tlm56

Thinking of going to my first Alanon meeting tonight, but AH has been drinking since yesterday, all night and all day today. He wants to go with me! He says he wants to go see what it is all about. I don't think I can go and take AH with me. I am hoping he will pass out about the time I need to leave. He has been on a 9 day drunk fest this time.

FireSprite

Um, no. Just no. Definitely sounds like a bad idea. Is that even allowed? (does it have to be an open meeting specifically for non Al-Anon members to attend?)

Carlotta

Please don't do that, you have some people with some serious issues in Al Anon who will not feel safe if you come in dragging a drunk in tow. They are in Al Anon to recover from living with an active alcoholic, this is their safe island.

ladyscribbler

Personally I think this is quacking to prevent you from attending. He doesn't have any interest in "seeing what Alanon is all about", he just doesn't want you to go. Active alcoholics are terrified of facing their addiction, and he is worried about having a mirror held up to his behavior. If he even remembers this and is awake when it's time for the meeting tell him....well, anything really. No is probably the best and most concise response, but anything you think of will be fine. Don't let him stop you from doing this. You know you need this respite. Nine days? Ugh, I feel for you. I remember my ex's multiday benders. They were always a nightmare. By day nine I would have been ready for him to get hit by a bus.

tlm56

I have never been to a meeting before and if he insists on going, I will not go.

lillamy

If you can't go without him tonight, plan on going to a meeting another night -- and don't tell him you're going.

Bringing a drunk A to an Al-Anon meeting is not acceptable. It is the one safe haven families of As have.

Oh -- we posted at the same time. Not only would bringing him be a very bad thing for the meeting -- it would also ruin the meeting for YOU. I'm sure he's threatened by the mere thought because he thinks you're gonna go there and badmouth him. But that's not what the meetings are about at all -- they're for YOU. Not about HIM.

I hope you can make it to your first meeting soon -- if not tonight, another night.

ladyscribbler

I understand. Tell him he's welcome but he has to find his own way there. You will not chauffeur his drunk @$$ anywhere. I still think he's just doing this to keep you from going. If you stay home, his disease wins.
You might be surprised how quickly his desire to suddenly start attending Alanon crumbles in the face of an obstacle like finding his own way to a meeting.

Sungrl

Completely unethical.

petmagnet

Maybe you can tell him you have to do something really boring like go to walmart, grocery shop, or run some errands that would take time away from his drinking. Then go to your meeting instead. Chances are he will not remember where you said you were going in the first place, much less have any concept of time and how long you were gone. I hope you get there. Good luck.

tlm56

He has finally passed out, hopefully it will be a few hours before he wakes up. Getting all my farm chores done early so I can go if.... I can get away without him.

lillamy

Good luck!!!!

ladyscribbler

You have a farm? That's cool. Do you have a lot of animals?

JustAGirl1971

No is a complete sentence. You can just tell him no and leave, if you want. Just because he wants to go does not mean he gets to go... nor does it mean that you have to stay home. Just another perspective

SeriousKarma

They say "There are no musts in Alanon", but I think we may have just found one.

If it makes you feel any better, They aren't suppose to show up drunk to AA either. I was waiting for my husband once and watched as a woman firmly escorted an inebriated attendee into the room I was waiting in. "Wait Here" she said "I'll talk to you when I get out of the meeting." She then looked at me and whispered "She always does this."

I would have loved to have seen the look on my face when I realized that I had been left alone with a drunk that was not my own, at the one place I thought I was sure to be free of them. I felt like I was on a hidden camera show.

I think, Tim56, the more important question is going to arise when he sobers up. Is he still going to want to go to meetings with you? Alanon is for YOU. It's for YOUR recovery. Taking him to an Alanon meeting wouldn't be that different from an alcoholic taking alcohol to an AA meeting. Will he accept "no" when he's sober. If not, you may want to consider what many, many, many other people unfortunately have to do. Fib about it. You won't be the only one at the meeting who's qualifier is in the dark.

Good luck to you, and please, don't give up. Alanon is such an important part of my own recovery. I hope it can be for you, too.

Carlotta

lmao

hopeful4

Do not let him go. Simply pick up your keys and walk out. The word NO is a complete sentence.

Do it for YOU.

tlm56

Yes, Lady Scribbler, I have a farm and raise a rare breed of pony and have some getting ready to have babies.

Carlotta

I hope you ll post the pictures when they are born..I love horses and foals are so adorable

Recovering2

He is manipulating, and if you stay home he wins. I would just take the keys and leave. You're a grownup, you can leave the house without his permission. You don't need to announce your plans. If he is truly curious about recovery, he needs to find an AA meeting and attend...THAT is the meeting for him.

Moving forward, I personally wouldn't even tell him about your AlAnon meetings. It's really not his business what you do to focus on your own recovery. There's a gal in my group who "goes for a run" the same night every week. She runs right to our meeting, then home again!

ladyscribbler

Yes! That would be awesome. Do you deliver the foals yourself? Or does a vet come out? Or a horse OB/GYN? Does such a thing exist?
Sorry so many questions. I just think that's so neat.