Session with Mr. Therapist
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Mmmmmm
Posts: 3,178
Session with Mr. Therapist
Had not been to see Mr. T in nearly a month. When I walked in, I was immediately thrown off balance bc they had redecorated the office and waiting area. ORANGE. Orange silk flowers, bright flower painting in tangerine,orange and yellow, orange walls with a soft gold. There is no where to get away from orange! So then we walk back to office and a month ago we had moved Into a different office. Mr. T said cryptically, "I no longer see patients in that office." Which is fine. However, the new office is ORANGE. There is a bright orange wall, a soft orange wall, there is an orange stripe in the chairs and the soft orange wall has a bright orange painting. The table has orange vase. So I realized yesterday that I am totally upset over the color orange! WTF!? I spend the hour staring at my T's brown shoes, one small arm area of the chair that I can only see one small section of orange, and the gray curtain. I occasionally also just stare at Mr. T as thankfully he had on a white shirt. I was visibly acting weird so I blurted out, "There is nowhere in this office to look if you don't like the color orange." He just looked at me and said, "I am more auditory." So last night I drive home and I am wondering what is it with me and orange? It reminds me of my sister, but it must be more than that. I come home and I know there is NO orange in my entire house or closet. But I close my eyes and I can still see all that orange!
Anyway, Mr. T looked tired. He told me he is changing positions as he is burning out. He admitted he was In purgatory with his primary job during our last session so I was not surprised at this news. So I think that means his hours where I see him will be changing. This makes me anxious that I've made so much headway that I might lose him. But he is unclear and it was the end of our session. He told me I was his first client he had told, so it just came out?
In my Codie head I get this feeling that I have had made this guy change. Like him hearing my struggles, changes and assessments of my situation over the past year has made him re-evaluate his own life. Man what a weird transference. I so want to hook him and save him. Just what I need is another project. But again he let some personal info slip and I question why. This time he was calling me a client, but he was pointing out how focused my sessions are, that I have a thought or theme that I come in prepared. Which is true, but I had thought that I was not very good at therapy and maybe I am trying to control it too much? I have no idea what is normal. This is my 4th attempt of therapy and I am succeeding in part bc I connected with him. I guess I needed a male?
Anyway, we talked about my Step 4 process and how I am stuck with my fear list and don't really know what is behind them. We took one and he nailed it! I was shocked and he reminded me he was objective and it was my life so I don't see things clearly. Which is true. Then we talked about me marking time in my marriage...he said "I can see you making it for your son until he is 18." Yikes. I feel like I am drowning! 5 years?! I look at him and say, " well I am not sure I can go another year. I sort of thought giving my amends when I get to that point might be my final statement on my marriage."
Mr. T seems real uncomfortable and he tells me that my recovery could implode my marriage - that he had warned me of this before. I told him I felt compelled to do the 12 steps. I realize he is not a big fan. He seems surprised I am doing a moral inventory and I'm thinking, I have talked about this as Step 4 so maybe I was not clear? But I realize he has remained focused on me trying to save my marriage and now he is addressing my true goal is to prepare to leave. Which I guess is right. So we talked about one last attempt to get RAH into therapy just for marriage. I say I am done with ultimatums. Then we talk about how much freedom I have in my marriage. Mr. T says a lot of men would not allow working in counseling, Al Anon, etc. I look at him and say, "There is no way I would end up with a person that controlling." He just nodded and I am wondering, what have I triggered? Is he controlling? Then he mentioned his son is the same age as mine. So I'm thinking yeah we've got serious transference going on. I am triggering something with him which has made me realize he needs saving. I am way too intuitive and I know there is a whole subtext going on. Weird weird weird!
Anyway, Mr. T looked tired. He told me he is changing positions as he is burning out. He admitted he was In purgatory with his primary job during our last session so I was not surprised at this news. So I think that means his hours where I see him will be changing. This makes me anxious that I've made so much headway that I might lose him. But he is unclear and it was the end of our session. He told me I was his first client he had told, so it just came out?
In my Codie head I get this feeling that I have had made this guy change. Like him hearing my struggles, changes and assessments of my situation over the past year has made him re-evaluate his own life. Man what a weird transference. I so want to hook him and save him. Just what I need is another project. But again he let some personal info slip and I question why. This time he was calling me a client, but he was pointing out how focused my sessions are, that I have a thought or theme that I come in prepared. Which is true, but I had thought that I was not very good at therapy and maybe I am trying to control it too much? I have no idea what is normal. This is my 4th attempt of therapy and I am succeeding in part bc I connected with him. I guess I needed a male?
