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11-27-2003, 08:21 AM
| #26 (permalink) |
| Paused  Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Midwest
Posts: 2
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I'm just starting I had 15 out of 20 yes's I pray that next thanksgiving I will have less BUT right now this minute its seems impossible but I'm going to come back and work to help myself first then well guess we will see about him. Tilly |
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11-27-2003, 09:23 AM
| #27 (permalink) |
| Forum Leader  Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: By The Lake
Posts: 25,173
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Thank you for bringing this one back up. Even though I seem to have overcome these obstacles and all my yes's have become no's through working this program, looking at that list clearly reminds me of how it was and where I used to be, and it is only through this program and the grace of God that I am not there anymore. It also reminds me that I need to continue working my program to move forward and not fall back to the way things were on that list. Hugs Ann
__________________ “Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.” ~Winnie the Pooh~  |
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11-29-2003, 06:58 PM
| #28 (permalink) |
| Member  Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Carrollton, Texas
Posts: 218
| I took matchsticks...
while I was reading each of these...considering each while applying each to drink and drug use.. As I ticked each off...yes or no, I took a matchstick and placed it in front of me. I had 11 matchsticks total. I am equally sure that if I stopped and re-read each I would be able to mold it to my life...maybe it's a good thing I am tired tonight....or not. Sonny called to tell me he had a job...this is a first..he has never worked..he was never sober long enough to either get a job or pass a urine test. So I am pleased that he is not drinking.. right now...Who knows about the future...I have given up on trying to second guess SonnyBoy. Thanksgiving was pretty bad for me. I did go to my mothers for a little while..but that didn't feel right. My youngest son went to his dad's until tomorrow night..and with none of the other boys home..I didn't cook...in fact yesterday...I didnt get out of my jammies the whole day...I napped when I wanted..I ate when I wanted...it was kinda nice. But I am looking forward to little man getting home.
__________________ Love Is...Friendship on Fire. |
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12-06-2003, 12:53 AM
| #29 (permalink) |
| Paused Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: Colorado Springs, Co
Posts: 3
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I think I was able to answer no to only a couple of those. YOu have no idea (well, actually I am sure you do) how much hope it gives me to see things improving. I knew he was A when I met him but I thought I could change him, and as of tonight, I really think I have just about given up hope.
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12-06-2003, 05:57 AM
| #30 (permalink) |
| They call me Kim  Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Pgh, PA.
Posts: 77
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Arrrrrrgggghhhhhhhhh....... I said yes to 19 of them! The 20th was a resounding NO! Because I have all of you...~~Hugz~~ On the other hand....I'm off to a meeting this evening.... Hugz~ Kim
__________________ The Three "C"'s: Didn't Cause It, Can't Cure It, Can't Control It |
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12-06-2004, 07:59 PM
| #33 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Brampton, Ontario
Posts: 1
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I said yes to over half of these questions. This alcohol problem has plagued me for a long time. My son's father was an alcoholic. We separated when my son was 3. He's now 15. I have been with someone else for these past 11 years and he too is an alcoholic. I don't know how I attract these men. I am not a drinker. I don't come from a drinking family. I am so glad I found this website. It seemed like the drinking was just on the weekends but now its also during the week. We get into huge verbal fights with him telling me that I am a controller and that I'm little Miss Perfect and think I can't do anything wrong. He's like two different people. I just can't handle this on my own. It helps me to know that there are other people out there that are going through the same things I am. I have read a lot of the threads and am really trying to not get upset when he drinks. I keep repeating the "act" not "react" to myself. It helps. Thanks.
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12-06-2004, 08:38 PM
| #34 (permalink) |
| Dee at Mt Bully  Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Placerville, Ca
Posts: 251
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I still have a lot of yes answers but I'm here and I'm working. That little test got me to my first alanon meeting sometime last year. It's good to read it again. Feel bad about Your As drinking after 14 years ML. I can't imagine how frustrated I would be. Don't think I'll find out since my AH isn't doing a program and I suspect he's drinking too. This is the worst time of the year for As and people with mental health problems. Thanks to all of the support I think it's going to be a fairly good season for me. Smiles--Dee |
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12-09-2004, 05:33 AM
| #36 (permalink) |
| Ugh!  Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Enchanted Elmoland
Posts: 180
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Okay, I got 16 YIKES!!! And #5. (Do you blame the drinker's behavior on his or her companions?) Smacked me upside the head.... last night I covered some freinds work hours, and they in turn took the AH out drinking. I was about ready to quit that little side job. Well, thing is they know he has a problem, however, bottom line is it was HIS decision. Back to the top, fantastic post....
