A long road - Part 1
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 13,497
yeah, I agree. Actually, I called the Molina health card line, and she said that he does not need a referral, but the doc needs to fill out a form and get preapproved?
It was getting ugly here, and he was refusing to do the GP visit... opting to give up internet. I then called Molina, and she said that the provider(therapist) needs to fill out paperwork, submit it to molina and they approve the service. I think that is how I understood it, and the booklet said referrals not necessary, but preapprovals are.
I just want to give up.
He said he called therapist and left her a message, explaining what molina wants. I guess he could tell that I am just broken at this point.
I called internet and they said my service starts new on the 13th of each month. I guess I will have them turn it off then, if son does not go on the 11th.
I will call my therapist tomorrow and tell her too, what molina said. she is trying hard to help him get in for counsel. She knows more about him than she does about me. lol.
I spent three hours today, in the Goodwill. looking at books. I could not go home, but did not have anywhere else to go before my appt. what a waste of time.
I am rather down today. guess that is normal. sometimes I think there is hope and sometimes I feel like this is all a big waste of time. guess I wont know til I know.
hugs all.
It was getting ugly here, and he was refusing to do the GP visit... opting to give up internet. I then called Molina, and she said that the provider(therapist) needs to fill out paperwork, submit it to molina and they approve the service. I think that is how I understood it, and the booklet said referrals not necessary, but preapprovals are.
I just want to give up.
He said he called therapist and left her a message, explaining what molina wants. I guess he could tell that I am just broken at this point.
I called internet and they said my service starts new on the 13th of each month. I guess I will have them turn it off then, if son does not go on the 11th.
I will call my therapist tomorrow and tell her too, what molina said. she is trying hard to help him get in for counsel. She knows more about him than she does about me. lol.
I spent three hours today, in the Goodwill. looking at books. I could not go home, but did not have anywhere else to go before my appt. what a waste of time.
I am rather down today. guess that is normal. sometimes I think there is hope and sometimes I feel like this is all a big waste of time. guess I wont know til I know.
hugs all.
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 13,497
You are probably right, Dandylion. Right now I feel about as down as I can imagine. I was thinking of how it would be if his father had any compassion, he would want to help with this. But, I have always had to do it alone, for my kids, all along. NO wonder I decided to be single if I had to do all the childrearing by myself.
I am not in a good frame of mind, but I don't know how to get out of it
there are people so much worse off than me. In fifty years, this wont even matter.
I hope this bowl of ice cream helps...lol.
I am not in a good frame of mind, but I don't know how to get out of it
there are people so much worse off than me. In fifty years, this wont even matter.
I hope this bowl of ice cream helps...lol.
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
chic, the big plan has NOT changed....he needs to go and he needs to do things to facilitate what insurance requires. end of story...this is not something you have devised to *irritate* him
NONE OF THIS STUFF is enjoyable for ANY ADULT, but we DEAL WITH IT...without bargaining or huffy-puffy pouty McWowty pants. (thanks Lenina for that).
good grief, he needs to suck it up and do it...no big deal, it is not like he has real life problems and real bills, real life to deal with like the rest of the adults.....no one likes insurance requirements, but we just do it...
so you stop feeling bad...because YOU did NOT cause this...
I shall send the slapomatic for sonny-boy and a quart of gelato for you with fresh cookies...(you want macaroons?)
NONE OF THIS STUFF is enjoyable for ANY ADULT, but we DEAL WITH IT...without bargaining or huffy-puffy pouty McWowty pants. (thanks Lenina for that).
good grief, he needs to suck it up and do it...no big deal, it is not like he has real life problems and real bills, real life to deal with like the rest of the adults.....no one likes insurance requirements, but we just do it...
so you stop feeling bad...because YOU did NOT cause this...
I shall send the slapomatic for sonny-boy and a quart of gelato for you with fresh cookies...(you want macaroons?)
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 13,497
what ever you want to send, it will be treasured, Fandy.
He is in denial..and I think there are two kinds of denial. One kind, the denier believes what he is saying. Second kind, the denier knows he is spouting b.s.
What do you think?
He is in denial..and I think there are two kinds of denial. One kind, the denier believes what he is saying. Second kind, the denier knows he is spouting b.s.
What do you think?
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,776
(((Chic))) I ache for you, knowing how frustrating it is to have a child still living at home who doesn't help themselves. I second sending the slapomatic to use on him since he doesn't listen to reason. 
I am so sorry you have to live like this due to his problems. I wish I could wave a wand and make him move out. 
I think he knows he is spouting bs. So sorry you have to live with this.
I second sending the slapomatic to use on him since he doesn't listen to reason. I am so sorry you have to live like this due to his problems. I wish I could wave a wand and make him move out. I think he knows he is spouting bs.
So sorry you have to live with this.