Anyway, we talked about my Step 4 process and how I am stuck with my fear list and don't really know what is behind them. We took one and he nailed it! I was shocked and he reminded me he was objective and it was my life so I don't see things clearly. Which is true. Then we talked about me marking time in my marriage...he said "I can see you making it for your son until he is 18." Yikes. I feel like I am drowning! 5 years?! I look at him and say, " well I am not sure I can go another year. I sort of thought giving my amends when I get to that point might be my final statement on my marriage."
Mr. T seems real uncomfortable and he tells me that my recovery could implode my marriage - that he had warned me of this before. I told him I felt compelled to do the 12 steps. I realize he is not a big fan. He seems surprised I am doing a moral inventory and I'm thinking, I have talked about this as Step 4 so maybe I was not clear? But I realize he has remained focused on me trying to save my marriage and now he is addressing my true goal is to prepare to leave. Which I guess is right. So we talked about one last attempt to get RAH into therapy just for marriage. I say I am done with ultimatums. Then we talk about how much freedom I have in my marriage. Mr. T says a lot of men would not allow working in counseling, Al Anon, etc. I look at him and say, "There is no way I would end up with a person that controlling." He just nodded and I am wondering, what have I triggered? Is he controlling? Then he mentioned his son is the same age as mine. So I'm thinking yeah we've got serious transference going on. I am triggering something with him which has made me realize he needs saving. I am way too intuitive and I know there is a whole subtext going on. Weird weird weird!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
I hate that.
Codies rule, though. (I'm on both sides, AlAnon and AA)
I get nowhere in therapy for that very reason. I keep trying to figure out THEIR issues - you know they have them.
IMO Therapy is helpful in that a good therapist asks the right questions. I firmly believe the answers are within us and that no one can help us decide - they can just prod us to face things. Only I know my entire life history and the things that have shaped me. I find myself arguing with therapists because they don't know the whole story. I don't think therapists are immune from their own psychological problems, or from projection. I always wonder if they are hoarders or addicted to porn or still living with their mother or something. You know?
The 12 Steps are basic and are meant to work through the same stuff a good therapist will. I think if there are serious trauma issues the 12 Steps could cause more damage than help. The problem with 12 Steps is that there is a lay sponsor involved who could unknowingly harm the one doing the steps - especially the 4th - and the sponsor has no obligation to keep quiet about what they hear. I'm not a fan of the 12 Steps done with a sponsor, though I do see their value and I do attend AA right now.
Codies rule, though. (I'm on both sides, AlAnon and AA)
I get nowhere in therapy for that very reason. I keep trying to figure out THEIR issues - you know they have them.
IMO Therapy is helpful in that a good therapist asks the right questions. I firmly believe the answers are within us and that no one can help us decide - they can just prod us to face things. Only I know my entire life history and the things that have shaped me. I find myself arguing with therapists because they don't know the whole story. I don't think therapists are immune from their own psychological problems, or from projection. I always wonder if they are hoarders or addicted to porn or still living with their mother or something. You know?
The 12 Steps are basic and are meant to work through the same stuff a good therapist will. I think if there are serious trauma issues the 12 Steps could cause more damage than help. The problem with 12 Steps is that there is a lay sponsor involved who could unknowingly harm the one doing the steps - especially the 4th - and the sponsor has no obligation to keep quiet about what they hear. I'm not a fan of the 12 Steps done with a sponsor, though I do see their value and I do attend AA right now.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 2,582
Hi,
I too had a therapist change professions on me. He gave me a heads up and maybe 2 sessions later, he referred me to a fellow dr and that was it. I was very upset by this as was a friend who also saw him. Maybe 12 years later I ran into him and he approached me but I didn't recognize him and once I did realize who he was, I felt mad and distant. Silly, but I felt dumped even though I intellectually understood that he needed to change careers. I felt abandoned by someone I thought I could trust to help me and care for my mental health. Don't know if you are feeling any of those feelings but it is a change. There are always mixed feelings in those situations. Does he have partners whom you have met?
I prefer male therapists too. I like the perspective of the opposite sex. I cannot give myself that and have learned lots from the men in my life. Maybe you need a male in more ways than one???? (hehe)
Do you think T sees that you are healing and discovering yourself and your rah is not progressing or doing it at a snails pace? Maybe he sees you doing the 12 steps as a way to justify procrastinating the inevitable. Avoidance? My last T wasn't a fan of non-A's doing 12 steps either. Mine wasn't a fan of the term codependency either. Not sure why.
