TryingToLearn

Nothing unusual is going on. Just overwhelmed by it all. I can't talk to my AH. Meaning I can't get words out of my mouth at all. We're not talking about a person who has conversations or allows me to express my opinions. I'm lonely and alone and I know what I need to do yet I still feel so responsible for keeping him going.

How did you take that final step and leave? What was it that helped you be proactive in your decision?

I'm afraid I'll stay forever and be miserable and I want more than that.

fedup3

When the thought of staying was more painful than the thought of leaving, that's when I knew.

embraced2000

when I reached a level of agony that almost cost my life. I kept thinking I could change it all. but I couldn't. however, trying to manage it all, cope with it, waiting for him to get sober, waiting for our love to carry us through this nightmare.....well, it about erased who I was.

when I knew I had to save myself.

TryingToLearn

Kind of where I am Embraced and FedUp. Just having trouble moving forward. Thank you.

embraced2000

once I made the decision to leave the marriage, the rest was easy. all the details about where to live, how to leave, what to take, etc.

after being in such a toxic relationship with him...all of those details were quite refreshing....piece of cake.

what was hard was making the decision to do something about my situation. I kept hanging on, making changes, trying to keep it all together. none of it worked because I could not fix him.

I was very slow to learn about all of this b.s. and as a result, kept myself in misery for way too long.

hopeful4

I finally reached my point of no return when he was drunkenly calling me horrible names and pushed me. My daughter was afraid of him at that point. I literally said, "Leave now, and don't come back." I threw in some choice words with that too LOL.

I had warned him and warned him. I sought therapy and Celebrate Recovery to make myself strong enough to see that I could live without him, my kids will be ok, and that I am not responsible for him. I told him before Xmas I wanted a divorce. He said the same crap, O let me show you I am serious about this.

When I came home that night and he did those things to me, in front of my children no less, enough was enough. That ended it for me and I have never looked back.

I tried all I could to make him well. He has to want that himself, maybe he will, likely not. I am so much more at peace in my life because I am no longer riding the crazy train of addiction.

Good luck and God Bless to you!

TryingToLearn

Thank you Embraced and Hopeful. Embraced, that is where I am now - hanging on, making changes and trying to keep it all together and it's crashing all around me.
Hopeful, I'm so sorry you were called names and pushed in front of your children and glad you got out.
Thanks for your help. I just feel so alone sometimes and this board reminds me I'm really not. Your friends can only understand and help so much but you all have lived through it and understand how bad it can get.

embraced2000

I, too, continued to live in the marriage while trying to prepare for my exit.

just like you describe, it all came crashing down around me.

that big crash helped me fast track my exit.

it wasn't pretty, it wasn't nice, it was ugly as he11. when he understood that it was truly over, his addiction reared up it's ugly head and pulled out all the stops.

it wasn't me that he wanted so badly.....it was his addiction that he wanted to keep intact.

in order to do that, he needed shelter, food, clothing, money, a façade of a family life, a safe place for him to wreck his havoc.

his house of cards was going to fall and his addiction was trying to survive.

having a plan helps calm to be our companion during these times.

TryingToLearn

Wow, Embraced, sounds as though you were living my life now and that is exactly where I am with AH. Yes, my tumbling house of cards is speeding me along but I'm scared too. It's that last card and knowing all will collapse that is so frightening.