Avoids occupational activities that involve significant interpersonal contact, because of fears of criticism, disapproval, or rejection unless he was drinking.

Is unwilling to get involved with people unless they are certain of being liked unless he was drinking.

Shows restraint within intimate relationships because of the fear of being shamed or ridiculed unless he was drinking.

Is preoccupied with being criticized or rejected in social situations unless he was drinking.

Is inhibited in new interpersonal situations because of feelings of inadequacy unless he was drinking.

Views self as socially inept, personally unappealing, or inferior to others unless he was drinking.

Is unusually reluctant to take personal risks or to engage in any new activities because they may prove embarrassing unless he was drinking.

Characteristics of AVPD

The following is a list of some of the more common characteristics & traits of people who suffer from Avoidant Personality Disorder (AVPD). Click on the links to see more information on each trait.

Note that these traits are given as a guideline only and are not intended for diagnosis. People who suffer from AVPD are all unique and so each person will display a different subset of traits. Also, note that everyone displays "avoidant" behaviors from time to time. Therefore, if a person exhibits one or some of these traits, that does not necessarily qualify them for a diagnosis of AVPD. See the DSM Criteria on this page for diagnostic criteria for AVPD.

"Always" and "Never" Statements - "Always" and "Never" Statements are declarations containing the words "always" or "never". They are commonly used but rarely true.

Avoidance - The practice of withdrawing from relationships with other people as a defensive measure to reduce the risk of rejection, accountability, criticism or exposure.

Blaming - The practice of identifying a person or people responsible for creating a problem, rather than identifying ways of dealing with the problem.

Catastrophizing - The habit of automatically assuming a "worst case scenario" and inappropriately characterizing minor or moderate problems or issues as catastrophic events.

Circular Conversations - Arguments which go on almost endlessly, repeating the same patterns with no resolution.

"Control-Me" Syndrome - This describes a tendency which some people have to foster relationships with people who have a controlling narcissistic, antisocial or "acting-out" nature.

Dependency - An inappropriate and chronic reliance by an adult individual on another individual for their health, subsistence, decision making or personal and emotional well-being.

Depression - When you feel sadder than you think you should, for longer than you think you should - but still can't seem to break out of it - that's depression. People who suffer from personality disorders are often also diagnosed with depression resulting from mistreatment at the hands of others, low self-worth and the results of their own poor choices.

Emotional Blackmail - A system of threats and punishments used in an attempt to control someone’s behaviors.

Engulfment - An unhealthy and overwhelming level of attention and dependency on another person, which comes from imagining or believing one exists only within the context of that relationship.

Escape To Fantasy - Taking an imaginary excursion to a happier, more hopeful place.

False Accusations - Patterns of unwarranted or exaggerated criticism directed towards someone else.

Fear of Abandonment - An irrational belief that one is imminent danger of being personally rejected, discarded or replaced.

FOG - Fear, Obligation & Guilt - The acronym FOG, for Fear, Obligation and Guilt, was first coined by Susan Forward & Donna Frazier in Emotional Blackmail and describes feelings that a person often has when in a relationship with someone who suffers from a personality disorder. Our website, Out of the FOG, is named after this acronym.

Hoovers & Hoovering - A Hoover is a metaphor taken from the popular brand of vacuum cleaners, to describe how an abuse victim trying to assert their own rights by leaving or limiting contact in a dysfunctional relationship, gets “sucked back in” when the perpetrator temporarily exhibits improved or desirable behavior.

Hyper Vigilance - Maintaining an unhealthy level of interest in the behaviors, comments, thoughts and interests of others.

Identity Disturbance - A psychological term used to describe a distorted or inconsistent self-view

Impulsiveness - The tendency to act or speak based on current feelings rather than logical reasoning.

Lack of Object Constancy - An inability to remember that people or objects are consistent, trustworthy and reliable, especially when they are out of your immediate field of vision.

Learned Helplessness- Learned helplessness is when a person begins to believe that they have no control over a situation, even when they do.

Low-Functioning - A Low-Functioning Personality-Disordered Individual is one who is unable to conceal their dysfunctional behavior from public view or maintain a positive public or professional profile.

Low Self-Esteem - A common name for a negatively-distorted self-view which is inconsistent with reality.

Mirroring - Imitating or copying another person's characteristics, behaviors or traits.

Mood Swings - Unpredictable, rapid, dramatic emotional cycles which cannot be readily explained by changes in external circumstances.

Neglect - A passive form of abuse in which the physical or emotional needs of a dependent are disregarded or ignored by the person responsible for them.

Objectification - The practice of treating a person or a group of people like an object.

Panic Attacks - Short intense episodes of fear or anxiety, often accompanied by physical symptoms, such as hyperventilating, shaking, sweating and chills.

Parentification - A form of role reversal, in which a child is inappropriately given the role of meeting the emotional or physical needs of the parent or of the family’s other children.

Passive-Aggressive Behavior - Expressing negative feelings in an unassertive, passive way.

Perfectionism - The maladaptive practice of holding oneself or others to an unrealistic, unattainable or unsustainable standard of organization, order, or accomplishment in one particular area of living, while sometimes neglecting common standards of organization, order or accomplishment in other areas of living.

Projection - The act of attributing one's own feelings or traits to another person and imagining or believing that the other person has those same feelings or traits.

Sabotage - The spontaneous disruption of calm or status quo in order to serve a personal interest, provoke a conflict or draw attention.

Selective Competence - The practice of demonstrating different levels of intelligence or ability depending on the situation or environment.

Selective Memory and Selective Amnesia - The use of memory, or a lack of memory, which is selective to the point of reinforcing a bias, belief or desired outcome.

Self-Loathing - An extreme hatred of one's own self, actions or one's ethnic or demographic background.

Self-Victimization - Self-Victimization or "playing the victim" is the act of casting oneself as a victim in order to control others by soliciting a sympathetic response from them or diverting their attention away from abusive behavior.

Splitting - The practice of regarding people and situations as either completely "good" or completely "bad".

Testing - Repeatedly forcing another individual to demonstrate or prove their love or commitment to a relationship.

Thought Policing - A process of interrogation or attempt to control another individual's thoughts or feelings.

Tunnel Vision - A tendency to focus on a single concern, while neglecting or ignoring other important priorities.

http://outofthefog.net/Disorders/AVPD.html

surely the reason why we often end up in relationships with alcoholic/addicts of many years which have become quite painful is that we too ignored some stuff. or avoided looking at the truth.