I too had a therapist change professions on me. He gave me a heads up and maybe 2 sessions later, he referred me to a fellow dr and that was it. I was very upset by this as was a friend who also saw him. Maybe 12 years later I ran into him and he approached me but I didn't recognize him and once I did realize who he was, I felt mad and distant. Silly, but I felt dumped even though I intellectually understood that he needed to change careers. I felt abandoned by someone I thought I could trust to help me and care for my mental health. Don't know if you are feeling any of those feelings but it is a change. There are always mixed feelings in those situations. Does he have partners whom you have met?
I prefer male therapists too. I like the perspective of the opposite sex. I cannot give myself that and have learned lots from the men in my life. Maybe you need a male in more ways than one???? (hehe)
Do you think T sees that you are healing and discovering yourself and your rah is not progressing or doing it at a snails pace? Maybe he sees you doing the 12 steps as a way to justify procrastinating the inevitable. Avoidance? My last T wasn't a fan of non-A's doing 12 steps either. Mine wasn't a fan of the term codependency either. Not sure why.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Southern US
Posts: 785
Omg. Yeah, sounds like maybe you 'clicked' in the wrong way (codependent way.) Are you sure he doesn't have some personal background with alcoholism or addictions because you kind of have to wonder? My previous counselor told me some whacky things... like that if her husband were manufacturing meth in her basement, she'd move out of the house but not divorce him because marriage is for life? And that it's good to search the house for alcohol or hire a private investigator to see if your spouse is cheating on you so you know what you're dealing with (and here I was thinking if you can't trust your spouse, that's the crux of the issue, not whether they're hiding their alcohol or screwing around.) She was faith based and did not believe in divorce. When it became clear to me that divorce was the only workable option for the last remaining shred of my sanity, I stopped seeing her. My new counselor is in practice with my kids' counselor and knows my history through their counselor. In my first meeting, when I said that I wished I'd found alanon earlier in my marriage because maybe it could have saved it... she said "or maybe you just would have left a whole lot earlier." Now I can see that she's absolutely right. I think I click in the 'right' ways with this new counselor.
Could the orange be your HP's way of pushing you out of that T's door and onto the next T? I mean if you can't even stand to be in his office....
Could the orange be your HP's way of pushing you out of that T's door and onto the next T? I mean if you can't even stand to be in his office....
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 1,778
Originally Posted by MissFixit 
Hi,
I too had a therapist change professions on me. He gave me a heads up and maybe 2 sessions later, he referred me to a fellow dr and that was it. I was very upset by this as was a friend who also saw him. Maybe 12 years later I ran into him and he approached me but I didn't recognize him and once I did realize who he was, I felt mad and distant. Silly, but I felt dumped even though I intellectually understood that he needed to change careers. I felt abandoned by someone I thought I could trust to help me and care for my mental health. Don't know if you are feeling any of those feelings but it is a change. There are always mixed feelings in those situations. Does he have partners whom you have met?
I prefer male therapists too. I like the perspective of the opposite sex. I cannot give myself that and have learned lots from the men in my life. Maybe you need a male in more ways than one???? (hehe)
Do you think T sees that you are healing and discovering yourself and your rah is not progressing or doing it at a snails pace? Maybe he sees you doing the 12 steps as a way to justify procrastinating the inevitable. Avoidance? My last T wasn't a fan of non-A's doing 12 steps either. Mine wasn't a fan of the term codependency either. Not sure why.
I too had a therapist change professions on me. He gave me a heads up and maybe 2 sessions later, he referred me to a fellow dr and that was it. I was very upset by this as was a friend who also saw him. Maybe 12 years later I ran into him and he approached me but I didn't recognize him and once I did realize who he was, I felt mad and distant. Silly, but I felt dumped even though I intellectually understood that he needed to change careers. I felt abandoned by someone I thought I could trust to help me and care for my mental health. Don't know if you are feeling any of those feelings but it is a change. There are always mixed feelings in those situations. Does he have partners whom you have met?
I prefer male therapists too. I like the perspective of the opposite sex. I cannot give myself that and have learned lots from the men in my life. Maybe you need a male in more ways than one???? (hehe)
Do you think T sees that you are healing and discovering yourself and your rah is not progressing or doing it at a snails pace? Maybe he sees you doing the 12 steps as a way to justify procrastinating the inevitable. Avoidance? My last T wasn't a fan of non-A's doing 12 steps either. Mine wasn't a fan of the term codependency either. Not sure why.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
I think you need a new therapist. Orange is a color that easily creates anxiety, but that is not why I say that.