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
he's 41 years old, not 12....Let him figure it out....get out of the way. you have given him MONTHS to prepare to do what you require...He needs to put on the big boy pants and do this...he is NOT mentally feeble. but he needs to grow up.
supporting his "denial" won't help him. it is just giving him a soft pillow to bury his head in.
this might be the root of his problems, mama in her super-cape makes the safe tent.
I think he is smart enough to KNOW he can BS you until the cows come home...don't buy the crap
You should worry about YOURSELF and what YOU need. you are supposing too much to let him figure anything out.
chocolate dipped macaroons?
supporting his "denial" won't help him. it is just giving him a soft pillow to bury his head in.
this might be the root of his problems, mama in her super-cape makes the safe tent.
I think he is smart enough to KNOW he can BS you until the cows come home...don't buy the crap
You should worry about YOURSELF and what YOU need. you are supposing too much to let him figure anything out.
chocolate dipped macaroons?
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 13,497
Fandy I dont understand what you mean, supporting his denial? Let him figure out what? He has never worked anywhere long enough to have health care, and will fiddle fart around and lose his appt I personally do not have the money for a tablet or ipad, and dont want to have to go that way, unless i have to. he wants to brush this under the table.. no, I want this show on the road.
I told him that I have not changed my mind, that the internet goes off if he wont go. I can't make that call until I find out if he goes, you know?
Denial or not, it gets no sympathy from me. I think he is a big ********...with big problems, and I don't want him living with me forever. I told him tonight, when he asked me again, for the thousandth time, to give him a reason for him having to go... I told him that I do not want to live with him anymore, and he needs to get his crap together soon so he can leave, and that is what the therapy is for!
I had to make myself ask him today, about whether the doc got back with him... *he is famous for not taking the time to understand paperwork, directions, healthcare booklet, etc.
I promise you I am not buying his crap, but it is making me ill dealing with it.
I told him that I have not changed my mind, that the internet goes off if he wont go. I can't make that call until I find out if he goes, you know?
Denial or not, it gets no sympathy from me. I think he is a big ********...with big problems, and I don't want him living with me forever. I told him tonight, when he asked me again, for the thousandth time, to give him a reason for him having to go... I told him that I do not want to live with him anymore, and he needs to get his crap together soon so he can leave, and that is what the therapy is for!
I had to make myself ask him today, about whether the doc got back with him... *he is famous for not taking the time to understand paperwork, directions, healthcare booklet, etc.
I promise you I am not buying his crap, but it is making me ill dealing with it.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
oh sorry, I misunderstood, it sounded like you were back down because he had a hissy fit. I'm sorry you are upset and overworrying.
I'm sure that your "disposable income" for little things for yourself is tight, because you have been supporting another person on your salary. another reason why he needs to get his own cellphone, foodstamps and contribute to the household. even $200. a month pays the utilities and that is $2400. a year less you have to put out.
I'm sure that your "disposable income" for little things for yourself is tight, because you have been supporting another person on your salary. another reason why he needs to get his own cellphone, foodstamps and contribute to the household. even $200. a month pays the utilities and that is $2400. a year less you have to put out.
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,424
He is not helping his own situation by being such a jerk.
I'm sorry he is affecting you and your peace of mind so negatively.
If he doesn't get it together, maybe he just needs to be getting the boot anyway?
I think he is well aware of his manipulations of you, by the way.
I'm sorry he is affecting you and your peace of mind so negatively.
If he doesn't get it together, maybe he just needs to be getting the boot anyway?
I think he is well aware of his manipulations of you, by the way.
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Join Date: Jul 2010
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you are both right!
Yes, Fandy, it does get me down when he gives me a hard time. I thought we were a bit over the hump as far as getting the appt made. He just has to act all pizzy about it,because of his manly pride. False pride....he is going to be embarrassed by his lack of efforts, I would think.
He is aware of his manipulations. when one thing gets him no where, he changes gears, but nothing is working well for him, hence the nastiness.
I may just give him a ride to the place where they are giving away free phones tomorrow. you are right fandy, and for him to just choose to be ignorant of my struggles is just disgusting. He does not qualify for food stamps until he gets a job making less than enough. he was on them for a while, and his allotment ran out.
He does need the boot, but I just cannot make him homeless again. Tried that, with no good result. Am trying this, hopefully to have some better outcome.
thanks so much, and I am sorry if I am being sensitive, Fandy. I am just barely holding myself together, and am trying really hard to do what I am supposed to do. I am not very good at detaching my feelings from the heartache of it all.
love ya's.
Yes, Fandy, it does get me down when he gives me a hard time. I thought we were a bit over the hump as far as getting the appt made. He just has to act all pizzy about it,because of his manly pride. False pride....he is going to be embarrassed by his lack of efforts, I would think.
He is aware of his manipulations. when one thing gets him no where, he changes gears, but nothing is working well for him, hence the nastiness.
