was with my ex, the longest he ever went without a drink was 3 months and 3 weeks and he seemed to never quite feel "normal".

The only "real" time he seemed like he could overcome his alcoholism was when we flew him all the way to London for a course on quitting drinking and when he came back he seemed so happy to be free of the drink and after about 2 1/2 months he convinced himself he was never really an alcoholic and just was a heavy drinker and could control it from that point on...we all know how that ended.

I'm sure everyone is different in their recovery but if I have to ever go back to court I'd like to know if he decides to stop drinking, when I can expect some clear-headedness about him. If that's even possible.

NYCDoglvr

Great question! It took me a good year to start feeling comfortable in my own skin. We don't overcome alcoholism but learn to accept that we can't have that first drink because we can't stop. Non-alcoholics can decide to have one or two drinks and have no problem stopping but alcoholics can't. It takes years of hard work (the 12 Steps & therapy) to grow up, become responsible and stop being so self-centered, self-involved. It's a process.

twocsgirl

You're lucky someone gave you an answer to your post. Many post something similar and just got a lot of "don't worry about him, worry about you". If you're hurting and want possible answers, there's nothing wrong with that. We all take care of ourselves differently. HUGS.

LexieCat

twocs, this is another old post--from three years ago. The OP hasn't posted since July of 2014.