Your therapist should be encouraging you to do what is good for YOU and your son. HE should be encouraging you to self search and to find who is in there. And many husbands would not LET their wives do counseling or Alanon? Are they a husband or a father? I would hate to be married to him!
Wow....get a new therapist. One that supports you in your search of yourself and will support making positive changes in your life.
XXX
Your therapist should be encouraging you to do what is good for YOU and your son. HE should be encouraging you to self search and to find who is in there. And many husbands would not LET their wives do counseling or Alanon? Are they a husband or a father? I would hate to be married to him!
Wow....get a new therapist. One that supports you in your search of yourself and will support making positive changes in your life.
XXX
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,281
Orange?? It's not in my house either, other than fruit. Maybe it's the natural push of life intervening to help you move on. It's definitely him, not you. Change isn't easy, but it can mean there's something better ahead. Would you be up to this change as much if the whole place hadn't been orange? 
With the holistic doctors I've gone to, things would happen where I needed to move ahead to someone new. One doctor I really connected to, and was very "safe" and knowledgeable, became pregnant and left for maternity leave. I kept waiting for her to resume practice, and I was frustrated because she was the doctor who was finally helping me. She extended her maternity leave by 6 months and by that time I'd finally moved on to where I needed to be. Without having to keep looking for someone new, I wouldn't have learned so much from each of them.
I've been so hung up on who I should go to for therapy. I guess that it doesn't matter as much as starting with it.
With the holistic doctors I've gone to, things would happen where I needed to move ahead to someone new. One doctor I really connected to, and was very "safe" and knowledgeable, became pregnant and left for maternity leave. I kept waiting for her to resume practice, and I was frustrated because she was the doctor who was finally helping me. She extended her maternity leave by 6 months and by that time I'd finally moved on to where I needed to be. Without having to keep looking for someone new, I wouldn't have learned so much from each of them.
I've been so hung up on who I should go to for therapy. I guess that it doesn't matter as much as starting with it.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: southern indiana
Posts: 2,145
imho.....
I have found myself many, many times getting thoroughly over thinking and becoming anxious over things that in reality have little to do with the issue at hand.
have even got quite ticked off over, say, things like an orange office. (said with love)
code, you know what we do as people who have been profoundly affected by addiction. we try to guess what is REALLY going on in most situations. we make assumptions. we fill in the blanks. we predict. we spin our mind until we are exhausted. we obsess.
it's just an orange office. it sounds as if that change triggered something in you....when these triggers happened for me, it was like....WHAT????? why didn't anyone prepare me for this?
thank you so much for this post.....I can truly identify.
re: T.....I was always so uncomfortable with them. I am so afraid that someone could see right through me, when I really didn't even know myself. and when they make notes on a pad of paper.....oh, my, it's like fingernails down a chalkboard in my mind. couldn't stand it.
that, of course, was my problem.
be real good to yourself, and stay the course....you are doing great.
I have found myself many, many times getting thoroughly over thinking and becoming anxious over things that in reality have little to do with the issue at hand.
have even got quite ticked off over, say, things like an orange office. (said with love)
code, you know what we do as people who have been profoundly affected by addiction. we try to guess what is REALLY going on in most situations. we make assumptions. we fill in the blanks. we predict. we spin our mind until we are exhausted. we obsess.
it's just an orange office. it sounds as if that change triggered something in you....when these triggers happened for me, it was like....WHAT????? why didn't anyone prepare me for this?
thank you so much for this post.....I can truly identify.
re: T.....I was always so uncomfortable with them. I am so afraid that someone could see right through me, when I really didn't even know myself. and when they make notes on a pad of paper.....oh, my, it's like fingernails down a chalkboard in my mind. couldn't stand it.
that, of course, was my problem.
be real good to yourself, and stay the course....you are doing great.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,295
Orange was a huge mid century modern color, and as an antique dealer I can tell you that mid century modern is all the rage.
He probably just had somebody come in, redo the office, and didn't think a thing about it.
In otherwords--the orange office not only has nothing to do with you, it probably has nothing to do with him either.
Are you attracted to him? It's one thing I consider when choosing a therapist, and why I choose other women.
I don't want to be attracted to a therapist. I also don't want to be turned off by a therapist. If they are male, I am going to be one or the other on some subconscious level.