I may just give him a ride to the place where they are giving away free phones tomorrow. you are right fandy, and for him to just choose to be ignorant of my struggles is just disgusting. He does not qualify for food stamps until he gets a job making less than enough. he was on them for a while, and his allotment ran out.
He does need the boot, but I just cannot make him homeless again. Tried that, with no good result. Am trying this, hopefully to have some better outcome.
thanks so much, and I am sorry if I am being sensitive, Fandy. I am just barely holding myself together, and am trying really hard to do what I am supposed to do. I am not very good at detaching my feelings from the heartache of it all.
love ya's.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
Even Big Bird had to leave the nest Chic.....because he outgrew it and mama would have died exhausted trying to keep him fed and starved to death herself.
just because something happened to him once, doesn't mean it will repeat....that was 8 YEARS AGO.... you live in a different world now.
the thing is you can see and feel how this entire scenario with him consumes YOUR life, he is not a child. however, I think giving him a ride is fine, but he has to realize for himself that he is being selfish and you are not taking the crap anymore. we all have our saturation point and I think you have reached yours.
just because something happened to him once, doesn't mean it will repeat....that was 8 YEARS AGO.... you live in a different world now.
the thing is you can see and feel how this entire scenario with him consumes YOUR life, he is not a child. however, I think giving him a ride is fine, but he has to realize for himself that he is being selfish and you are not taking the crap anymore. we all have our saturation point and I think you have reached yours.
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,424
Hugs Chic;
I went out and picked some Queen Anne's Lace to arrange with the roses I bought myself.
It looks terrific (if I do say so myself) and works beautifully with the more "formal" roses.
I thought of you as I picked them and imagined you doing the same thing as a child in WV.
When is the last time you went out to a country road and picked some wildflowers?
Chicory is blooming too, isn't it?
I went out and picked some Queen Anne's Lace to arrange with the roses I bought myself.
It looks terrific (if I do say so myself) and works beautifully with the more "formal" roses.
I thought of you as I picked them and imagined you doing the same thing as a child in WV.
When is the last time you went out to a country road and picked some wildflowers?
Chicory is blooming too, isn't it?
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Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,431
I am so sorry you are feeling badly, Chicory.
Did you find any books at the Goodwill? That is where I was getting mine until David bought me the Kindle Unlimited subscription.
I don't see a problem with helping son get things set up for treatment as ultimately you are doing it for yourself and your long term goals.
That would be nice of you to take him to get a free phone. It might be a tiny realization for him that everything isn't "community property".
Have you ever looked up "learned helplessness"? Bet ya a buck, you will see a description of him in it.
David bought himself a nifty tablet for $149 and he loves it, but I know it would not work for me and probably you too because it is so hard to type on. If you do decide to buy electronics, I would suggest checking pawn shops.
Not sure how having a tablet would help anyway as ours still goes thro the router. There is probably a way to set the router to block any other devices, I think David could do it but I am not a geek and would not know how.
I caught Butterball, the kitten red-pawed in the act last night. Very deliberately taking her paw to push a book off the shelf of the cocktail table. They had already knocked off the stack all but that one as they want it for personal use. We had to laugh.
I hope you have a much better day today!
((((hugs))))
T
Did you find any books at the Goodwill? That is where I was getting mine until David bought me the Kindle Unlimited subscription.
I don't see a problem with helping son get things set up for treatment as ultimately you are doing it for yourself and your long term goals.
That would be nice of you to take him to get a free phone. It might be a tiny realization for him that everything isn't "community property".
Have you ever looked up "learned helplessness"? Bet ya a buck, you will see a description of him in it.
David bought himself a nifty tablet for $149 and he loves it, but I know it would not work for me and probably you too because it is so hard to type on. If you do decide to buy electronics, I would suggest checking pawn shops.
Not sure how having a tablet would help anyway as ours still goes thro the router. There is probably a way to set the router to block any other devices, I think David could do it but I am not a geek and would not know how.
I caught Butterball, the kitten red-pawed in the act last night. Very deliberately taking her paw to push a book off the shelf of the cocktail table. They had already knocked off the stack all but that one as they want it for personal use. We had to laugh.
I hope you have a much better day today!
((((hugs))))
T
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
((Chic))
Hey Chic, I am still wondering why you cannot simply change the internet password so he does not have access? Forgive me if you explained it before.
My heart just hurts for you. You sound exhausted. Hopefully the paperwork will all get filled out and you can move forward. Take it a step at a time. Not even a day at a time, just moment to moment.
Tight Tight Hugs my friend. You and your son are in my prayers each day.
XXX
Hey Chic, I am still wondering why you cannot simply change the internet password so he does not have access? Forgive me if you explained it before.
My heart just hurts for you. You sound exhausted. Hopefully the paperwork will all get filled out and you can move forward. Take it a step at a time. Not even a day at a time, just moment to moment.
