A long road - Part 1
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 13,497
Venus, that's so true. I get stuck, sometimes.
I have brushes, easel, and canvas in the living room. its the inspiration that I am needing to find. and talent would be nice too
did you see what I posted about my new avatar? its the pic you posted for me in whiners a while back. so pretty and fresh looking. I would really love a getaway to the mountains, with this on a table on the balcony..mmmm.
love and hugs and I hope your day was good. sleep tight, and wake tomorrow happy and bright..
I have brushes, easel, and canvas in the living room. its the inspiration that I am needing to find. and talent would be nice too
did you see what I posted about my new avatar? its the pic you posted for me in whiners a while back. so pretty and fresh looking. I would really love a getaway to the mountains, with this on a table on the balcony..mmmm.
love and hugs and I hope your day was good. sleep tight, and wake tomorrow happy and bright..
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
Chic, he has a cognitive thought process and can formulate tactics (that you see through). If he has anything, it is a more mild personality disorder, (JMHO). He wants what he wants.
what on EARTH is keeping him from doing fast food, janitorial work, stocking shelves or pumping gas? you don't have to be a rocket scientist, but you can earn a living doing these things and contribute. 8 years of "being bored" is a lot.
I think his biggest issue might be selfishness and laziness. I'm glad that your daughters told him their opinions. it is time for him to grow up.
good grief, my 68 year old brother (who is retired), just got a 25 hour a week job at Costco, pumping gas.....$11.41 an hour. They offered shelf stocking or bakery work, but he thought this would suit him better...shelf stocking starts at 4AM-9AM and he does not know how to bake.
what on EARTH is keeping him from doing fast food, janitorial work, stocking shelves or pumping gas? you don't have to be a rocket scientist, but you can earn a living doing these things and contribute. 8 years of "being bored" is a lot.
I think his biggest issue might be selfishness and laziness. I'm glad that your daughters told him their opinions. it is time for him to grow up.
good grief, my 68 year old brother (who is retired), just got a 25 hour a week job at Costco, pumping gas.....$11.41 an hour. They offered shelf stocking or bakery work, but he thought this would suit him better...shelf stocking starts at 4AM-9AM and he does not know how to bake.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
chic....I gotta share a precious memory with you....about Queen Ann's lace and chicory.
As far back as I can remember..when I was little more than a toddler....I loved the Queen Ann's lace. The meadows were covered with it...so thick that my legs would get covered with pollen after I ran in it. I can remember inspecting it closely and marveling at the delicacy and intricacy of it.
There was a meadow out from my grandmother's cabin with a BIG rock in the middle. I would climb on top of the rock, surrounded by the Queen Ann's lace with wild roses and wild pinks intersperced and look at the hilltops, beyond. I would wonder what lay on the other side.....
And, I remember the chicory, also. It mostly grew along the state roads. I can remember walking through it as we would walk to the general store in the early mornings.
So, I thank you and Venus for the lovely avitar.
And...thanks for bearing with me in my tidal wave of nostalgia, this morning!!!!!!!!!!!!!
dandylion
As far back as I can remember..when I was little more than a toddler....I loved the Queen Ann's lace. The meadows were covered with it...so thick that my legs would get covered with pollen after I ran in it. I can remember inspecting it closely and marveling at the delicacy and intricacy of it.
There was a meadow out from my grandmother's cabin with a BIG rock in the middle. I would climb on top of the rock, surrounded by the Queen Ann's lace with wild roses and wild pinks intersperced and look at the hilltops, beyond. I would wonder what lay on the other side.....
And, I remember the chicory, also. It mostly grew along the state roads. I can remember walking through it as we would walk to the general store in the early mornings.
So, I thank you and Venus for the lovely avitar.
And...thanks for bearing with me in my tidal wave of nostalgia, this morning!!!!!!!!!!!!!
dandylion
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 13,497
Fandy, spot on girlie! I have half a mind to give you his cell phone number.
Dandylion, I have those memories too. Queen Ann up to my waist, at grandmother home in country. and the beautiful chicory alongside the road, which I love and why my screen name is what it is. my favorite memories of childhood.
Dandylion, I have those memories too. Queen Ann up to my waist, at grandmother home in country. and the beautiful chicory alongside the road, which I love and why my screen name is what it is. my favorite memories of childhood.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,423
I'm enjoying the Queen Anne's Lace right now here on the farm.