Since I'm hetero, that's why I choose another woman, so that attraction or lack thereof doesn't become another issue playing in the background.
It's odd when a therapist quits. If you are attached, you can feel as if it is a personal slight, and be amazed at yourself for doing so, fully realizing that it is illogical but feeling it anyway.
He probably just had somebody come in, redo the office, and didn't think a thing about it.
In otherwords--the orange office not only has nothing to do with you, it probably has nothing to do with him either.
Are you attracted to him? It's one thing I consider when choosing a therapist, and why I choose other women.
I don't want to be attracted to a therapist. I also don't want to be turned off by a therapist. If they are male, I am going to be one or the other on some subconscious level.
Since I'm hetero, that's why I choose another woman, so that attraction or lack thereof doesn't become another issue playing in the background.
It's odd when a therapist quits. If you are attached, you can feel as if it is a personal slight, and be amazed at yourself for doing so, fully realizing that it is illogical but feeling it anyway.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
I am always amazed, that, if anyone has the ability to live with an alcoholic for long-term that they could be upset about ANYTHING after that!
Fire-breathing dragons....piece of cake. Plague of locusts....piece of cake. the color orange....piece of cake......
(I'm not trying to be snarky....I am serious.....)
dandylion
PS--orange happens to be all the rage, right now. They just did the set of the Today Show is orange! I'll bet the designer made the orange decision--or pushed it. It could be worse, though. It could be sea-foam green and mauve......LOL!
Fire-breathing dragons....piece of cake. Plague of locusts....piece of cake. the color orange....piece of cake......
(I'm not trying to be snarky....I am serious.....)
dandylion
PS--orange happens to be all the rage, right now. They just did the set of the Today Show is orange! I'll bet the designer made the orange decision--or pushed it. It could be worse, though. It could be sea-foam green and mauve......LOL!
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,281
Originally Posted by dandylion
I am always amazed, that, if anyone has the ability to live with an alcoholic for long-term that they could be upset about ANYTHING after that!
Fire-breathing dragons....piece of cake. Plague of locusts....piece of cake. the color orange....piece of cake......
(I'm not trying to be snarky....I am serious.....)
dandylion
PS--orange happens to be all the rage, right now. They just did the set of the Today Show is orange! I'll bet the designer made the orange decision--or pushed it. It could be worse, though. It could be sea-foam green and mauve......LOL!
Fire-breathing dragons....piece of cake. Plague of locusts....piece of cake. the color orange....piece of cake......
(I'm not trying to be snarky....I am serious.....)
dandylion
PS--orange happens to be all the rage, right now. They just did the set of the Today Show is orange! I'll bet the designer made the orange decision--or pushed it. It could be worse, though. It could be sea-foam green and mauve......LOL!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Mmmmmm
Posts: 3,178
Yes it is not his office. I think he only works for this group one day a week and has no control over the decor. The orange reaction was just odd. It set the tone for me that is for sure!
Miss Fixit! I was trying NOT to talk about my lack of action for once! Ha ha!
Bimini, thanks for telling me I'm not the only one trying to gain the inside track on my T.
The tough thing is I have tried therapy 3 previous times - all with women. I dealt with the issue at hand and moved on. This time I am working on me and trying to evaluate what to do with my marriage. I have connected to him in how he asks questions. But when we discussed my lack of action and continual rejection, that made me realize he was a guy. Oops. So now there is some transference going on and that has triggered my caretaker/willingness to save people. But maybe that is a good thing and we can work through it. Maybe if we have to split it was just meant to be and I don't worry about it.
Bimini I too share some concerns about Step 4 gone bad with a lay sponsor. I just got a sponsor. I felt like my HP marched this person into my life with a neon arrow, "CJs SPONSOR." I just asked her Sunday. Turns out she is a counselor - with schooling pretty recent so she is up on concepts/theories. So my HP seriously delivered!
Miss Fixit! I was trying NOT to talk about my lack of action for once! Ha ha!
Bimini, thanks for telling me I'm not the only one trying to gain the inside track on my T.
The tough thing is I have tried therapy 3 previous times - all with women. I dealt with the issue at hand and moved on. This time I am working on me and trying to evaluate what to do with my marriage. I have connected to him in how he asks questions. But when we discussed my lack of action and continual rejection, that made me realize he was a guy. Oops. So now there is some transference going on and that has triggered my caretaker/willingness to save people. But maybe that is a good thing and we can work through it. Maybe if we have to split it was just meant to be and I don't worry about it.