__________________ There are no short-cuts to any place worth going. ~Beverly Sills |
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11-02-2005, 01:02 PM
| #38 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Jordan, MN
Posts: 40
|  Dealing with a Dry Drunk  I am caught up in a relationship with a dry drunk - been going with him for a year and a half. I am 3 yrs. sober and working the AA program, regularly going to meetings, etc. He is 18 years abstinent and claims that I'm only a "baby" in sobriety compared to his many years of not drinking alcohol. However, he has never worked the steps .. has never gone to meetings (except when he was ordered to by the law 18 yrs. ago), never done a 4th & 5th, doesn't ever own up to any of his behaviors - temper tantrums - blaming - name calling - finger pointing, etc. I recognize his behaviors as the same behaviors I exhibited when actively using alcohol ... and they are coming from him towards me - so, in a way, I understand them. And because I understand them, I want to control them!!! Help!!
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11-02-2005, 01:05 PM
| #39 (permalink) |
| Member  Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Arizona
Posts: 928
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Whadahay - Can you repost and start a new thread so that people don't miss out? Welcome to SR.
__________________ Every instance of heartbreak can teach us powerful lessons about creating the kind of love we really want. Martha Beck, O Magazine, February 2003 |
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11-02-2005, 01:24 PM
| #40 (permalink) |
| Member  Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Brownsburg Indiana
Posts: 63
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The questions sadly descibe my life. Out of the 20 I could only answer 3 of them no. So sad........but I am trying now to save myself thanks to SR. I need to attend Al-Anon but am afraid to go by myself or how my Hubby will react when he finds out that I finally got the courage to do something for myself.
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11-02-2005, 01:29 PM
| #41 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Arizona
Posts: 928
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Kitkatii - Alanon is a wonderful support group..don't be afraid to go by yourself..if you are a newcomer stay around after and people will talk to you.. And don't worry about your husband's reaction (I know easier said then done..) he'll probably deflect so he doesn't have to look at himself..
__________________ Every instance of heartbreak can teach us powerful lessons about creating the kind of love we really want. Martha Beck, O Magazine, February 2003 |
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11-02-2005, 01:40 PM
| #42 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Brownsburg Indiana
Posts: 63
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Minx, thanks. I have always lived a sheltered life, never going to parties and never drawing attention to myself. I freeze when I am asked my name. For 30 years it has been just the children and myself. I have always stayed in the back ground never stepping out front. But I have no one to whin or cry to that isn't tired of hearing my sad story. Courage is something that I lack for myself. It is amazing how well my children have turned out when their Mother is such a coward. |
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11-02-2005, 01:49 PM
| #43 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Arizona
Posts: 928
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KitKatii - Have you thought about counselling as well? There's always free (or discounted) services for women in abusive situations (i'm taking a leap here that you maybe have that in your relationship as well..) But good for you for taking that first step..and you know what? You don't lack courage..Courage is coming to this board and asking for help..You have courage!
__________________ Every instance of heartbreak can teach us powerful lessons about creating the kind of love we really want. Martha Beck, O Magazine, February 2003 |
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11-02-2005, 02:26 PM
| #45 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Brownsburg Indiana
Posts: 63
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Minx, I avoid trouble at all times when I see his temper rising. The last big blow out I did resort to calling in the Police. Now I just stay in m room and escape in my books. There are days when I do feel strong and look forward to venturing out to attend an Al-Anon meeting but something always comes up. Always.........I know what I have to do and the most important at the moment is to spend my time gaining strength from SR. I am sure it will only take one meeting to get me going. Thanks |
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06-19-2006, 09:01 PM
| #48 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: May 2006 Location: Martinsburg, WV
Posts: 24
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Bump again. I had 10 yes answers tonight. Hopefully I will have fewer in the future. I am at the beginning of my road. I'm curious, though. For those of you who's yes answers have gone down, is that just because the program helped you start working on yourself, or has the situation with your alcoholic loved one improved as well? |
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07-05-2006, 02:30 PM
| #49 (permalink) |
| Member  Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: crown point
Posts: 66
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If you have answered 'yes' to three or more of these questions, Al-Anon or Alateen may help. Oh my. I answered yea to 16. And to think this morning I was doubting myself for making him leave. He was telling me that I exaggerate his drinking problem. 16. (and I used to smell his breath all the time). : ( |
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| The Following User Says Thank You to jackson123 For This Useful Post: | hwsm (07-17-2011) |
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07-05-2006, 03:22 PM
| #50 (permalink) | |
| Member  Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5,077
| Quote:
This is only my experience. To date, my AH has not taken any steps toward recovery. I am so grateful for where I am today. | |
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