The Black-eyed Susans are growing within it--they are very good this year
because of all the rain. The spears of bright Blue Flax have just started blooming along
the road, and the giant multi-head sunflowers with their intense yellow-orange tops
are bobbing above the rest of the flowers like Rasta Royalty. Bobbin'Man. . .
The fuzzy purple Ironweed will be next along with the lavender-topped spikes of Thistle
You know, what I call Blue Flax is maybe what you call Chicory? Small blue flowers growing along a tall stem?
Have a restful day Chic
Every day you seem to get just a bit clearer about who he is and what you want from your life.
I would call that progress, dear friend.
The Black-eyed Susans are growing within it--they are very good this year
because of all the rain. The spears of bright Blue Flax have just started blooming along
the road, and the giant multi-head sunflowers with their intense yellow-orange tops
are bobbing above the rest of the flowers like Rasta Royalty. Bobbin'Man. . .
The fuzzy purple Ironweed will be next along with the lavender-topped spikes of Thistle
You know, what I call Blue Flax is maybe what you call Chicory? Small blue flowers growing along a tall stem?
Have a restful day Chic
Every day you seem to get just a bit clearer about who he is and what you want from your life.
I would call that progress, dear friend.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 13,497
thank you .. I think I am getting wiser, maybe not stronger... but he did call and left a message for the doctor, requesting an appt. so far she hasn't gotten back with him. I checked on tmobile, they have all call records. just to be sure he wasn't fibbing and playing for time. I feel like such a snoop. the doctor reassured me that I wasn't manipulating him, that its my house, and I have a right to expect certain normal progressions from him.
He is still mad, but seems to be calming down a bit.
Hawkeye, I think you are right, that the Chicory is your Flax. sounds just like it. Your place sounds marvelous!!! I would be in heaven there.
someone sent me a poem about chicory. think it was Wicked, who I miss
will find it and post it.
hugs to all. thank you for helping me. so so very much.
He is still mad, but seems to be calming down a bit.
Hawkeye, I think you are right, that the Chicory is your Flax. sounds just like it. Your place sounds marvelous!!! I would be in heaven there.
someone sent me a poem about chicory. think it was Wicked, who I miss
will find it and post it. hugs to all. thank you for helping me. so so very much.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Nottingham UK
Posts: 241
I've just finished reading this thread, oh my what an awful situation!
I'll indulge in a bit of quackery (not quacking) and say he sounds like an NPD with ADHD or Aspergers thrown in. With regards to treatment for alcoholism, I know it's a case of "you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink", in other words dragging them kicking and screaming to rehab won't do much unless they WANT to get better themselves. Much the same may be true of NPD I fear, but the hope is he can get help with his ADHD/Aspergers and become more independent.
If you lived in the UK I'd probably tell you to go to Social Services, explain that you're being terrorised by your adult son who punches holes in doors etc. and hopefully they'd move him out of there to a council flat of his own or some kind of facility. At least, that's what would have happened 5 years ago, but thanks to the current government's ideological obsession with forcing everyone into work, I'm not convinced it would still happen.
Welfare state in the United Kingdom - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
I'll indulge in a bit of quackery (not quacking) and say he sounds like an NPD with ADHD or Aspergers thrown in. With regards to treatment for alcoholism, I know it's a case of "you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink", in other words dragging them kicking and screaming to rehab won't do much unless they WANT to get better themselves. Much the same may be true of NPD I fear, but the hope is he can get help with his ADHD/Aspergers and become more independent.
If you lived in the UK I'd probably tell you to go to Social Services, explain that you're being terrorised by your adult son who punches holes in doors etc. and hopefully they'd move him out of there to a council flat of his own or some kind of facility. At least, that's what would have happened 5 years ago, but thanks to the current government's ideological obsession with forcing everyone into work, I'm not convinced it would still happen.
Welfare state in the United Kingdom - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 13,497
Fandy,
when I ask him about any of the job situations, he acts as if I am being nosey and controlling. I could understand if he was normally functioning.
He just got a call from a grocery he applied to, probably yesterday, because of us 'discussing' his job search methods....
he is going for an interview tomorrow morning. He asked when he could use my truck. I said that I work and he can ride his bike, as that will be his mode of transportation anyway. Then I remembered and reminded him that he had let his driver license expire... doh, I've done that too, but that will be something he has to figure out too. not going to pay for that for him. I would have , in the past. Even if it makes problems for him getting to his therapy, should the doctor accept her mission. I will have to take him. he does not want me to, but either that or I will follow through with my decision about the internet. He will have to learn that it cannot always be the way most comfortable for him.
yay me, feel this thing growing in my back,,, spine, you say?
when I ask him about any of the job situations, he acts as if I am being nosey and controlling. I could understand if he was normally functioning.