Tight Tight Hugs my friend. You and your son are in my prayers each day.
XXX
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Hawkeye---I was the child in West Virginia....chicory was in Ohio.
They are neighboring states, though. Ohio is a pretty big state. There are some parts, however, that look similar to WVa.
We often had kissin' cousins in Ohio....LOL.
West Virginia is surrounded by several states---Penn, Ohio, Tennessee, Kentucky, and Virginia.
I think that chicory and I probably share a lot of common experiences from childhood, though. I have always noticed that country folk from anywhere seem to share some common features......
dandylion
p.s There will be a pop quiz next week......
They are neighboring states, though. Ohio is a pretty big state. There are some parts, however, that look similar to WVa.
We often had kissin' cousins in Ohio....LOL.
West Virginia is surrounded by several states---Penn, Ohio, Tennessee, Kentucky, and Virginia.
I think that chicory and I probably share a lot of common experiences from childhood, though. I have always noticed that country folk from anywhere seem to share some common features......
dandylion
p.s There will be a pop quiz next week......
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 13,497
You all made me smile tonight! 
just your support , thoughts, and prayers are wonderful.
I have tried to pick chicory, but the flowers just close up immediately! I did get to go out this week and take photos, smell flowers, etc.
I bet your roses and Queen Ann;s lace looked beautiful together! will have to try that.
Live, I will look that up. I think that I agree, without even reading it, that he will fit the bill, in lots of ways. thanks for suggesting it.
I did get some books. now to find time to just sit and read. I move around too much-lol
Honestly, Hopeful, I think it would make for more tension and fighting that way. I guess it might work, but he has his own computer, and the router is in his room. I have a suspicion that he would find a way around it. having no internet would be more final.. the arguing would probably be less. He won't know it I get a tablet. I can use my cell phone as a wifi, if I understand correctly. I guess I will figure all that out as I go. ugh.
I am the buckeye. ohio. west virginia is beautiful though. I love the red clay soil. and daniel boone nat. forest! have gone hiking there quite a few times, and red river gorge rafting. when I was braver...lol.
thank you, for the prayers, they keep me going. a few hitches in the get along here, but will figure them out. the therapist I thought he was going to does not take his insurance either. so, back to figuring out who can help. He knows I still expect him to get some help.
hugs appreciated too.. thanks friends...
just your support , thoughts, and prayers are wonderful. I have tried to pick chicory, but the flowers just close up immediately! I did get to go out this week and take photos, smell flowers, etc.
I bet your roses and Queen Ann;s lace looked beautiful together! will have to try that.
Live, I will look that up. I think that I agree, without even reading it, that he will fit the bill, in lots of ways. thanks for suggesting it.
I did get some books. now to find time to just sit and read. I move around too much-lol
Honestly, Hopeful, I think it would make for more tension and fighting that way. I guess it might work, but he has his own computer, and the router is in his room. I have a suspicion that he would find a way around it. having no internet would be more final.. the arguing would probably be less. He won't know it I get a tablet. I can use my cell phone as a wifi, if I understand correctly. I guess I will figure all that out as I go. ugh.
I am the buckeye. ohio. west virginia is beautiful though. I love the red clay soil. and daniel boone nat. forest! have gone hiking there quite a few times, and red river gorge rafting. when I was braver...lol.
thank you, for the prayers, they keep me going. a few hitches in the get along here, but will figure them out. the therapist I thought he was going to does not take his insurance either. so, back to figuring out who can help. He knows I still expect him to get some help.
hugs appreciated too.. thanks friends...
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 13,497
I told son today that he needs to make an appt with the county mental health behavioral center. He of course, was rude about it, but I told him that this needs to happen before time to renew the internet. which will be the 13th. his appt on 11th won't happen because his insurance isn't accepted by her.
I am a bit confused, because my therapist said the other therapist took his molina medicaid, but she called me back and said that she found out that it wasn't so.
seems no one wants this health care. what good is it, when he could have had free counseling at the behavioral center, and now find that they are about the only ones who accept it. Not much good there, I don't think. will p robably be substandard help... but what can I do?
I have not done much research yet, into others who can help. I know I need to do that, because as you said, Dandylion, there may be something under one of those stones!
trying not to get totally discouraged. thanks for your support.. I know this will work out somehow.
I am a bit confused, because my therapist said the other therapist took his molina medicaid, but she called me back and said that she found out that it wasn't so.
seems no one wants this health care. what good is it, when he could have had free counseling at the behavioral center, and now find that they are about the only ones who accept it. Not much good there, I don't think. will p robably be substandard help... but what can I do?
I have not done much research yet, into others who can help. I know I need to do that, because as you said, Dandylion, there may be something under one of those stones!
trying not to get totally discouraged. thanks for your support.. I know this will work out somehow.
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