peaceofpi

I would welcome some advice. Young child is now involved in a sport with practice four times a week and meets on several weekends. Based on our custody schedule he will make practice three times a week and make two meets. The coach is fine with this, and the team only requires once a week practice and one meet. My child is fine with this schedule as well and at this point has no expectations to participate more often.

I have not invited our child's father to participate. He is an active alcoholic and has a sex addiction problem as well (multiple prostitutes, porn, etc.). He has made inappropriate sexual comments about young girls, often leers at them, and once started inappropriate touching before I literally jumped in to intervene.

I wouldn't invite any drunken leech to come hang out with young children, as a general principle. I don't want to be responsible for inviting a person who I believe is likely to molest a child. My best friend (who knows A is a drunk but doesn't know my reason for not inviting him) suggested I invite the A to bring the child to practice and meets.

Am I being too protective and focused on the "might happens"?

hopeful4

No, you are not being too protective.

Refiner

Can you please read this sentence you wrote? I think you know the answer already!

peaceofpi

Thank you both. Maybe I was second guessing in anticipation of what to say if my child asks for his dad to take him to meets, etc.
I need to stop thinking about "what if" and focus on today!

Refiner

True that, Pi. You are trying to make the situation "normal' for your son. But the situation is NOT normal, sadly. Just make the most of it for YOU and your DS.

peaceofpi

Just feeling really triggered today because I was told that AXH was drunk again last week at school pickup time. Second week in a row drunk driving in a school zone. Not sure what to do.

Please, if you ever see someone who is wobbly and smells of eau d' vodka, and is about to drive a child, please call 911.

Mango blast

This is so scary! Is this part of a visitation schedule set up in court do you have alternatives for after-school? Is your young child a son or daughter? Between the alcoholism, sex addiction and inappropriate behavior, it may be time to re-think his access to his child. If that were to change, would he fight it?

(((hugs)))

peaceofpi

It's court-ordered custody. An alcoholic gets joint custody unless he kills or maims a child.
I will speak to the school principal and provide the facts about being told twice by other parents that AXH has been drunk at pickup time.

Again, I'm trying to look at it objectively from the "any other drunk" standard. If I saw any other drunk driving a child, and drunk driving in a school zone, I would tell the school principal.

hopeful4

That is my worst nightmare come true. I am so sorry that you have to deal with this. I hope you have informed the people at the school about the possibility of this?

I agree, can you change the access he has to your child? Wow. Again, I am so very sorry.

Tight Tight Hugs.

Refiner

Is there any type of law enforecment official on school grounds during that time? (many schools have them now) If he could get busted then and there you could probably get something done about custody since that would at least be considered negligence.

lillamy

I totally agree -- HOWEVER.
Knowing that the courts are what they are sometimes -- I would reread the custody agreement and make sure you're not obligated to share this kind of information with your AXH.

I would never want to expose my kid to a situation where his father may come to a game and grab the ass of a teenager -- HOWEVER, if your AXH DID show and DID do something highly inappropriate, you may have more leverage with the courts in what you are and aren't obligated to do. And you'd have witnesses outside the family to his disgusting behavior.

I've had my hands smacked more than once by the courts for not providing enough information about the kids to the ex -- despite the fact that he is not allowed to have any contact with them. According to our custody decision, he's still entitled to getting certain information, and it hasn't been clearly defined -- but when I've erred on the side of caution, I've gotten stern talkings to by judges. *sigh*

peaceofpi

Lillamy, thanks for the caveat. Ugh. Sorry about your experiences with the courts.

AXH has the right to attend school activities, but this is a private league. AXH has been informed of our child's involvement. Trying to follow the Golden Rule of how I would want to be treated - even if I have no expectation of the same.

lillamy

Well, if he's informed that your son is involved, then he has the information. I'd say it's up to him to figure it out from there...

marie1960

Protect the children, period.