moving on

Old 04-23-2014, 05:25 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 39
moving on

Hi all...I survived the Easter weekend. Brunch was the worst as my dad's girlfriend (who I like and I know she means well but she does not get it at all) said some things that really stung. I had shared with her some of what was happening and she said at brunch how I look like I'm doing a hundred times better and I just said "actually, no I'm not" and just about burst into tears. Then she told me maybe I need anti-depressants and I can't keep going on like this. Then she asked me to join a bike group with her every monday and I said, well maybe I can do that occasionally but I can't commit to every monday and she said "no, you need to do this...you need to be active"...blah blah blah. Actually I am quite active and right now I am trying to cut my obligations not take on more...LOL Dinner at my mom's was better as I got to talk with some of my cousins who know nothing and therefore did not bring anything up.

I am finally not crying as much. It still happens daily but not usually at work anymore at least. And I am feeling more at peace then I did. It's been about 6 weeks now. I've been doing no contact for a week. But we have not spoken in the whole 6 weeks - just by text. And I stopped that too now.

I still have this overwhelming need to want to know how he is doing and if he is miserable (I hope he is). Isn't that awful? But I won't contact him now. I am pretty good with no contact once I decide to do it. But I am dreading when he will contact me. I just hope I can be strong and not get sucked back in if he begs me to take him back. It has happened so many times. Sometimes months later.

And as I mentioned in prior posts he most likely definitely will be contacting me at some point because he left all of his power tools, his bike, his boat stuff, golf clubs, tool cabinets, personal documents, family pictures etc. which I know he will be coming back for but I just don't know WHEN. So it's constant anxiety.

What do you guys think? Part of me wants to set a date and say if the stuff is not gone I'm getting rid of it. Because then I don't have to worry about WHEN. But part of me just wants to avoid all contact until I am emotionally stronger and I also don't want to seem like I'm using it as a reason to see him.

Other than the anxiety of him contacting me about his stuff, I am starting to feel more at peace and trying to stay positive.. I found a new therapist and she is GREAT..I am so grateful to have found her. I am seeing her again this saturday. This saturday I am also attending a gala fundraiser that I was supposed to attend with XABF (we had the tickets already) but now I am going to attend with a friend instead. Going to get my hair and makeup done and the whole 9 yards just like I had planned. Also took friday off and going to clean my house top to bottom which I have not done since he left and also going to just have a "me" day.

My therapist wants me to go to al-anon this week also. I'm going to try and make it.
AmandaOliver is offline  
Old 04-23-2014, 05:30 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 39
Oh and you know what is the hardest part about this whole thing? Not having someone to hold me at night. That was about the best thing he had to offer. I guess I can hold my dog. LOL
AmandaOliver is offline  
Old 04-23-2014, 05:31 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
RIP Sweet Suki
 
suki44883's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,726
Do you know where he is? If you have an address, you could gather up his things, rent a storage unit and pay the first month, and then send him the keys. Then, the stuff will be out of your house and he will be responsible for either getting his stuff or paying the monthly rental. It will be out of your hands and you won't have to see him.
suki44883 is offline  
Old 04-23-2014, 05:33 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
RIP Sweet Suki
 
suki44883's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,726
Originally Posted by AmandaOliver View Post
Oh and you know what is the hardest part about this whole thing? Not having someone to hold me at night. That was about the best thing he had to offer. I guess I can hold my dog. LOL
Yes, hold your dog or buy a body pillow. Just having someone to hold isn't worth the aggravation of living with addiction.
suki44883 is offline  
Old 04-23-2014, 05:35 PM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 39
Suki, that is a great idea! I will look into it. Hate to pay anything since he already sucked so much out of me. But I think I could get someone to help me move the stuff.
AmandaOliver is offline  
Old 04-23-2014, 05:38 PM
  # 6 (permalink)  
RIP Sweet Suki
 
suki44883's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,726
Get the smallest one you can. Cram the stuff in there if you have to. The main thing is to get it OUT of your home so he has no excuse to come over.
suki44883 is offline  
Old 04-23-2014, 05:45 PM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Member
 
airwick's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 1,544
44883" That is some GREAT advice, I wish I would of thought of that l.o.l.
airwick is offline  
Old 04-23-2014, 05:47 PM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Member
 
airwick's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 1,544
I'd spend the money on a storage unit just so he would not be able to suck anymore money out of you!
airwick is offline  
Old 04-23-2014, 06:20 PM
  # 9 (permalink)  
RIP Sweet Suki
 
suki44883's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,726
Originally Posted by airwick View Post
44883" That is some GREAT advice, I wish I would of thought of that l.o.l.
Please, call me Suki.
suki44883 is offline  
Old 04-23-2014, 06:39 PM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Forum Leader
 