Bimini I too share some concerns about Step 4 gone bad with a lay sponsor. I just got a sponsor. I felt like my HP marched this person into my life with a neon arrow, "CJs SPONSOR." I just asked her Sunday. Turns out she is a counselor - with schooling pretty recent so she is up on concepts/theories. So my HP seriously delivered!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Silicon Valley, CA
Posts: 2,066
Are you attracted to him? It's one thing I consider when choosing a therapist, and why I choose other women.
If it makes you feel better, I'm pretty sure mine used to be an addict but I like her and I too wonder about what her back story is. All I know is that she used to be a very successful marketing executive and quit her job to pursue a degree in psychology and became a counselor/therapist because that's what she's passionate about. I view her as a surrogate mother figure probably because that's what I'm majorly lacking. Maybe you're doing something similar with your T?
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 1,854
Orange is supposed to stimulate people, make them feel more social, open, social and extroverted. It sounds like it did trigger emotions in you and look now you are questioning it, thinking still. maybe it did work?
My counselor doesnt link codependency with addiction, or use that word, or encourage step work.
She has helped me work on my feelings and understanding of the sort of trauma I went through. Shes intuitive !
Sad he wont do family counseling with you, its my favorite. We get a lot cleared up, and I know were working together on our future.
I was reading this concept the other day about how we get facts, like what little bits the therapist told you about his life. Then WE create stories based on our own interpretation, life experiences, whatever and we start rolling that snowball down hill building it up until we reach some conclusion about what it all meant. Ive been thinking about it a lot and see I do that when I hear a bit of gossip at work, or a tiny bit from someone. For some reason Im finding it fascinating to think about.
My counselor doesnt link codependency with addiction, or use that word, or encourage step work.
She has helped me work on my feelings and understanding of the sort of trauma I went through. Shes intuitive !
Sad he wont do family counseling with you, its my favorite. We get a lot cleared up, and I know were working together on our future.
I was reading this concept the other day about how we get facts, like what little bits the therapist told you about his life. Then WE create stories based on our own interpretation, life experiences, whatever and we start rolling that snowball down hill building it up until we reach some conclusion about what it all meant. Ive been thinking about it a lot and see I do that when I hear a bit of gossip at work, or a tiny bit from someone. For some reason Im finding it fascinating to think about.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Mmmmmm
Posts: 3,178
Maybe I am getting closer to a normal person to even notice color and be affected by it? Ha I wish!
Both Mr. T and I would like couples counseling and perhaps family counseling but no dice from RAH. Last night Mr. T suggested I give yet another ultimatum for RAH to come in, but I said I think I am done with ultimatums.
Oh sadly he is not my type at all but I am attracted. I have written I think about it here before. I think it is transference. I surmised he is divorced and me discussing it to death might be triggering him. I got all goofed up when I had to list of all the crap I was doing in my attempts to restart intimacy in my marriage. This was the "homework" he had assigned in the second time we went to marital counseling together (& the last time). I think maybe he thought I was not trying? Well I live in honesty and all it got me was a case of transference!
Both Mr. T and I would like couples counseling and perhaps family counseling but no dice from RAH. Last night Mr. T suggested I give yet another ultimatum for RAH to come in, but I said I think I am done with ultimatums.
Oh sadly he is not my type at all but I am attracted. I have written I think about it here before. I think it is transference. I surmised he is divorced and me discussing it to death might be triggering him. I got all goofed up when I had to list of all the crap I was doing in my attempts to restart intimacy in my marriage. This was the "homework" he had assigned in the second time we went to marital counseling together (& the last time). I think maybe he thought I was not trying? Well I live in honesty and all it got me was a case of transference!
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,295
Can we be truly honest and open if we are attracted to someone?
I'm not saying you can't...but I couldn't.
I'd sugar coat the truth. I'd hide something I would be embarrassed about telling. I would refrain from picking my nose, for example. (Umm..this is intended not literally, I can't say I have picked my nose around anyone, but definitely less around those I am attracted to or want to impress...)
Btw, I am an introvert and am turned off by orange also.
I'm not saying you can't...but I couldn't.
I'd sugar coat the truth. I'd hide something I would be embarrassed about telling. I would refrain from picking my nose, for example. (Umm..this is intended not literally, I can't say I have picked my nose around anyone, but definitely less around those I am attracted to or want to impress...)
Btw, I am an introvert and am turned off by orange also.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