He just got a call from a grocery he applied to, probably yesterday, because of us 'discussing' his job search methods....
he is going for an interview tomorrow morning. He asked when he could use my truck. I said that I work and he can ride his bike, as that will be his mode of transportation anyway. Then I remembered and reminded him that he had let his driver license expire... doh, I've done that too, but that will be something he has to figure out too. not going to pay for that for him. I would have , in the past. Even if it makes problems for him getting to his therapy, should the doctor accept her mission. I will have to take him. he does not want me to, but either that or I will follow through with my decision about the internet. He will have to learn that it cannot always be the way most comfortable for him.
yay me, feel this thing growing in my back,,, spine, you say?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
yes, he has a brain and must start using it....and you always had a spine, it is just springing back to life.
He cannot drive your truck without a license, it is HIS license and he has to have it reinstated and PAY for it out of the $$ he earns from his new employment. NOT YOUR PROBLEM, HIS.
He cannot drive your truck without a license, it is HIS license and he has to have it reinstated and PAY for it out of the $$ he earns from his new employment. NOT YOUR PROBLEM, HIS.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 13,497
Daughter sent son an email. nice and encouraging. she can't talk to him on phone, without meltdowns like mine.
He had an interview today, and may have the job. just grocery, deli/bakery, but he seems happier.
I asked him if the therapist called, he said he had missed her call again. She is like mine-can only call in between patients. five till the hour. I asked him if he would call her, and he said yes he would. A bit later he told me that he has an appt the 11th of August.
I will have a plan to discuss with him, about saving money, and paying part of the bills. It will be a no choice thing again. but it will be easier to stick with it for me, this time.
I know that there is no guarantee that he will get better, but I am a bit hopeful, for some reason. I think he really wants to have hope for his life and future.
I was thinking the other day.. about a's and alcoholics who hit bottom. what is it that they want at that point? what do they get from AA, when they are at their lowest point?
Hope. that is a powerful thing, isn't it- hope. it allows one to dream, to rise out of the dirt, to clean ones self off and believe that they might feel glad to be alive, again.
I was doing some thinking about AA, and how amazing it has been in helping those who had no hope before AA came along.
hugs!
He had an interview today, and may have the job. just grocery, deli/bakery, but he seems happier.
I asked him if the therapist called, he said he had missed her call again. She is like mine-can only call in between patients. five till the hour. I asked him if he would call her, and he said yes he would. A bit later he told me that he has an appt the 11th of August.
I will have a plan to discuss with him, about saving money, and paying part of the bills. It will be a no choice thing again. but it will be easier to stick with it for me, this time.
I know that there is no guarantee that he will get better, but I am a bit hopeful, for some reason. I think he really wants to have hope for his life and future.
I was thinking the other day.. about a's and alcoholics who hit bottom. what is it that they want at that point? what do they get from AA, when they are at their lowest point?
Hope. that is a powerful thing, isn't it- hope. it allows one to dream, to rise out of the dirt, to clean ones self off and believe that they might feel glad to be alive, again.
I was doing some thinking about AA, and how amazing it has been in helping those who had no hope before AA came along.
hugs!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
chic, good luck and enjoy your vacation time today.
you might stipulate that there is no mercy if he calls out from work and loses this job, the internet connection will be cut off if he pulls that crap again.
it is simply amazing how fast he got a job in this "downward economy" isn't it? and the appointment with the doctor too. you have made really good strides in being stern and proactive.....
tithing 50% of his paycheck for the bills for 2 months might be a good start, then you could request 25% to a savings account and 25% for expenses in the house...along with his applying for his OWN cell phone and food stamps.
just my suggestions, you are doing great...I am glad that your daughters and son in law are supporting you.
you might stipulate that there is no mercy if he calls out from work and loses this job, the internet connection will be cut off if he pulls that crap again.
it is simply amazing how fast he got a job in this "downward economy" isn't it? and the appointment with the doctor too. you have made really good strides in being stern and proactive.....
tithing 50% of his paycheck for the bills for 2 months might be a good start, then you could request 25% to a savings account and 25% for expenses in the house...along with his applying for his OWN cell phone and food stamps.
just my suggestions, you are doing great...I am glad that your daughters and son in law are supporting you.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