Seren's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Do I remember correctly that he took his truck to a repair shop and has never picked it up? Why not take all of his things over there, load them in his truck, and leave him to deal with the rest. Then you won't have to pay for anything
Seren is offline  
Old 04-23-2014, 06:43 PM
  # 11 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 39
haha seren you are correct. The stuff will never fit in the truck. It is currently taking up an entire two car garage. But the truck is still there at the repair shop! So if he doesn't care about that which he obviously doesn't, then maybe he doesn't care about his stuff either!
AmandaOliver is offline  
Old 04-23-2014, 07:29 PM
  # 12 (permalink)  
Guest
 
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,281
Garage sale and send him the proceeds?

Maybe send him a notice of the garage sale and the opportunity to pick things up at X date and time with a friend of yours taking care of that transaction, but a surprise cashiers check in the mail should suffice.

A storage locker is a great idea. Just an alternative if you don't want to move it all and spend your money on a month's rent and deposit.
Mango blast is offline  
Old 04-24-2014, 05:33 AM
  # 13 (permalink)  
Member
 
Thinking's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 87
Is it possible to leave it with one of his family members? But I did love the storage idea. Don't look on it as giving him money. Look at it as buying freedom and peace of mind.
Thinking is offline  
Old 04-24-2014, 06:48 AM
  # 14 (permalink)  
Member
 
hopeful4's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Send him a certified letter that he can come pick it up by X date and if not it will be donated to the charity of your choice. I am betting he will come get it ASAP! You are not a storage garage my dear.....
hopeful4 is offline  
Old 04-24-2014, 05:35 PM
  # 15 (permalink)  
Member
 
CodeJob's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Mmmmmm
Posts: 3,178
Originally Posted by AmandaOliver View Post
Oh and you know what is the hardest part about this whole thing? Not having someone to hold me at night. That was about the best thing he had to offer. I guess I can hold my dog. LOL
I miss this Amanda and I am married 20 years. But tonight it is raining And peaceful lying on the couch. There are no guarantees on a relationship I suppose. Your Friday plans sound fun!
CodeJob is offline  
Old 04-25-2014, 06:15 AM
  # 16 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Toronto, ON
Posts: 3
The storage facility is a great idea! You arent giving him money by going that route, you are giving it to the storage facility. Pack up his sh*t and get it gone! You'll feel so much better once it's over with.
funkynassau1 is offline  
Old 04-25-2014, 07:05 AM
  # 17 (permalink)  
Forum Leader
 
Seren's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
p.s. I would investigate thoroughly the whole storage facility idea with whichever one you might choose to use.

Some companies will not let you put someone else's name on a storage unit if they are not present to sign the contract. So, your ex may or may not be able to get into the facility by himself.

Also, if you have to sign out a storage unit, it's in your name, you pay for one month assuming he will show up to claim his stuff--he may not. In that case, you would be defaulting on a contract in your name, which could negatively impact your credit rating.

Just a couple of things to investigate.

Whatever you work out, I know you will be happy to just have this all over with!
Seren is offline  
Old 04-25-2014, 09:27 AM
  # 18 (permalink)  
Member
 
Refiner's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 2,393
It's too bad he's leaving you with even more work and expense on his behalf. To get around the expense part and what Seren just pointed out (GOOD point, Seren!) why don't you give him the date that it will all be put out in the driveway and he has until X o'clock to pick it up or it's GONE. That way he won't be in your house and in your stuff and in your face. You can lock up the house and be GONE during the window of time you give him to pick it up.
Refiner is offline  
Old 04-25-2014, 09:34 AM
  # 19 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: somewhere south
Posts: 510
Only you know what is best. It sounds like having all of his things lying around is causing you increased anxiety. If it was me, I would text him with a date and time to say I am gathering all your things they will be ready to be picked up this day and time. I would leave them on the front porch or drive way and leave so there is still no contact.
unsureoffuture is offline  
Old 04-25-2014, 11:55 AM
  # 20 (permalink)  
Member
 
iSPAZ's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: FtW, Tx
Posts: 198
AmandaOliver - It gets better over time I promise. It has been two years for me and I am just now getting to the point to when I see my Ex call or text I answer if I want or disregard it. I used to anticipate the call and think that this it is this is where I get an apology or her tell me she is going to treatment. Over time I have found that usually she just wants me to do something. Hope you get to feeling better.
iSPAZ is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 03:13 PM.